Dating
Without Prejudice
I am never happy, they text me too much or not enough, what the hell am I doing allowing these sorts of thoughts cross my mind again for???
Because of my girls, of course, they want me to be "Settled", one of them stating they didn't want to be left with an elderly Mother to look after. And I laughed, Saying
"I'm in my 50's, duffer, not in my 90's.
Remembering my Auntie Betty 90, now, with her dear sweet little Albert, her "beau", who rang her endlessly when she was here in Australia last time. And when she went home to Wakefield, Yorks, Albert who was 85 had run off with another woman of 82, who according to my very proper genteel Auntie,
"Gave out"
So I said how come you didn't ?
And she said and I quote,
"I had it once and I didn't like it "
And I remember how the old dears I cared for myself. No matter how long they had been married nor how happily all stated firmly they would never have another man in their lives, permanently.
Apparently the big secret, is no matter how old,
"Girls just want to have fun"
Ha ha, they are so sweet the old women and so determined to live their own lives. They do exactly what they like and often know, their families want them to "pop off".
I know the way my girls care for their children and pets so if I become senile, blind, incontinent (Maybe Not) they will care for me. Otherwise I have made an agreement with one of them , to push me off the end of a pier, strapped to a wheelchair, fearing death, not at all.
So I can go out dating with a clear mind and heart and a certain sort of disdainfulness and I have and I hate it. It bores me, to hear their tales of woe and that it was not their fault and I have to say out loud.
"How about we forget both our unhappy pasts and just start from here ? "
But they don't. they don't.
I hate conversations about other females any way, I am a feminist of the Germaine Greer variety. I didn't admire or like the woman personally but she certainly brought up a lot of issues that at that time were long overdue to be aired.
Women's Rights. And I am a great believer in them. I believe in all peoples rights, except for Psycho or Sociopaths who don't care about anyone, except themselves.
But we live in a world still run by men's rules and it is up to us as women to make it equal and fair. And we are often our own worst enemies, bitch fighting, instead of getting on with the job.
So I come to dating from that sort of background and I soon weed out the pretenders. And decide to be myself and they can like it or lump it as I have nothing to lose.
There is now one persistent one who has climbed through my trap of hurt coated barbed wire. We will see, I've already ticked him off and he still came back, so he can't be too scared.
Silly man, what can he offer me except more complications? Me, who has to contend with and keep stable a daughter who wants to jump off a bridge at any given moment.
And if I do meet someone, will she greet them with a "Fuck Off, Loser"???
That's Yvette, it takes a strong personality to get through her long line of defence too. At the moment she's peed off with her BF who lives with his Mum. he seems to have reverted back to being a child and she's not happy.
So she will ignore and want to beat the shit out of his sorry ass at the same time, and I said, it's not her choice. he chooses, not her and she can only change her reaction to it.
Suck it up and ignore or tackle it head on. She's tried the head on approach, the ignoring part and now she's given up. And has gone Christmas Shopping for her boys and herself instead and that's better than wallowing in self pity.
So Back to dating, keep veering off the subject don't I?? (Tell you anything ?")
I am terrified of that whole hoping thing, hoping they ring, hoping they don't. Being too busy for anyone sensitive as I can't stand people hanging off me. And will say so.
I guess it's me, I am far too good for them I think. wrongly, but women always marry beneath them, so he will not be as brainy as me or as moral or sensitive, so he has to have other things. Nev had the intellect and the sweetness and loyalty, Bob had the drive and self discipline and sired my kids.
Both of them could make me laugh, uproariously and make me cry at the gates of despair and I don't want that anymore. I am the first to say I don't pick the right ones.
But deep in my heart I know I was always going to be with them for the short term, not the long. And to do without them in my lives I had to become so self sufficient it wasn't funny.
So I decided I needed a family to be around, Tick, got it. Don't need the pain of lonely and desperate for company.
I had to have affordable rent as the money wasted on rent is a nightmare in this country and the house whatever had to be mine. Tick, I got it.
So were the bills and debt, gone and cut to basic minimum, and it's good to do that anyway in this age of recycling and going back to basics.
I have two BFF's who can take economy with money to a whole new level. Both married and well off, but tight!
So my unit is mine for life, and costs minimum rent and I help Yvette to be stable and happy so she can run her big family well, which she does, as long as she is stable and happy. Its like a big circle that goes around and around.
And not much happens until we step out and make it happen. So hmm still not talking about the dating am I ???
Alright, they are dull! Dull! and I know from older sisters and younger and friends and family they are all the same. Women far more interesting, that's why we "hang together", after all sex for most men only lasts 2 minutes, so we have plenty of time on our hands.
We spend it talking about relationships, bargains, clothes, weight, clothes, shoes, clothes, diet, body issues, food declined and clothes. So what on earth do we have in common with the enemy, men ?
I like a man to kiss and hug and make happy, I could no more kiss a woman than walk Burke Street cold stark naked. I like to cook for a man, I like to swim with a man, reminding me of my favourite pursuit. I like to fight with him and tell him how can he not remember birthdays and anniversaries.
He has to challenge me mentally or I am going to cream him and he will hate that. And I have to allow all my outer shell of hurt and pain and desire to be chipped away at. And I am in a good place at the moment.
My Doctor saying all this writing has been excellent for my psyche and helped me to heal from the dramas of the past. I have 4000 people reading them and that thrills me like nothing else.
And I am so skinny now, I am 64 kilos and have all this excess energy and excess skin, but big deal. I can cover it. I was accused of taking Jai's ADHD meds, going through peoples cupboards for food as I wouldn't buy any.
The list went on and really it was everything coming together, Mandy died, obese and diabetic, struggling to breathe at 39, The old Family Dog died and I ended 2 BF with No benefits situations, one of them moving on and not telling me and I went ape shit.
So I gave it all up to the Wisdom of the Universe and the weight started coming off and it was never easy. I had to go to bed early hungry and Yvette told me to push through the starving, starving feeling'
I did and I kep my frideg full of fruit and vegies and a little protein and hardly any carbs.
My favourite dish pasta with tomato based sauce I had made my self. Fresh and tinned diced tomatoes, lots of garlic and onion and, a bit of lean bacon, smoked salmon or Prosciutto, some cinnamon and parsley and chili.
I'd cook one batch and divide it into 3 portions, adding a little parmesan when cooked, Hearty soups were good too and I could refuse the roll. And lots of vegies, mountains of salad with a tin of salmon or tuna, lucky I love fish.
And apart from the writing barely sitting down, keep moving, Yvette told me. so I did. I started meditating early in the morning and once again at night.
I started dancing for an hour a day as I love to dance and jumping and running on the mini trampoline, seeing it as a race for health, not for vanity.
And now I have lost it, the 20 kilos that have plagued me for years. I remember my Doctor telling me 2 years ago I had to lose it, had to.
But still I wasn't listening, until Camp Eden, Mandy dying so shockingly soon and "Giving Up" to the Higher Power, and saying I can't do this on my own.
And I always knew losing weight would attract men after being so invisible for years and I had to be mentally prepared for that. And by writing out my past, my failures, takling ownership of problems and realising it was half my fault and sucking it up.
That was incredibly hard, as I just like most human beings wanted it to be some one elses fault, so I could rail against the fates without putting my own stupidity or envy or jealousy in the way.
And I had to change. Human beings only changing when it becomes too hard or uncomfortable to stay where they are. So I started with Yvette, telling her to step up to responsibilty more and she did.
I left the boys alone and stopped trying to control them and I took a back seat, the boys Yvette's responsibity after all. I am just the Manager, who does the paperwork and the emails and the costings.
All the rest I leave to her. I had to have a source of creativity for my busy brain, so it was start writing or be bored. And do soem Ebay for quick income and cut everything else back to the bone. Yvette is also a great money Manager and takes saving money as the biggest challenge ever.
So I realise I don't NEED a man but at times I might WANT one, there is a vast difference between the two
He would have to be very strong.
Love Janette
I am never happy, they text me too much or not enough, what the hell am I doing allowing these sorts of thoughts cross my mind again for???
Because of my girls, of course, they want me to be "Settled", one of them stating they didn't want to be left with an elderly Mother to look after. And I laughed, Saying
"I'm in my 50's, duffer, not in my 90's.
Remembering my Auntie Betty 90, now, with her dear sweet little Albert, her "beau", who rang her endlessly when she was here in Australia last time. And when she went home to Wakefield, Yorks, Albert who was 85 had run off with another woman of 82, who according to my very proper genteel Auntie,
"Gave out"
So I said how come you didn't ?
And she said and I quote,
"I had it once and I didn't like it "
And I remember how the old dears I cared for myself. No matter how long they had been married nor how happily all stated firmly they would never have another man in their lives, permanently.
Apparently the big secret, is no matter how old,
"Girls just want to have fun"
Ha ha, they are so sweet the old women and so determined to live their own lives. They do exactly what they like and often know, their families want them to "pop off".
I know the way my girls care for their children and pets so if I become senile, blind, incontinent (Maybe Not) they will care for me. Otherwise I have made an agreement with one of them , to push me off the end of a pier, strapped to a wheelchair, fearing death, not at all.
So I can go out dating with a clear mind and heart and a certain sort of disdainfulness and I have and I hate it. It bores me, to hear their tales of woe and that it was not their fault and I have to say out loud.
"How about we forget both our unhappy pasts and just start from here ? "
But they don't. they don't.
I hate conversations about other females any way, I am a feminist of the Germaine Greer variety. I didn't admire or like the woman personally but she certainly brought up a lot of issues that at that time were long overdue to be aired.
Women's Rights. And I am a great believer in them. I believe in all peoples rights, except for Psycho or Sociopaths who don't care about anyone, except themselves.
But we live in a world still run by men's rules and it is up to us as women to make it equal and fair. And we are often our own worst enemies, bitch fighting, instead of getting on with the job.
So I come to dating from that sort of background and I soon weed out the pretenders. And decide to be myself and they can like it or lump it as I have nothing to lose.
There is now one persistent one who has climbed through my trap of hurt coated barbed wire. We will see, I've already ticked him off and he still came back, so he can't be too scared.
Silly man, what can he offer me except more complications? Me, who has to contend with and keep stable a daughter who wants to jump off a bridge at any given moment.
And if I do meet someone, will she greet them with a "Fuck Off, Loser"???
That's Yvette, it takes a strong personality to get through her long line of defence too. At the moment she's peed off with her BF who lives with his Mum. he seems to have reverted back to being a child and she's not happy.
So she will ignore and want to beat the shit out of his sorry ass at the same time, and I said, it's not her choice. he chooses, not her and she can only change her reaction to it.
Suck it up and ignore or tackle it head on. She's tried the head on approach, the ignoring part and now she's given up. And has gone Christmas Shopping for her boys and herself instead and that's better than wallowing in self pity.
So Back to dating, keep veering off the subject don't I?? (Tell you anything ?")
I am terrified of that whole hoping thing, hoping they ring, hoping they don't. Being too busy for anyone sensitive as I can't stand people hanging off me. And will say so.
I guess it's me, I am far too good for them I think. wrongly, but women always marry beneath them, so he will not be as brainy as me or as moral or sensitive, so he has to have other things. Nev had the intellect and the sweetness and loyalty, Bob had the drive and self discipline and sired my kids.
Both of them could make me laugh, uproariously and make me cry at the gates of despair and I don't want that anymore. I am the first to say I don't pick the right ones.
But deep in my heart I know I was always going to be with them for the short term, not the long. And to do without them in my lives I had to become so self sufficient it wasn't funny.
So I decided I needed a family to be around, Tick, got it. Don't need the pain of lonely and desperate for company.
I had to have affordable rent as the money wasted on rent is a nightmare in this country and the house whatever had to be mine. Tick, I got it.
So were the bills and debt, gone and cut to basic minimum, and it's good to do that anyway in this age of recycling and going back to basics.
I have two BFF's who can take economy with money to a whole new level. Both married and well off, but tight!
So my unit is mine for life, and costs minimum rent and I help Yvette to be stable and happy so she can run her big family well, which she does, as long as she is stable and happy. Its like a big circle that goes around and around.
And not much happens until we step out and make it happen. So hmm still not talking about the dating am I ???
Alright, they are dull! Dull! and I know from older sisters and younger and friends and family they are all the same. Women far more interesting, that's why we "hang together", after all sex for most men only lasts 2 minutes, so we have plenty of time on our hands.
We spend it talking about relationships, bargains, clothes, weight, clothes, shoes, clothes, diet, body issues, food declined and clothes. So what on earth do we have in common with the enemy, men ?
I like a man to kiss and hug and make happy, I could no more kiss a woman than walk Burke Street cold stark naked. I like to cook for a man, I like to swim with a man, reminding me of my favourite pursuit. I like to fight with him and tell him how can he not remember birthdays and anniversaries.
He has to challenge me mentally or I am going to cream him and he will hate that. And I have to allow all my outer shell of hurt and pain and desire to be chipped away at. And I am in a good place at the moment.
My Doctor saying all this writing has been excellent for my psyche and helped me to heal from the dramas of the past. I have 4000 people reading them and that thrills me like nothing else.
And I am so skinny now, I am 64 kilos and have all this excess energy and excess skin, but big deal. I can cover it. I was accused of taking Jai's ADHD meds, going through peoples cupboards for food as I wouldn't buy any.
The list went on and really it was everything coming together, Mandy died, obese and diabetic, struggling to breathe at 39, The old Family Dog died and I ended 2 BF with No benefits situations, one of them moving on and not telling me and I went ape shit.
So I gave it all up to the Wisdom of the Universe and the weight started coming off and it was never easy. I had to go to bed early hungry and Yvette told me to push through the starving, starving feeling'
I did and I kep my frideg full of fruit and vegies and a little protein and hardly any carbs.
My favourite dish pasta with tomato based sauce I had made my self. Fresh and tinned diced tomatoes, lots of garlic and onion and, a bit of lean bacon, smoked salmon or Prosciutto, some cinnamon and parsley and chili.
I'd cook one batch and divide it into 3 portions, adding a little parmesan when cooked, Hearty soups were good too and I could refuse the roll. And lots of vegies, mountains of salad with a tin of salmon or tuna, lucky I love fish.
And apart from the writing barely sitting down, keep moving, Yvette told me. so I did. I started meditating early in the morning and once again at night.
I started dancing for an hour a day as I love to dance and jumping and running on the mini trampoline, seeing it as a race for health, not for vanity.
And now I have lost it, the 20 kilos that have plagued me for years. I remember my Doctor telling me 2 years ago I had to lose it, had to.
But still I wasn't listening, until Camp Eden, Mandy dying so shockingly soon and "Giving Up" to the Higher Power, and saying I can't do this on my own.
And I always knew losing weight would attract men after being so invisible for years and I had to be mentally prepared for that. And by writing out my past, my failures, takling ownership of problems and realising it was half my fault and sucking it up.
That was incredibly hard, as I just like most human beings wanted it to be some one elses fault, so I could rail against the fates without putting my own stupidity or envy or jealousy in the way.
And I had to change. Human beings only changing when it becomes too hard or uncomfortable to stay where they are. So I started with Yvette, telling her to step up to responsibilty more and she did.
I left the boys alone and stopped trying to control them and I took a back seat, the boys Yvette's responsibity after all. I am just the Manager, who does the paperwork and the emails and the costings.
All the rest I leave to her. I had to have a source of creativity for my busy brain, so it was start writing or be bored. And do soem Ebay for quick income and cut everything else back to the bone. Yvette is also a great money Manager and takes saving money as the biggest challenge ever.
So I realise I don't NEED a man but at times I might WANT one, there is a vast difference between the two
He would have to be very strong.
Love Janette
