Autumn and Sad Goodbyes
Without Prejudice
Autumn is a lush season in Melbourne. The mornings are cold and nip at the fingers and toes but the days filled with sun and not fierce heat. The fierce hear of February has come and gone in rush, this Year. Blinked away, almost. We've packed up the paddling pools and swept the gutters in preparation for the Winter Months to come. The leaves are on the turn from green, dusty and shady, to brown and golds and vivid oranges.
I.m building a garden of massive proportion and it is only at the fledgling status at the moment. I have seedlings and cuttings of sweet mint and violets which can go under the front verandah where Bonnie. our old Sheperd lay when she was hot or resting. She lay there all day on the day before she died. Regal and serene and we crawled under there to tell her how loved she was and how we were forever humbled by her life and dignified death.
She is buried under my Lounge room window and I say Good Morning Baby and Good night to her every night. I am planting a garden for her too, vines and roses will climb the fence above her and on her grave will be a Rose Bush called Bonnie. Good old dog who protected us for 11 years. She was legend, safe with all the 7 boys, and could climb trees.I took her for one last climb at her favourite tree after the last visit to the Vets.
Zach and I let her head loll out the window and she whimpered in excitement when we neared the park. She jumped out the door in a rush and we helped her last climb up the tree as her back legs were weak. Once she was there she perched aloft and surveyed her old domain. Like an eagle eyed creature looking out for trouble for her "boys".
They were all little then, the boys, Zach was just 5 and Brock 3 and Jai 2, and the oldest Kyle was 10. The park was "Their" park, being just across the road and Bonnie was just a pup running around their massive backyard in Lexton Ave. Bonnie eyes her world from on high one more time and we hug her bone thin shanks and body to us, willing her to live just a little longer. But we know the vet has said its not long now and our hearts are heavy as we drive her home. Our Queen.
We drive home along the Freeway and she hangs her head out the window in the way of all dogs, hair and ears streaming back in the wind and tongue happily lolling. We want to fix her to us, grab at her soul and keep it to ourselves. Capture the essence that is Bonnoe, the loyal, the brave. But it's her time and within a few weeks of her last visit to her tree she has died. Peacefully in her sleep as the "boys" wanted.
They all cried at one stage or another. We made them say their goodbyes while she was still alive and each one of them went into the laundry and spent some time with her. Or face down in the grass as she lay under the verandah. We know she was in love with all of them as we were with her. Woodsmoke drifting through the yard smells of leaves placed on top. The gum leaves will be curling and drying, twisting in a vain effort to escape the heat of the flame and I smell the long winter's approach.
Grey iron hard ground by then too hard to dig, so I will do it now in the Autumn, the loveliest of Seasons. When the earth is moist and rich like devils food cake and crumbles under your hand and spade. "make hay while the sun shines". Yvette and I are like the Amish almost, so simple and basic our lives are. In the Summer we found old 50's hose fittings and suspended the hose from the Hills Hoist in the backyard. The little boys loved it and ran through their outside shower like all Aussie kids since time immemmorial.
Then we change the fitting to a spike in the lawn and they jump over it and stand over it enjoying the cold water squirting up their bodies and they are amused all afternoon. Until one treads the fitting in to the ground. We have to pull the hose apart as they snap the fittings off at the tap. Acer 3 and an incredibly strong little boy. And a mischievious one. So too is Cruz who toddles around at 18 months, grinning and independent.
We decided to holiday at home this Summer. We have been away other years but cling close to home after Bonnies death and the boys Aunt, Mandy, who was just 39 when she died suddenly late in 2011. The boys were rocked from one grief to another as Bonnie died a few days after Mandy's funeral. The boys are robust and bounce back from both things but Yvette and I atke it slowly and carefully. Yvette is frail emotionally at the best of times but after the two deaths she goes down quickly and I am left to tun the boys until further notice.
She is bereft and cries like a baby as do I. We shut up shop for a week, take no calls and just chill and relax as much as we can. It's a long time before we laugh again. But life moves forward as always and we do too/ Taking her memories with us on to another year and a whole new start. We have raised our standards this year, Yvette and I. We have worked on the graden and the outside of the house. Then on the inside.
Zach moves out to be with his older Brother and we are bereft for a while. He comes home now for visits. Their focus when they return, now, not Bonnie But Kayko, The Siberian Husky, who is as "Daft as a Brush" as my Yorkshire Aunt would say. And the moody, Nicky, their black and white cat. Kyle wants to take Nick to the new unit and Yvette puts her foot down, saying Kyle owes her at least $5,000 in cat food over the years. Nick doesn't care but we know here is his home and he will only run away if he goes into "The Big Smoke"
The boys "sniff" Nick when they return home, they say he smells "Fresh" But maybe he smells of home. We know the boys have to go and make their own way in their lives but we are saddened never the less. Zach was our quiet Hero who is planning to be a Policeman, Kyle is a Manager at a Liquor Chain, which is ironic as he doesn't drink. But so many people I know say the saw him there and how mature and delightful he is and I think back on the previous 12 months and groan.
Debbie virtually saved Kyle single handedly from a future that would have been following his Dad's. Poor Simon is a very bad addict and has done crime to support his habits. Kyle was addicted to gambling, stealing number plates and was given a rude shock when the local plod finally caught up with him. They were not happy at all and he was punished severely. But he's turned a corner and is living indpendently and well now. Thanks to Debbie who disregarding his ambilevlence to her grabbed hold of him and shook up his life up to that point. And dogged his very footsteps for a year. Never giving up, no matter how hard things were.
She works full time for "Berry Street" and they never give up on a child, no matter how hopeless. I've fostered myself and Mara is happy now, an adult, more than capable of running her own life. She came to us at 13 and is now a mature 35 with 2 sons. She was the first one to get us involved in Kyle's troubles, sensing he was in a lot of it. She pushed and pushed us till we went in for the rescue and Deb was reluctant to come on board at first as she and we had had just about enough of his behaviours at the time.
But it was all worth it and he gradually turned his life around and he went back to the cheeky funny self loving individual he always was before. Before he and his long time girlfriend busted up and he decided he was "Going to hate the world". And what a massive undertaking it was, counselling, CBO's, you name it, Kyle had it. Assessments, loss of licence, appointments with at least two counsellors sometimes 3. Doctor's appointments and Community Work 2 days a week and working 2 jobs. He was handed punishment on a platter and expected to "Suck It Up Princess"
He baulked at times, wanting to sleep or do nothing and he wasn't allowed to. He turned his life around and his Father, sadly didn't. Even after the death of his beloved Sister, Mandy. He was incarcerated for 8 months last year. Kyle excitedly going to pick him up, getting up at 5 am that morning and was back face down on the bed at home that night, almost crying. It had only taken Simon 12 hours to have a hit of Ice and Kyle was bereft. Some you can save and some you can't. Simon was bashed just recently and it upset Yvette to see him, the orbital bones standing out in his face then. She thinks he is a dead man walking, only a matter of time man.
She hates the thought of anything happening to him as it's like all hers and the boys lofe they have been waiting for the other shoe to drop for Simon. She loved him so much in the beginning and he could not or would not take responsibilty for his terrible addictions. He started young, drinking a bottle of Jim Beam a day when we first met him and he was 13. Yvette and he were rebels together and always she held out hope for him. Once nursing him for 12 months on Methadone, but it all became too much for her and she had to cut him loose.
Maybe it will all turn out well, maybe someone will grab that frail piece of Humanity and force him into Rehab, but Yvette said it won't help, he is too far gone. I hope he does get to Rehab somehow and I hope he lives long and prospers, but we doubt it. I hope 2012 is a lot better than 2011 was for our Family. It's shaping up that way already and no matter how many sad goodbyes we have this year we will just keep moving forward. Step by step, one foot in front of the other.
Love Janette
Autumn is a lush season in Melbourne. The mornings are cold and nip at the fingers and toes but the days filled with sun and not fierce heat. The fierce hear of February has come and gone in rush, this Year. Blinked away, almost. We've packed up the paddling pools and swept the gutters in preparation for the Winter Months to come. The leaves are on the turn from green, dusty and shady, to brown and golds and vivid oranges.
I.m building a garden of massive proportion and it is only at the fledgling status at the moment. I have seedlings and cuttings of sweet mint and violets which can go under the front verandah where Bonnie. our old Sheperd lay when she was hot or resting. She lay there all day on the day before she died. Regal and serene and we crawled under there to tell her how loved she was and how we were forever humbled by her life and dignified death.
She is buried under my Lounge room window and I say Good Morning Baby and Good night to her every night. I am planting a garden for her too, vines and roses will climb the fence above her and on her grave will be a Rose Bush called Bonnie. Good old dog who protected us for 11 years. She was legend, safe with all the 7 boys, and could climb trees.I took her for one last climb at her favourite tree after the last visit to the Vets.
Zach and I let her head loll out the window and she whimpered in excitement when we neared the park. She jumped out the door in a rush and we helped her last climb up the tree as her back legs were weak. Once she was there she perched aloft and surveyed her old domain. Like an eagle eyed creature looking out for trouble for her "boys".
They were all little then, the boys, Zach was just 5 and Brock 3 and Jai 2, and the oldest Kyle was 10. The park was "Their" park, being just across the road and Bonnie was just a pup running around their massive backyard in Lexton Ave. Bonnie eyes her world from on high one more time and we hug her bone thin shanks and body to us, willing her to live just a little longer. But we know the vet has said its not long now and our hearts are heavy as we drive her home. Our Queen.
We drive home along the Freeway and she hangs her head out the window in the way of all dogs, hair and ears streaming back in the wind and tongue happily lolling. We want to fix her to us, grab at her soul and keep it to ourselves. Capture the essence that is Bonnoe, the loyal, the brave. But it's her time and within a few weeks of her last visit to her tree she has died. Peacefully in her sleep as the "boys" wanted.
They all cried at one stage or another. We made them say their goodbyes while she was still alive and each one of them went into the laundry and spent some time with her. Or face down in the grass as she lay under the verandah. We know she was in love with all of them as we were with her. Woodsmoke drifting through the yard smells of leaves placed on top. The gum leaves will be curling and drying, twisting in a vain effort to escape the heat of the flame and I smell the long winter's approach.
Grey iron hard ground by then too hard to dig, so I will do it now in the Autumn, the loveliest of Seasons. When the earth is moist and rich like devils food cake and crumbles under your hand and spade. "make hay while the sun shines". Yvette and I are like the Amish almost, so simple and basic our lives are. In the Summer we found old 50's hose fittings and suspended the hose from the Hills Hoist in the backyard. The little boys loved it and ran through their outside shower like all Aussie kids since time immemmorial.
Then we change the fitting to a spike in the lawn and they jump over it and stand over it enjoying the cold water squirting up their bodies and they are amused all afternoon. Until one treads the fitting in to the ground. We have to pull the hose apart as they snap the fittings off at the tap. Acer 3 and an incredibly strong little boy. And a mischievious one. So too is Cruz who toddles around at 18 months, grinning and independent.
We decided to holiday at home this Summer. We have been away other years but cling close to home after Bonnies death and the boys Aunt, Mandy, who was just 39 when she died suddenly late in 2011. The boys were rocked from one grief to another as Bonnie died a few days after Mandy's funeral. The boys are robust and bounce back from both things but Yvette and I atke it slowly and carefully. Yvette is frail emotionally at the best of times but after the two deaths she goes down quickly and I am left to tun the boys until further notice.
She is bereft and cries like a baby as do I. We shut up shop for a week, take no calls and just chill and relax as much as we can. It's a long time before we laugh again. But life moves forward as always and we do too/ Taking her memories with us on to another year and a whole new start. We have raised our standards this year, Yvette and I. We have worked on the graden and the outside of the house. Then on the inside.
Zach moves out to be with his older Brother and we are bereft for a while. He comes home now for visits. Their focus when they return, now, not Bonnie But Kayko, The Siberian Husky, who is as "Daft as a Brush" as my Yorkshire Aunt would say. And the moody, Nicky, their black and white cat. Kyle wants to take Nick to the new unit and Yvette puts her foot down, saying Kyle owes her at least $5,000 in cat food over the years. Nick doesn't care but we know here is his home and he will only run away if he goes into "The Big Smoke"
The boys "sniff" Nick when they return home, they say he smells "Fresh" But maybe he smells of home. We know the boys have to go and make their own way in their lives but we are saddened never the less. Zach was our quiet Hero who is planning to be a Policeman, Kyle is a Manager at a Liquor Chain, which is ironic as he doesn't drink. But so many people I know say the saw him there and how mature and delightful he is and I think back on the previous 12 months and groan.
Debbie virtually saved Kyle single handedly from a future that would have been following his Dad's. Poor Simon is a very bad addict and has done crime to support his habits. Kyle was addicted to gambling, stealing number plates and was given a rude shock when the local plod finally caught up with him. They were not happy at all and he was punished severely. But he's turned a corner and is living indpendently and well now. Thanks to Debbie who disregarding his ambilevlence to her grabbed hold of him and shook up his life up to that point. And dogged his very footsteps for a year. Never giving up, no matter how hard things were.
She works full time for "Berry Street" and they never give up on a child, no matter how hopeless. I've fostered myself and Mara is happy now, an adult, more than capable of running her own life. She came to us at 13 and is now a mature 35 with 2 sons. She was the first one to get us involved in Kyle's troubles, sensing he was in a lot of it. She pushed and pushed us till we went in for the rescue and Deb was reluctant to come on board at first as she and we had had just about enough of his behaviours at the time.
But it was all worth it and he gradually turned his life around and he went back to the cheeky funny self loving individual he always was before. Before he and his long time girlfriend busted up and he decided he was "Going to hate the world". And what a massive undertaking it was, counselling, CBO's, you name it, Kyle had it. Assessments, loss of licence, appointments with at least two counsellors sometimes 3. Doctor's appointments and Community Work 2 days a week and working 2 jobs. He was handed punishment on a platter and expected to "Suck It Up Princess"
He baulked at times, wanting to sleep or do nothing and he wasn't allowed to. He turned his life around and his Father, sadly didn't. Even after the death of his beloved Sister, Mandy. He was incarcerated for 8 months last year. Kyle excitedly going to pick him up, getting up at 5 am that morning and was back face down on the bed at home that night, almost crying. It had only taken Simon 12 hours to have a hit of Ice and Kyle was bereft. Some you can save and some you can't. Simon was bashed just recently and it upset Yvette to see him, the orbital bones standing out in his face then. She thinks he is a dead man walking, only a matter of time man.
She hates the thought of anything happening to him as it's like all hers and the boys lofe they have been waiting for the other shoe to drop for Simon. She loved him so much in the beginning and he could not or would not take responsibilty for his terrible addictions. He started young, drinking a bottle of Jim Beam a day when we first met him and he was 13. Yvette and he were rebels together and always she held out hope for him. Once nursing him for 12 months on Methadone, but it all became too much for her and she had to cut him loose.
Maybe it will all turn out well, maybe someone will grab that frail piece of Humanity and force him into Rehab, but Yvette said it won't help, he is too far gone. I hope he does get to Rehab somehow and I hope he lives long and prospers, but we doubt it. I hope 2012 is a lot better than 2011 was for our Family. It's shaping up that way already and no matter how many sad goodbyes we have this year we will just keep moving forward. Step by step, one foot in front of the other.
Love Janette
