Simon
Without Prejudice
He remains a nice guy, Simon, a nice man with horrible addictions which have not allowed him to live a normal life, ever. Maybe when he was a smiling tap dancing little boy dressed in Tux and bow tie.
Or when he joined Keysborough Football Club and won all those trophies his boys proudly display in their rooms.
But by the time we as a family met him , he was drinking Jim Beam and was 13, a major rebel at school, always in detention and that's where my daughter met him, two rebels together. She fancied him in a friend way at first, funny, talkative, a rebel laughing at Rules and Regulations and now I hear that in this period of incarceration he has depression.
He's getting treatment for it and I hope he hoovers it all up. he has been incarcerated since he was 17, on and off. He has tried rehab, withdrawal, cold turkey and every other method of getting off drugs. The new drug a few years ago supposed to be a miracle cure and causing blinding headaches and nausea.
Methadone was the best but a pain to get administered, not enough to get you high, just enough to get you over the hump of major withdrawal, he was on it for years and stayed out. But was still a pain in the arse, us having to worry about overdoses or back sliding.
Hope he gets the help he needs this time as his Sister died about 2 months ago and he so loved her. They were close and he hasn't dealt with her death yet, preferring to let it hit him when he gets out this time. It will take a lot but I think he can do it.
I think he has just been allowed to get away with it all these years and it's selfish of him to stay addicted. He has missed out on nearly all of his children's lives and unless he starts to realise some sort of remorse he will fall down again.
A human being does not change until it becomes too uncomfortable to stay as you are. He made some good progress last time and it will be a matter of wait and see this time. He has persuaded a few of the boys want to go live with him, but he knows, we know and the boys know it's a matter of wait and see.
See if the first thing he does when he gets out is to go looking for drugs and then our whole lives go to shit for a while which is a pain. An addict affecting 45 people directly around him and that figure could go higher. The addict has to want to give up, that's the first step. And if he has had the same nudgings in jail. which I should imagine he has he has to be so fed up with his addiction that he is ready.
Be bored with it, hating and loathing is not enough, it takes commitment and a certain level of maturity and it remains to be seen whether he can get there, past history would tell us otherwise. But Mandy's death will shock him when he starts to process it, she only 39 and they being "Best Buds" since tiny children.
It may not hit him at first, but it will if he remains clean and that may be the "bottoming out" he needs. He can't come back except from rock bottom. He has managed to give up cigarettes while out and has taken them back up inside. But once out he will give them up again, ever noticed how many ex addicts, smoke ?
It's the old replacing one addiction with another. Addiction remains, ready to pounce in a weak moment. He has seemingly never been able to deal with real life stress and has high anxiety. So turning to the can or bottle, gambling, speed, ice, Valium, pills, from say Heroin, is a crutch at first, a temporary one as they have to have something.
Or expert counselling and constant vigilance, which is a pain, and Simon is now single. We don't want the boys to become his "caretakers", although Zach said he is strong enough but we could not risk him in that situation. Not fearing Simon it's the people he manages to attract.
He feels a "Big Guy", if he is caught up in something secretive and ends up getting him in a mess and it's sometimes up to us to rescue him and that' is also a pain. It's about time he realised how much of his son's lives he is missing for his own selfish reasons. Junkies are notoriously selfish and seem like they never want to help themselves.
They don't realise how boring and insane they are, and should be forced into rehab and not allowed out for at least 12 months. At least they would have to confront themselves. It takes the body and mind 25 days to break a habit. It's having to live in the world that smokes or drinks and being comfortable enough to say no.
Those times will always come and you are better facing them head on. Although I hated to go to smokers houses when I was giving up, not because I cared about them smoking, I didn't. It was the thought I might be tempted that made me avoid those situations for a few months.
I felt raw and vulnerable for about a month, even with patches. But I knew I would make it, somehow, just made up my mind, I guess. Same with food now. I still love chocolate and pizza and takeaway but I don't like what it does to my body, so I now know I can say no.
And that's what it is all about, Betty Ford was right, just say NO, everytime I find I want something unhealthy I write, exercise, talk to someone because I emotionally eat. When my anxiety is high or I am feeling really stressed, (Not so often, these days ) I eat, or ate, finding others ways around stress these days.
I am a different person, I look different and I act different and I take more risks and have more fun as I am proud of giving up smoking and now too much food. Two addictions that affected my body and after Mandy died at 39, Diabetic, so suddenly and shockingly and straight away our much loved old Dog, we all went in to meltdown and me more than most.
I had Yvette's grief to contend with, as when she falls down, which is rare, I have to step in with the boys and she was hugely shocked by both tragedies. Boonie, her dog from a pup, a runt who had grown into her best friend and The Boys loving playmate and companion.
Mandy she had been a young teenage Mum with, sharing a flat with her for a while when their babies were born. Yvette was beside herself with grief and that impacted on the boys and me, but we were united in our grief and had each other for support.
I was already reeling from Camp Eden, an intense emotional experience, not unlike brain washing, my Doctor said, but it had worked on me and all for the better, luckily. Not that Camp Eden was "brain washing" but that some of the "live again" courses can be really intense for the vulnerable.
I took in what I wanted which was a lot, health, exercise, eating holistically, being aware of health risks, some as simple as not using chemicals in your home or on your skin. And I waited for all that lardy fat to come off as soon as I arrived home but it didn't. It just stayed around for a while.
And I started the writing of my autobiography in story form as I could only deal with one at a time. And the anger had to come out first and the rage of Lauren's death and I had put it off forever. Knowing it would be difficult to write, painful and it was, but then it started to lift me instead of weighing me down.
I had to get over the feeling of no justice and move on. If there had been justice she wouldn't have died, but she had and I had to deal with it. Manage it, put a border around it, shut it away in a box, put a lid on it. And I can, and am only vulnerable around the Anniversary now.
I have enjoyed Christmas in the last few years and birthdays and holidays. Putting the burden down longer and longer now, not feeling guilty if I do. I also have to live and be happy and the delightful knowledge that she wants me to be happy.
And although I will always be different to the person I was before, the fundamentals are still there and for that I am truly grateful.
Love Janette
These are your five Sons Simon, the ones that love you
He remains a nice guy, Simon, a nice man with horrible addictions which have not allowed him to live a normal life, ever. Maybe when he was a smiling tap dancing little boy dressed in Tux and bow tie.
Or when he joined Keysborough Football Club and won all those trophies his boys proudly display in their rooms.
But by the time we as a family met him , he was drinking Jim Beam and was 13, a major rebel at school, always in detention and that's where my daughter met him, two rebels together. She fancied him in a friend way at first, funny, talkative, a rebel laughing at Rules and Regulations and now I hear that in this period of incarceration he has depression.
He's getting treatment for it and I hope he hoovers it all up. he has been incarcerated since he was 17, on and off. He has tried rehab, withdrawal, cold turkey and every other method of getting off drugs. The new drug a few years ago supposed to be a miracle cure and causing blinding headaches and nausea.
Methadone was the best but a pain to get administered, not enough to get you high, just enough to get you over the hump of major withdrawal, he was on it for years and stayed out. But was still a pain in the arse, us having to worry about overdoses or back sliding.
Hope he gets the help he needs this time as his Sister died about 2 months ago and he so loved her. They were close and he hasn't dealt with her death yet, preferring to let it hit him when he gets out this time. It will take a lot but I think he can do it.
I think he has just been allowed to get away with it all these years and it's selfish of him to stay addicted. He has missed out on nearly all of his children's lives and unless he starts to realise some sort of remorse he will fall down again.
A human being does not change until it becomes too uncomfortable to stay as you are. He made some good progress last time and it will be a matter of wait and see this time. He has persuaded a few of the boys want to go live with him, but he knows, we know and the boys know it's a matter of wait and see.
See if the first thing he does when he gets out is to go looking for drugs and then our whole lives go to shit for a while which is a pain. An addict affecting 45 people directly around him and that figure could go higher. The addict has to want to give up, that's the first step. And if he has had the same nudgings in jail. which I should imagine he has he has to be so fed up with his addiction that he is ready.
Be bored with it, hating and loathing is not enough, it takes commitment and a certain level of maturity and it remains to be seen whether he can get there, past history would tell us otherwise. But Mandy's death will shock him when he starts to process it, she only 39 and they being "Best Buds" since tiny children.
It may not hit him at first, but it will if he remains clean and that may be the "bottoming out" he needs. He can't come back except from rock bottom. He has managed to give up cigarettes while out and has taken them back up inside. But once out he will give them up again, ever noticed how many ex addicts, smoke ?
It's the old replacing one addiction with another. Addiction remains, ready to pounce in a weak moment. He has seemingly never been able to deal with real life stress and has high anxiety. So turning to the can or bottle, gambling, speed, ice, Valium, pills, from say Heroin, is a crutch at first, a temporary one as they have to have something.
Or expert counselling and constant vigilance, which is a pain, and Simon is now single. We don't want the boys to become his "caretakers", although Zach said he is strong enough but we could not risk him in that situation. Not fearing Simon it's the people he manages to attract.
He feels a "Big Guy", if he is caught up in something secretive and ends up getting him in a mess and it's sometimes up to us to rescue him and that' is also a pain. It's about time he realised how much of his son's lives he is missing for his own selfish reasons. Junkies are notoriously selfish and seem like they never want to help themselves.
They don't realise how boring and insane they are, and should be forced into rehab and not allowed out for at least 12 months. At least they would have to confront themselves. It takes the body and mind 25 days to break a habit. It's having to live in the world that smokes or drinks and being comfortable enough to say no.
Those times will always come and you are better facing them head on. Although I hated to go to smokers houses when I was giving up, not because I cared about them smoking, I didn't. It was the thought I might be tempted that made me avoid those situations for a few months.
I felt raw and vulnerable for about a month, even with patches. But I knew I would make it, somehow, just made up my mind, I guess. Same with food now. I still love chocolate and pizza and takeaway but I don't like what it does to my body, so I now know I can say no.
And that's what it is all about, Betty Ford was right, just say NO, everytime I find I want something unhealthy I write, exercise, talk to someone because I emotionally eat. When my anxiety is high or I am feeling really stressed, (Not so often, these days ) I eat, or ate, finding others ways around stress these days.
I am a different person, I look different and I act different and I take more risks and have more fun as I am proud of giving up smoking and now too much food. Two addictions that affected my body and after Mandy died at 39, Diabetic, so suddenly and shockingly and straight away our much loved old Dog, we all went in to meltdown and me more than most.
I had Yvette's grief to contend with, as when she falls down, which is rare, I have to step in with the boys and she was hugely shocked by both tragedies. Boonie, her dog from a pup, a runt who had grown into her best friend and The Boys loving playmate and companion.
Mandy she had been a young teenage Mum with, sharing a flat with her for a while when their babies were born. Yvette was beside herself with grief and that impacted on the boys and me, but we were united in our grief and had each other for support.
I was already reeling from Camp Eden, an intense emotional experience, not unlike brain washing, my Doctor said, but it had worked on me and all for the better, luckily. Not that Camp Eden was "brain washing" but that some of the "live again" courses can be really intense for the vulnerable.
I took in what I wanted which was a lot, health, exercise, eating holistically, being aware of health risks, some as simple as not using chemicals in your home or on your skin. And I waited for all that lardy fat to come off as soon as I arrived home but it didn't. It just stayed around for a while.
And I started the writing of my autobiography in story form as I could only deal with one at a time. And the anger had to come out first and the rage of Lauren's death and I had put it off forever. Knowing it would be difficult to write, painful and it was, but then it started to lift me instead of weighing me down.
I had to get over the feeling of no justice and move on. If there had been justice she wouldn't have died, but she had and I had to deal with it. Manage it, put a border around it, shut it away in a box, put a lid on it. And I can, and am only vulnerable around the Anniversary now.
I have enjoyed Christmas in the last few years and birthdays and holidays. Putting the burden down longer and longer now, not feeling guilty if I do. I also have to live and be happy and the delightful knowledge that she wants me to be happy.
And although I will always be different to the person I was before, the fundamentals are still there and for that I am truly grateful.
Love Janette
