Oasis Active Dating Update
Without Prejudice
Going on another date tonight and I hate it. I hate the thought of dating now. I don't want to be attached, be responsible for someone else's happiness. I've done the work, the counselling on my fear and hatred of men but I still find them annoying. My kids want me to be with someone but I remain ambivalent. I've got my work, my writing, my hobbies, interests, friends, why do I have to put up with someone else's whingeing. I can whinge enough for the both of us all by myself.
I am an Alpha Female the counsellor told me, know what I want and how to get it. And even though I have done the work I am not sure that I can cope with any man in my life any more. I can't stand being told what to do, I don't need a daddy for my kids or a provider, not even for sex or company. I've been celibate a year and I'm used to it now. It's not ideal but it's better than allow some man to slobber over me.
I am covering up my cleavage and if he tries to touch me I swear I will smash him straight in the face.
Maybe I should cancel, poor guy.
He's coming all the way from Hampton and he sounds Alpha Male, which is the only male. I can at least cope with. If they are nice guys I will just destroy them, I know this. The girls say I should be nicer to men but I never can be. I have always been pushing boys away all my life, right from Grade school. When Douglas Payne used to follow me home and try and be my friend with offers of Choo Choo bars.
Maybe I should cancel.
This poor man that tells me he goes through Cranbourne to his weekender at Phillip Island, a house at Hampton and a property at Philip Island, ye Gods, I'm a granny living in Cranny. I live in a shoebox at the back of my daughters house. I shy away from life and write and hug my grand kids. That's it. Oh, restore furniture and collect and sell vintage fashion and shoes. And paint, draw and try to sing.
I can't do it, I just want to cancel, it's too soon.
I'm not ready. The girls say I always say that, but it's true, I am never ready. Not for a man.
I have to get DRESSED in something other than what I usually wear in Winter, leggings, thick socks and a hoodie. Did I mention the shoebox doubles as an ice box in winter ? I have all the right clothes and all the right make up, shoes, perfume, I know I can rock an outfit with being skinny now but I don't want to. It's like pulling teeth. This dating stuff.
What if I don't like him, what if he takes one look at me and runs for his life. Worse, what if I am trapped there for an hour and want to run. And have to make conversation and ask about him and pretend to be fascinated. Oh God ! Worse what if he likes me and wants to see me again.
I can't do it and yet I must, aaaaarrrrrggggghhhhhh.
Maybe I should cancel. What if he's short ? What if he is dumb. Not as educated as me and I just want to punish him for that. What if I gabble and talk about myself, when I am nervous, I talk and talk and talk. And I am such an Iknow.
I've promised myself a year of dating and yet, here I am on the second man and I've had enough already. A year of celibacy, and a year of dating. Why can't I be excited.
Going on another date tonight and I hate it. I hate the thought of dating now. I don't want to be attached, be responsible for someone else's happiness. I've done the work, the counselling on my fear and hatred of men but I still find them annoying. My kids want me to be with someone but I remain ambivalent. I've got my work, my writing, my hobbies, interests, friends, why do I have to put up with someone else's whingeing. I can whinge enough for the both of us all by myself.
I am an Alpha Female the counsellor told me, know what I want and how to get it. And even though I have done the work I am not sure that I can cope with any man in my life any more. I can't stand being told what to do, I don't need a daddy for my kids or a provider, not even for sex or company. I've been celibate a year and I'm used to it now. It's not ideal but it's better than allow some man to slobber over me.
I am covering up my cleavage and if he tries to touch me I swear I will smash him straight in the face.
Maybe I should cancel, poor guy.
He's coming all the way from Hampton and he sounds Alpha Male, which is the only male. I can at least cope with. If they are nice guys I will just destroy them, I know this. The girls say I should be nicer to men but I never can be. I have always been pushing boys away all my life, right from Grade school. When Douglas Payne used to follow me home and try and be my friend with offers of Choo Choo bars.
Maybe I should cancel.
This poor man that tells me he goes through Cranbourne to his weekender at Phillip Island, a house at Hampton and a property at Philip Island, ye Gods, I'm a granny living in Cranny. I live in a shoebox at the back of my daughters house. I shy away from life and write and hug my grand kids. That's it. Oh, restore furniture and collect and sell vintage fashion and shoes. And paint, draw and try to sing.
I can't do it, I just want to cancel, it's too soon.
I'm not ready. The girls say I always say that, but it's true, I am never ready. Not for a man.
I have to get DRESSED in something other than what I usually wear in Winter, leggings, thick socks and a hoodie. Did I mention the shoebox doubles as an ice box in winter ? I have all the right clothes and all the right make up, shoes, perfume, I know I can rock an outfit with being skinny now but I don't want to. It's like pulling teeth. This dating stuff.
What if I don't like him, what if he takes one look at me and runs for his life. Worse, what if I am trapped there for an hour and want to run. And have to make conversation and ask about him and pretend to be fascinated. Oh God ! Worse what if he likes me and wants to see me again.
I can't do it and yet I must, aaaaarrrrrggggghhhhhh.
Maybe I should cancel. What if he's short ? What if he is dumb. Not as educated as me and I just want to punish him for that. What if I gabble and talk about myself, when I am nervous, I talk and talk and talk. And I am such an Iknow.
I've promised myself a year of dating and yet, here I am on the second man and I've had enough already. A year of celibacy, and a year of dating. Why can't I be excited.
