Dead beat Dads
Without Prejudice
There are some great Dad out there in the world. They love with affection, play and spend quality time with their kids, make them feel special, loved, adored. Do the physical things that a Dad does, throw them in the air and cover them in kisses, hold the stop watch as the the child laps pools. That was my Dad, more than anything I remember my Dad, BEING THERE. He was there applauding me in the race, or winning the exam, brushing my hair when I was a Tomboy and always raced around with tangled hair. He taught me how to live, how to love and how to be happy. I remember everything about my Dad. He is an essence to me now, of California Poppy combed onto a crew cut. He was music. all music, still taping Rage at 70. He made me feel secure, protected and loved. He worked bloody hard for his kids and also spoiled us. Friday night was lolly and chocolate night for us kids. Every single one of my siblings were made to feel "Unique" by my Mum and Dad. Big chaotic family with lots of love and laughter. But Dad was King and we treated him as such. There is a trend in some males now, to be Dead Beat Dads. It is not right, nor fair and we have cried, prayed and fought about it. But for us it is a reality and we have to do the best we can to take up the slack. Of course you could say my Daughter, Yvette could have chosen better partners, but what is wrong with the men manning up ? Yvette loved her former partners, with a passion. She's not the type to go out a lot with different partners. Her oldest Son at 10 said she was to have no other partner until she was "old", as he and his brothers should have been enough for her. She stayed on her own until he was 18. Raising 5 boys on her own with some Family help. Their Dead Beat Dad could not, would not get help for his numerous addictions and hapless criminality. He was caught once, PUSHING a stolen car across the border from NSW to Victoria. (Don't ask, even he laughs about it now ) So he spent a lot of time in "The Big House", is still there and unless he gets Rehab for 12 months, will come out and use drugs again. Jail is not Rehab, trust me, I know. Prisoners are just a number and so they should be if they are guilty. And most of them are decent men that serve their time and suck it up. I spoke with our Dead Beat Dad yesterday. Of course I gave him what for ??? But then decided he needs rehab not a sentence, unless he is "institutionalised" by now. Where there is life there is hope, but there wasn't a lot of life coming from the DBD, yesterday. At least his sons have turned out the complete opposite much to everyone's surprise. The sins of the Father etc. At least his boys know where he is and know they have a whole village that has helped raise them. What of the other kind of DBD ?? The all powerful, hard working, workaholic ? He says he is doing "it" for his kids, but he isn't. He stores all that money, more money and more money. Where does he think he is going to put it in his coffin. Wealth has been shown to last only 3 generations, anyway. What does he think when he is ignoring his wife and children for the almighty dollar. How much is ever, enough? My rich brother said the wealthy waste a lot of money. So why do some men think that their family is just there to be dismissed while he makes his ascent to the top? I begged my ex to be there for the Family. But something in his psyche was damaged. He couldn't he said. Funny the grief counsellors said different. That he could "help" it but didn't want to. When I told them I felt sorry for him as he was so unpopular with people and I had to compensate him, they said rubbish. They said he had anger issues, knew exactly what he was doing, they had written to him personally to come to grief counselling, he never did. And that I was to feel sorry for myself , "Why don't you fell sorry for yourself for once, he's a grown man, he's not sorry for you or the girls, he is incapable of feeling those emotions. I was transfixed at those words. They went aroun in my head for 5 months. And one day he come yelling, screaming about the hose being left in the driveway and calling his girls, sluts. I never ever wanted to hear that voice, those words, ever again. So I asked him to leave, was brave enough to ask him to leave. I didn't even LIKE him as a person, I realised. I was sick to death of his loud voice and his pounding the table and walls when frustrated. He was 40 odd by then. All our lives he had thrown money in the door and fled. We had the best of everything material and nothing of him. My girls have said years later, where was their Dad ? They don't remember him being there for them. Where were his hugs and kisses and telling them he loved them and how proud he was of them. Nothing was ever good enough for him. We weren't good enough for him. I realised after 20 years of his insane behaviour I had had enough. And just like a spoilt child becasue I rejected him he could not do enough to harm me forever. I raised his 4 children, what do you think we "Got" out of him for long and loyal time served helping him in the Business??? Nothing, not a dollar, not a Thank You and yes putrid people said I am bitter about it. I'm not bitter, he was so violent I was glad to escape him with my life and my girls. I knew the girls would be all OK, they had me as a Mum. But more than anything I didn't want to be with a man that thught it was ok to call me and his daughters dirty names. We've always been loyal women to our men. Apparently, according to my Family Law Court solicitor was the fact that I had been married to a man that was barely more than a thug and was probably a sociopath. Great !!! No damage then ! I was made to feel guilty for ages by others that only ever saw the smiling, the charismatic. the charming, the Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. So he was one of the worst dead beat Dads and we alwys held out hope he would stop hitting us and become the loving warm Dad, the Family Dad we wanted. But he was the type of Dad that once he had money he acted like he had Power. Money absolutely ruined his life, or his love of it. I never minded ambition, I liked that trait in him. We would back him all the way. But we realised that he controlled us and not in a nice way. So when we were on our own we finally began to live. And live well. My girls did OK without their Dad for the last 24 years. The oldest one doesn't feel the rage the other two younger sibs feel. She's been in contact with him recently and at first I was angry and sad. Then I thought, "It's her choice" But I worry, I know a leopard can't change it's spots. He is what he is and if he has to push her away again one more time, he will. That's the nature of the beast. So there are DBD's in every strata of society. And as my exes steps back on to a plane on business class, his wing tip glinting it's shine across the skies, the hostesses that make him feel special, the people that genuflect making him feel BIG and important he leaves behind everything that will mean something to him when he is old. Genuine loving Family> but he won't care at the end of it all is all that money xxx
There are some great Dad out there in the world. They love with affection, play and spend quality time with their kids, make them feel special, loved, adored. Do the physical things that a Dad does, throw them in the air and cover them in kisses, hold the stop watch as the the child laps pools. That was my Dad, more than anything I remember my Dad, BEING THERE. He was there applauding me in the race, or winning the exam, brushing my hair when I was a Tomboy and always raced around with tangled hair. He taught me how to live, how to love and how to be happy. I remember everything about my Dad. He is an essence to me now, of California Poppy combed onto a crew cut. He was music. all music, still taping Rage at 70. He made me feel secure, protected and loved. He worked bloody hard for his kids and also spoiled us. Friday night was lolly and chocolate night for us kids. Every single one of my siblings were made to feel "Unique" by my Mum and Dad. Big chaotic family with lots of love and laughter. But Dad was King and we treated him as such. There is a trend in some males now, to be Dead Beat Dads. It is not right, nor fair and we have cried, prayed and fought about it. But for us it is a reality and we have to do the best we can to take up the slack. Of course you could say my Daughter, Yvette could have chosen better partners, but what is wrong with the men manning up ? Yvette loved her former partners, with a passion. She's not the type to go out a lot with different partners. Her oldest Son at 10 said she was to have no other partner until she was "old", as he and his brothers should have been enough for her. She stayed on her own until he was 18. Raising 5 boys on her own with some Family help. Their Dead Beat Dad could not, would not get help for his numerous addictions and hapless criminality. He was caught once, PUSHING a stolen car across the border from NSW to Victoria. (Don't ask, even he laughs about it now ) So he spent a lot of time in "The Big House", is still there and unless he gets Rehab for 12 months, will come out and use drugs again. Jail is not Rehab, trust me, I know. Prisoners are just a number and so they should be if they are guilty. And most of them are decent men that serve their time and suck it up. I spoke with our Dead Beat Dad yesterday. Of course I gave him what for ??? But then decided he needs rehab not a sentence, unless he is "institutionalised" by now. Where there is life there is hope, but there wasn't a lot of life coming from the DBD, yesterday. At least his sons have turned out the complete opposite much to everyone's surprise. The sins of the Father etc. At least his boys know where he is and know they have a whole village that has helped raise them. What of the other kind of DBD ?? The all powerful, hard working, workaholic ? He says he is doing "it" for his kids, but he isn't. He stores all that money, more money and more money. Where does he think he is going to put it in his coffin. Wealth has been shown to last only 3 generations, anyway. What does he think when he is ignoring his wife and children for the almighty dollar. How much is ever, enough? My rich brother said the wealthy waste a lot of money. So why do some men think that their family is just there to be dismissed while he makes his ascent to the top? I begged my ex to be there for the Family. But something in his psyche was damaged. He couldn't he said. Funny the grief counsellors said different. That he could "help" it but didn't want to. When I told them I felt sorry for him as he was so unpopular with people and I had to compensate him, they said rubbish. They said he had anger issues, knew exactly what he was doing, they had written to him personally to come to grief counselling, he never did. And that I was to feel sorry for myself , "Why don't you fell sorry for yourself for once, he's a grown man, he's not sorry for you or the girls, he is incapable of feeling those emotions. I was transfixed at those words. They went aroun in my head for 5 months. And one day he come yelling, screaming about the hose being left in the driveway and calling his girls, sluts. I never ever wanted to hear that voice, those words, ever again. So I asked him to leave, was brave enough to ask him to leave. I didn't even LIKE him as a person, I realised. I was sick to death of his loud voice and his pounding the table and walls when frustrated. He was 40 odd by then. All our lives he had thrown money in the door and fled. We had the best of everything material and nothing of him. My girls have said years later, where was their Dad ? They don't remember him being there for them. Where were his hugs and kisses and telling them he loved them and how proud he was of them. Nothing was ever good enough for him. We weren't good enough for him. I realised after 20 years of his insane behaviour I had had enough. And just like a spoilt child becasue I rejected him he could not do enough to harm me forever. I raised his 4 children, what do you think we "Got" out of him for long and loyal time served helping him in the Business??? Nothing, not a dollar, not a Thank You and yes putrid people said I am bitter about it. I'm not bitter, he was so violent I was glad to escape him with my life and my girls. I knew the girls would be all OK, they had me as a Mum. But more than anything I didn't want to be with a man that thught it was ok to call me and his daughters dirty names. We've always been loyal women to our men. Apparently, according to my Family Law Court solicitor was the fact that I had been married to a man that was barely more than a thug and was probably a sociopath. Great !!! No damage then ! I was made to feel guilty for ages by others that only ever saw the smiling, the charismatic. the charming, the Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. So he was one of the worst dead beat Dads and we alwys held out hope he would stop hitting us and become the loving warm Dad, the Family Dad we wanted. But he was the type of Dad that once he had money he acted like he had Power. Money absolutely ruined his life, or his love of it. I never minded ambition, I liked that trait in him. We would back him all the way. But we realised that he controlled us and not in a nice way. So when we were on our own we finally began to live. And live well. My girls did OK without their Dad for the last 24 years. The oldest one doesn't feel the rage the other two younger sibs feel. She's been in contact with him recently and at first I was angry and sad. Then I thought, "It's her choice" But I worry, I know a leopard can't change it's spots. He is what he is and if he has to push her away again one more time, he will. That's the nature of the beast. So there are DBD's in every strata of society. And as my exes steps back on to a plane on business class, his wing tip glinting it's shine across the skies, the hostesses that make him feel special, the people that genuflect making him feel BIG and important he leaves behind everything that will mean something to him when he is old. Genuine loving Family> but he won't care at the end of it all is all that money xxx
