Staying Friends With An Ex?
Without Prejudice
Just lately this question has become a hot topic. Should I stay friends with an ex ?
I find generally it is not a good idea. There always seems to be too much emotion attached. To me you were that person at that time and you are not with that person any more. It is a door left firmly closed.
If you have small children you have to be polite and civil but it is always difficult. There will always be petty jealousies, differences of opinion and seems to extend the old relationship fighting, forever and ever.
Doctor Phil recommends closing the door on the past, psychologically it is healthier. Slam that door and keep it shut. You were that person, you were those people, then, and you are no more. You share history, perhaps kids, and that is it. They owe you nothing and you owe them nothing.
It was half you and half them, but deal breakers are violence, emotional abuse, verbal and physical. Alcoholism, drug taking, as shown here.
Doctor Phil. Quote .......
: Can all relationships, or maybe, should all relationships be saved?A: The truth is that NOT all relationships can be saved, and not all marriages should be saved. I believe that there are some absolute deal breakers in a relationship, such as physical violence and addiction to drugs and alcohol. If some of these things are present in your relationship, that's a huge stop sign. And unless and until that gets dealt with, you don't have a future in that relationship. So, no, I don't think all marriages can or should be saved.
Q: What do you mean when you say that couples need to ask themselves if they'd rather be right or be happy?
A: When I talk to couples, they always fight about who's right. Who's right about money, who's right about in-laws, who's right about parenting, who's right about all the issues that come up in a marriage. But you know what? Being right does not generate the results that you want. Maybe it's about compromise. Maybe it's about finding a way that both of you can have some validity and be right. One of the most important negotiation tactics that I've ever learned and used is trying to find out how to get the other party as much of what they want as I possibly can, because if they're getting satisfied, they're more likely to satisfy your needs. So, it's not about being right. Make yourself happy by generating the results that you wish you had.
Q: How does a relationship survive a crisis like infidelity?
A: Infidelity is huge crisis in marriage, there's no question about it. It creates all kinds of long-term hurt, fear, anxiety, all of the destruction of trust. And this is a bad thing that lingers on and on and on. But you can get past this. Look, forgiveness is a choice. Redefining your relationship is a choice. And if you are having an affair, my advice to you is turn back toward your marriage to solve your problems, not away from it. And if you are thinking about doing it, I'll guarantee you it is a dead-end street that is headed for disaster. If you have problems within your marriage, solve them in the marriage. You won't fix it by introducing an outsider.
I don't generally stay friends with an ex, they will go on to find someone else and so will you. You have grown through that time, become a different person. If you had been meant to work out you would have. It's no shame to say things didn't work out.
Just lately this question has become a hot topic. Should I stay friends with an ex ?
I find generally it is not a good idea. There always seems to be too much emotion attached. To me you were that person at that time and you are not with that person any more. It is a door left firmly closed.
If you have small children you have to be polite and civil but it is always difficult. There will always be petty jealousies, differences of opinion and seems to extend the old relationship fighting, forever and ever.
Doctor Phil recommends closing the door on the past, psychologically it is healthier. Slam that door and keep it shut. You were that person, you were those people, then, and you are no more. You share history, perhaps kids, and that is it. They owe you nothing and you owe them nothing.
It was half you and half them, but deal breakers are violence, emotional abuse, verbal and physical. Alcoholism, drug taking, as shown here.
Doctor Phil. Quote .......
: Can all relationships, or maybe, should all relationships be saved?A: The truth is that NOT all relationships can be saved, and not all marriages should be saved. I believe that there are some absolute deal breakers in a relationship, such as physical violence and addiction to drugs and alcohol. If some of these things are present in your relationship, that's a huge stop sign. And unless and until that gets dealt with, you don't have a future in that relationship. So, no, I don't think all marriages can or should be saved.
Q: What do you mean when you say that couples need to ask themselves if they'd rather be right or be happy?
A: When I talk to couples, they always fight about who's right. Who's right about money, who's right about in-laws, who's right about parenting, who's right about all the issues that come up in a marriage. But you know what? Being right does not generate the results that you want. Maybe it's about compromise. Maybe it's about finding a way that both of you can have some validity and be right. One of the most important negotiation tactics that I've ever learned and used is trying to find out how to get the other party as much of what they want as I possibly can, because if they're getting satisfied, they're more likely to satisfy your needs. So, it's not about being right. Make yourself happy by generating the results that you wish you had.
Q: How does a relationship survive a crisis like infidelity?
A: Infidelity is huge crisis in marriage, there's no question about it. It creates all kinds of long-term hurt, fear, anxiety, all of the destruction of trust. And this is a bad thing that lingers on and on and on. But you can get past this. Look, forgiveness is a choice. Redefining your relationship is a choice. And if you are having an affair, my advice to you is turn back toward your marriage to solve your problems, not away from it. And if you are thinking about doing it, I'll guarantee you it is a dead-end street that is headed for disaster. If you have problems within your marriage, solve them in the marriage. You won't fix it by introducing an outsider.
I don't generally stay friends with an ex, they will go on to find someone else and so will you. You have grown through that time, become a different person. If you had been meant to work out you would have. It's no shame to say things didn't work out.
