Being Single
Without Prejudice
They say that being single is like being very, very rich. You can do exactly as you want, eat what you want, read what you want and it is good very good, especially if you have been tied up raising a family for years.
I still don't get used to the idea, old habits die hard. I still have enough pots, cutlery to feed an army at any given moment. No point in cooking for the boys as Yvette does that. And the dog only gets fat if we both feed her. But I have all the utensils necessary if an army comes calling.
I find I can have my place anyway I want it and know coming in to it it should always comfort and welcome me. I have had a place at the back of my duaghters place for 18 months now. It means I can be single but not isolated, family is there within a step or two.
For a woman living alone it makes me feel safe to have the house in the front. I know any marauders have to get through them first to get to me and that is a big thing to feel safe. Yvette is calmer having support and knows I will be here if she wants to leave the little ones asleep and go to the bank.
In between us lies brick walls, (hers) and paths and gates and fencing. I put up the baby gates if I want to keep the dog and the little ones off my tiny verandah. I'd like to make it bigger. the unit I live in 5 metres by 8 metres.
A little jewel of a tiny home, lounge, huge bathroom and kitchen and one bedroom. I like it as the rooms close off and I can have it as big or as small as I want. As soon as I moved here I had a girlfriend keep picking at me and at me about it.
I don't know what her problem was but she kept pick. pick, picking till I snapped and that was the end of that. I don't do things to please others anyway. I do what suits me and I knew I would wither and die without kids, a family, animals around me.
I will tell you that particular friend hasn't spoken to her loved grandchildren for years, not liking the Mother of them. God, I'd crawl over broken glass for mine and I guess that's the difference between us. She likes money and prestige and I like family and kids and animals.
I have no regard to money any more, its a sinple form of exchange as my old Boss, David from Pioneer mortgages, said. You hand over money and someone hands something back to you. It depends what you think money might bring to you.
It's lovely to show the world you are a success with a fine house and a top car, we are all vain in that way. It's a lovely world, one of peace and quiet, I find. Noises hushed by luxurious carpets, cavernous rooms. Fabulous.
Money brings choices. Its an unbelievable feeling to have more than enough, bills paid, services hired, new things, everything your heart desires just to be plcked out of the ether, wishes granted. Its heady stuff and seductive.
I have been both. I have been nicely wealthy and stone cold motherless broke and down to 5 cents, literally. Lucky for me I survived both.
Finding my back against the wall and being on the floor at the same time was an incredible favour in a way as I had to keep getting up, knocked back down, back up again. A huge learning curve and through it all I became aware of what matters and what doesn't.
And how soft the underbelly of wealth is. How I had to develop thick skin and not be shy or secretive or ashamed of my poverty state but at the same time realising I had to change if I was going to survive.
My Sister Jackie is happily married, has been for 40 odd years and her hubby and her are wealthy and I can remember when she set one of her goals years ago. She said it out loud when it was unheard of to utter such things.
"I want a hundred thousand dollars in the bank", She stated.
At that time a hundred thousand in the bank was like a million now.
We all looked at her in shock.
She stated it again firmly nodding her head at the same time.
We were on holiday in Queensland, my now ex husband and our 4 girls. Jackie and Winn with their two girls. We at that time were all struggling with money. it would have been the early eighties. Things were tight, always.
Jackie went on to realise her dream and without dreams, day dreams, night dreams, we would be nothing. You have to be able to dream and that's another bonus about being single, you can think what you like, say what you like, do what you like. I used to find it hard to get used to, being single as if I still expected someone to be telling me off or picking a fight.
I wasn't used to thinking for myself or just doing what I wanted. I felt still married for about two years after our divorce I must admit. I felt guilty if I went out with another man, as if I was having an affair and was going to get in trouble. Childish I know, but it happens.
As does the toying with the idea of what life would be like if you were still married. My husband and I were not compatible, that was it. He didn't like nor understand me but he loved me. If that makes sense and I respected his hard work and self discipline and I love the fact that he was my husband and father to my children. But I didn't really LIKE him that much if that also makes sense.
I didn't admire him, had different morals and standards and thats what it comes down to in the end, respect, trust, safety. I didn't feel any of those things so it was easy for me to let go. Really easy.
It was harder for him as he was used to controlling us and he missed that control. But it did him good to not have it and I hope he has changed as a person. He hated being single and soon paired up again as I took ages. I just wanted to have fun at first.
Be free and do what I wanted and on the first day sliced a tomato they way I saw fit, without a maniac screaming in my ear that I was cutting it wrong and didn't I know that. Not a lot to miss there.
I have a wardrobe full of clothes and shoes and I can leave my bedroom messy if I want and all the clothes and shoes are my taste and not some one else's. My controlling hubby used to buy my clothes, shoes, make up, bed sheets, curtains, his style.
Some of the clothes so Motherly I would never wear them, a salmon coloured knitted set of pleated knitted wool skirt ( long ) and high neck twin set, Mary Jane shoes with medium heel. Bloody awful and I never ever wore it or the shoes. Yuk.
And as I write this my ring finger with its silver ring begins to itch as if I have to take it off. So weird. But then I can think that as I live single and there is no one to tell me off.
No voice saying get off that computer, where's my breakfast, why are you reading ?? I looked up the way he behaved just the other day and it seems it was an over extreme form of jealousy, not bearing to be able to live without the other type jealousy. Or the thought of it.
maybe he would have mellowed as he got older, stopped trying to be the ruthless Top Dog so driven he was to get to the top and found it empty and heart breaking. I only write of the bad times to exorcise them from my memory.
Of course there were great times too. Parties and Christmases, kids, family, nut job animals, nut job behaviuors as he was quite outrageous and funny in his ire against others. he could tell a good tale amd was so down to earth to be almost snake like.
He was what he was and remains a self made man. The only thing he would not listen to was my call to Family, family family. He thought he had planty of time to right all that, take us on the family picnics we all so wanted and never got. Always another job would come first, another chance to make one more dollar, to hold in his hand.
And after our daughter died he wept and wept and wept. he walked into our brand new factory in Hammond Road Dandenong and said he would give it all up if only she were still here. But it was too late, all too late.
And I despised him then, I didn't believe even his heartfelt grief I had seen too much of his crocodile tears begging me to give him 3 months, just 3 more months and then there was no more three more months.
It was then and I had overnight, in an instant become a different person and I knew as sure as I knew where my heart in my body was that I was not going one more second on the journey of life with him.
My bottom line was if I ended up a lonely old lady with a cat I'd be better of without him in my life and that is the way it became. I made sure I was neither lonely or owned a cat. I did have a cat and she was gorgeous but I had to have her put down and it killed me. I vowed then no more cats.
So being single is OK. It's not perfect by any means, like anything it has its ups and downs. There's having to always being responsible for your own needs. I want someone to fetch me asprin and lemon in hot water if I think I am dying of the flu. Someone to call and say can you pick up milk on your way home, I forgot.
A body to hug and touch and sleep with and wake up and tell them they are snoring and to shut up. But I snore anyway my kids told me. I always have a blocked nose and when I was 20 kilos heavier snored because I was fat.
I have a lover for love, love not just sex. So all in all I am pretty happy and can see this situation for what it is. Not ideal but certainly safe and fun and comfortable. Realise that true freedom is a state of mind, you can have it if you are single but you can have it as well if you are with the right person. And I need more room for my shoes, so I will have to go bigger, one day.
Love Janette
They say that being single is like being very, very rich. You can do exactly as you want, eat what you want, read what you want and it is good very good, especially if you have been tied up raising a family for years.
I still don't get used to the idea, old habits die hard. I still have enough pots, cutlery to feed an army at any given moment. No point in cooking for the boys as Yvette does that. And the dog only gets fat if we both feed her. But I have all the utensils necessary if an army comes calling.
I find I can have my place anyway I want it and know coming in to it it should always comfort and welcome me. I have had a place at the back of my duaghters place for 18 months now. It means I can be single but not isolated, family is there within a step or two.
For a woman living alone it makes me feel safe to have the house in the front. I know any marauders have to get through them first to get to me and that is a big thing to feel safe. Yvette is calmer having support and knows I will be here if she wants to leave the little ones asleep and go to the bank.
In between us lies brick walls, (hers) and paths and gates and fencing. I put up the baby gates if I want to keep the dog and the little ones off my tiny verandah. I'd like to make it bigger. the unit I live in 5 metres by 8 metres.
A little jewel of a tiny home, lounge, huge bathroom and kitchen and one bedroom. I like it as the rooms close off and I can have it as big or as small as I want. As soon as I moved here I had a girlfriend keep picking at me and at me about it.
I don't know what her problem was but she kept pick. pick, picking till I snapped and that was the end of that. I don't do things to please others anyway. I do what suits me and I knew I would wither and die without kids, a family, animals around me.
I will tell you that particular friend hasn't spoken to her loved grandchildren for years, not liking the Mother of them. God, I'd crawl over broken glass for mine and I guess that's the difference between us. She likes money and prestige and I like family and kids and animals.
I have no regard to money any more, its a sinple form of exchange as my old Boss, David from Pioneer mortgages, said. You hand over money and someone hands something back to you. It depends what you think money might bring to you.
It's lovely to show the world you are a success with a fine house and a top car, we are all vain in that way. It's a lovely world, one of peace and quiet, I find. Noises hushed by luxurious carpets, cavernous rooms. Fabulous.
Money brings choices. Its an unbelievable feeling to have more than enough, bills paid, services hired, new things, everything your heart desires just to be plcked out of the ether, wishes granted. Its heady stuff and seductive.
I have been both. I have been nicely wealthy and stone cold motherless broke and down to 5 cents, literally. Lucky for me I survived both.
Finding my back against the wall and being on the floor at the same time was an incredible favour in a way as I had to keep getting up, knocked back down, back up again. A huge learning curve and through it all I became aware of what matters and what doesn't.
And how soft the underbelly of wealth is. How I had to develop thick skin and not be shy or secretive or ashamed of my poverty state but at the same time realising I had to change if I was going to survive.
My Sister Jackie is happily married, has been for 40 odd years and her hubby and her are wealthy and I can remember when she set one of her goals years ago. She said it out loud when it was unheard of to utter such things.
"I want a hundred thousand dollars in the bank", She stated.
At that time a hundred thousand in the bank was like a million now.
We all looked at her in shock.
She stated it again firmly nodding her head at the same time.
We were on holiday in Queensland, my now ex husband and our 4 girls. Jackie and Winn with their two girls. We at that time were all struggling with money. it would have been the early eighties. Things were tight, always.
Jackie went on to realise her dream and without dreams, day dreams, night dreams, we would be nothing. You have to be able to dream and that's another bonus about being single, you can think what you like, say what you like, do what you like. I used to find it hard to get used to, being single as if I still expected someone to be telling me off or picking a fight.
I wasn't used to thinking for myself or just doing what I wanted. I felt still married for about two years after our divorce I must admit. I felt guilty if I went out with another man, as if I was having an affair and was going to get in trouble. Childish I know, but it happens.
As does the toying with the idea of what life would be like if you were still married. My husband and I were not compatible, that was it. He didn't like nor understand me but he loved me. If that makes sense and I respected his hard work and self discipline and I love the fact that he was my husband and father to my children. But I didn't really LIKE him that much if that also makes sense.
I didn't admire him, had different morals and standards and thats what it comes down to in the end, respect, trust, safety. I didn't feel any of those things so it was easy for me to let go. Really easy.
It was harder for him as he was used to controlling us and he missed that control. But it did him good to not have it and I hope he has changed as a person. He hated being single and soon paired up again as I took ages. I just wanted to have fun at first.
Be free and do what I wanted and on the first day sliced a tomato they way I saw fit, without a maniac screaming in my ear that I was cutting it wrong and didn't I know that. Not a lot to miss there.
I have a wardrobe full of clothes and shoes and I can leave my bedroom messy if I want and all the clothes and shoes are my taste and not some one else's. My controlling hubby used to buy my clothes, shoes, make up, bed sheets, curtains, his style.
Some of the clothes so Motherly I would never wear them, a salmon coloured knitted set of pleated knitted wool skirt ( long ) and high neck twin set, Mary Jane shoes with medium heel. Bloody awful and I never ever wore it or the shoes. Yuk.
And as I write this my ring finger with its silver ring begins to itch as if I have to take it off. So weird. But then I can think that as I live single and there is no one to tell me off.
No voice saying get off that computer, where's my breakfast, why are you reading ?? I looked up the way he behaved just the other day and it seems it was an over extreme form of jealousy, not bearing to be able to live without the other type jealousy. Or the thought of it.
maybe he would have mellowed as he got older, stopped trying to be the ruthless Top Dog so driven he was to get to the top and found it empty and heart breaking. I only write of the bad times to exorcise them from my memory.
Of course there were great times too. Parties and Christmases, kids, family, nut job animals, nut job behaviuors as he was quite outrageous and funny in his ire against others. he could tell a good tale amd was so down to earth to be almost snake like.
He was what he was and remains a self made man. The only thing he would not listen to was my call to Family, family family. He thought he had planty of time to right all that, take us on the family picnics we all so wanted and never got. Always another job would come first, another chance to make one more dollar, to hold in his hand.
And after our daughter died he wept and wept and wept. he walked into our brand new factory in Hammond Road Dandenong and said he would give it all up if only she were still here. But it was too late, all too late.
And I despised him then, I didn't believe even his heartfelt grief I had seen too much of his crocodile tears begging me to give him 3 months, just 3 more months and then there was no more three more months.
It was then and I had overnight, in an instant become a different person and I knew as sure as I knew where my heart in my body was that I was not going one more second on the journey of life with him.
My bottom line was if I ended up a lonely old lady with a cat I'd be better of without him in my life and that is the way it became. I made sure I was neither lonely or owned a cat. I did have a cat and she was gorgeous but I had to have her put down and it killed me. I vowed then no more cats.
So being single is OK. It's not perfect by any means, like anything it has its ups and downs. There's having to always being responsible for your own needs. I want someone to fetch me asprin and lemon in hot water if I think I am dying of the flu. Someone to call and say can you pick up milk on your way home, I forgot.
A body to hug and touch and sleep with and wake up and tell them they are snoring and to shut up. But I snore anyway my kids told me. I always have a blocked nose and when I was 20 kilos heavier snored because I was fat.
I have a lover for love, love not just sex. So all in all I am pretty happy and can see this situation for what it is. Not ideal but certainly safe and fun and comfortable. Realise that true freedom is a state of mind, you can have it if you are single but you can have it as well if you are with the right person. And I need more room for my shoes, so I will have to go bigger, one day.
Love Janette
