Zachary on turning 17
Without Prejudice
Tomorrow Zach, my 2nd oldest Grandson turns 17. He looms large on the horizon now, not the little blonde haired boy anymore. The one with the shaven head that showed gold stubble and made his big brown eyes stare out solemnly and large. He was an angel Zach as a tiny boy and still is and always will be.
He's quiet and shy but can be fierce if he thinks something is not right. he wants to be a Policeman and that has to be the biggest irony of all time as his Dad, Simon has just once again, ad infinitum, ad nauseum just arrived from incarceration. He arrived on our doorstep 2 days after being released with a system full of ice and he tried to kick the security door in.
Christmas Eve.
Just as we were getting the excited little boys to bed, under duress of Santa's only coming to the "nice" children. They were bouncing off walls with anticipation and excitement and Simon arrived. Yvette came to get me and I wearily told her I would ring the police. ad nauseum, ad infinitum. Always at Christmas and always pumped up with substances that make him aggressive.
I told Yvette he was her problem and rang the police anyway and held the phone towards the door as Simon, ran back six feet down the path and kicked the door with his feet. Yvette held him at bay with the whole neighbourhood treated to the sound of Simon's bellows and Yvette's enraged yelling. The air turned blue and darkly violent, just what you want for little boys looking forward to Christmas.
Zach had especially looking forward to his Dad's release. he said he knew he was a drug addict but thought this time his Dad was "away" that he would turn the corner and be normal again. Simon's sister dying at 39 while he was "away". He and his Sister being close. Surely his boys and I and Yvette reasoned he would change, surely but within 12 hours of his release he was back on the "stuff"
Kyle, Zach's oldest brother had woken at 5am that day to pick up his reprobate of a father, excited his girlfriend said and happy to pick up his Dad and he came in that night, she said, and lay face down on the bed in despair and frustration. He had missed important appointments himself that day, to go and fetch his Father.
Zach stayed in his room when Simon came knocking or kicking more like it. he knows he is not allowed at the house but still he comes, no presents, no car to drive, just him and his threats. he spies me calling the Police and starts to berate me but I walk away and keep on the phone. Nowadays it is only as annoying as flicking a fly away from your face. It's something I have had to do so many times before and it's just Simon, a figure of pity and revulsion anyway.
When Zach was a little boy he called his father Simon, all the boys did and one, Brock always still refers to him that way. Zach once said that Dad fell out of the tree and was dead and then he bounced back alive again. and I had replied.
"That's your Dad, alright"
At that time Simon had disappeared, on the "gear" then and quite mad. He had arrived one morning with lemonade and ice creams for the boys breakfast and as I watched his face watching the boys eat their "crazy" breakfast I wanted to cry. It was all so sad and futile and hopeless. It still is.
I knew he loved them, I knew he wanted them but his addictions were so many and so strong. And he was a weak man against them. There is no point thinking that they shouldn't be addicts, they are addicts and they are the worst people to deal with at any stage. And we had the constant anxiety that his Sons would turn out the same, the gene passed on. The gene for alcoholism the easiest passed on gene and Simon had 2 alcoholic grandfathers, he said.
Zach's was a hard and difficult childhood and he has emerged unscathed more by his own will than anything else. When he was little he would sit in the back seat of my car and see a train and say
Bee Coming", socks were shoes and shoes were called socks. If he liked something it was "coot". He also like to tell us he was being,
"Very very quiet", like a 2 year old Elmer Fudd, without the shotgun.
He was drop dead gorgeous and melted your heart and I look at him now over six feet tall and wanting to be a Policeman and I know he will make a fine one. He is decent, well mannered, strong and polite. He cried like a baby last year when Bonnie the boys German Shepard died as did all the boys. Wiping their eyes with fury and disappearing to their rooms.
I have never seen him break down on the phone to his dad the way Kyle did at 14, yelling and crying at him, saying,
"Why can't you be different?"
I had seen Kyle cry before, twice. Once when a little bird he saved died. He tried so hard to hold it to life and it fought and fought but died anyway and his face had crumpled and he cried then. Yvette and I shocked. He was 9. And he cried, aged 5 for the dog left behind at a house his parents had. He cried out to me as his Father left the day he fed the boys icecream and lemonade,
"I can still hear her screaming and yelping Nana, under the house and he left her there, he just left her there "
He hated his Dad then. I am sure he hated his Dad too, when Simon abandoned the boys in a hot car in QLD and the Police picked them up. while Simon stood in a phone box across the Highway. Not wanting to be arrested. The Police took the boys. Yvette had Kyle with her and she put him on a bus and sent him across 3 states back to Melbourne. Kyle was 10 and had $20 on him.
Zach has been through it all and with his experience in life he will make a fine Policeman, he's seen the other side of life and understands it. It never stops them loving their father. His addiction. They do love him and pity him and are enraged by him but don't follow him down his dark path, they are too wise for that. Simon has 5 beautiful sons aged 22 down to 7, he is a complete and utter idiot as far as I am concerned and has not seen the the light yet.
He will one day and he will be clean one day and he will think
"What have I done?. What have I missed out on?"
or he will end up dead of an overdose or back in jail. He might as well be he has spent more than half his life in there.
And if that sounds harsh then I am sorry but he never seems to want to get clean for his boys and that pisses me off. I have been dealing with him since he was 13 and my daughter loved him. She was 15 and spent the next 16 years trying to sort him out, "save" him as he had good qualities as a human being and is now shambolic and a nightmare and we have all had enough. He should be in rehab not jail. he should be forced into rehab somehow and counselling.
But anyway Zach has survived his life and very well, doing well at school and having good friends and we make sure his role models are all decent men. He is one very decent person and I wish my angel boy Zachary Rhys a happy 17th birthday. May he gets lots of cash as he loves that, may his room be ever tidy and neat, the way he likes it before his brothers some along on seek and destroy missions. May he finally finish playing C.O.D. and get out and jump on the big trampoline in joy and abandon.
He has had a stable home with Yvette and his brothers for years now. he gets to watch Foxtel, he has his own computer, collects movies and files them all and he must have a bout 2 or 3 hundred. He's neat and precise and knows exactly what he wants. A career and then a wife but he said no kids for a long while, can't blame him for that. No girlfriends either yet as he feels too young. He has a car, he gets his learners tomorrow and I hope he has the best birthday ever because he damn well deserves it.
Love you Zach,
Love Nana Janette xoxo
Tomorrow Zach, my 2nd oldest Grandson turns 17. He looms large on the horizon now, not the little blonde haired boy anymore. The one with the shaven head that showed gold stubble and made his big brown eyes stare out solemnly and large. He was an angel Zach as a tiny boy and still is and always will be.
He's quiet and shy but can be fierce if he thinks something is not right. he wants to be a Policeman and that has to be the biggest irony of all time as his Dad, Simon has just once again, ad infinitum, ad nauseum just arrived from incarceration. He arrived on our doorstep 2 days after being released with a system full of ice and he tried to kick the security door in.
Christmas Eve.
Just as we were getting the excited little boys to bed, under duress of Santa's only coming to the "nice" children. They were bouncing off walls with anticipation and excitement and Simon arrived. Yvette came to get me and I wearily told her I would ring the police. ad nauseum, ad infinitum. Always at Christmas and always pumped up with substances that make him aggressive.
I told Yvette he was her problem and rang the police anyway and held the phone towards the door as Simon, ran back six feet down the path and kicked the door with his feet. Yvette held him at bay with the whole neighbourhood treated to the sound of Simon's bellows and Yvette's enraged yelling. The air turned blue and darkly violent, just what you want for little boys looking forward to Christmas.
Zach had especially looking forward to his Dad's release. he said he knew he was a drug addict but thought this time his Dad was "away" that he would turn the corner and be normal again. Simon's sister dying at 39 while he was "away". He and his Sister being close. Surely his boys and I and Yvette reasoned he would change, surely but within 12 hours of his release he was back on the "stuff"
Kyle, Zach's oldest brother had woken at 5am that day to pick up his reprobate of a father, excited his girlfriend said and happy to pick up his Dad and he came in that night, she said, and lay face down on the bed in despair and frustration. He had missed important appointments himself that day, to go and fetch his Father.
Zach stayed in his room when Simon came knocking or kicking more like it. he knows he is not allowed at the house but still he comes, no presents, no car to drive, just him and his threats. he spies me calling the Police and starts to berate me but I walk away and keep on the phone. Nowadays it is only as annoying as flicking a fly away from your face. It's something I have had to do so many times before and it's just Simon, a figure of pity and revulsion anyway.
When Zach was a little boy he called his father Simon, all the boys did and one, Brock always still refers to him that way. Zach once said that Dad fell out of the tree and was dead and then he bounced back alive again. and I had replied.
"That's your Dad, alright"
At that time Simon had disappeared, on the "gear" then and quite mad. He had arrived one morning with lemonade and ice creams for the boys breakfast and as I watched his face watching the boys eat their "crazy" breakfast I wanted to cry. It was all so sad and futile and hopeless. It still is.
I knew he loved them, I knew he wanted them but his addictions were so many and so strong. And he was a weak man against them. There is no point thinking that they shouldn't be addicts, they are addicts and they are the worst people to deal with at any stage. And we had the constant anxiety that his Sons would turn out the same, the gene passed on. The gene for alcoholism the easiest passed on gene and Simon had 2 alcoholic grandfathers, he said.
Zach's was a hard and difficult childhood and he has emerged unscathed more by his own will than anything else. When he was little he would sit in the back seat of my car and see a train and say
Bee Coming", socks were shoes and shoes were called socks. If he liked something it was "coot". He also like to tell us he was being,
"Very very quiet", like a 2 year old Elmer Fudd, without the shotgun.
He was drop dead gorgeous and melted your heart and I look at him now over six feet tall and wanting to be a Policeman and I know he will make a fine one. He is decent, well mannered, strong and polite. He cried like a baby last year when Bonnie the boys German Shepard died as did all the boys. Wiping their eyes with fury and disappearing to their rooms.
I have never seen him break down on the phone to his dad the way Kyle did at 14, yelling and crying at him, saying,
"Why can't you be different?"
I had seen Kyle cry before, twice. Once when a little bird he saved died. He tried so hard to hold it to life and it fought and fought but died anyway and his face had crumpled and he cried then. Yvette and I shocked. He was 9. And he cried, aged 5 for the dog left behind at a house his parents had. He cried out to me as his Father left the day he fed the boys icecream and lemonade,
"I can still hear her screaming and yelping Nana, under the house and he left her there, he just left her there "
He hated his Dad then. I am sure he hated his Dad too, when Simon abandoned the boys in a hot car in QLD and the Police picked them up. while Simon stood in a phone box across the Highway. Not wanting to be arrested. The Police took the boys. Yvette had Kyle with her and she put him on a bus and sent him across 3 states back to Melbourne. Kyle was 10 and had $20 on him.
Zach has been through it all and with his experience in life he will make a fine Policeman, he's seen the other side of life and understands it. It never stops them loving their father. His addiction. They do love him and pity him and are enraged by him but don't follow him down his dark path, they are too wise for that. Simon has 5 beautiful sons aged 22 down to 7, he is a complete and utter idiot as far as I am concerned and has not seen the the light yet.
He will one day and he will be clean one day and he will think
"What have I done?. What have I missed out on?"
or he will end up dead of an overdose or back in jail. He might as well be he has spent more than half his life in there.
And if that sounds harsh then I am sorry but he never seems to want to get clean for his boys and that pisses me off. I have been dealing with him since he was 13 and my daughter loved him. She was 15 and spent the next 16 years trying to sort him out, "save" him as he had good qualities as a human being and is now shambolic and a nightmare and we have all had enough. He should be in rehab not jail. he should be forced into rehab somehow and counselling.
But anyway Zach has survived his life and very well, doing well at school and having good friends and we make sure his role models are all decent men. He is one very decent person and I wish my angel boy Zachary Rhys a happy 17th birthday. May he gets lots of cash as he loves that, may his room be ever tidy and neat, the way he likes it before his brothers some along on seek and destroy missions. May he finally finish playing C.O.D. and get out and jump on the big trampoline in joy and abandon.
He has had a stable home with Yvette and his brothers for years now. he gets to watch Foxtel, he has his own computer, collects movies and files them all and he must have a bout 2 or 3 hundred. He's neat and precise and knows exactly what he wants. A career and then a wife but he said no kids for a long while, can't blame him for that. No girlfriends either yet as he feels too young. He has a car, he gets his learners tomorrow and I hope he has the best birthday ever because he damn well deserves it.
Love you Zach,
Love Nana Janette xoxo
