When you think your heart is broken
Without Prejudice
There are times in life when you think your heart will break. It happens to all of us, some can't literally take it. I know of men, mostly men, that turned into Mr Havershams. Once bitten by love they refused to try again and remained single the rest of their lives. What a waste of a good man, but perhaps they really longed for the single life.
I believe that the heart can be broken but scarred and gnarled it can once again mend, glow red again, beat healthily in the chest. Nothing can break your heart like the first time. I can remember crying floods, buckets of tears when young over the loss of a love.
The tender young heart is hurt by love, or what we perceive at that age to be love. Love songs remind us that the first cut is the deepest, that love makes the world go round, it's heady stuff for young teenage girls. And boys. I have seen many a boy break his heart after the loss of his first love. Young love holds such promise.
And being older makes us no better. The heart can be broken many times, but it will heal. A counsellor told me once that it is better to slam the door (psychologically) on a last relationship, on every last relationship, everything you perceive as a failure.
And move forward.
Learn the lessons, the challenges, be honest with yourself and expect to take up half the blame. And move forward, take a risk, love will come again. I was blessed with a very honest and forthright Mother. She was famous for her sayings,
" Never chase after a man or a bus, there is always another one coming along "
And that pearl of wisdom never applied to me until now. I wasn't listening ( my brothers say I do this all the time ) . Women are born to be chased. Men are born to chase women. I wrongly thought no one would be interested in me and what I had to say. So I chased them. Not good.
So even though I thought I was mature, mentally and heart healthy, I sure as hell wasn't. I had grown up through the feminist movement. That I was a Germaine Greer clone. That women were all powerful, all knowing, all nurturing and that men were hapless, helpless puppets. That they were there for my convenience, to be used, abused and then shunned.
Just like men had been doing to women for ever and a day. The centuries of oppression by men of women was my catch cry. But then one day as I wearily eyed another tired woman in the lift on my way to work and uttered the words,
"Germaine Greer has a lot to answer for "
I realised I was not free from oppression. I had become by working full time a person I didn't even know. I was trying to be a full time Mother and a full time career obsessed woman. I very quickly
realised that I was doing neither role that much justice. When at work I worried about my girls and then at home worried a bout work.
And love life ? Forget about it.! I would sleep with some guy and in the morning think,
"Why are you still here?"
To be continued.......
There are times in life when you think your heart will break. It happens to all of us, some can't literally take it. I know of men, mostly men, that turned into Mr Havershams. Once bitten by love they refused to try again and remained single the rest of their lives. What a waste of a good man, but perhaps they really longed for the single life.
I believe that the heart can be broken but scarred and gnarled it can once again mend, glow red again, beat healthily in the chest. Nothing can break your heart like the first time. I can remember crying floods, buckets of tears when young over the loss of a love.
The tender young heart is hurt by love, or what we perceive at that age to be love. Love songs remind us that the first cut is the deepest, that love makes the world go round, it's heady stuff for young teenage girls. And boys. I have seen many a boy break his heart after the loss of his first love. Young love holds such promise.
And being older makes us no better. The heart can be broken many times, but it will heal. A counsellor told me once that it is better to slam the door (psychologically) on a last relationship, on every last relationship, everything you perceive as a failure.
And move forward.
Learn the lessons, the challenges, be honest with yourself and expect to take up half the blame. And move forward, take a risk, love will come again. I was blessed with a very honest and forthright Mother. She was famous for her sayings,
" Never chase after a man or a bus, there is always another one coming along "
And that pearl of wisdom never applied to me until now. I wasn't listening ( my brothers say I do this all the time ) . Women are born to be chased. Men are born to chase women. I wrongly thought no one would be interested in me and what I had to say. So I chased them. Not good.
So even though I thought I was mature, mentally and heart healthy, I sure as hell wasn't. I had grown up through the feminist movement. That I was a Germaine Greer clone. That women were all powerful, all knowing, all nurturing and that men were hapless, helpless puppets. That they were there for my convenience, to be used, abused and then shunned.
Just like men had been doing to women for ever and a day. The centuries of oppression by men of women was my catch cry. But then one day as I wearily eyed another tired woman in the lift on my way to work and uttered the words,
"Germaine Greer has a lot to answer for "
I realised I was not free from oppression. I had become by working full time a person I didn't even know. I was trying to be a full time Mother and a full time career obsessed woman. I very quickly
realised that I was doing neither role that much justice. When at work I worried about my girls and then at home worried a bout work.
And love life ? Forget about it.! I would sleep with some guy and in the morning think,
"Why are you still here?"
To be continued.......
