Because of You ----A Real Life Horror Story
Without Prejudice
This is the story of "Anya," (not her real name) who with her Family fled her own war torn country to come to the peaceful sunny skies of Australia. This in her own words is her story.
Without Prejudice
My earliest memory goes back to early days in my home town Zenica in Serbia.I was living with my family in a house near a big water fall i remember very well, we were sitting down at home waiting for dad to get home.
I remember my father coming home drunk screaming,
Mum grabbed us all and ran outside, and hid us all behind the house waiting for him to calm down.
As we waited we heard him smash his fist through the window and he started to yell in even more anger due to the pain.
We waited out their in the freezing weather till midnight, when he finally was asleep. We snuck back in and went to bed it was horrible. The war had began people started to panic, for their families all our families
They knew they needed to run and make a safe life for the kids and we were all leaving to come to Australia.
When we finally got to the day i was crying at the airport thinking all my families are here i will never see them again. Will they be again.
I hadn't even started school yet, I was afraid, but i took comfort in knowing some of my other families were also coming and some had already left
Some of us were on the same plane. It was my first time on a plane and my last as i have never looked bac.
When we touched down in Australia, it was so strange, so big,
We didn't speak english and i was so confused what people were asking me,
I arrived at the age of 8 and we had all stayed with one of my fathers brothers for a while before we all found our own pathways in this new country,
Our first home was in Dandenong on Princes hwy it was a nice little house but it was near a busy street it was hard to sleep.
But we had got used to it, we started school that year at Dandenong West Primary School i was in grade 2, my two brothers were there too. I was really scared, i always cried, because i didn't understand anyone and i thought they were yelling at me.
I felt like an outsider, and the teacher i had was really scary he yelled a lot. but i didn't stay long because we ended up moving quick enough.
and i moved schools to Dandenong Primary school, i complained to mum that i didn't like this school, i was bullied and really hated it.
So mum moved us to Dandenong North Primary school this, was going to be my new home for the next 5 years because i loved it there,
I felt welcomed, there was such kind teachers, that helped me grow into the young woman i am today.
You see as a young child i was very emotional, I cried alot and was scared of everyone, but these people made me feel so good about myself.
I made a friend playing on swings alone and she wanted a turn i said,
"No," (I know, how mean)
But she ended up pushing me off, so had that coming.
We ended up in trouble together, since then we have been best friends to this day and she has helped me through a lot and likewise,
Anyway school was great, but home life remained the same>
My father was very home sick,
You see over there he didnt have to work but sit around drinking,
here he actually had to get off his ass and do some work,
he complained a lot,so he and Mum always argued, I tried to shut it out by listening to music in my room.
I don't have much to stay about my life at primary school because it was great
I was too young to understand how much i would have to learn in time,
and "the test", that was coming to me soon,
So skipping ahead to high school, I started year 7 in Dandenong High School.
Me and my best friend were so excited to be together, still, and be in the same class. We really only had each other.
Its hard to trust people easily, they have to prove to be there, through thick and thin, and its rare to come across people who stick through and don't walk away,
so anyway.
The start of high school was pretty fun, I was a little book worm and trying to have good marks and i did up until year 10, when life at home started to get out of control.
Iit started to affect my whole world because thats the year my world started to fall apart,
and " my test" was near,
Never turn your back for a moment
even on your family
because the closest person to you, could be the first to burn you.
My parents started to really fight, my dad was pretty abusive, and he got drunk a lot.
We used to go to events where he would pass out drunk and we would have to get him out it was so imbarrsing
i felt sorry for my mum because she was always judged, she never talked to anyone about my fathers behaviour because she was a wife.
She was supposed to put up with everything and just stand by
and i guess her bit of weakness became my strength because watching my mother suffer i promised myself i will never ever let someone break me like that,
and i will not let any man walk over me
My mother was a great mum to us kids , she always protected us kids
and all the suffering she had to go through, she never complained and held her head high, and she is my role model, what a strong woman,
as I'm writing this story my song ( kelly clarkson- behind these hazel eyes ) had come on this is the
song i use to cry to when i was young
When i was hearing the fights because it holds a lot of meaning to me, ( how spooky,)
but hey its just meant to be.
Anyway year 11 came along things didn't get much better
Ii used to fight a lot with dad as i was protecting mum.
he used to yell at her that i was useless, never cleaning, what kind of wife would i be???
And that i was just a brat, i remember hearing him at night say to her that he never wanted a daughter, that the moment i turned 18, I'm out,
Tthat I'm nothing, and i always will be nothing, to anyone.
I was pretty used to being put down, it never really mattered if i did well, because all the not so well things i did would be more important.
even at school was not doing well teachers told me maybe tafe would be better because they thought i had a learning disorder
i can tell you that wasn't the case it was just that i wasn't motivated, didn't really care about school at that time
but i still decided to prove everyone wrong and chose to do VCE instead of Vcal like they all told me to.
It was actually at the end of year 11, i was sent to the coordinators for been involved in a fight with another girl.
It was while suspended, that i met a English teacher.
he didn't even know me, but seen me sitting their giving up on my life.
He was the only one to ask what was wrong?
to tell me not to give up he got me out of trouble put me in his class, as he said i had potential
i just thought yeah whatever, they just say that all the time, but he helped me a lot.
He never let me back down, really made me feel a part of something and im deeply thankful to him
because just that one person taking the time to listen changed me as a person forever,
I studied, Ii finished my VCE, passed.
i remember my mum and brother been at my graduation, my mum was crying in the crowd.
I for the first time felt like she was proud of me it was great yet thats when life really began.
dad had gotten worse,
and here was my "test,
it all started that holidays. mum and my younger brother had gone to Serbia for 3 months to see her mother and her family. We were all very happy for her, I know how much she missed her mum.
Her mums very old and ill and she does not have long to go. so it was good for mum to see her
, in case it might be her last chance.
When mum left me and my older brother, were to stay with dad and thats when it all began
brother was spending alot of time at his girlfriends so i was going out with the girls too bored at home,
so dad started to complain to mu, on the phone, that I didn't help at home, so she asked me to be at home more.
I didn't want mum worrying over there so i agreed and stayed home more often,
one night dad got a bit drunk and he wanted a hug, so i gave him a hug,
Its not usual that he gave any kind of affection,
so i thought maybe hes coming around, and wow was i wrong.
when he put his arms around me he didnt let go,
i started to get abit scared,
he put hes arms under my shirt at one point,
i got scared and backed off
he kind of stood back like suprised, i backed off and replied
'what i wanted a hug? "
i walked away i was pretty shaken up, but shaked it of what could i do?
i went to bed. The next day i was sitting in the room and he started to come in watching me, i felt so uncomfortable but just avoided him.
he then came up and started to touch my shoulders
i replied in anger
"what are you doing, get out!
he got angry walked away,
i went to bed that night upset
and that would be the night i will never forget.
I was in bed asleep,
When he snuck into my room, he Knelt down and put his hand under the covers
and started feeling up my leg until he started to touch me 'there'
I froze in shock, and all of sudden I just jumped up and ran for the door
he started to yell after me,
" What am i not allowed to hug you???"
I came back, I grabbed the phone and ran out.
I called my brother, crying.
He didn't really react, I dont blame him, he was put in a position to solve things and he didn't want to belive it.
I ran to my friends and cried my eyes out telling her everything, she started to cry, told me not to go back.
But my brother called me saying dad was going to hang himself
That he had called, and if you don't come home that he will do it
so i was sitting there thinking
" you bloody bastards as if you have not done enough your going to try to guilt me back into your trap,"
but my brother was scared, i could not let him do it for their sake, because honestly he was dead to me as a father already.
and i deep down wished he did it. hung himself.
so i came back and stayed there
My brother came back and they just brushed it off, not wanting to talk that night.
He left again to go out, and i was alone with dad again.
i slept in my brothers room because i felt safe.
i remember waking up in the morning turning around and he was standing their naked touching himself.
and when he saw me he walked away.
that was it for me i left, called my auntie, and two other aunties came.
i told them to deal with him to make sure he does not kill himself for my brothers sake because i don't give a shit
so they came, they didn't know anything, he was crying, and they asked whats wrong over and over
until i finally told my auntie and she just broke down.
it was just a relief to have someone to listen that night
they didnt want to leave me alone and i went to my aunties
well my brother stayed with him, my brother was upset i got others involved
but he understood later, my uncle asked me what i wanted to do.
we can take it to the police but i just could not, knowing what it would do to my family.
my mum was called overseas and auntie told her
she had a breakdown
im thankful her sister was with her to calm her
she cancelled her holiday sooner and came back
i remember her asking me if he "finished it off"
i replied no he didn't get a chance because i didn't let him. i thought it would be better but everyone kind of just brushed it over
not to talk about it
he never talked to mum about it never apoligized to either of us or admited it even, though he already told everyone at the start he did do it,
you could tell it was eating him up inside and that was my strength, i had to keep living
I had no where to go so i had to keep walking by him
he just sat their drinking smoking like nothing happened discusting pig
i just stayed in my room. I started to get really bad, i could not sleep i just kept hearing footsteps and got scared he was coming.
mum slept with me for a few days saying
" you can close your eyes hunny im back he will never hurt you again"
but to this day the fear or flashbacks have never left me. You can forgive but not forget but i don't do either of those i started to cut myself to realise pain
and take pain killers and not eat just crying out for attention
but i finally came to conclusion that i should not be hurting myself i was not to blame
he was the one to pay
and i will have my revenge by living on and being stronger then ever .
I kept helping mum around and then i met an amazing Boy that i just loved. He has his own troubles but i was very aware how that was, and i would not judge him.
Ii started to date him and he has healed my heart in many ways, its been nearly two years and i have moved out of home and started my life with that amazing boy and we are expecting our first child early next year,
though my heart deep down its not because of the assault its because your father is suppose to be the one that protects you from others. your not supposed to be scared in your own home ,
and i see kids with their fathers and it hurts to know he could not stand up and be a husband and father, he could go out there in a war and protect his country,
but he could not even protect his own family. To me hes just like those people we were fighting against
i never forgave him and i never will he does not deserve it he will never see hes grandkids because they diserve better
i will not be broken, i wrote this story as my partners grandmother urged me to get it out their to help my heart heal.
it does feel better but im getting it out there, to tell all you young woman, men, children its not always dark, you can have the worst life, but no one is perfect
there is always secrets behind every door some people just fake it well. your not alone get out there, keep your head held high
because your best revenge is to live on and not let them take over your life and God will always stand by you because for them judgement day will come, thank you for lisening goodnight and goodluck.
Love "Anya" xoxox
This is the story of "Anya," (not her real name) who with her Family fled her own war torn country to come to the peaceful sunny skies of Australia. This in her own words is her story.
Without Prejudice
My earliest memory goes back to early days in my home town Zenica in Serbia.I was living with my family in a house near a big water fall i remember very well, we were sitting down at home waiting for dad to get home.
I remember my father coming home drunk screaming,
Mum grabbed us all and ran outside, and hid us all behind the house waiting for him to calm down.
As we waited we heard him smash his fist through the window and he started to yell in even more anger due to the pain.
We waited out their in the freezing weather till midnight, when he finally was asleep. We snuck back in and went to bed it was horrible. The war had began people started to panic, for their families all our families
They knew they needed to run and make a safe life for the kids and we were all leaving to come to Australia.
When we finally got to the day i was crying at the airport thinking all my families are here i will never see them again. Will they be again.
I hadn't even started school yet, I was afraid, but i took comfort in knowing some of my other families were also coming and some had already left
Some of us were on the same plane. It was my first time on a plane and my last as i have never looked bac.
When we touched down in Australia, it was so strange, so big,
We didn't speak english and i was so confused what people were asking me,
I arrived at the age of 8 and we had all stayed with one of my fathers brothers for a while before we all found our own pathways in this new country,
Our first home was in Dandenong on Princes hwy it was a nice little house but it was near a busy street it was hard to sleep.
But we had got used to it, we started school that year at Dandenong West Primary School i was in grade 2, my two brothers were there too. I was really scared, i always cried, because i didn't understand anyone and i thought they were yelling at me.
I felt like an outsider, and the teacher i had was really scary he yelled a lot. but i didn't stay long because we ended up moving quick enough.
and i moved schools to Dandenong Primary school, i complained to mum that i didn't like this school, i was bullied and really hated it.
So mum moved us to Dandenong North Primary school this, was going to be my new home for the next 5 years because i loved it there,
I felt welcomed, there was such kind teachers, that helped me grow into the young woman i am today.
You see as a young child i was very emotional, I cried alot and was scared of everyone, but these people made me feel so good about myself.
I made a friend playing on swings alone and she wanted a turn i said,
"No," (I know, how mean)
But she ended up pushing me off, so had that coming.
We ended up in trouble together, since then we have been best friends to this day and she has helped me through a lot and likewise,
Anyway school was great, but home life remained the same>
My father was very home sick,
You see over there he didnt have to work but sit around drinking,
here he actually had to get off his ass and do some work,
he complained a lot,so he and Mum always argued, I tried to shut it out by listening to music in my room.
I don't have much to stay about my life at primary school because it was great
I was too young to understand how much i would have to learn in time,
and "the test", that was coming to me soon,
So skipping ahead to high school, I started year 7 in Dandenong High School.
Me and my best friend were so excited to be together, still, and be in the same class. We really only had each other.
Its hard to trust people easily, they have to prove to be there, through thick and thin, and its rare to come across people who stick through and don't walk away,
so anyway.
The start of high school was pretty fun, I was a little book worm and trying to have good marks and i did up until year 10, when life at home started to get out of control.
Iit started to affect my whole world because thats the year my world started to fall apart,
and " my test" was near,
Never turn your back for a moment
even on your family
because the closest person to you, could be the first to burn you.
My parents started to really fight, my dad was pretty abusive, and he got drunk a lot.
We used to go to events where he would pass out drunk and we would have to get him out it was so imbarrsing
i felt sorry for my mum because she was always judged, she never talked to anyone about my fathers behaviour because she was a wife.
She was supposed to put up with everything and just stand by
and i guess her bit of weakness became my strength because watching my mother suffer i promised myself i will never ever let someone break me like that,
and i will not let any man walk over me
My mother was a great mum to us kids , she always protected us kids
and all the suffering she had to go through, she never complained and held her head high, and she is my role model, what a strong woman,
as I'm writing this story my song ( kelly clarkson- behind these hazel eyes ) had come on this is the
song i use to cry to when i was young
When i was hearing the fights because it holds a lot of meaning to me, ( how spooky,)
but hey its just meant to be.
Anyway year 11 came along things didn't get much better
Ii used to fight a lot with dad as i was protecting mum.
he used to yell at her that i was useless, never cleaning, what kind of wife would i be???
And that i was just a brat, i remember hearing him at night say to her that he never wanted a daughter, that the moment i turned 18, I'm out,
Tthat I'm nothing, and i always will be nothing, to anyone.
I was pretty used to being put down, it never really mattered if i did well, because all the not so well things i did would be more important.
even at school was not doing well teachers told me maybe tafe would be better because they thought i had a learning disorder
i can tell you that wasn't the case it was just that i wasn't motivated, didn't really care about school at that time
but i still decided to prove everyone wrong and chose to do VCE instead of Vcal like they all told me to.
It was actually at the end of year 11, i was sent to the coordinators for been involved in a fight with another girl.
It was while suspended, that i met a English teacher.
he didn't even know me, but seen me sitting their giving up on my life.
He was the only one to ask what was wrong?
to tell me not to give up he got me out of trouble put me in his class, as he said i had potential
i just thought yeah whatever, they just say that all the time, but he helped me a lot.
He never let me back down, really made me feel a part of something and im deeply thankful to him
because just that one person taking the time to listen changed me as a person forever,
I studied, Ii finished my VCE, passed.
i remember my mum and brother been at my graduation, my mum was crying in the crowd.
I for the first time felt like she was proud of me it was great yet thats when life really began.
dad had gotten worse,
and here was my "test,
it all started that holidays. mum and my younger brother had gone to Serbia for 3 months to see her mother and her family. We were all very happy for her, I know how much she missed her mum.
Her mums very old and ill and she does not have long to go. so it was good for mum to see her
, in case it might be her last chance.
When mum left me and my older brother, were to stay with dad and thats when it all began
brother was spending alot of time at his girlfriends so i was going out with the girls too bored at home,
so dad started to complain to mu, on the phone, that I didn't help at home, so she asked me to be at home more.
I didn't want mum worrying over there so i agreed and stayed home more often,
one night dad got a bit drunk and he wanted a hug, so i gave him a hug,
Its not usual that he gave any kind of affection,
so i thought maybe hes coming around, and wow was i wrong.
when he put his arms around me he didnt let go,
i started to get abit scared,
he put hes arms under my shirt at one point,
i got scared and backed off
he kind of stood back like suprised, i backed off and replied
'what i wanted a hug? "
i walked away i was pretty shaken up, but shaked it of what could i do?
i went to bed. The next day i was sitting in the room and he started to come in watching me, i felt so uncomfortable but just avoided him.
he then came up and started to touch my shoulders
i replied in anger
"what are you doing, get out!
he got angry walked away,
i went to bed that night upset
and that would be the night i will never forget.
I was in bed asleep,
When he snuck into my room, he Knelt down and put his hand under the covers
and started feeling up my leg until he started to touch me 'there'
I froze in shock, and all of sudden I just jumped up and ran for the door
he started to yell after me,
" What am i not allowed to hug you???"
I came back, I grabbed the phone and ran out.
I called my brother, crying.
He didn't really react, I dont blame him, he was put in a position to solve things and he didn't want to belive it.
I ran to my friends and cried my eyes out telling her everything, she started to cry, told me not to go back.
But my brother called me saying dad was going to hang himself
That he had called, and if you don't come home that he will do it
so i was sitting there thinking
" you bloody bastards as if you have not done enough your going to try to guilt me back into your trap,"
but my brother was scared, i could not let him do it for their sake, because honestly he was dead to me as a father already.
and i deep down wished he did it. hung himself.
so i came back and stayed there
My brother came back and they just brushed it off, not wanting to talk that night.
He left again to go out, and i was alone with dad again.
i slept in my brothers room because i felt safe.
i remember waking up in the morning turning around and he was standing their naked touching himself.
and when he saw me he walked away.
that was it for me i left, called my auntie, and two other aunties came.
i told them to deal with him to make sure he does not kill himself for my brothers sake because i don't give a shit
so they came, they didn't know anything, he was crying, and they asked whats wrong over and over
until i finally told my auntie and she just broke down.
it was just a relief to have someone to listen that night
they didnt want to leave me alone and i went to my aunties
well my brother stayed with him, my brother was upset i got others involved
but he understood later, my uncle asked me what i wanted to do.
we can take it to the police but i just could not, knowing what it would do to my family.
my mum was called overseas and auntie told her
she had a breakdown
im thankful her sister was with her to calm her
she cancelled her holiday sooner and came back
i remember her asking me if he "finished it off"
i replied no he didn't get a chance because i didn't let him. i thought it would be better but everyone kind of just brushed it over
not to talk about it
he never talked to mum about it never apoligized to either of us or admited it even, though he already told everyone at the start he did do it,
you could tell it was eating him up inside and that was my strength, i had to keep living
I had no where to go so i had to keep walking by him
he just sat their drinking smoking like nothing happened discusting pig
i just stayed in my room. I started to get really bad, i could not sleep i just kept hearing footsteps and got scared he was coming.
mum slept with me for a few days saying
" you can close your eyes hunny im back he will never hurt you again"
but to this day the fear or flashbacks have never left me. You can forgive but not forget but i don't do either of those i started to cut myself to realise pain
and take pain killers and not eat just crying out for attention
but i finally came to conclusion that i should not be hurting myself i was not to blame
he was the one to pay
and i will have my revenge by living on and being stronger then ever .
I kept helping mum around and then i met an amazing Boy that i just loved. He has his own troubles but i was very aware how that was, and i would not judge him.
Ii started to date him and he has healed my heart in many ways, its been nearly two years and i have moved out of home and started my life with that amazing boy and we are expecting our first child early next year,
though my heart deep down its not because of the assault its because your father is suppose to be the one that protects you from others. your not supposed to be scared in your own home ,
and i see kids with their fathers and it hurts to know he could not stand up and be a husband and father, he could go out there in a war and protect his country,
but he could not even protect his own family. To me hes just like those people we were fighting against
i never forgave him and i never will he does not deserve it he will never see hes grandkids because they diserve better
i will not be broken, i wrote this story as my partners grandmother urged me to get it out their to help my heart heal.
it does feel better but im getting it out there, to tell all you young woman, men, children its not always dark, you can have the worst life, but no one is perfect
there is always secrets behind every door some people just fake it well. your not alone get out there, keep your head held high
because your best revenge is to live on and not let them take over your life and God will always stand by you because for them judgement day will come, thank you for lisening goodnight and goodluck.
Love "Anya" xoxox
