Single Mothers And The Bold And The Beautiful
Without Prejudice
It's been a sad week, a week of a funeral of a well respected former Mum In Law and now a suicide of a Young Mum.
She was a friend of my daughter and this week she dropped her children at school, young children and went home and killed herself. Tragic.
No one can understand what it takes for a young Mum to knowingly leave her children, Motherless. What psychic pain she must have been in to make that decision. It could have been untreated depression. She may have reached the stage where somehow she thought the world would be better off without her.
I have been a single Mother, pretty much for over two decades, now. My girls are all grown women with successful lives and I heave a huge sigh of relief and plan a trip to the Bahamas. Well, I would have to cruise there as I hate flying, but you get the picture.
In the older days Mothers all over the world were depressed at the children finally leaving home. These days, apparently, the most overwhelming emotion is one of
"Relief"
We have done our job, fulfilled our Mothering role, although Mothering is for life. I know of an eighty year old who is still waiting for her 60 year old son to improve !
I was a fiercer than most single mother. I had lost a child who was 12, so an over anxious mother ( so my Doctor told me, the ever delectable Roger ) became a nightmare.
I would wait up for my girls to come home, never resting until they snuck in the gate, gently sliding the French doors and jumping in fright at the sight of me sitting at the bench, drumming my nails on the kitchen bench. And chain smoking.
I had to take care of their every need, want, real or imagined, shadow them, jump in before they were hurt, defend them to the hilt and otherwise hover over them like the clichéd " Helicopter Parent " that is much maligned these days. I was a helicopter in a hurricane Mother.
I could not lose another.
Well, they all survived luckily and I even took on another child, the same age as the one I lost. And even though her grown siblings don't particularly like her anymore nor want her to be part of the Family, I know with her too I did my job. She is the only one out of her entire family of 7 grown siblings who married, had children or even lead a semi normal life after losing both her parents.
I became her guardian at age 13.
I liked her and still do but time and circumstance has forced us apart. And the pressure of three others who don't want me to nurture her anymore. Fair enough.
Being a single Mother is the hardest job in the world and yet, the most satisfying. If they turn out well you can pat yourself in the back and if they don't, you just blame your ex. Ba ha ha, just kidding.
I was lucky that mine were no longer little kids. By the time the ex and I split the girls were 19, 18, almost 15 and the Foster daughter 13. The oldest worked, lot, the second oldest had a brand new baby, my first grandchild, the youngest went to work and the FD was sent to school every day.
Turns out she was quite bright once she started attending school regularly.
I grieved for six months, before I went back to the workforce. Firstly part time and then full time at Supagas Dandenong. I was the only woman that worked at the branch and the posters in the toilet and the toilet itself was an eye opener to say the least. This was in the politically incorrect nineties and didn't the guys take advantage of that. They were caring though and funny, so very funny.
To be continued.......
It's been a sad week, a week of a funeral of a well respected former Mum In Law and now a suicide of a Young Mum.
She was a friend of my daughter and this week she dropped her children at school, young children and went home and killed herself. Tragic.
No one can understand what it takes for a young Mum to knowingly leave her children, Motherless. What psychic pain she must have been in to make that decision. It could have been untreated depression. She may have reached the stage where somehow she thought the world would be better off without her.
I have been a single Mother, pretty much for over two decades, now. My girls are all grown women with successful lives and I heave a huge sigh of relief and plan a trip to the Bahamas. Well, I would have to cruise there as I hate flying, but you get the picture.
In the older days Mothers all over the world were depressed at the children finally leaving home. These days, apparently, the most overwhelming emotion is one of
"Relief"
We have done our job, fulfilled our Mothering role, although Mothering is for life. I know of an eighty year old who is still waiting for her 60 year old son to improve !
I was a fiercer than most single mother. I had lost a child who was 12, so an over anxious mother ( so my Doctor told me, the ever delectable Roger ) became a nightmare.
I would wait up for my girls to come home, never resting until they snuck in the gate, gently sliding the French doors and jumping in fright at the sight of me sitting at the bench, drumming my nails on the kitchen bench. And chain smoking.
I had to take care of their every need, want, real or imagined, shadow them, jump in before they were hurt, defend them to the hilt and otherwise hover over them like the clichéd " Helicopter Parent " that is much maligned these days. I was a helicopter in a hurricane Mother.
I could not lose another.
Well, they all survived luckily and I even took on another child, the same age as the one I lost. And even though her grown siblings don't particularly like her anymore nor want her to be part of the Family, I know with her too I did my job. She is the only one out of her entire family of 7 grown siblings who married, had children or even lead a semi normal life after losing both her parents.
I became her guardian at age 13.
I liked her and still do but time and circumstance has forced us apart. And the pressure of three others who don't want me to nurture her anymore. Fair enough.
Being a single Mother is the hardest job in the world and yet, the most satisfying. If they turn out well you can pat yourself in the back and if they don't, you just blame your ex. Ba ha ha, just kidding.
I was lucky that mine were no longer little kids. By the time the ex and I split the girls were 19, 18, almost 15 and the Foster daughter 13. The oldest worked, lot, the second oldest had a brand new baby, my first grandchild, the youngest went to work and the FD was sent to school every day.
Turns out she was quite bright once she started attending school regularly.
I grieved for six months, before I went back to the workforce. Firstly part time and then full time at Supagas Dandenong. I was the only woman that worked at the branch and the posters in the toilet and the toilet itself was an eye opener to say the least. This was in the politically incorrect nineties and didn't the guys take advantage of that. They were caring though and funny, so very funny.
To be continued.......
