Andrej Bryce Hawkins
Without Prejudice
I have another whole generation of Family. He's rushed into the world early and he is beautiful, tiny, vunerable, little red mark on his cheek from forceps. I am on fire at the Hospital, delighted, kissing everyone. And when I go home I sob in gratitude at his beauty and that he is mine, my Great Grand Son.
I cry because she's not here to see him. Lauren.She would have loved him. She wrote in her school diary about the impending birth of Kyle. 89 days to go to my Sisters baby being born. Lauren. She got to be an Aunt for 2 weeks. And every day after school her and best friend Kerry would catch a bus to the hospital.
Lauren just looked at him and looked at him, drinking Kyle in. He is gorgeous Kyle because he never forgets his Aunt of 12. He went last year to the Memorial and he ticked me off as I hadn't been there. I HATE going there, I hate it. I know I honour her in my heart and going there reinforces the fact that she is dead. I don't want her dead, I want her here, but it's not to be.
I cried all day, and went to bed with a massive headache and confused mind. I was so happy so very happy and so gutted at the same time. Loving my new offspring of offspring, missing my little girl. It's all normal, I'm bound to feel that way, emotional. Shock in a way too I wasn't prepared and I am so happy that it's all OK.
Andrej is so very tiny and yet I feel a familiarity with him. He's meant to be here as he constitutes more love. The entire Family is overjoyed and it's not unusual that a lot have cried too, in joy. Tears of joy are also therapeutic as are tears of sorrow.
I want to grab him and run with him and make him safe, take him to the hills or mountains. I don't want anything to happen to him, I couldn't bear it. They say that what doesn't kill us makes us strong, I don't want to be strong if pain comes with it.
But he's lovely and I love him, already. And when I saw Kyle at the Hospital it was a different Kyle. He walked towards me, a man. He strode ten feet high and four feet wide and looked at his son with a reverence and wonder and he was there when Andrej came out.
He can barely speak and has to go to work at 1pm and can't get out of it. There is no one else. I say to him,
"Go, Duff, your Mum, Alena, Debbie be here soon to celebrate and squabble over who gets the first cuddle"
He doesn't want to leave, he hovers hesitant, he look at Mladenka in awe. She went through all that! The pain of creation, the creation made in love. Andrej will always be surrounded in love, just as Kyle was. I remember Pam, Simons' Mother, Kyle's Father saying when Kyle was born,
"He will always be alright, he is born surrounded by love"
Andrej Bryce is also surrounded with love, he will launch himself into the world and make a difference. Kyle has made a difference, if we didn't have him after Lauren died I think we would have gone crazy. His routine and care kept us going when all we wanted to do was not move.
I love you my great Grand Son, just as I love your Father and his beautiful, serene, majestic Mladenka. You made it out my Darling, you made it out of the darkness and came to the light. We love you xoxox
Love Janette
I have another whole generation of Family. He's rushed into the world early and he is beautiful, tiny, vunerable, little red mark on his cheek from forceps. I am on fire at the Hospital, delighted, kissing everyone. And when I go home I sob in gratitude at his beauty and that he is mine, my Great Grand Son.
I cry because she's not here to see him. Lauren.She would have loved him. She wrote in her school diary about the impending birth of Kyle. 89 days to go to my Sisters baby being born. Lauren. She got to be an Aunt for 2 weeks. And every day after school her and best friend Kerry would catch a bus to the hospital.
Lauren just looked at him and looked at him, drinking Kyle in. He is gorgeous Kyle because he never forgets his Aunt of 12. He went last year to the Memorial and he ticked me off as I hadn't been there. I HATE going there, I hate it. I know I honour her in my heart and going there reinforces the fact that she is dead. I don't want her dead, I want her here, but it's not to be.
I cried all day, and went to bed with a massive headache and confused mind. I was so happy so very happy and so gutted at the same time. Loving my new offspring of offspring, missing my little girl. It's all normal, I'm bound to feel that way, emotional. Shock in a way too I wasn't prepared and I am so happy that it's all OK.
Andrej is so very tiny and yet I feel a familiarity with him. He's meant to be here as he constitutes more love. The entire Family is overjoyed and it's not unusual that a lot have cried too, in joy. Tears of joy are also therapeutic as are tears of sorrow.
I want to grab him and run with him and make him safe, take him to the hills or mountains. I don't want anything to happen to him, I couldn't bear it. They say that what doesn't kill us makes us strong, I don't want to be strong if pain comes with it.
But he's lovely and I love him, already. And when I saw Kyle at the Hospital it was a different Kyle. He walked towards me, a man. He strode ten feet high and four feet wide and looked at his son with a reverence and wonder and he was there when Andrej came out.
He can barely speak and has to go to work at 1pm and can't get out of it. There is no one else. I say to him,
"Go, Duff, your Mum, Alena, Debbie be here soon to celebrate and squabble over who gets the first cuddle"
He doesn't want to leave, he hovers hesitant, he look at Mladenka in awe. She went through all that! The pain of creation, the creation made in love. Andrej will always be surrounded in love, just as Kyle was. I remember Pam, Simons' Mother, Kyle's Father saying when Kyle was born,
"He will always be alright, he is born surrounded by love"
Andrej Bryce is also surrounded with love, he will launch himself into the world and make a difference. Kyle has made a difference, if we didn't have him after Lauren died I think we would have gone crazy. His routine and care kept us going when all we wanted to do was not move.
I love you my great Grand Son, just as I love your Father and his beautiful, serene, majestic Mladenka. You made it out my Darling, you made it out of the darkness and came to the light. We love you xoxox
Love Janette
