Leave And Stay Left.
Without Prejudice
The first time it happens, you don't believe it. There is a very real feeling of a line that is crossed. A denial of that it ever happened, that somehow you dreamed it, that person that " thing" that just happened to, is not you. You are an intelligent, rational human being, a loving, kind human being.
It can't ever happen again. You won't allow it. Somehow it can be mended., you think.You have money, time, history tied up in your Union.
But..............
That " thing " that has happened, that " thing " that you can't put a name to, can't speak out loud.
It has happened.
It will happen again and my advice, take it or leave it. ( Most people only take advice if that is what they were going to do anyway) is to leave, stay left and don't look back.
Run for your life, don't make excuses, like " but what about, money, safety, housing, or like me, what about the kids beds ? "
Go, leave, stay left.
That " thing " of course is abuse. Domestic Violence.
Domestic violence is an insidious thing. It develops over time. It's not one big explosion of noise and terror. It's a little squib, a sly put down there, an insult here. Words can be worse than blows. At first they are not shouted, not screamed at you, not hissed out of mouths thick with saliva, some of which will land on your face making you want to laugh out loud in a nervous way....
But one day they will be. Screamed at you.
I saw the lady next door yesterday. I hadn't seen her in ages since she began avoiding me a while ago.
It was after one of those long weekends in Summer when the sun rides high in the sky,and the sky is the blue of lapis lazuli. A beautiful day cast suddenly ugly by a man roaring his head off.
" You ugly bitch, have a look at yourself in the mirror "
I froze as I raked the garden. You never forget the sound of domestic violence, it has its own rythym, it's own cadence, it's own glissando to a crescendo. A sad song etched in time. Always the same. Usually ending in the noise of a slap, or glass breaking, the sound of a fist hitting a wall, or a person.
She, my neighbour, walked from the house at a fast clip and saw me standing there, frozen in time, transfixed in a memory of long ago. We greeted each other as if the roaring had never happened. But
it didn't last. I knew this was about the tenth weekend of roaring and shouting and not so secret
drinking by him and not her.
" You can leave, you know " I said.
We had talked of this before when she come in once for coffee and a piece of home made cake. She said she had met our neighbour on the Internet and moved in six weeks after. Biggest mistake of her life she said as she munched and sipped. But she had been homeless, after moving in with her daughter and friends. Not technically homeless Per Se, but emotionally homeless in that she was living with 20 year olds and she was late fifties.
She didn't address his problem drinking but said he wasn't bi polar and she had the letter from the doctor to prove it. I wondered why anyone would have the need to see it. His former girlfriend had said that. That he was Bi Polar. But she left a few years ago. With a baby and no belongings. Apparently she was a nightmare to my neighbour and took him to the cleaners and it was all her fault. He'd been good to her, so his new partner said.
I kept quiet. I had heard a very different story from his first partner, crying as she was the day after Mothers Day. She was leaving him and stopped in to say goodbye. I cooed over the tiny baby boy and asked where she was headed. To her Mums she had replied.
So once again I was out the front, cleaning my car this time, and the lady next door appeared at my side, startling me.
" Wow, you gave me a fright " I said.
She just laughed.
" How've you been" I continued, " you look well, I haven't seen you in a while "
" I moved out, six months ago "
" What ? " I must have sounded surprised.
" He's nuts " she replied.
" Ah, "
" I found a place in Lanwarrin, a unit behind a lovely ladies house, and I just love it."
" I'm so glad you're happy, honey "
" Yes. He's completely nuts " she reiterated with a smile.
" After I moved out he wanted a reconciliation, We saw each other last weekend to go 4 wheel driving and we only got as far as Pakenham, before he started screaming at me "
She was collecting her last few belongings. I said not a word, the I told you so hanging quietly in the air.
I haven't seen her since
The first time it happens, you don't believe it. There is a very real feeling of a line that is crossed. A denial of that it ever happened, that somehow you dreamed it, that person that " thing" that just happened to, is not you. You are an intelligent, rational human being, a loving, kind human being.
It can't ever happen again. You won't allow it. Somehow it can be mended., you think.You have money, time, history tied up in your Union.
But..............
That " thing " that has happened, that " thing " that you can't put a name to, can't speak out loud.
It has happened.
It will happen again and my advice, take it or leave it. ( Most people only take advice if that is what they were going to do anyway) is to leave, stay left and don't look back.
Run for your life, don't make excuses, like " but what about, money, safety, housing, or like me, what about the kids beds ? "
Go, leave, stay left.
That " thing " of course is abuse. Domestic Violence.
Domestic violence is an insidious thing. It develops over time. It's not one big explosion of noise and terror. It's a little squib, a sly put down there, an insult here. Words can be worse than blows. At first they are not shouted, not screamed at you, not hissed out of mouths thick with saliva, some of which will land on your face making you want to laugh out loud in a nervous way....
But one day they will be. Screamed at you.
I saw the lady next door yesterday. I hadn't seen her in ages since she began avoiding me a while ago.
It was after one of those long weekends in Summer when the sun rides high in the sky,and the sky is the blue of lapis lazuli. A beautiful day cast suddenly ugly by a man roaring his head off.
" You ugly bitch, have a look at yourself in the mirror "
I froze as I raked the garden. You never forget the sound of domestic violence, it has its own rythym, it's own cadence, it's own glissando to a crescendo. A sad song etched in time. Always the same. Usually ending in the noise of a slap, or glass breaking, the sound of a fist hitting a wall, or a person.
She, my neighbour, walked from the house at a fast clip and saw me standing there, frozen in time, transfixed in a memory of long ago. We greeted each other as if the roaring had never happened. But
it didn't last. I knew this was about the tenth weekend of roaring and shouting and not so secret
drinking by him and not her.
" You can leave, you know " I said.
We had talked of this before when she come in once for coffee and a piece of home made cake. She said she had met our neighbour on the Internet and moved in six weeks after. Biggest mistake of her life she said as she munched and sipped. But she had been homeless, after moving in with her daughter and friends. Not technically homeless Per Se, but emotionally homeless in that she was living with 20 year olds and she was late fifties.
She didn't address his problem drinking but said he wasn't bi polar and she had the letter from the doctor to prove it. I wondered why anyone would have the need to see it. His former girlfriend had said that. That he was Bi Polar. But she left a few years ago. With a baby and no belongings. Apparently she was a nightmare to my neighbour and took him to the cleaners and it was all her fault. He'd been good to her, so his new partner said.
I kept quiet. I had heard a very different story from his first partner, crying as she was the day after Mothers Day. She was leaving him and stopped in to say goodbye. I cooed over the tiny baby boy and asked where she was headed. To her Mums she had replied.
So once again I was out the front, cleaning my car this time, and the lady next door appeared at my side, startling me.
" Wow, you gave me a fright " I said.
She just laughed.
" How've you been" I continued, " you look well, I haven't seen you in a while "
" I moved out, six months ago "
" What ? " I must have sounded surprised.
" He's nuts " she replied.
" Ah, "
" I found a place in Lanwarrin, a unit behind a lovely ladies house, and I just love it."
" I'm so glad you're happy, honey "
" Yes. He's completely nuts " she reiterated with a smile.
" After I moved out he wanted a reconciliation, We saw each other last weekend to go 4 wheel driving and we only got as far as Pakenham, before he started screaming at me "
She was collecting her last few belongings. I said not a word, the I told you so hanging quietly in the air.
I haven't seen her since
