Liking Yourself---Teen Girls
Without Prejudice
From Wiki How
From Wiki How
How to Be Comfortable in Your Own Skin
Do you feel uncomfortable whenever you walk into a room? Do you tend to hang back, stay quiet, and try not to put yourself out there? If you do, then don’t worry – plenty of people don’t feel comfortable in their own skins. But that can stop today. You have to realize that you do have a lot to offer, and you have to start putting yourself out there if you want to see results. So how do you feel comfortable in your own skin? Just follow along to find out.
Part One: Changing Your Perspective
- 1Think positively. You may think that some people are just naturally more positive than others. That’s not necessarily wrong, but don’t let lazy thinking keep you from making a decision to be more positive. If you want to feel comfortable in your own skin, then you have to start thinking about the best thing that can happen to you instead of always expecting the worst. Any time you catch yourself thinking negatively, fight your negative thoughts with at least two or three positive ones. Make an effort to rationalize your negative thoughts away and to expect good things to happen to you; the more you expect good things to happen, the more they will.
- Let’s say you’re going to a party where you won’t know a lot of people. If you catch yourself thinking, “I’m probably going to spent all my time hanging out alone by the pita and hummus,” you should fight off that negative feeling. Instead tell yourself, “Maybe I’ll make a new friend tonight,” or “I’ll have a great time catching up with the few people I know.”
- Negative thinking keeps us from embracing new opportunities and putting ourselves out there. Sure, not everything you do will turn out for the best, but the more you try, the more you’ll gain. Remember that half of your success will come from just showing up.
- Let’s say you’re going to a party where you won’t know a lot of people. If you catch yourself thinking, “I’m probably going to spent all my time hanging out alone by the pita and hummus,” you should fight off that negative feeling. Instead tell yourself, “Maybe I’ll make a new friend tonight,” or “I’ll have a great time catching up with the few people I know.”
- 2Stop banking on compliments. You may suddenly feel great about yourself when someone tells you that you look amazing, or when a friend compliments an aspect of your personality. But the compliments will come and the compliments will go, and at the end of the day, your self-worth shouldn’t depend on what other people say about you, whether it’s good or bad. A compliment can make you feel better, of course, but you should never depend on them. Get used to complimenting yourself instead.
- There’s nothing wrong with feeling a little burst of happiness after a compliment, but you just can’t let them define you.
- Instead, work on giving other people compliments when it feels right. Feel good about making other people feel good.
- There’s nothing wrong with feeling a little burst of happiness after a compliment, but you just can’t let them define you.
- 3Develop your confidence. Being confident is the key to feeling comfortable in your own skin, and it’s obviously easier said than done. Confidence comes from within, and developing your confidence means feeling good about who you are, where you are, and what you have to bring to the table. If you can’t stand what you see in the mirror and feel like you have nothing to contribute to a conversation, then you can’t move forward. Work on finding at least a few things that you love about yourself, and with being happy with how you look instead of getting lost in self-consciousness.
- Developing confidence takes a lifetime. But you can’t start until you make a commitment to start changing the way you feel about yourself.
- The next time you’re hanging out with other people, stop obsessing about how you look or sound and enjoy the moment of the conversation. This is the first step to making your doubts disappear.
- Developing confidence takes a lifetime. But you can’t start until you make a commitment to start changing the way you feel about yourself.
- 4Get comfortable with your flaws. Nobody’s perfect, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you can learn to love yourself and change the way you feel. Figure out what your flaws are – maybe you have really stringy hair, maybe you think you’re too tall, or maybe you just tend to be a little socially awkward. Whatever your flaws are, write them down and get comfy with them. Don’t deny that there are things about yourself that aren’t ideal.
- The next step will be working on changing the things you can change and accepting the things you can’t.
- Look around you. How many people do you know who are truly perfect? Chances are, the answer is zero. And if you really think someone you know is perfect, then you probably just don’t know that person well enough.
- The next step will be working on changing the things you can change and accepting the things you can’t.
- 5Remember that it only matters if you think you’re beautiful. It’s great if your boyfriend, best friends, and everyone around you thinks you’re beautiful, but that doesn’t matter one bit if you’re convinced that you’re ugly. Even a supermodel can feel completely insecure and inadequate, and what you think on the inside is much more important than how people view you on the outside. Know that the first step to feeling beautiful is really thinking that you are beautiful, flaws and all. If other people agree, then great, but in the end, it really makes no difference.
- Stop staring at yourself in the mirror, bemoaning all of your imperfections. Instead, look in the mirror and think, “Wow, my hair looks great today!” Or, “My eyes look pretty in this light.” But best of all, stop wasting so much time looking in the mirror.
- If you start to think you’re beautiful, people will be able to sense that. And guess what? That will make you even more beautiful.
- Stop staring at yourself in the mirror, bemoaning all of your imperfections. Instead, look in the mirror and think, “Wow, my hair looks great today!” Or, “My eyes look pretty in this light.” But best of all, stop wasting so much time looking in the mirror.
- 6Honor your strengths. Don’t say that there’s nothing good about you—that’s impossible. There must be at least a few things you love about yourself, from your great laugh to your ability to be a great friend and an amazing listener. Don’t let those things be ignored. If you love your laugh, laugh as much as you can; if you know you’re a great friend, spend time with your close friends instead of holing up on your own. Make sure you have a chance to let your strengths shine.
- The more time you spend on showing off your strengths, the better you’ll feel about yourself. And really, you don’t have to think of it as showing off – you’re just putting your best self forward.
- The more time you spend on showing off your strengths, the better you’ll feel about yourself. And really, you don’t have to think of it as showing off – you’re just putting your best self forward.
- 7Meditate. Meditating can help you feel more comfortable in your own skin because it will help you feel attuned to your body and your breath. Take 10-15 minutes a day to sit down in a comfortable place, and work on relaxing every part of your body one at a time. Focus on the sound and feeling of your breath rising in and out of your body and let all of the noise and worries of the day melt away. This will help you feel more calm and more comfortable with who you are, and will help you get rid of all of those distractions that can crowd your days.
- Make a habit of meditating at least once or twice a day and you’ll quickly be able to see what a big difference it makes.
- If mediation works for you, you can also try yoga. Yoga also lets you focus on your mind and body and adds movement to your thinking.
- Make a habit of meditating at least once or twice a day and you’ll quickly be able to see what a big difference it makes.
Part Two: Embracing Yourself
- 1Learn to love yourself. Truly loving yourself can take a lifetime, so why not start today? Be comfortable with the way you look, smell, sound, act, and react to situations. Work on finding a happiness from within and letting it radiate out. If you don’t love yourself, then it won’t matter how many other people do. It’s just like thinking that you’re beautiful – you have to feel it first before it matters if anyone else does. Give yourself enough “me time” to learn to really love the person you are, to do the things that matter to you, and to quiet your mind so you can focus on what’s right in front of you.
- If you’re feeling really overwhelmed by the world, give yourself a day of silence to avoid television, the Internet, your phone, or any other distractions. Focus on just inhabiting your own mind and body.
- Keep a journal. Keep track of your progress and be honest about any disappointments you’re facing.
- If you’re feeling really overwhelmed by the world, give yourself a day of silence to avoid television, the Internet, your phone, or any other distractions. Focus on just inhabiting your own mind and body.
- 2Embrace your quirks. Quirks are what make us stand out and they should not be treated as flaws. So maybe you have incredibly curly hair. Maybe you grew up in an unusual family with seven siblings. Maybe you’re obsessed with foreign languages or bird watching. Should you keep these things hidden? Absolutely not. Love the things that make you different and stop trying to fit in. Tell people about your quirky upbringing with pride, show off those tight curls instead of spending hours fighting a losing battle with a hair straightener, and let people see your passion for your hobbies.[1]
- Okay, so if you know that one of your interests is a little unusual – an obsession with spiders, or your love for yodeling – then you don’t have to bring it up the second you meet someone new. But once you’re comfortable with a person, don’t be afraid to share the things you love.
- Embracing your quirks will help you love yourself and feel comfortable in your own skin. If you try to hide your quirks, then you’ll end up feeling ashamed of who you really are.
- Okay, so if you know that one of your interests is a little unusual – an obsession with spiders, or your love for yodeling – then you don’t have to bring it up the second you meet someone new. But once you’re comfortable with a person, don’t be afraid to share the things you love.
- 3Take responsibility for your life. This will help you embrace who you really are. Sure, some people are more lucky than others, but if you want to feel comfortable in your own skin, then you can’t use your looks, your upbringing, your relationships, or your past experiences as an excuse for failure. You failed that math test because you didn’t study, not because you’re not smart; you were a bad girlfriend because you got lazy, not because your parents didn’t pay enough attention to you. The sooner you own up to your problems, the sooner you can cease control and start changing things for the better.[2]
- The next time you catch yourself making an excuse for something that happened, ask yourself what the real source was. Was it laziness, just an honest mistake, or a negative attitude?
- The next time you catch yourself making an excuse for something that happened, ask yourself what the real source was. Was it laziness, just an honest mistake, or a negative attitude?
- 4Dance. Dancing can help you take possession of your body, let loose, and feel comfortable with who you are. You don’t need to have great rhythm to look and feel great on the dance floor – all you need is a bit of confidence and the determination to have a great time. You can dance with your girlfriends, or even sign up for a salsa, hip hop, or modern dance class by yourself or with a friend.
- Feeling uncomfortable with your belly? Take a belly dancing class. Nothing will make you feel more comfortable with your body faster.
- Feeling uncomfortable with your belly? Take a belly dancing class. Nothing will make you feel more comfortable with your body faster.
- 5Take care of your body. Make sure to get at least 7-8 hours of sleep, to shower daily, and to pay attention to hygiene. You may not feel comfortable in your own skin because you’re always feeling tired or unhappy with the way you feel. Taking the time to maintain your health can help you fix that. Take long baths. Pamper yourself. Make sure to eat three balanced meals a day. All of this will make you feel happier to be who you are, and happier about sharing that with the world.
- You won’t be comfortable in your own skin if you only shower every three days. Feeling clean can help you feel comfortable.
- Taking care of your body doesn’t mean putting on makeup and looking like a model when you leave the house. It just means giving your body the time and effort it deserves.
- You won’t be comfortable in your own skin if you only shower every three days. Feeling clean can help you feel comfortable.
- 6Exercise. You don’t need to have a six-pack or to be in top shape to put some time into exercise each week. Working out for just half an hour a day or an hour every other day will improve your mood, keep your heart strong, and make you feel better about the way you look and feel. Even taking a 20 minute walk every day can help you feel better about getting out of the house, and improve your mindset just by being in the fresh air.
- Choose activity over inactivity whenever you can. Walk 15 minutes to the grocery store instead of driving. Walk to the fourth floor of your office building instead of taking the elevator. These small changes can make a big difference.
- If you find it hard to motivate yourself to work out on your own, take a yoga or barre class with a friend, or join a team sport. Exercise can be a social thing, too.
- Choose activity over inactivity whenever you can. Walk 15 minutes to the grocery store instead of driving. Walk to the fourth floor of your office building instead of taking the elevator. These small changes can make a big difference.
- 7Hang out only with the people who make you feel good. A big part of embracing who you are and feeling comfortable in your own skin is being around people who support you and make you feel good about yourself. Dump those toxic friends who are always bringing you down, being negative, and ignoring you in favor of their own narcissism. Work on hanging out with the people who compliment you, care about how you feel, and treat you with care and love.
- Sure, getting rid of a long-time friend who treats you poorly isn’t easy, but it’s the only way to start embracing who you are.
- Sure, getting rid of a long-time friend who treats you poorly isn’t easy, but it’s the only way to start embracing who you are.
- 8Walk into a room like you own it. People who aren’t comfortable in their own skin walk in to a room like they don’t belong there and tend to keep a low profile. The next time you walk into a room, keep your head high, smile, and sit in a chair like it’s your favorite comfy chair at home. Though you shouldn’t kick your feet up at a new person’s home, treat the place like your own living room, and be comfortable inhabiting a new space. People will be able to tell that you feel like you belong there, and like you’ve earned your place there.[3]
- If you project confidence in a new situation, you’ll be much more likely to feel it.
- If you project confidence in a new situation, you’ll be much more likely to feel it.
Part Three: Making Changes
- 1Address your flaws. Though you can’t fix everything, you can certainly make an effort to become the person you want to be. If you think you’re too shy, work on being more outgoing. If you know you’re a bitter person, work on letting the bitterness go and start feeling grateful for all of the good things in your life. If you think you give up too easily, then work on your persistence. You won’t be able to “fix” all of your flaws, but making an effort at improvement will make you feel better.
- You can’t give yourself a complete personality makeover, but you can certainly work on emphasizing the good and overcoming the bad.
- Admitting weakness and working to change it takes character. Be proud of yourself for trying to change.
- You can’t give yourself a complete personality makeover, but you can certainly work on emphasizing the good and overcoming the bad.
- 2Stop complaining. Whining and complaining will only make you feel worse about who you are. Sure, everyone needs to vent from time to time, but try to keep most of those complaints to yourself, unless you think that talking about them can help you find a solution. Complaining will only make you feel worse and will make the world look like a terrible, unfair place; what’s more, is it’ll make people less likely to hang out with you.
- The next time you catch a complaint coming out of your mind, force yourself to say something positive afterwards.
- The next time you catch a complaint coming out of your mind, force yourself to say something positive afterwards.
- 3Fix whatever’s not working. Whatever you’re doing is clearly not working if you’re unhappy in your own skin. Maybe your job is wearing you down. Maybe your group of friends always makes you feel terrible. Maybe you feel like you just don’t fit in in the place where you live. Ask yourself about what’s really not working in your life, and see if you can feasibly change it. It’ll be hard to feel comfortable in your own skin if something you’re doing regularly is making you feel terrible about yourself.[4]
- Be honest. Sit down and write all of the things that make you feel uncomfortable. It could end up being something that you don’t want to face, like a relationship that’s just not working. But the sooner you realize the source of your pain, the better.
- Be honest. Sit down and write all of the things that make you feel uncomfortable. It could end up being something that you don’t want to face, like a relationship that’s just not working. But the sooner you realize the source of your pain, the better.
- 4Improve your posture. You’ll be surprised by how big a difference you’ll feel just from standing tall, looking straight ahead of you, keeping your arms at your sides, and avoiding slouching at all costs. You will look taller, feel stronger and more confident, and you’ll also find it easier to inhabit your own body. Make an effort to keep your spine straight as often as you can, whether you’re alone or with others, sitting or standing, and notice how much more comfortable you feel.[5]
- Sure, it’s easier to slouch, at first, but once you get used to standing tall, you won’t even have to think about it.
- Sure, it’s easier to slouch, at first, but once you get used to standing tall, you won’t even have to think about it.
- 5Find a new passion. Finding a new passion can help you mix things up and look at yourself and the world in a new way. Take up photography. Try a modern dance class. See if you have a knack for writing short stories. It doesn’t matter what you do – what matters is that it matters to you. Think of something you’ve always been afraid to try and see if you love it as much as you thought you would. You don’t have to be great at it, either – the most important thing is that you care.
- Making as commitment to something you really care about will also make you spend more time thinking about the things that matter to you and less time worrying about yourself.
- Making as commitment to something you really care about will also make you spend more time thinking about the things that matter to you and less time worrying about yourself.
- 6Get creative. Being creative can help you improve your self-worth, find feelings you didn’t know you had, and feel great about what you have to offer to the world. Even if you don’t think you’re the creative type, you may end up surprising yourself. Write a poem. Get some colored pencils and sketch a landscape. Take a ceramics class. Do something completely out of your comfort zone and see what you come up with. Getting creative will help you see the world in a new way and will make you more comfortable with who you are.
- Make creativity a habit, no matter how silly it feels, at first. You’ll quickly see that you’re expressing feelings you didn’t know you had.
- Make creativity a habit, no matter how silly it feels, at first. You’ll quickly see that you’re expressing feelings you didn’t know you had.
- 7Make laughter a bigger part of your life. Anyone can stand to laugh more. Whether you’re cracking jokes, hanging out with people who make you laugh, or watching at least one comedy a week, the more you laugh, the more comfortable you’ll feel about being yourself. Don’t think that laughter is just an unnecessary frill reserved for people with a lot of free time – treat laughter as something sacred that you should have the privilege of doing as often as possible.
- When you’re truly laughing, you won’t be able to stop and doubt yourself. True laughter will make you embrace the moment and feel happy being yourself.
- When you’re truly laughing, you won’t be able to stop and doubt yourself. True laughter will make you embrace the moment and feel happy being yourself.
- Get a support system... friends or family who can know what you are trying to do and can be there to confident in if you have a hard time with your goals.
- Your support system can also help you meet your goals by being able to offer advice to you that could help you meet your goals.
- Keep yourself and your goals realistic and doable– this is where people tend to get over-confident and over-stretch themselves. And make sure you don’t start enjoying cleverness for its own sake…
