Beachmere Thursday April 26th 2012
Without Prejudice
I am here at last, so good to be here as I had imagined in dark dreary wet days in Melbourne. I was so full of the virus that I was miserable all day before flying last night. And then came the surprise and delight that I so needed, so wanted.
My Baby came.
With a mask for me.
I sat cradling my great Grandson at last, 4 days old and up until then I couldn't hold him. I was so sick, sick from the minute I reached home after seeing him a half hour old. Immediately. Came on as soon as I walked in the door from tjhe Hospital, bang, sore throat, streamimg eyes, hideous cough, I kept hawking up green mucous and vomiting.
I had already booked to go away and couldn't change the trip nor did I want to. I wanted what was best for my new little Generation Man, my great grandson Andrej Bryce Hawkins. I impaled myself on the sword of martyrdom, forearm to my brow like some Victorian Lady with the Vapours.
"It's alright, I can handle it ", I thought, meanwhile thinking
"Boo Hoo, poor me"
And yesterday afternoon on the Coldest Anzac Day in Melbourne in whenever, the door opened and in came my Daughter in Law to be, My Grandson and their baby, my Great Grandson with a Mask for me.
I sat and held him for the first time, looked at his face, looked into his face and breathed him in. So perfect, so new, a "freshy" as my Son In Law likes to call them, meaning smelling of that baby smell, the newness, the flowered almost roses like smell of a newborn.
My grand daughter in law, glowing, back in jeans and it's only been 4 days. The achievemnet of Andrej's birth wriiten all over her face and in her body posture. Woman, Mother at last she could not be happier.
My grandson has turned into a different person, lighter, somehow in his demeanour but bigger in his persona. I look at my little tribe and realise I would not have been happy leaving without holding Andrej just once, whispering to him,
"I'm glad you are here, and we will always look out for you, all of us"
Just as I made the same promise to his Father all those years ago.
I love him, I loved him the minute, the second, I knew he was coming in, to being. I hand him over to my grand daughter and after a while he frets a little. I gesture to get him back and he's returned.
"I say to the girls watch this"
He calms immediately in my arms and they ask how that is done, the Mother of this scrap of humanity and my grand daughter.
"Experience", I answer, and i know I hold a baby differently to what they do. I am confident and hold him to one side almost casually.
"I'm not nervous and he senses it"
Isn't that amazing that a tiny baby of 6lb 3 ounces can sense others anxiety already. If you watch the nurses in the Hospital they are not hesitant, they move forward, wrap a a baby, hold a baby almost casually, not hovering, no time.
I do the same and babies always calm down, he will do the same with all the Mothers I know, experienced Mothers. They would put music on, get him used to noise and the outside world. I love him. And find it hard to re;enquish care and I am so happy they brought him to see me. The mask and washed hands a good option for everyone not just Andrej.
Deb and I hurry to the Airport both anxious then, as I misssed a flight with Jetstar last year almost 12 months to the day, ago. Deb reminds me it was like dragging teeth to get me to the Airport. I cried all the way and I just about had my feet on the dash and door so I didn't have to get out of that car.
She said I was terrible last time and I was. And good old Jestar wouldn't let me on as I was right on the Half hour border before flying. I had to ring Deb, it took her ages to be able to turn around on the Freeway and come back. It was a disaster from start to finish. The flight was a Mothers Day gift and I was upset for the waste.
But it wasn't to be an I did fly to Queensland about a month later and cried all the way there as then I decided I really was scared of flying and heights and danger of any kind. Luckily my brother George sat next to me and his Business partner, Tracy, patted my hand and put her arms around me as did George. The staff gave me a large red wine and by the time I landed in Brisbane I was almost merry.
Same set of circumstances last night, rain teeming, freezing cold in Melbourne and Deb this time so cautious that we went early. She is so organised my beautiful big chick, that she had checked me in already, I dropped my bag and we went and had a coffee.
We talked away and suddenly I was late and running towards the gate, number 27, FINAL CALL. Deb and I looked at each other and laughed, it was so deja Vu. I raced on after hugging Deb goodbye and sat down ashamed to be holding other passengers up. There were 4 more after me anyway.
And then we had an engineering problem, the flight was delayed 2 bloody hours. And we had to disembark and re enter another plane on another gate 25 this time. Last year all the delay would have sent me in to panic mode, even the flight I was on with George was the first one out of Melbourne after days of the Volcanic Ash scare.
This time I was not fazed by anything. Not by dleay, not by bad weather, not by any anxiety. I just handled it all. And it was growing colder and colder. I had in my wisdom decided to wear a short sleeved Country Road dress with footless tights and my jacket was in my suitcase buried somewhere betwenn gate 27 and 25.
The relief at finally getting going was immense. On the earlier flight I had 3 seat to myself but the new flight was on a smaller plane and we all had to adjust accordingly. I had my boring book in my handbag as it always keeps others away if you are reading.
But a nice older man sat near the window and I was on the aisle, and instead of being the shy type I normally am I decided to make conversation and we happily chatted all the way to Brisbane and exchanged numbers. I said if he was up Bribie way as he had a trip to Redcliife planned which is just up the road, pop in for a cup of tea. My sisters hubby is a house hubby and he is always there so no dramas. My Sister Helen is a nurse and is off to work everyday.
I am here to write and recover from the nasty virus I have had. And as I write this I am at one end of the Verandah at their house, out of the glare of the sun, and all around me is beauty and tranquility, peace and quiet. And I write my stories in Heaven at last.
Love Janette
I am here at last, so good to be here as I had imagined in dark dreary wet days in Melbourne. I was so full of the virus that I was miserable all day before flying last night. And then came the surprise and delight that I so needed, so wanted.
My Baby came.
With a mask for me.
I sat cradling my great Grandson at last, 4 days old and up until then I couldn't hold him. I was so sick, sick from the minute I reached home after seeing him a half hour old. Immediately. Came on as soon as I walked in the door from tjhe Hospital, bang, sore throat, streamimg eyes, hideous cough, I kept hawking up green mucous and vomiting.
I had already booked to go away and couldn't change the trip nor did I want to. I wanted what was best for my new little Generation Man, my great grandson Andrej Bryce Hawkins. I impaled myself on the sword of martyrdom, forearm to my brow like some Victorian Lady with the Vapours.
"It's alright, I can handle it ", I thought, meanwhile thinking
"Boo Hoo, poor me"
And yesterday afternoon on the Coldest Anzac Day in Melbourne in whenever, the door opened and in came my Daughter in Law to be, My Grandson and their baby, my Great Grandson with a Mask for me.
I sat and held him for the first time, looked at his face, looked into his face and breathed him in. So perfect, so new, a "freshy" as my Son In Law likes to call them, meaning smelling of that baby smell, the newness, the flowered almost roses like smell of a newborn.
My grand daughter in law, glowing, back in jeans and it's only been 4 days. The achievemnet of Andrej's birth wriiten all over her face and in her body posture. Woman, Mother at last she could not be happier.
My grandson has turned into a different person, lighter, somehow in his demeanour but bigger in his persona. I look at my little tribe and realise I would not have been happy leaving without holding Andrej just once, whispering to him,
"I'm glad you are here, and we will always look out for you, all of us"
Just as I made the same promise to his Father all those years ago.
I love him, I loved him the minute, the second, I knew he was coming in, to being. I hand him over to my grand daughter and after a while he frets a little. I gesture to get him back and he's returned.
"I say to the girls watch this"
He calms immediately in my arms and they ask how that is done, the Mother of this scrap of humanity and my grand daughter.
"Experience", I answer, and i know I hold a baby differently to what they do. I am confident and hold him to one side almost casually.
"I'm not nervous and he senses it"
Isn't that amazing that a tiny baby of 6lb 3 ounces can sense others anxiety already. If you watch the nurses in the Hospital they are not hesitant, they move forward, wrap a a baby, hold a baby almost casually, not hovering, no time.
I do the same and babies always calm down, he will do the same with all the Mothers I know, experienced Mothers. They would put music on, get him used to noise and the outside world. I love him. And find it hard to re;enquish care and I am so happy they brought him to see me. The mask and washed hands a good option for everyone not just Andrej.
Deb and I hurry to the Airport both anxious then, as I misssed a flight with Jetstar last year almost 12 months to the day, ago. Deb reminds me it was like dragging teeth to get me to the Airport. I cried all the way and I just about had my feet on the dash and door so I didn't have to get out of that car.
She said I was terrible last time and I was. And good old Jestar wouldn't let me on as I was right on the Half hour border before flying. I had to ring Deb, it took her ages to be able to turn around on the Freeway and come back. It was a disaster from start to finish. The flight was a Mothers Day gift and I was upset for the waste.
But it wasn't to be an I did fly to Queensland about a month later and cried all the way there as then I decided I really was scared of flying and heights and danger of any kind. Luckily my brother George sat next to me and his Business partner, Tracy, patted my hand and put her arms around me as did George. The staff gave me a large red wine and by the time I landed in Brisbane I was almost merry.
Same set of circumstances last night, rain teeming, freezing cold in Melbourne and Deb this time so cautious that we went early. She is so organised my beautiful big chick, that she had checked me in already, I dropped my bag and we went and had a coffee.
We talked away and suddenly I was late and running towards the gate, number 27, FINAL CALL. Deb and I looked at each other and laughed, it was so deja Vu. I raced on after hugging Deb goodbye and sat down ashamed to be holding other passengers up. There were 4 more after me anyway.
And then we had an engineering problem, the flight was delayed 2 bloody hours. And we had to disembark and re enter another plane on another gate 25 this time. Last year all the delay would have sent me in to panic mode, even the flight I was on with George was the first one out of Melbourne after days of the Volcanic Ash scare.
This time I was not fazed by anything. Not by dleay, not by bad weather, not by any anxiety. I just handled it all. And it was growing colder and colder. I had in my wisdom decided to wear a short sleeved Country Road dress with footless tights and my jacket was in my suitcase buried somewhere betwenn gate 27 and 25.
The relief at finally getting going was immense. On the earlier flight I had 3 seat to myself but the new flight was on a smaller plane and we all had to adjust accordingly. I had my boring book in my handbag as it always keeps others away if you are reading.
But a nice older man sat near the window and I was on the aisle, and instead of being the shy type I normally am I decided to make conversation and we happily chatted all the way to Brisbane and exchanged numbers. I said if he was up Bribie way as he had a trip to Redcliife planned which is just up the road, pop in for a cup of tea. My sisters hubby is a house hubby and he is always there so no dramas. My Sister Helen is a nurse and is off to work everyday.
I am here to write and recover from the nasty virus I have had. And as I write this I am at one end of the Verandah at their house, out of the glare of the sun, and all around me is beauty and tranquility, peace and quiet. And I write my stories in Heaven at last.
Love Janette
