When The Bra Comes Off
Without Prejudice
Aaaah, the relief when the bra comes off. And once we have removed the offending garment, dragged it through one sleeve in our haste and flung it across the room, there is no going out for the rest of the night. One cannot be seen bra less in Coles or Woolies, you could however be sneaky and go to the drive through at Maccas but I would not risk it. The unfettered breast hates to be let free in Public.
I wear a bra to bed most nights as it is so ingrained in me to not have drooping breasts. Heaven forbid! Perhaps it's because when I was a very young Mum, a girl at KFC ,( where we both worked, ) told me of an old lady she had been in Hospital with who rolled her boobs up in a soft sponge hair roller and stuck them in her bra. Luckily she was in Hospital to have them " tucked ".
I have had to wear this instrument of torture since I was 12. At first the twee stretchy little strip of elastic, buckles and clips as the breasts are high and firm then, and at that age breasts are something to be aborrhed, hated and hidden. Then comes the frothy little wisps of lace and silk that you buy with your first pay packet at Myers. And they are so impractical you end up tucking them in your hope chest in the hope that one day you will get around to wearing them.
Then comes the heavy duty industrial strength maternity bra with all those clips down the front. Your breasts resemble bazookas, leak and become rock hard when your milk comes in. You wake up three days after giving birth with red hot bricks under your arms and when you wet your bra in the shower and peel it off your big knockers don't move at all. They look like the ones you see in bad boob jobs. Overstuffed. Your nipples tend to become the size of saucers and catch easily on the many metal clips causing you to scream in agony.
If not properly supported they squirt milk. Nothing better than wheeling new baby around in pram and you have two giant wet patches on your brand new dress. Like two Bulls eyes stuck on a deer's chest. I have had milk drip on to my feet when out too long at Myers Chadstone and grabbed up a Terry towelling nappy to stop it as I slid into a Taxi with baby screaming her head off.
People should warn you of these things.
They should tell you after breast feeding a few babies your nipples will lose all sensation. Tough little buggers. That your nipples can crack and split and bleed when breast feeding. Like a cow with mastitis you can get a fever and red veins running through your boobs. Not good.
That you can wake up in the bed with a baby still attached to a breast, or a sheet that is stuck to your breast and hurts like a bugger if you rip it off. Starched bras have to be soaked off in the shower, weeping at that stage is optional. Nursing pads will soak and slip giving you a lumpy lopsided look and you end up choosing tops to wear that unbutton to your knees and are extremely ugly, so you have easy access for Bubs.
When you wean, expect your breasts to object to this ( as if they want you to continue breast feeding until you are ninety ) get rock hard and hot and all the damp cabbage leaves in the world are not going to help. Make Kai Si Ming with the cabbage leaves instead and drink loads of black coffee and soak in a bath with lots of Epsom Salts dissolved in it. Three days and the agony should be over.
To be continued.......
Aaaah, the relief when the bra comes off. And once we have removed the offending garment, dragged it through one sleeve in our haste and flung it across the room, there is no going out for the rest of the night. One cannot be seen bra less in Coles or Woolies, you could however be sneaky and go to the drive through at Maccas but I would not risk it. The unfettered breast hates to be let free in Public.
I wear a bra to bed most nights as it is so ingrained in me to not have drooping breasts. Heaven forbid! Perhaps it's because when I was a very young Mum, a girl at KFC ,( where we both worked, ) told me of an old lady she had been in Hospital with who rolled her boobs up in a soft sponge hair roller and stuck them in her bra. Luckily she was in Hospital to have them " tucked ".
I have had to wear this instrument of torture since I was 12. At first the twee stretchy little strip of elastic, buckles and clips as the breasts are high and firm then, and at that age breasts are something to be aborrhed, hated and hidden. Then comes the frothy little wisps of lace and silk that you buy with your first pay packet at Myers. And they are so impractical you end up tucking them in your hope chest in the hope that one day you will get around to wearing them.
Then comes the heavy duty industrial strength maternity bra with all those clips down the front. Your breasts resemble bazookas, leak and become rock hard when your milk comes in. You wake up three days after giving birth with red hot bricks under your arms and when you wet your bra in the shower and peel it off your big knockers don't move at all. They look like the ones you see in bad boob jobs. Overstuffed. Your nipples tend to become the size of saucers and catch easily on the many metal clips causing you to scream in agony.
If not properly supported they squirt milk. Nothing better than wheeling new baby around in pram and you have two giant wet patches on your brand new dress. Like two Bulls eyes stuck on a deer's chest. I have had milk drip on to my feet when out too long at Myers Chadstone and grabbed up a Terry towelling nappy to stop it as I slid into a Taxi with baby screaming her head off.
People should warn you of these things.
They should tell you after breast feeding a few babies your nipples will lose all sensation. Tough little buggers. That your nipples can crack and split and bleed when breast feeding. Like a cow with mastitis you can get a fever and red veins running through your boobs. Not good.
That you can wake up in the bed with a baby still attached to a breast, or a sheet that is stuck to your breast and hurts like a bugger if you rip it off. Starched bras have to be soaked off in the shower, weeping at that stage is optional. Nursing pads will soak and slip giving you a lumpy lopsided look and you end up choosing tops to wear that unbutton to your knees and are extremely ugly, so you have easy access for Bubs.
When you wean, expect your breasts to object to this ( as if they want you to continue breast feeding until you are ninety ) get rock hard and hot and all the damp cabbage leaves in the world are not going to help. Make Kai Si Ming with the cabbage leaves instead and drink loads of black coffee and soak in a bath with lots of Epsom Salts dissolved in it. Three days and the agony should be over.
To be continued.......
