Lauren 8
Without Prejudice
We limped on as a family. Shortly after Lauren died, people began ringing us in the middle of the night and just hanging up. Even though we were grieving. There were still nut jobs out there. Maybe they thought that somehow we had been getting "attention" and they wanted to share in it or punish us for some reason. I don't know why some people behave like that. Perhaps because Bob had bought a Ferrari when he was 39 (Don't ask me !!!) and maybe "they" thought this punishment for us, as a family, had come for being rich and successful. People are just weird!
But after I had kicked Bob out on his nasty arse, the girls began to live a little, the tiniest bit, six months on. Mara had come to live with us from the day of the funeral, she had been in Lauren's form at High School and had attended Lauren's 12th Birthday, but was more friendly with Alena. Mara was virtually living from friends house to house. She came over on the day of the funeral and never left and eventually I became her guardian.
Mara was then 13, undisciplined, not used to "looking after herself". the girls complained she smelt so I had to teach her basic hygiene and about periods and showering often. She was already sexually active at 13 and tried to sneak out one night with a friend, Katrina, staying at our house (Mara had brought her to our house) to go see some "Carnies" she had been meeting up with. I found out and pinned her up against a wall and put my fist to her face,
"Ever try that again and I will kill you", I said.
The friend I made ring her parents to come get her, it was 2am in the morning. The friend, Katrina, was 15, an older girl, and I didn't like her influence around Mara. Mara would often say after that
"I would hate to come up against Janette in a dark alley"
She was right and I would have killed for my children and foster daughter round that time. Katrina turned out to be a fabulous girl but I would not be able to say the same of Mara. More on that later.................
Bob had moved to the factory and we had no need to see each other, Deb continued to go to work there and I stayed home. I could not go back there. I needed focus and I started to redecorate the house. As I did I realised that Bob had decorated the house not me. every curtain, bed, knick knack was chosen by him. Nothing was me. So I pulled off tiles in the bathroom and ensuite and bought adhesive and grout and bought cheap new tiles that I put up with matchsticks and spacers. I ripped up the vinyl and had it redone under insurance. I had the roof repointed by a friend of ours, Greg Proudfoot. he was to get cancer later, poor baby.
I just kept working like a demon, exhausting myself so I could sleep at night. The girls were good. Alena would not go back to school and I said she had to get a job before that was plausible, she was just tuned 15. I found out that Tanya never went back to Chandler High, either. She was gone, gone to her Mothers at last, supposedly living in the Dandenongs, somewhere.
One night Terry Hooper, a friend, came around and watched me peeling off wall paper in the lounge room. It was the middle of winter and there was no heating on and I just kept working.
"Girl, what are you doing??:, he kindly asked.
I had no idea and didn't want to talk, anyway. Like most men, (as far as I was concerned) he wanted something from me and I was not going to be sharing anything anymore. Not conversation, my company, nothing. I just wanted to work and work and work, not sleeping and not crying, just getting on with life. I can remember the feeling I had around that time and it was angry, angry, angry.
I had been a mess before the work, walking around the house and literally "wringing my hands", I had heard of this practice before but never realised people actually did it. The work became my way out. I finished the bathroom and ensuite and started on the laundry, Kerry Froud and her Mum came to see me, bringing little mementos of Lauren. I said to Gayle that I had to get work, I was literally going mad staying in the house, the memories too strong.After Jackie had tidied up Lauren's "pig Pen " room I would sit in it for hours, smelling her clothes and sometimes wearing them, anything to feel her near me. I looked in her wardrobes and saw her two tiny leather jackets hanging there, hand made in Bali and wondered if I had told her I loved her, enough.
She had everything, wanted for nothing except the contact lenses and the perm and the thinner thighs. They were going to be coming later but that chance never came. I had taken to her Bali that year and she loved it, frolicking in the huge pool with its swim up bar at the Hotel Putri Bali. She swam for hours and hours and turned richly brown. Doug, who we called "The general" had lost his wife after many years and was a sad man in Bali, nicknamed Lauren, "Otter". It was a reference to that little nut brown face and the large white teeth she had, that came up out of the water unexpectedly to scare the rest of us. And the sleek little seal like body encased in bikini bottoms and a tank top would disappear silently back under the water, the last sight of her, her chubby bottom disappearing back into the water.
Bob had not come to Bali with us. He had told me he was going to Korea but he wasn't, he was in the Philippines with Anna Lynn. he rang me out of the blue one day while I was sat on the loo suffering Bali belly.
"Where are you now?' I asked.
"Korea", he replied and lied and the phone was put down by me, gripped as I was with another rush of diarrhea. Apt, when you think about it, Shit in exchange for bullshit and his word had entered my ears and come out the other end . The girls had gone off on a tour that day to Monkey Mountain, with the people we had become friends with. Jean Claude, Doug, and the Poms.
I hated him for lying to me once more. He was obsessed with the life in the Philippines. He had been for the first time the previous year and to his shock surprise found the Business men he had gone with had wives and families, kids, over there He took an average of $12,000 a trip from the business money. As he dropped us off at the airport to go to Bali, I reminded him he was going to give us some spending money. He was very aggrieved about it but finally handed over $400. For all 4 of us for ten days. Luckily Debbie had swiped his American Express card and we partied, not big time, but well enough time. Bali was such a good time for us as a family, but I will save that story for another time....
We limped on as a family. Shortly after Lauren died, people began ringing us in the middle of the night and just hanging up. Even though we were grieving. There were still nut jobs out there. Maybe they thought that somehow we had been getting "attention" and they wanted to share in it or punish us for some reason. I don't know why some people behave like that. Perhaps because Bob had bought a Ferrari when he was 39 (Don't ask me !!!) and maybe "they" thought this punishment for us, as a family, had come for being rich and successful. People are just weird!
But after I had kicked Bob out on his nasty arse, the girls began to live a little, the tiniest bit, six months on. Mara had come to live with us from the day of the funeral, she had been in Lauren's form at High School and had attended Lauren's 12th Birthday, but was more friendly with Alena. Mara was virtually living from friends house to house. She came over on the day of the funeral and never left and eventually I became her guardian.
Mara was then 13, undisciplined, not used to "looking after herself". the girls complained she smelt so I had to teach her basic hygiene and about periods and showering often. She was already sexually active at 13 and tried to sneak out one night with a friend, Katrina, staying at our house (Mara had brought her to our house) to go see some "Carnies" she had been meeting up with. I found out and pinned her up against a wall and put my fist to her face,
"Ever try that again and I will kill you", I said.
The friend I made ring her parents to come get her, it was 2am in the morning. The friend, Katrina, was 15, an older girl, and I didn't like her influence around Mara. Mara would often say after that
"I would hate to come up against Janette in a dark alley"
She was right and I would have killed for my children and foster daughter round that time. Katrina turned out to be a fabulous girl but I would not be able to say the same of Mara. More on that later.................
Bob had moved to the factory and we had no need to see each other, Deb continued to go to work there and I stayed home. I could not go back there. I needed focus and I started to redecorate the house. As I did I realised that Bob had decorated the house not me. every curtain, bed, knick knack was chosen by him. Nothing was me. So I pulled off tiles in the bathroom and ensuite and bought adhesive and grout and bought cheap new tiles that I put up with matchsticks and spacers. I ripped up the vinyl and had it redone under insurance. I had the roof repointed by a friend of ours, Greg Proudfoot. he was to get cancer later, poor baby.
I just kept working like a demon, exhausting myself so I could sleep at night. The girls were good. Alena would not go back to school and I said she had to get a job before that was plausible, she was just tuned 15. I found out that Tanya never went back to Chandler High, either. She was gone, gone to her Mothers at last, supposedly living in the Dandenongs, somewhere.
One night Terry Hooper, a friend, came around and watched me peeling off wall paper in the lounge room. It was the middle of winter and there was no heating on and I just kept working.
"Girl, what are you doing??:, he kindly asked.
I had no idea and didn't want to talk, anyway. Like most men, (as far as I was concerned) he wanted something from me and I was not going to be sharing anything anymore. Not conversation, my company, nothing. I just wanted to work and work and work, not sleeping and not crying, just getting on with life. I can remember the feeling I had around that time and it was angry, angry, angry.
I had been a mess before the work, walking around the house and literally "wringing my hands", I had heard of this practice before but never realised people actually did it. The work became my way out. I finished the bathroom and ensuite and started on the laundry, Kerry Froud and her Mum came to see me, bringing little mementos of Lauren. I said to Gayle that I had to get work, I was literally going mad staying in the house, the memories too strong.After Jackie had tidied up Lauren's "pig Pen " room I would sit in it for hours, smelling her clothes and sometimes wearing them, anything to feel her near me. I looked in her wardrobes and saw her two tiny leather jackets hanging there, hand made in Bali and wondered if I had told her I loved her, enough.
She had everything, wanted for nothing except the contact lenses and the perm and the thinner thighs. They were going to be coming later but that chance never came. I had taken to her Bali that year and she loved it, frolicking in the huge pool with its swim up bar at the Hotel Putri Bali. She swam for hours and hours and turned richly brown. Doug, who we called "The general" had lost his wife after many years and was a sad man in Bali, nicknamed Lauren, "Otter". It was a reference to that little nut brown face and the large white teeth she had, that came up out of the water unexpectedly to scare the rest of us. And the sleek little seal like body encased in bikini bottoms and a tank top would disappear silently back under the water, the last sight of her, her chubby bottom disappearing back into the water.
Bob had not come to Bali with us. He had told me he was going to Korea but he wasn't, he was in the Philippines with Anna Lynn. he rang me out of the blue one day while I was sat on the loo suffering Bali belly.
"Where are you now?' I asked.
"Korea", he replied and lied and the phone was put down by me, gripped as I was with another rush of diarrhea. Apt, when you think about it, Shit in exchange for bullshit and his word had entered my ears and come out the other end . The girls had gone off on a tour that day to Monkey Mountain, with the people we had become friends with. Jean Claude, Doug, and the Poms.
I hated him for lying to me once more. He was obsessed with the life in the Philippines. He had been for the first time the previous year and to his shock surprise found the Business men he had gone with had wives and families, kids, over there He took an average of $12,000 a trip from the business money. As he dropped us off at the airport to go to Bali, I reminded him he was going to give us some spending money. He was very aggrieved about it but finally handed over $400. For all 4 of us for ten days. Luckily Debbie had swiped his American Express card and we partied, not big time, but well enough time. Bali was such a good time for us as a family, but I will save that story for another time....
