Secret Women's Business--Sex
Without Prejudice
I had a girl friend just recently tell me a cautionary tale. She and old lover were done, over, he didn't want to marry after 11 years and she did. Probably way too soon she flirted with someone on the Internet and they agreed to meet up for a quick drink. By the by, the chats and emails had turned, ahem, a little intimate. First mistake.
They met and had fun and grabbed a cab to go back to his place, second mistake. He delightedly told her he had taken Viagra, ( he was 28), third and most important mistake was she didn't jump out of the cab and run for her life. I mean Viagra at 28, spare me the rest. But she told me the rest and it was as unexciting as you could imagine.
I am a lot older than my girl friend but I know I would not meet up with some dude that had already been a bit risqué by email ot text. That's to be discovered, you are only interested in a quick drink and always have a plan for after as you might not like him. I once met up with a man for dinner who I had met somewhere else.
During the dinner he told me he had joined a group called S.N.A.G.S. (Sensitive New Age Guys ) if my car had been parked out the front, I would have made an excuse and gone to the ladies and disappeared. I figured anyone that had to join a group to learn how to be sensitive, wasn't and it sounded girly.
So back to the girlfriend the night turned out to be a complete and utter waste of time and I'm not being an I know but I could have told her that.
She's operating at the speed of light as she is 30's and the time clock is ticking as she wants a family and a wedding. Both driving her forward faster than would be considered healthy. If a guy of 28 said to me he had Viagra I would exit stage left. He shouldn't need it at that age and I, being me, would have to wonder why he was telling me. Let it be his little secret.
One of my girls told me I am like Sam out of Sex In the City. But I just don't see it as that big a deal. I guess I think like a man in that way. One of my boyfriends told me the same. It's sex, the greatest driving force apart from survival and it's as natural to me as breathing. It's fun, makes you feel good and is healthy, a stress release and releases lots of feel good hormones. What's not to like?
It should be natural and fun and exciting, but orgasm only lasts so long and then you have to get out of bed. If its not working in a relationship, you can guarantee not much else is working, if you see it as important. Some people can have sexless marriages and be the best of friends and have a great relationship. I'm just not one of those people. I like affection, kisses, hugs and naturally for me that leads to sex. But I like to not whisper sweet nothing's for hours, after, I just want to sleep.
But that does not mean I would go to bed with just anyone. I'm pretty fussy in that regard. I like an exciting lover who also happens to be my best friend as well. A woman has to trust the man she is with. She is offering up her body and vulnerabilities and wants the odds loaded on her side as she will think about it more.
Just because a woman gets older does not mean her sex life stops, in fact it gets better with age. You are no longer fretting about your kids, you know yourself better, you have more confidence. And there is plenty of sex to be had if you want it.
Men find it harder to get sex than women do. These days most older women are not looking for financial security or a Daddy to her babies. She certainly is not going to get pregnant, so she can have sex without distractions.
My counsellor said to me I was taking lovers only as I could then control the situation. I was exhibiting no strings, no committment behaviour as I had problems with intimacy with a man. I just wanted what I wanted and nothing else. I realise now, that is not what I want at all. So had to change my behaviour. I had to stop fearing and mistrusting men or expecting them to be perfect.
I'm not perfect so how could I hope that a perfect man would come along. Let's face it if you had a perfect man you would probably want to shoot him after a week. So I decided that rather than disappoint myself after giving out the wrong signals for years, I would become the person I knew I was capable of being. A softer, less demanding person. A patient, compassionate to men woman, not a feminist who wants to burn her bra.
I was brought up under feminist rules, equality for both men and women.Its still a work in progress. Women are softer and more nurturing than men. Men seemed to lose their direction after the feminism movement. Gone was their manliness and we had the birth of the metro sexual. That's just a an with Thierry Mugler after shave.
Men are just as confused as women are. Traditional roles are being stood on their collective heads. Women are choosing to have babies rather than waiting for Mr Right. There is no longer the idea that men go to work and women stay home, 50 percent of women are working these days. And running families.
I had a girl friend just recently tell me a cautionary tale. She and old lover were done, over, he didn't want to marry after 11 years and she did. Probably way too soon she flirted with someone on the Internet and they agreed to meet up for a quick drink. By the by, the chats and emails had turned, ahem, a little intimate. First mistake.
They met and had fun and grabbed a cab to go back to his place, second mistake. He delightedly told her he had taken Viagra, ( he was 28), third and most important mistake was she didn't jump out of the cab and run for her life. I mean Viagra at 28, spare me the rest. But she told me the rest and it was as unexciting as you could imagine.
I am a lot older than my girl friend but I know I would not meet up with some dude that had already been a bit risqué by email ot text. That's to be discovered, you are only interested in a quick drink and always have a plan for after as you might not like him. I once met up with a man for dinner who I had met somewhere else.
During the dinner he told me he had joined a group called S.N.A.G.S. (Sensitive New Age Guys ) if my car had been parked out the front, I would have made an excuse and gone to the ladies and disappeared. I figured anyone that had to join a group to learn how to be sensitive, wasn't and it sounded girly.
So back to the girlfriend the night turned out to be a complete and utter waste of time and I'm not being an I know but I could have told her that.
She's operating at the speed of light as she is 30's and the time clock is ticking as she wants a family and a wedding. Both driving her forward faster than would be considered healthy. If a guy of 28 said to me he had Viagra I would exit stage left. He shouldn't need it at that age and I, being me, would have to wonder why he was telling me. Let it be his little secret.
One of my girls told me I am like Sam out of Sex In the City. But I just don't see it as that big a deal. I guess I think like a man in that way. One of my boyfriends told me the same. It's sex, the greatest driving force apart from survival and it's as natural to me as breathing. It's fun, makes you feel good and is healthy, a stress release and releases lots of feel good hormones. What's not to like?
It should be natural and fun and exciting, but orgasm only lasts so long and then you have to get out of bed. If its not working in a relationship, you can guarantee not much else is working, if you see it as important. Some people can have sexless marriages and be the best of friends and have a great relationship. I'm just not one of those people. I like affection, kisses, hugs and naturally for me that leads to sex. But I like to not whisper sweet nothing's for hours, after, I just want to sleep.
But that does not mean I would go to bed with just anyone. I'm pretty fussy in that regard. I like an exciting lover who also happens to be my best friend as well. A woman has to trust the man she is with. She is offering up her body and vulnerabilities and wants the odds loaded on her side as she will think about it more.
Just because a woman gets older does not mean her sex life stops, in fact it gets better with age. You are no longer fretting about your kids, you know yourself better, you have more confidence. And there is plenty of sex to be had if you want it.
Men find it harder to get sex than women do. These days most older women are not looking for financial security or a Daddy to her babies. She certainly is not going to get pregnant, so she can have sex without distractions.
My counsellor said to me I was taking lovers only as I could then control the situation. I was exhibiting no strings, no committment behaviour as I had problems with intimacy with a man. I just wanted what I wanted and nothing else. I realise now, that is not what I want at all. So had to change my behaviour. I had to stop fearing and mistrusting men or expecting them to be perfect.
I'm not perfect so how could I hope that a perfect man would come along. Let's face it if you had a perfect man you would probably want to shoot him after a week. So I decided that rather than disappoint myself after giving out the wrong signals for years, I would become the person I knew I was capable of being. A softer, less demanding person. A patient, compassionate to men woman, not a feminist who wants to burn her bra.
I was brought up under feminist rules, equality for both men and women.Its still a work in progress. Women are softer and more nurturing than men. Men seemed to lose their direction after the feminism movement. Gone was their manliness and we had the birth of the metro sexual. That's just a an with Thierry Mugler after shave.
Men are just as confused as women are. Traditional roles are being stood on their collective heads. Women are choosing to have babies rather than waiting for Mr Right. There is no longer the idea that men go to work and women stay home, 50 percent of women are working these days. And running families.
