Katy Perry And The British Passport

Without Prejudice

I can finally let the cat out of the bag that I am off to the U.K next Monday and it's been a major stress for the last ten weeks. The most important thing was that it would be a surprise for my Auntie Betty who lives in Yorkshire. She's 92. She had been a little down and my older sister, Jackie suggested we go visit her. Surprise her for her Birthday. Nothing nicer.

My Sister offered me a trip twelve months ago and I said no. I am a white knuckle flyer and even now I get tense at the thought, so I dismiss it out of my mind. Katy Perry is here in Australia and she moans she is never off a plane. I feel humbled. She must fly for her job and I hear her celebrity life style schedule is gruelling. I'm just flying for 24 hours, Brisbane, Dubai, Manchester. What am I getting stressed about?

Quick note, Auntie Betty, the frail OAP, now knows we are coming, as her son had to tell her as she was booking herself in for a Turkey Fest and he had to tell her we were arriving. She loves her nosh, Auntie Betty. I for one am glad she knows, we had a cunning plan to surprise her on her doorstep. 

Jackie would ring her and while she was talking my Aunt would hear the doorbell. 

" Oooh, " she would say in her gorgeous down to earth Yorkshire accent,

" Hang on, there's someone at the door " 

I would go 

SURPRISE

And the poor frail old lady suffers a heart attack/ stroke/ violent fit drops dead on the spot ( heaven forbid ! ) and the major surprise turns into a horrible tragedy. A Grimms fairy tale. 

Not likely to happen with my Aunt, an incredibly strong woman. Down to earth Yorkshire lass  with a wicked sense of humour and the ability to stuff a human being with food until they groan.  I hate my ex but in 1989 when we were trying to save our marriage, big joke, ( What's the worst year of marriage ? Answer: The Last One ) 

We stayed with my Aunty and Uncle in Wakefield, we were there for my cousin, David's daughter, Rachel's wedding. 

After her traditional Sunday Roast of roast beef, Yorkshire Puds, and pavlova and cream for dessert my husband fell in love with her for life. She offered up more treats for him , gingerbread, cheesecake ( she had made it fresh, ) ginger biscuit, cup of tea. We ended up going upstairs for a good lie down and my ex bent over to untie his shoes and couldn't.

" Janette", he uttered

" I think I've done damage to my stomach, I can't bend over to untie my shoes " 

And there in the tiny bed in the tiny house we started laughing until we were left gasping for air. And every time we thought about it we exploded into rude guffaws. It was that laughter that you will remember for ever. The laughter that goes on and on and enters into your history as legend.

Better was to come when we went to see my eccentric Aunt in Scotland but that is a story in itself, so I will save that for another day. 

To be continued