Summer Cherries
Without Prejudice
The last session today with the counsellor. I know it but he is not aware if it, yet. I turn in at Safeway and buy the Summer cherries. The fruit so delicious this time of year and I eat cherries as I go see the man who has twice saved me. He smiles at me and I smile back,I ask about his Christmas and advises me he is Jewish but at least he had the day off.
Today he is wearing aqua sneakers and I smile. We begin and I tell him how delightful my Christmas was this year and New Year, just passed. I tell him I felt no hollow emptiness as I usually do on Christmas day or New Year .I tell him how happy it was to spend the day with others and give and receive thoughtful presents.
I tell him I have thought of my mythically happy childhood and how I have spoken to my older sister of it. I say how many people I have tried to "fix" who say they had unhappy childhoods and how I excused their rotten behaviour as mine had been so "Happy"
I explain I feel rich in life with a permanent home after 36 moves. Of putting down roots now for almost three years, and being contented at last. We speak of things I look forward to, my daughters wedding that is only six weeks away. I tell him how I have learned to say no to the wrong things and yes to the right things
He says it is fine for me to forgive my ex but that I don't have to forget what he did. And he has also read the article this morning about the wife that sued the ex husband after 26 years and won. We speak of my original concerns when I first came to see him. My fear of men and he said I seem now to have a healthy way of viewing them. With a quite healthy scepticism.
I say I am happy to be single and feel no urgency to find a Mr Right and that I have let go of my friends with benefits, both of them. I guess I will still see Clint but he will bring his Uncle with him for dinner and drinks instead of just himself. I have told Clint he needs to meet someone and settle down and have a family of his own.
I realise as I am talking I absoultely have nothing to fear. I live with love surrounding me and protection. I am secure and I am happy and he says do I want to see him any more as he thinks we are done. I had six sessions booked and have only had four but I know I am finished. And so does he. As I turn to leave I shake his hand and say,
"You've saved me twice now, and I could not be happier " and he smiles knowing he has done his job well. Others are waiting in the waiting room, a mid thirties man and a young woman. They look unhappy, tense and I smile at them
Back in the car some of the cherries have burst with the heat and the car is full of the smell lush and sweet. I drive off and don't look back. I head straight for my daughters, the one who has lost all the weight. I had told the counsellor of her and that she says she misses her big body. He says he has never heard of anyone that misses a big body but perhaps she misses the happiness she felt back then.
She has depression he states and she needs to be on meds and I made sure of that yesterday after consulting with my Son In Law. She is up and ready to listen and I tell her what the counsellor said and ensure she has had her tablet for the day. Its a tough situation as her hubby has had to go to a funeral today and somehow I knew she would be OK from now on..She is sleepy and tired and its such a scorcher outside 39 odd degrees. and I kiss her and say its OK to rest.
I'm a Mother and Mother always knows how her kids are feeling. Its written into their DNA, my DNA. I want her to be well and back to normal and I insist she takes it one day at a time. She nods and agrees her eyes sleepy. She has no kids at home today, they are all at the funeral. And how did I know she was going to be O.K., yesterday, when she has been like this for weeks, refusing food and then in the last few days, water.
Because when I asked if she was going to the funeral she replied.
"No, its going to be 39 degrees"
The devil is always in the details....
Love Janette
The last session today with the counsellor. I know it but he is not aware if it, yet. I turn in at Safeway and buy the Summer cherries. The fruit so delicious this time of year and I eat cherries as I go see the man who has twice saved me. He smiles at me and I smile back,I ask about his Christmas and advises me he is Jewish but at least he had the day off.
Today he is wearing aqua sneakers and I smile. We begin and I tell him how delightful my Christmas was this year and New Year, just passed. I tell him I felt no hollow emptiness as I usually do on Christmas day or New Year .I tell him how happy it was to spend the day with others and give and receive thoughtful presents.
I tell him I have thought of my mythically happy childhood and how I have spoken to my older sister of it. I say how many people I have tried to "fix" who say they had unhappy childhoods and how I excused their rotten behaviour as mine had been so "Happy"
I explain I feel rich in life with a permanent home after 36 moves. Of putting down roots now for almost three years, and being contented at last. We speak of things I look forward to, my daughters wedding that is only six weeks away. I tell him how I have learned to say no to the wrong things and yes to the right things
He says it is fine for me to forgive my ex but that I don't have to forget what he did. And he has also read the article this morning about the wife that sued the ex husband after 26 years and won. We speak of my original concerns when I first came to see him. My fear of men and he said I seem now to have a healthy way of viewing them. With a quite healthy scepticism.
I say I am happy to be single and feel no urgency to find a Mr Right and that I have let go of my friends with benefits, both of them. I guess I will still see Clint but he will bring his Uncle with him for dinner and drinks instead of just himself. I have told Clint he needs to meet someone and settle down and have a family of his own.
I realise as I am talking I absoultely have nothing to fear. I live with love surrounding me and protection. I am secure and I am happy and he says do I want to see him any more as he thinks we are done. I had six sessions booked and have only had four but I know I am finished. And so does he. As I turn to leave I shake his hand and say,
"You've saved me twice now, and I could not be happier " and he smiles knowing he has done his job well. Others are waiting in the waiting room, a mid thirties man and a young woman. They look unhappy, tense and I smile at them
Back in the car some of the cherries have burst with the heat and the car is full of the smell lush and sweet. I drive off and don't look back. I head straight for my daughters, the one who has lost all the weight. I had told the counsellor of her and that she says she misses her big body. He says he has never heard of anyone that misses a big body but perhaps she misses the happiness she felt back then.
She has depression he states and she needs to be on meds and I made sure of that yesterday after consulting with my Son In Law. She is up and ready to listen and I tell her what the counsellor said and ensure she has had her tablet for the day. Its a tough situation as her hubby has had to go to a funeral today and somehow I knew she would be OK from now on..She is sleepy and tired and its such a scorcher outside 39 odd degrees. and I kiss her and say its OK to rest.
I'm a Mother and Mother always knows how her kids are feeling. Its written into their DNA, my DNA. I want her to be well and back to normal and I insist she takes it one day at a time. She nods and agrees her eyes sleepy. She has no kids at home today, they are all at the funeral. And how did I know she was going to be O.K., yesterday, when she has been like this for weeks, refusing food and then in the last few days, water.
Because when I asked if she was going to the funeral she replied.
"No, its going to be 39 degrees"
The devil is always in the details....
Love Janette
