Lauren A Vision
Without Prejudice
About 18 months after Lauren died I saw her again. I had never dreamed of her. Alena had. She said Lauren was sitting on a fence and had called out to Alena,
"I'm not dead"
Alena was so relieved and then woke up. I was so jealous. No matter what I did I couldn't dream of her and was scared I was going to forget her face, forget what her face looked like.
It was a mid winter night and the girls and Kyle and I were all living in this stunning rental house in Springvale South. Life had been pretty crazy,
Stephanie had come in to the picture by then and she was absolutely "Looney Tunes " and violent with it. We had sold the house in Keysborough and Bob made sure that all the money made from it had gone to the bank.
We had finally agreed on a settlement, Bob had the business and I had the house but the house was tied to the business on a second mortgage. Its tedious and boring the rest, so I will leave it for another time.
So a girlfriend, Grace, my brothers friend, Ivan Muncin's sister Had called and asked if I wanted to go around to her place for a drink. Grace LOVED a drink and loved company so I went.
When I arrived there I didn't have a drink, just a coffee, and she offered me some grass which I also refused. The last time I had had "smoke" with Grace I had sat staring at the butter dish for 3 hours and had to get a cab home and I could have walked there. I wasn;t really a "smoker". So I left for some reason feeling quite agitated.
It was about 9pm and not that cold in the house when I arrived home so I flicked off the ducted heating, to save money. It was strange to find that all the girls had gone to bed and the house was completely silent.
Usually the girls would be up preparing food, chatting, playing with Kyle, watching TV. It was weird, and I checked all their rooms, including Kyle's and sure enough they were all asleep.
So I meandered off to my room, prepared to read a book until I fell asleep. the book was on the bedside table, Sun Signs, it was called.
I began to read it and saw that it was not about astrology as I had hoped. It was not interesting as I flipped through, so I went to the first chapter. Determined to read something as otherwise I would not get to sleep.
The first sentence I read was
"When the student is ready the Teacher will appear"
I had never heard of that saying and read it a few times, puzzled. it did not make sense to me and annoyed I turned off the lamp and tried to go to sleep.
For some reason I drifted off straight away. And just when I arrived at the point where your limbs are heavy and you are probably about to snore,
I jumped. I had heard a little girls voice squeal in anticipation or excitement.
"How odd" I can remember thinking. What on earth was a little girl doing outside my bedroom wall at this time of night, especially in the middle of Winter.????
I drifted off again and the next thing was I woke up, looking straight at the clock radio which was blinking. Obviously the power had gone off sometime in the night.
"Bugger", I thought,
"Have to reset in the morning" I happened to glance at the white curtains in the room and they were rippling.
"Right", I thought quite clearly, "The curtains are rippling by them selves, hmmmm"
So I leaned right across the bed and dared them to be moving,and they were.
So I lay back in the dark and reasoned it out. Perhaps I had left the heating on, but I had remembered turning it off.
So the curtains couldn't be moving from the heating and then I thought I must have left the window open.
But I knew I hadn't. So I refused to think about it and went back to sleep. The next thing I was standing at the front door with the door wide open and I could fell the wind on my legs.
I had not walked there, I was just there. I was terrified and opened my mouth to scream and I screamed and screamed as hard as I could, but nothing would come out. Except for a giant burp.
I was really rattled by now and went into the kitchen to make some tea. The house was eerily silent, strange.
As I settled on the stool drinking my tea I glanced in to the Family room. Deb had bought at some expense some neon objects, a phone, a radio and an arched mirror,
The neon from the mirror reflected on to the roof of the family room in a long line of blue. As I watched the line of blue broke gently into 3 separate light, just gently pulsating.
"Right, I thought, "Now I am going nuts"
I knew something was about to happen but had no idea what. And I remember feeling calm.
If something was about to happen I was ready, so I went back to bed, grabbed the clock radio and corrected it and pounded my pillow in to submission and went back to sleep.
I awoke once again in the early hours and I wasn't surprised to see Lauren standing there. She was tall and her hair long and dark. We spoke and it was not speech that cam out of your mouth.
"Oh. Lauren" I said, We're so sad you're gone"
She replied,
"Mum. I'm happy, so very happy, look at me I'm not fat anymore", and she slapped her thigh.
Her smile was incandescent. She lit up the room, before her was like a dark well (The great divide ??) then she stood there, tall!!!. I marvelled at her height. She looked like an adult.
"We're so sad you don't get to see Kyle, baby" I said
"I see him all the time and he's beautiful", she replied,
"You're to take care of him for me "
"Yes" I replied.
"We're so sad Lauren as we don't have a Dad, anymore" I said
:You're going to be fine, Mum; You and Dad weren't meant to be together, you're on different paths. You are going to be fine, you are going to be better than fine", she said.
And then she was gone and I thought I heard her say "Write"
"What", I said catching only the slightest hint of the word.
"Write what, like letters to you"
"No" came the faint whisper, "Just write.
I fell into a dreamless sleep. And woke in the morning feeling wonderful. It was like a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders and I felt lighter and happier than I had since she died.
I was scared to tell the girls in case they thought I had really lost it for all time. but I did, the experience had to be told.
The girls were not shocked at all. Mara said she had been sleeping in the family room and heard the light switches clicking on and off by themselves.
And when Yvette and I had been watching TV in the old house, we had been talking about Lauren and the curtains opposite, billowed out in front of us. I crossed the room to see if the window was open. It wasn't.
When I sat back down next to Yvette, she said'
"I didn't see that, did you???"
"Nope", came my reply.
Lauren loved this song, x
Love Janette
About 18 months after Lauren died I saw her again. I had never dreamed of her. Alena had. She said Lauren was sitting on a fence and had called out to Alena,
"I'm not dead"
Alena was so relieved and then woke up. I was so jealous. No matter what I did I couldn't dream of her and was scared I was going to forget her face, forget what her face looked like.
It was a mid winter night and the girls and Kyle and I were all living in this stunning rental house in Springvale South. Life had been pretty crazy,
Stephanie had come in to the picture by then and she was absolutely "Looney Tunes " and violent with it. We had sold the house in Keysborough and Bob made sure that all the money made from it had gone to the bank.
We had finally agreed on a settlement, Bob had the business and I had the house but the house was tied to the business on a second mortgage. Its tedious and boring the rest, so I will leave it for another time.
So a girlfriend, Grace, my brothers friend, Ivan Muncin's sister Had called and asked if I wanted to go around to her place for a drink. Grace LOVED a drink and loved company so I went.
When I arrived there I didn't have a drink, just a coffee, and she offered me some grass which I also refused. The last time I had had "smoke" with Grace I had sat staring at the butter dish for 3 hours and had to get a cab home and I could have walked there. I wasn;t really a "smoker". So I left for some reason feeling quite agitated.
It was about 9pm and not that cold in the house when I arrived home so I flicked off the ducted heating, to save money. It was strange to find that all the girls had gone to bed and the house was completely silent.
Usually the girls would be up preparing food, chatting, playing with Kyle, watching TV. It was weird, and I checked all their rooms, including Kyle's and sure enough they were all asleep.
So I meandered off to my room, prepared to read a book until I fell asleep. the book was on the bedside table, Sun Signs, it was called.
I began to read it and saw that it was not about astrology as I had hoped. It was not interesting as I flipped through, so I went to the first chapter. Determined to read something as otherwise I would not get to sleep.
The first sentence I read was
"When the student is ready the Teacher will appear"
I had never heard of that saying and read it a few times, puzzled. it did not make sense to me and annoyed I turned off the lamp and tried to go to sleep.
For some reason I drifted off straight away. And just when I arrived at the point where your limbs are heavy and you are probably about to snore,
I jumped. I had heard a little girls voice squeal in anticipation or excitement.
"How odd" I can remember thinking. What on earth was a little girl doing outside my bedroom wall at this time of night, especially in the middle of Winter.????
I drifted off again and the next thing was I woke up, looking straight at the clock radio which was blinking. Obviously the power had gone off sometime in the night.
"Bugger", I thought,
"Have to reset in the morning" I happened to glance at the white curtains in the room and they were rippling.
"Right", I thought quite clearly, "The curtains are rippling by them selves, hmmmm"
So I leaned right across the bed and dared them to be moving,and they were.
So I lay back in the dark and reasoned it out. Perhaps I had left the heating on, but I had remembered turning it off.
So the curtains couldn't be moving from the heating and then I thought I must have left the window open.
But I knew I hadn't. So I refused to think about it and went back to sleep. The next thing I was standing at the front door with the door wide open and I could fell the wind on my legs.
I had not walked there, I was just there. I was terrified and opened my mouth to scream and I screamed and screamed as hard as I could, but nothing would come out. Except for a giant burp.
I was really rattled by now and went into the kitchen to make some tea. The house was eerily silent, strange.
As I settled on the stool drinking my tea I glanced in to the Family room. Deb had bought at some expense some neon objects, a phone, a radio and an arched mirror,
The neon from the mirror reflected on to the roof of the family room in a long line of blue. As I watched the line of blue broke gently into 3 separate light, just gently pulsating.
"Right, I thought, "Now I am going nuts"
I knew something was about to happen but had no idea what. And I remember feeling calm.
If something was about to happen I was ready, so I went back to bed, grabbed the clock radio and corrected it and pounded my pillow in to submission and went back to sleep.
I awoke once again in the early hours and I wasn't surprised to see Lauren standing there. She was tall and her hair long and dark. We spoke and it was not speech that cam out of your mouth.
"Oh. Lauren" I said, We're so sad you're gone"
She replied,
"Mum. I'm happy, so very happy, look at me I'm not fat anymore", and she slapped her thigh.
Her smile was incandescent. She lit up the room, before her was like a dark well (The great divide ??) then she stood there, tall!!!. I marvelled at her height. She looked like an adult.
"We're so sad you don't get to see Kyle, baby" I said
"I see him all the time and he's beautiful", she replied,
"You're to take care of him for me "
"Yes" I replied.
"We're so sad Lauren as we don't have a Dad, anymore" I said
:You're going to be fine, Mum; You and Dad weren't meant to be together, you're on different paths. You are going to be fine, you are going to be better than fine", she said.
And then she was gone and I thought I heard her say "Write"
"What", I said catching only the slightest hint of the word.
"Write what, like letters to you"
"No" came the faint whisper, "Just write.
I fell into a dreamless sleep. And woke in the morning feeling wonderful. It was like a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders and I felt lighter and happier than I had since she died.
I was scared to tell the girls in case they thought I had really lost it for all time. but I did, the experience had to be told.
The girls were not shocked at all. Mara said she had been sleeping in the family room and heard the light switches clicking on and off by themselves.
And when Yvette and I had been watching TV in the old house, we had been talking about Lauren and the curtains opposite, billowed out in front of us. I crossed the room to see if the window was open. It wasn't.
When I sat back down next to Yvette, she said'
"I didn't see that, did you???"
"Nope", came my reply.
Lauren loved this song, x
Love Janette
