Goodbye 2013 and Robin Thicke
Without Prejudice
2013 was a good and bad year as most years are.
It began for me with an extremely sick daughter. Mother of four she stopped eating in October 2011 and by January was not even drinking water. We went to see her, concerned, Yvette and I, she was a skinny ghost of her former self. I had never seen Alena so skinny, not even as a child. I was alarmed and said so. Yvette stated that her husband would not stand aside and watch his wife die.
She was right, the next thing Alena was in Hospital. The doctors baffled.
Her husband left her and took the kids, stripped out the house and Alena was suddenly homeless and sick. She tried to take her own life so many times, it became alarming. I nursed her at home and she insisted on getting emergency housing. One of her girls refused to leave her side and stayed and stayed.
One day I went to the house and she was tired, hopeless, crying and told me she had taken 22 sleeping pills and it hadn't worked. She was in a long dress with a big cardigan wrapped around her in cold. Her husband was visiting her and told her he loved her and just wanted her to be well. I couldn't take it. I went home and cried. For 3 days. And decided as I had already lost one daughter to a tragic accident and a Mother to suicide I could not watch someone die.
I had been to hospital after hospital, a rehab facility for mainly depressed people, outpatients, doctors and nothing was working for Alena. Shock treatment was suggested. I will never forget the last time at the Hospital, Alena sat in a chair beside me clutching a plastic bag of her belongings. She was not going anywhere she said, until they could "fix " her and she could get her husband and kids back.
I had to detach. I decided to leave her alone. I wasn't helping. Her husband Mum was a great help, worried, upset, loving. We both stepped back and let her recover. It just took time. The appetite was the biggest problem, there was none.
Everything tasted vile, Alena said. She felt like she was rotting from the inside. And a diagnosis at last. She was border line personality from childhood trauma. She rang her Dad and tried to tell him but he didn't like her husband and because of that chose not to see her.
Nothing new there.
With a heavy heart I decided I had to get on with life. And let time and patience take care of Alena. There was an episode where I had to visit Yvette ( just for a change ) in Hospital who had suffered a shock miscarriage, haemorrhaged and had to be operated on, three transfusions later she was feeling like a pin cushion, she said, and demanded I pick her up from Hospital.
I had to take Alena with me and near the Hospital had to stop her from jumping out into traffic. I grabbed her by the elbow and frog marched her into the Hospital. We picked up an irateYvette and she suggested that " Nuffy " Alena take her place. Yvette was lucid, covered in botched attempts at trying to take blood from her veins. She then puffed up like a balloon for weeks from the extra blood volume. She had cankles. A naturally thin girl she was amused at her fatness.
The biggest challenge for me was deciding to let go of anxiety over " my girls". They were grown women in their 30's and 40's. One was going through a nasty divorce and had gone to live with my ex husband. The one I had written domestic violence articles on. As long as he had not hit me with a "closed fist " he had never been violent as far as he was concerned
He lives in selective memory land as far as I am concerned.
But that was the past, by the end of the year he asked me to be his friend on Facebook, an error he said to his Sister, but asked for me to accept the request and then deleted his account. He told his Sister he wasn't sure what had happened but had been on my profile.???
I didn't believe it, anyway, as his new wife usually attends to his Facebook account. At least I hoped it was a mistake as when I was married to him he was very controlling, bought my clothes, make up, decorated the house, tracked me down no matter where I was, even at the Hairdressers. I had no desire to be back in contact with him. I realised a long time ago I may have loved my children that he provided me with but didn't like him that much.
And I didn't like the person I became when I was with him. Always treading on egg shells so as to not upset his bad temper.
While Alena was so ill I had five sessions with a therapist, about my fear and hatred of men. That was a revealing time on the past. What I thought was an idyllic childhood wasn't. I had been putting up with shitty people who I felt sorry for because of their sad childhoods. Mine it turned out was just as bad. I may have been loved and cared for but my childhood was full of tragedy and moving from place to place, setting up life long anxieties.
I of course only took four sessions to make it. Not five, I always was competitive and learn quickly.
Alena is now back with her Family and husband in their house and she doesn't t care if her Dad doesn't like her choice of husband. She does and that us all that matters.
I got on with my own life, wrote and was offered to be published. My reaction to this was to go to the bathroom and throw up! I decided that dragging my life and my girls lives into the world and making it so public was not for me. We are not the Kardashians.
I do however write on these blogs and miraculously have over 150,000 readers all over the world and now am being paid by Google to do so. Thank you. My brother said I am finally making money from my ex and that is the last laugh on a man that left me with nothing after losing a child.
Yvette went on to get pregnant again and cried when a little girl showed up in the ultrasound. After seven boys. A feel good story for all time.
While she was in Hospital our beautiful Siberian Husky keeled over and just died. The German Sheperd ran away the same day and 7 males came home to bury their dog, all cried. It was so sad. But we found the German Sheperd and it only cost us 190.00 to get her out of the Animal Shelter. She tried to run away again and I totally ignored her and she was scratching at the gate again within half an hour.
The Good stuff
I was given a trip to the U.K. By my Sister, Jackie. We visited my 92 year old Aunty Betty and took her to Paris.
A baby grand daughter, Shilo Rae was born.
I began getting paid royalties by Google.
I told off a girlfriend, who after 30 years was STILL jealous I had been back to school at 30.
" I didn't have a rich husband" she said.
I filled her in on the said "rich" husband, the hours of study I had to do after 11pm at night because of having a husband and four kids and a business to help run. How he tried to run me down with the car, drunk, when he found out I was determined to go back to School. I did it for my Mother who believed in education for women, how that year I so wanted to give up, give in, not finish, not do exams. Assignment after assignment.
I realised I still hate flying.
I realised Robin Thicke is one sexy man. I loved the whole "twerking thing, he is an ideal man to look at, not skinny,bit of a belly, and playing it up for the Audience. Brave too, wearing that suit.
I realised everything I want is right here in Melbourne, in my unit, in my yard. My big family a constant source of challenges, energy, love, support.
I look forward to 2014 for all of the above reasons, Happy New Year xxx
2013 was a good and bad year as most years are.
It began for me with an extremely sick daughter. Mother of four she stopped eating in October 2011 and by January was not even drinking water. We went to see her, concerned, Yvette and I, she was a skinny ghost of her former self. I had never seen Alena so skinny, not even as a child. I was alarmed and said so. Yvette stated that her husband would not stand aside and watch his wife die.
She was right, the next thing Alena was in Hospital. The doctors baffled.
Her husband left her and took the kids, stripped out the house and Alena was suddenly homeless and sick. She tried to take her own life so many times, it became alarming. I nursed her at home and she insisted on getting emergency housing. One of her girls refused to leave her side and stayed and stayed.
One day I went to the house and she was tired, hopeless, crying and told me she had taken 22 sleeping pills and it hadn't worked. She was in a long dress with a big cardigan wrapped around her in cold. Her husband was visiting her and told her he loved her and just wanted her to be well. I couldn't take it. I went home and cried. For 3 days. And decided as I had already lost one daughter to a tragic accident and a Mother to suicide I could not watch someone die.
I had been to hospital after hospital, a rehab facility for mainly depressed people, outpatients, doctors and nothing was working for Alena. Shock treatment was suggested. I will never forget the last time at the Hospital, Alena sat in a chair beside me clutching a plastic bag of her belongings. She was not going anywhere she said, until they could "fix " her and she could get her husband and kids back.
I had to detach. I decided to leave her alone. I wasn't helping. Her husband Mum was a great help, worried, upset, loving. We both stepped back and let her recover. It just took time. The appetite was the biggest problem, there was none.
Everything tasted vile, Alena said. She felt like she was rotting from the inside. And a diagnosis at last. She was border line personality from childhood trauma. She rang her Dad and tried to tell him but he didn't like her husband and because of that chose not to see her.
Nothing new there.
With a heavy heart I decided I had to get on with life. And let time and patience take care of Alena. There was an episode where I had to visit Yvette ( just for a change ) in Hospital who had suffered a shock miscarriage, haemorrhaged and had to be operated on, three transfusions later she was feeling like a pin cushion, she said, and demanded I pick her up from Hospital.
I had to take Alena with me and near the Hospital had to stop her from jumping out into traffic. I grabbed her by the elbow and frog marched her into the Hospital. We picked up an irateYvette and she suggested that " Nuffy " Alena take her place. Yvette was lucid, covered in botched attempts at trying to take blood from her veins. She then puffed up like a balloon for weeks from the extra blood volume. She had cankles. A naturally thin girl she was amused at her fatness.
The biggest challenge for me was deciding to let go of anxiety over " my girls". They were grown women in their 30's and 40's. One was going through a nasty divorce and had gone to live with my ex husband. The one I had written domestic violence articles on. As long as he had not hit me with a "closed fist " he had never been violent as far as he was concerned
He lives in selective memory land as far as I am concerned.
But that was the past, by the end of the year he asked me to be his friend on Facebook, an error he said to his Sister, but asked for me to accept the request and then deleted his account. He told his Sister he wasn't sure what had happened but had been on my profile.???
I didn't believe it, anyway, as his new wife usually attends to his Facebook account. At least I hoped it was a mistake as when I was married to him he was very controlling, bought my clothes, make up, decorated the house, tracked me down no matter where I was, even at the Hairdressers. I had no desire to be back in contact with him. I realised a long time ago I may have loved my children that he provided me with but didn't like him that much.
And I didn't like the person I became when I was with him. Always treading on egg shells so as to not upset his bad temper.
While Alena was so ill I had five sessions with a therapist, about my fear and hatred of men. That was a revealing time on the past. What I thought was an idyllic childhood wasn't. I had been putting up with shitty people who I felt sorry for because of their sad childhoods. Mine it turned out was just as bad. I may have been loved and cared for but my childhood was full of tragedy and moving from place to place, setting up life long anxieties.
I of course only took four sessions to make it. Not five, I always was competitive and learn quickly.
Alena is now back with her Family and husband in their house and she doesn't t care if her Dad doesn't like her choice of husband. She does and that us all that matters.
I got on with my own life, wrote and was offered to be published. My reaction to this was to go to the bathroom and throw up! I decided that dragging my life and my girls lives into the world and making it so public was not for me. We are not the Kardashians.
I do however write on these blogs and miraculously have over 150,000 readers all over the world and now am being paid by Google to do so. Thank you. My brother said I am finally making money from my ex and that is the last laugh on a man that left me with nothing after losing a child.
Yvette went on to get pregnant again and cried when a little girl showed up in the ultrasound. After seven boys. A feel good story for all time.
While she was in Hospital our beautiful Siberian Husky keeled over and just died. The German Sheperd ran away the same day and 7 males came home to bury their dog, all cried. It was so sad. But we found the German Sheperd and it only cost us 190.00 to get her out of the Animal Shelter. She tried to run away again and I totally ignored her and she was scratching at the gate again within half an hour.
The Good stuff
I was given a trip to the U.K. By my Sister, Jackie. We visited my 92 year old Aunty Betty and took her to Paris.
A baby grand daughter, Shilo Rae was born.
I began getting paid royalties by Google.
I told off a girlfriend, who after 30 years was STILL jealous I had been back to school at 30.
" I didn't have a rich husband" she said.
I filled her in on the said "rich" husband, the hours of study I had to do after 11pm at night because of having a husband and four kids and a business to help run. How he tried to run me down with the car, drunk, when he found out I was determined to go back to School. I did it for my Mother who believed in education for women, how that year I so wanted to give up, give in, not finish, not do exams. Assignment after assignment.
I realised I still hate flying.
I realised Robin Thicke is one sexy man. I loved the whole "twerking thing, he is an ideal man to look at, not skinny,bit of a belly, and playing it up for the Audience. Brave too, wearing that suit.
I realised everything I want is right here in Melbourne, in my unit, in my yard. My big family a constant source of challenges, energy, love, support.
I look forward to 2014 for all of the above reasons, Happy New Year xxx
