Martha Stewart, Manolo Blahnik, Nina Simone and I

Without Prejudice

Tuesday 30th June woke at 4am and switched on the telly. Like an idiot I sprained my back again, 

God knows how as I was in the last week of a 3 week rest period from straining it before. That time I felt a slight rip and just knew it was going to be rest, exercise it, warm it, medicate it.

So last night I cracked it with myself for being so stupid. I knew I had moved the brass bed, ( as you do with a bad back), well I do, as I am very " blonde" at times.

My brain is often elsewhere, thinking about stories, restoring old things from the past, researching story material, photographing, cleaning, perfecting recipes. Amusing a child.

And I am impatient and am trying to change to more graceful.

I gave up the back pain to the Universe and also took an anti inflammatory two Panadol, rubbed in Pain Relieving Gel and filled a hot water bottle with really hot water.

As I said I woke this morning at 4am after falling asleep on the couch or comatising on the couch. I can't even remember falling asleep. I must have fell sideways, drooling about ten last night. When I woke the lights were on, T.V. Booming. WTF

I was going to watch Wimbledon, curses!

So long story short Martha Stewart was on. I adore Martha Stewart's shows. She never seems to age that woman and she is a perfectionist and that appeals to my slight O.C.D. side. 

Glitter sneakers DIY was on. 

I tried this a few years ago and my grand daughters thought I was insane. Ha, girls !

I wrote down all the details, 

Buy $10 white sneakers from Kmart. 

Buy a product called Modge Podge and E-6000 or similar.

I have masking tape , have glitter, have rhinestones, beeswax and clear gloss.

Loving  the pink and purple glitter though. 

Martha mentions she paints her Christian Louboutin soles black as she is not fond of red and the red may not " go" with every outfit. It seems almost sacreligious to paint the soles of a pair of Louboutins . 

Manolo Blahniks are not red soled.

Spanish-born designer Manolo Blahnik founded his footwear empire in 1970 and immediately received a resounding stamp of approval from fashion icon Diana Vreeland. Over 40 years later, he continues to design his coveted shoes with a critical eye for detail and stylish silhouettes for every woman.

Diana Vreeland the fashion Icon who famously said,

" Never Be Boring " 

As I wander bleary eyed to the bathroom I hear Nina Simone blaring out on the radio,

" My Baby Don't Care For "

Fantastic piano in this Honky Tonk song. I dance along. The last day of June. Two more weeks to midwinter and after mid July ( as far as I am concerned) that's mid winter. And that day by day, almost imperceptibly the Earth once again starts its climb back to Summer. 

Thank God

 I am not a big fan of the short days, long nights of Winter. It triggers my Winter Depression or S.A.D. I started early in May to treat my eyes with strong bright lights. Started early in the Winter Season as when started early, light therapy works better on the Serantonin levels in the depressed brain. 

I am realistic about it, I know I will crave carbs if left untreated. Have constant  sleepiness, I am not the Dormouse from Alice In Wonderland. 

I have taken my meds for depression now for 15 years and will probably have to for the rest of my life. My Sister and I were diagnosed within six months of each other. Depression is a simple chemical imbalance in the brain and is either genetic ( most common ) endemic or environmental. 

Our Mum was a clinical depressive, had fugue States in later life and went bonkers. 

My Sister and I call them our Anti Crazy pills and stick to a strict routine of " wellness " 

I have no idea why but men tend to hate being diagnosed with depression, think they can cope, self medicate on booze, drugs, gambling, sex or getting angry. In men anger and irritability is often used to try and mask depression. 

But a depressed brain cannot get back to normal levels unless medication is used. I use Cymbalta and it won't put on weight in fact I lost a significant amount of weight. 

Depression can be managed and trust me you will feel so much better. Untreated depression can lead to suicide and often men do it in horrific ways. The Farmer that grabs a shotgun and blows his head off.The spurned lover or husband who may " take out " the ex and the kids. 

That's unreasonably selfish and against all law, holy and legally. 

In fact they call suicide, the ultimate selfish act. 

If anti depressants were around in my Mother's case she would still be alive today. She suicided at 53 after about seven years of real instability. An overactive thyroid triggered post traumatic stress from the War and vice versa. She was in a battle for her sanity and as much as my Dads music was his crowning glory my Mothers brain was her instrument. 

I don't think I have ever met in real life anyone more intelligent than my Mother. And she loved kids.

Just loved them. She often said,

" Kids...I should have had a dozen"  

And she filled her little vessels with that intelligence. 

My brothers call me the genius of the family and as an all rounder I guess I am. They have the money but. I had the most kids. My own and a few fosters and grandkids and great grandkids. 

I have raised many a child that wasn't mine. 

And truly loved them. 

Winter depression, I know it will end as it always does with an almost euphoric week for my daughter and I when the first hints of Spring arrive. When the birds are singing, tiny buds of green will shoot up from the still cold earth in a valiant struggle. 

Two more weeks, how handy it is that school holidays at the moment, from today for exactly two weeks. 

Love my life

Nette x