Not Sleeping
Without Prejudice
Its 3 am and Acer, 3 is not asleep yet, neither am I. Once every few months I will work through the night as sometimes the days are too hectic and I like the wee hours for writing sometimes. Suppoed to be the quiet hours without interruptions, but there are always interruptions. I just keep saying,
"If it's not a child, it's an animal". Someone always need attention. Or some thing.
Yvette is Ying to my Yang, where she will be more laid back and relaxed and I am positively anal. She hoards, I declutter, she is blase and couldn't give a rats for peoples opinion and I am a people pleaser. But I have the work ethic from my generation and I have to be doing something all the time or I feel guilty I get to have all this pleasure. Its pleasant not to have fight traffic and stress and get to work and get your work done in an hour and pretend to be busy for 8 hours.
I hate to have to kiss the ass of bosses that I loathe, mostly men and always with inflated egos that make them always think you fancy them and you don't. I learned early on the world is run by Mens Rules and women either put up or shut up and thats just the way it is. It can be depressing to a lot of women but then I am not like most. I would rather eat dirt than have to put up with another male peering down my top or staring at my boobs while they try and talk to me. I feel like saying,
Hallo, I have a brain you know ! "
To be fair I have had good bosses out there in the corporate world. Never ever have I had a good female one. Women in the work force have to be too competitive and most Mothers I know really don't give a toss about the widget they are helping create, they are thinking about how one child is acting up at school or what to have for tea. The women that are the pains pretend to care, usually childless ones, who are gung ho about the new campaign for make up, or soccer balls, ice cream.
The best jobs I have ever had have allowed me flexibility in my working life so I can focus on my main life as a Mum. And now as me. As my girls are women, who have their own families but I just love being a Mum, still being necessary and helping Yvette out as she is the only single Mother. She says she longs to be like her sisters and be married but she keeps picking the wrong ones, so she stays on her own and quite happily most of the time.
I chose to move here to her property about 18 months ago and I have a unit in the back yard and it works out favourably most of the time. I get to have family time, which I missed living on my own in a big house and Yvette gets the help. I try and do all the washing for the family, keep common areas tidy and clean. Yvette does too and she is more patient with the little ones than I am. I have raised many by now and been in their lives a long time.
I am impatient to get on with what I want to do all the time. I forget what it's like sometimes to feel that overwhelming feeling of responsibility young Mums have and I only have to see my girls and I am reminded. But I also see all the good stuff, the struggles they have, the challenges they face, the help they give to others. The sweet agony of the push and pull of kids. They are relentless. Even when they are asleep or with someone else you are worrying about them. I'll be honest I sat down and howled like a baby the day I took Debbie home from Hospital. She cried, I cried, she wouldn't stop no matter what I did.
I was 18 and drenched in the horror of the thought that from that point on I was responsible for a whole live human being. She wasn't going away and all I could see was down a tunnel of 20 years. If I burnt her in the bath accidently or bumped her head how would I cope ???? What about toddling and teenage and boys and driving ! I sat on the floor and howled like a baby and by the time my husband came home with my brother I was a mess.
They both calmed me down and took the baby off my hands but I was still expected to cook dinner, that was womans work, so I did. I was ok after that. Like most teenage Mums I was fiercely protective of my baby and outstanded at every thing she did from day one. I was on fire, a role I was born to be. I worshipped her, I hadn't seen her overnight after delivery and for the first feed they bought me a white parcel of baby. I looked down at her and pushed the bell,
This is not my baby ", I told the nurse.
She looked at me in that tolerant way nurses look at new Mums,
"Of course thats your baby" She said softly.
"No". I said
My baby had a tan, and this one doesn't"
So she unwrapped baby to show me how silly I was being and discovered some other name than mine on the wrist bracelet.
Every mother knows what her baby looks like.
I had no pram for the first few weeks after her birth and carried here everywhere and it was hot and I didn't drive. we lived in an upsatirs flat in those days in Murrumbeena with my brother George as our boarder. Just about every day I was at the Health Centre or Doctors with her. I was convinced white spots on her tongue were sinister, it was oral thrush, I was terrified of anything going wrong with her and she was a dead weight in my arms but I would walk there day after day. The an elderly lady around the corner felt sorry for me and gave me a pram.
I cried when she had her first set of injections as the look of betrayal and pain on her face was too painful for me to cope with and I felt the eyes of the other tougher Mothers boring in to my back, but I didn't care.
She was mine, all mine and no one was even allowed to hold her for a while until I felt comfortable with them and if she smiled at them I would get jealous, so silly lol
To be continued,
sleep is at last arriving, love Janette
Its 3 am and Acer, 3 is not asleep yet, neither am I. Once every few months I will work through the night as sometimes the days are too hectic and I like the wee hours for writing sometimes. Suppoed to be the quiet hours without interruptions, but there are always interruptions. I just keep saying,
"If it's not a child, it's an animal". Someone always need attention. Or some thing.
Yvette is Ying to my Yang, where she will be more laid back and relaxed and I am positively anal. She hoards, I declutter, she is blase and couldn't give a rats for peoples opinion and I am a people pleaser. But I have the work ethic from my generation and I have to be doing something all the time or I feel guilty I get to have all this pleasure. Its pleasant not to have fight traffic and stress and get to work and get your work done in an hour and pretend to be busy for 8 hours.
I hate to have to kiss the ass of bosses that I loathe, mostly men and always with inflated egos that make them always think you fancy them and you don't. I learned early on the world is run by Mens Rules and women either put up or shut up and thats just the way it is. It can be depressing to a lot of women but then I am not like most. I would rather eat dirt than have to put up with another male peering down my top or staring at my boobs while they try and talk to me. I feel like saying,
Hallo, I have a brain you know ! "
To be fair I have had good bosses out there in the corporate world. Never ever have I had a good female one. Women in the work force have to be too competitive and most Mothers I know really don't give a toss about the widget they are helping create, they are thinking about how one child is acting up at school or what to have for tea. The women that are the pains pretend to care, usually childless ones, who are gung ho about the new campaign for make up, or soccer balls, ice cream.
The best jobs I have ever had have allowed me flexibility in my working life so I can focus on my main life as a Mum. And now as me. As my girls are women, who have their own families but I just love being a Mum, still being necessary and helping Yvette out as she is the only single Mother. She says she longs to be like her sisters and be married but she keeps picking the wrong ones, so she stays on her own and quite happily most of the time.
I chose to move here to her property about 18 months ago and I have a unit in the back yard and it works out favourably most of the time. I get to have family time, which I missed living on my own in a big house and Yvette gets the help. I try and do all the washing for the family, keep common areas tidy and clean. Yvette does too and she is more patient with the little ones than I am. I have raised many by now and been in their lives a long time.
I am impatient to get on with what I want to do all the time. I forget what it's like sometimes to feel that overwhelming feeling of responsibility young Mums have and I only have to see my girls and I am reminded. But I also see all the good stuff, the struggles they have, the challenges they face, the help they give to others. The sweet agony of the push and pull of kids. They are relentless. Even when they are asleep or with someone else you are worrying about them. I'll be honest I sat down and howled like a baby the day I took Debbie home from Hospital. She cried, I cried, she wouldn't stop no matter what I did.
I was 18 and drenched in the horror of the thought that from that point on I was responsible for a whole live human being. She wasn't going away and all I could see was down a tunnel of 20 years. If I burnt her in the bath accidently or bumped her head how would I cope ???? What about toddling and teenage and boys and driving ! I sat on the floor and howled like a baby and by the time my husband came home with my brother I was a mess.
They both calmed me down and took the baby off my hands but I was still expected to cook dinner, that was womans work, so I did. I was ok after that. Like most teenage Mums I was fiercely protective of my baby and outstanded at every thing she did from day one. I was on fire, a role I was born to be. I worshipped her, I hadn't seen her overnight after delivery and for the first feed they bought me a white parcel of baby. I looked down at her and pushed the bell,
This is not my baby ", I told the nurse.
She looked at me in that tolerant way nurses look at new Mums,
"Of course thats your baby" She said softly.
"No". I said
My baby had a tan, and this one doesn't"
So she unwrapped baby to show me how silly I was being and discovered some other name than mine on the wrist bracelet.
Every mother knows what her baby looks like.
I had no pram for the first few weeks after her birth and carried here everywhere and it was hot and I didn't drive. we lived in an upsatirs flat in those days in Murrumbeena with my brother George as our boarder. Just about every day I was at the Health Centre or Doctors with her. I was convinced white spots on her tongue were sinister, it was oral thrush, I was terrified of anything going wrong with her and she was a dead weight in my arms but I would walk there day after day. The an elderly lady around the corner felt sorry for me and gave me a pram.
I cried when she had her first set of injections as the look of betrayal and pain on her face was too painful for me to cope with and I felt the eyes of the other tougher Mothers boring in to my back, but I didn't care.
She was mine, all mine and no one was even allowed to hold her for a while until I felt comfortable with them and if she smiled at them I would get jealous, so silly lol
To be continued,
sleep is at last arriving, love Janette
