Violence
Without Prejudice
I don't understand violence against women or children, but once that line is crossed there is no going back. Its a line you can visually see and when someone crosses that line, and you accept it, go back, return, you are lost forever. Or it seems like forever.
I was very unhappily married to my ex husband. I was so young and apart from my sailor boyfriend had no knowledge of men. My Dad was a softy and my brothers could be aggressive at times but that was just boys in general. I could take as good as I got when I was young, because the boys were roughly the same size as me.
The first time I saw the real man behind my ex husband B was a horrible revelation as I was already a Mother and a wife and all at the age of 18. It was to become our "Elephant in the lounge room " in our marriage, and its ultimate destruction. It could not be removed, it was a festering sore on what was already a meeting of two people together only to procreate children, that part was my passion.
B's passion was making money and showing off to other people, that he was doing well. I wanted so much for it to work. My parents had been against us getting married. Mum offering me a termination, Dad pragmatic as usual. I had begun to have serious doubts about B before I married him, but he took over when he thought I was going to leave him and rang his parents and spoke to his Mother. Her only comment, a cheerful,
"Well, looks like there is going to be a wedding"
I was 17 and had to get my parents permission to marry. I had written to them to tell them I was pregnant. B found the letter and confiscated it with my bank book. He had called home to the flat we shared with my brother George.
He surprised me in the middle of the morning. I had called in to work sick and was planning on walking to the bank and catching the train to Sydney. I had a plan to have the baby on my own, without him and I would need my parents for support. But there he was standing in front of me waving the bank book and letter at me.
"Going somewhere? ", he asked.
"No", I lied.
"Well its all ok, I rang Mum and told her you were pregnant and she was really great about it."
I felt relieved that she knew but I wasn't sure about getting married, B swept me off my feet and hugged me,
"It's all going to be OK, I promise"
I believed him and by the next morning my parents arrived from Sydney.
Mum was furious, livid and denied me permission to marry. B she would barely look at or even acknowledge his presence in the room. Dad was nice and as we pulled away, in the car he said
"Well, he looks desperately unhappy Janette, "
I was watching B out the back seat window and he did look unhappy, almost in tears. Mum then offered me an abortion and I said no I wanted the baby.
I had a feeling it was going to be a girl, and she was going to be alright. And so was I. My parents had vetoed the idea of getting married near to B's parents place in the main town. Bob and I were ready to make the vows there and had been to see the minister at his Mothers urging and made a tentative booking for the wedding. If we had the recption there I think we were going to have the reception at the Poowong Hotel, where B's aunt worked.
Anyway it was not to be and we were going to be married in Sydney, Campbelltown, Mum and dad's place, at my parents insistence and that was the way it was. Friends and family had to make the journey to Sydney and all in all there were 36 of us. I borrowed my Sisters Wedding Dress and I was 16 weeks pregnant by the time I was married.
Our wedding ended up being fun and cheap. We were married July 4th 1970 at Campbelltown Presbyterian Church which was a lovely old church. I was so nervous, I literally shook as I was walking down the aisle. B had arrived literally the night before with his two cousins, one who was best Man and the one who was always drunk, was an usher.
I don't know how we did it but Mum, my sister Jackie and I managed to pull the wedding off in 6 weeks. I had to send material to B's Aunt, who was dress maker in Melbourne and she had to make a bridesmaid dress of Red Velvet for P, B's sister, who was my age and we were good friends. Jackie was my other bridesmaid and Helen my baby sister and Andrew my tiny nephew were page boy and flower girl.
In the end it was a nice wedding, the sun shone, I remember. It all went so fast. We had a great reception, everyone was happy for us. We were a popular couple. The only jarring note was my trousseau suitcase was full of grey gravel, a prank by the boys, but my stunning white negligee and peignoir were all grey, when I opened my case on the Wedding night.
We had no money after the wedding, so we honeymooned by driving to Newcastle, staying in a Motel for the night, then drove home. When we reached Wooloongong, I who didn't drive then, asked my new husband, as we made our way down a huge hill entering in to Wollongong,
"How would you slow the car down, if the brakes failed ?"
B went to show me by changing down the gears and blew the clutch.
We had $25 to get us back to Melbourne. We pulled in to a garage in the town and Bob was able to persuade the owner to put an apprentice on the job. We were left with about $5.00 to get us home. We bought some hamburgers at a shop to last us to home and within half an hour I had thrown up and so had B. So we limped the rest of the way home, the car stopping only to allow us to vomit out the doors. We arrived home, stone Motherless broke and had to borrow money off my brother George who shared the flat with us.
So we began married life. I was excited to be having a baby and put all my time and energy into that. We didn't have a washing machine, B's Mum and Dad had given us an old table from the farm that had been previously used for cutting up pumpkins. We had an old couch and club chairs that smelled of a hundred years of dirt, some beds and not much else.
But we didn't care, we were happy, in love and married, what else mattered?I worked at a small supermarket and B worked at his old bosses place. A large florid, eternally drunk American, who chewed cigars and made garage doors and gates. B had a row with him one day, left and was employed at the fencing company within days.
He welded gates and did deliveries and he would always call in at home and pick me up and we would be off. Once to Cerberus in Hastings and once to Emerald before the weir was built. B showed me the beautiful valley that one day would be under water. We were happy in our own unique way. We were young, carefree and having a baby soon, and we knew our lives were about to change enormously.
There was only one jarring incident after that. We were on our way back from the Farm one Sunday night, and for some reason Bob decided to take the corners in Oakleigh like he was in a racing car. George and B's Sister P thought it was funny and I was terrified, not thinking it was funny at all. By the time we arrived back to our flat in Murrumbeena, I was hysterical, begging B to stop, but he wouldn't and immediately flew into a rage with me for daring to tell him off.
He was Ok after, hugging me and patting my swollen belly, saying he would never harm our child and that he loved me. I believed him and I knew he did love me, he had gone against my Parents for me. So he was my husband and I was his wife and we were alone together in a marriage and a flat. Then the Westgate bridge went down, it was madness.
My Mother and baby sister, Helen, aged 4 came down to visit from Sydney. I was enormously pregnant and the weather was very hot. One night we all went to the farm and Mum innocently asked Bob to slow down, he didn't and just drove faster. He turned up the radio as Helen was grizzling and when we arrived at the farm, B. threw my Mum's suitcase on to the ground.
The visit to B's parents went well but trouble was brewing between Mum and B. She was a strong woman, my Mum and believed in women's rights long before Womens Lib arrived on the scene. B and her got into it as soon as we arrived back at the flat.
There was a furious row between B and Mum in the spare bedroom and I ran to the room after hearing a loud noise. Mu m was sprawled over her suitcase and B was screaming at her. I told him to get out and helped Mum to her feet.
"He hit me", she said. I could see a mark on her head and was sickened and ashamed of my husband. he denied ever hitting her. He said Mum came at him and he restrained her and she fell backwards over the suitcase. I was dumb enough to believe this and the next day Mum received a telegram from Dad saying that she was to come home, Jackie was sick.
Jackie was also pregnant, she and her husband Winn had been trying to have a baby for a while. She had been delighted for me to be having a baby, but a bit disappointed she wasn't. The day we were married, Jackie had been sick a few times, turned out she was also pregnant! So we were pregnant together.
I was delighted at my Sister being pregnant but I was not allowed to speak to her for a while. Bob was pissed off with my family. He was pretty much pissed off with his own family as well. He adored his Mother and Father but never seemed to make a true connection to them. He liked and disliked his sisters at times. He didn't get along that well with their hubbies, either. Ian and him had a violent confrontation, once, George too, David was too young.
There was one man he got along with for the most part. Kevin Cain and him had been buddies for a while when I first met Bob. Kevin was married to Bobs sister, Joy. They were a great couple, although Kevin liked to drink, a lot, and Bob did too. Kevin would often urge Bob on in a fight, and then tattle about it after. I liked him, he was good to me but I am not sure he ever liked me that much. I felt some sort of constraint with him. He was given to making mischief and I didn't altogether trust him.
To Be Continued
Love Janette
I don't understand violence against women or children, but once that line is crossed there is no going back. Its a line you can visually see and when someone crosses that line, and you accept it, go back, return, you are lost forever. Or it seems like forever.
I was very unhappily married to my ex husband. I was so young and apart from my sailor boyfriend had no knowledge of men. My Dad was a softy and my brothers could be aggressive at times but that was just boys in general. I could take as good as I got when I was young, because the boys were roughly the same size as me.
The first time I saw the real man behind my ex husband B was a horrible revelation as I was already a Mother and a wife and all at the age of 18. It was to become our "Elephant in the lounge room " in our marriage, and its ultimate destruction. It could not be removed, it was a festering sore on what was already a meeting of two people together only to procreate children, that part was my passion.
B's passion was making money and showing off to other people, that he was doing well. I wanted so much for it to work. My parents had been against us getting married. Mum offering me a termination, Dad pragmatic as usual. I had begun to have serious doubts about B before I married him, but he took over when he thought I was going to leave him and rang his parents and spoke to his Mother. Her only comment, a cheerful,
"Well, looks like there is going to be a wedding"
I was 17 and had to get my parents permission to marry. I had written to them to tell them I was pregnant. B found the letter and confiscated it with my bank book. He had called home to the flat we shared with my brother George.
He surprised me in the middle of the morning. I had called in to work sick and was planning on walking to the bank and catching the train to Sydney. I had a plan to have the baby on my own, without him and I would need my parents for support. But there he was standing in front of me waving the bank book and letter at me.
"Going somewhere? ", he asked.
"No", I lied.
"Well its all ok, I rang Mum and told her you were pregnant and she was really great about it."
I felt relieved that she knew but I wasn't sure about getting married, B swept me off my feet and hugged me,
"It's all going to be OK, I promise"
I believed him and by the next morning my parents arrived from Sydney.
Mum was furious, livid and denied me permission to marry. B she would barely look at or even acknowledge his presence in the room. Dad was nice and as we pulled away, in the car he said
"Well, he looks desperately unhappy Janette, "
I was watching B out the back seat window and he did look unhappy, almost in tears. Mum then offered me an abortion and I said no I wanted the baby.
I had a feeling it was going to be a girl, and she was going to be alright. And so was I. My parents had vetoed the idea of getting married near to B's parents place in the main town. Bob and I were ready to make the vows there and had been to see the minister at his Mothers urging and made a tentative booking for the wedding. If we had the recption there I think we were going to have the reception at the Poowong Hotel, where B's aunt worked.
Anyway it was not to be and we were going to be married in Sydney, Campbelltown, Mum and dad's place, at my parents insistence and that was the way it was. Friends and family had to make the journey to Sydney and all in all there were 36 of us. I borrowed my Sisters Wedding Dress and I was 16 weeks pregnant by the time I was married.
Our wedding ended up being fun and cheap. We were married July 4th 1970 at Campbelltown Presbyterian Church which was a lovely old church. I was so nervous, I literally shook as I was walking down the aisle. B had arrived literally the night before with his two cousins, one who was best Man and the one who was always drunk, was an usher.
I don't know how we did it but Mum, my sister Jackie and I managed to pull the wedding off in 6 weeks. I had to send material to B's Aunt, who was dress maker in Melbourne and she had to make a bridesmaid dress of Red Velvet for P, B's sister, who was my age and we were good friends. Jackie was my other bridesmaid and Helen my baby sister and Andrew my tiny nephew were page boy and flower girl.
In the end it was a nice wedding, the sun shone, I remember. It all went so fast. We had a great reception, everyone was happy for us. We were a popular couple. The only jarring note was my trousseau suitcase was full of grey gravel, a prank by the boys, but my stunning white negligee and peignoir were all grey, when I opened my case on the Wedding night.
We had no money after the wedding, so we honeymooned by driving to Newcastle, staying in a Motel for the night, then drove home. When we reached Wooloongong, I who didn't drive then, asked my new husband, as we made our way down a huge hill entering in to Wollongong,
"How would you slow the car down, if the brakes failed ?"
B went to show me by changing down the gears and blew the clutch.
We had $25 to get us back to Melbourne. We pulled in to a garage in the town and Bob was able to persuade the owner to put an apprentice on the job. We were left with about $5.00 to get us home. We bought some hamburgers at a shop to last us to home and within half an hour I had thrown up and so had B. So we limped the rest of the way home, the car stopping only to allow us to vomit out the doors. We arrived home, stone Motherless broke and had to borrow money off my brother George who shared the flat with us.
So we began married life. I was excited to be having a baby and put all my time and energy into that. We didn't have a washing machine, B's Mum and Dad had given us an old table from the farm that had been previously used for cutting up pumpkins. We had an old couch and club chairs that smelled of a hundred years of dirt, some beds and not much else.
But we didn't care, we were happy, in love and married, what else mattered?I worked at a small supermarket and B worked at his old bosses place. A large florid, eternally drunk American, who chewed cigars and made garage doors and gates. B had a row with him one day, left and was employed at the fencing company within days.
He welded gates and did deliveries and he would always call in at home and pick me up and we would be off. Once to Cerberus in Hastings and once to Emerald before the weir was built. B showed me the beautiful valley that one day would be under water. We were happy in our own unique way. We were young, carefree and having a baby soon, and we knew our lives were about to change enormously.
There was only one jarring incident after that. We were on our way back from the Farm one Sunday night, and for some reason Bob decided to take the corners in Oakleigh like he was in a racing car. George and B's Sister P thought it was funny and I was terrified, not thinking it was funny at all. By the time we arrived back to our flat in Murrumbeena, I was hysterical, begging B to stop, but he wouldn't and immediately flew into a rage with me for daring to tell him off.
He was Ok after, hugging me and patting my swollen belly, saying he would never harm our child and that he loved me. I believed him and I knew he did love me, he had gone against my Parents for me. So he was my husband and I was his wife and we were alone together in a marriage and a flat. Then the Westgate bridge went down, it was madness.
My Mother and baby sister, Helen, aged 4 came down to visit from Sydney. I was enormously pregnant and the weather was very hot. One night we all went to the farm and Mum innocently asked Bob to slow down, he didn't and just drove faster. He turned up the radio as Helen was grizzling and when we arrived at the farm, B. threw my Mum's suitcase on to the ground.
The visit to B's parents went well but trouble was brewing between Mum and B. She was a strong woman, my Mum and believed in women's rights long before Womens Lib arrived on the scene. B and her got into it as soon as we arrived back at the flat.
There was a furious row between B and Mum in the spare bedroom and I ran to the room after hearing a loud noise. Mu m was sprawled over her suitcase and B was screaming at her. I told him to get out and helped Mum to her feet.
"He hit me", she said. I could see a mark on her head and was sickened and ashamed of my husband. he denied ever hitting her. He said Mum came at him and he restrained her and she fell backwards over the suitcase. I was dumb enough to believe this and the next day Mum received a telegram from Dad saying that she was to come home, Jackie was sick.
Jackie was also pregnant, she and her husband Winn had been trying to have a baby for a while. She had been delighted for me to be having a baby, but a bit disappointed she wasn't. The day we were married, Jackie had been sick a few times, turned out she was also pregnant! So we were pregnant together.
I was delighted at my Sister being pregnant but I was not allowed to speak to her for a while. Bob was pissed off with my family. He was pretty much pissed off with his own family as well. He adored his Mother and Father but never seemed to make a true connection to them. He liked and disliked his sisters at times. He didn't get along that well with their hubbies, either. Ian and him had a violent confrontation, once, George too, David was too young.
There was one man he got along with for the most part. Kevin Cain and him had been buddies for a while when I first met Bob. Kevin was married to Bobs sister, Joy. They were a great couple, although Kevin liked to drink, a lot, and Bob did too. Kevin would often urge Bob on in a fight, and then tattle about it after. I liked him, he was good to me but I am not sure he ever liked me that much. I felt some sort of constraint with him. He was given to making mischief and I didn't altogether trust him.
To Be Continued
Love Janette
