Sylvia's Mother
Without Prejudice
Sylvia's Mum died last night, Mimi, aged 87, peacefully and in her sleep. I was full of The Dreaded Lurgi today and she texted me and I dragged my quilt and ran inside through the rain. She cried in the telling and so did I. She sobbed broken hearted and I so wanted to go to her, my friend, Sylvia but I dare not pass this ugly virus on.
We hadn't been close, she said something stupid, she can be tactless, it was about a baby that my Daughter In Law eventually miscarried a week later. I had said to her after a friendship of 40 years...."Fuck Off", seriously. and
"Send me a hate letter. Isn't that what you normally do to your old friends.????"
She had too. I had begged her not to, one to a Daughter In Law, the Mother of her 3 beloved grand kids. I was so patient with her, so non complaining, un like her (She hates to admit it but she's becoming the whingeing W** ) and then one day I had enough of her, I don't care that she's almost 10 years older than me. I gave it to her with both barrels and as far as I was concerned she was done.
I would not go ten minutes without seeing one child or another in my life. I would crawl and grovel to anyone to see my Grandkids, lucky I only ever had girls, so no daughter in Laws. My girls are now all grown up, as much as they ever will be to the Mother, they will still always be my children.
.
I left her alone for months and then ended up approaching her again. She has no one else. Even her Mum. Sylvia spent half her life resenting and hating her as she abandoned her at 4. Running away after the war in Yogoslavia, to take a child was madness on such a dangerous journey, she had said.
and Sylvia was angry and rejected and didn't get to see her real Mother again till her Mother had moved to Australia. By then Sylvia was 13. She spoke no English, her stepfather tried to "touch her up" and by 16 she was out of home and living around the corner in East Bentleigh, a boarding house and it was there that she met her future Hubby, Cor.
I'll never abandon her but I won't put up with her crap either, ever again, but she was there for me, came with me to the Crematorium to pick up Laurens ashes after her death. I was lost and she had to be harsh and take me by the hand and I couldn't deal with it.
Thats what good friends are for.
I can sit with old friends now and cry silent tears running down my face and they will pat me and hug me and let me tell you there is nothing in the world better than a tight bear hug from someone that cares.
And I love to give them, hell if I could cure the whole world I would. Just hug them all and say
"You're going to be fine, you're going to be better than fine"
Other women like me going through their own personal journeys, trying to be brave and not always succeeding.
Sylvia came with me on that blistering hot day. The day no one wants to ever have to deal with, not a parent anyway. It was all so clinical, pay the $50 and pick up this ugly heavy beige plastic box. I gently shushed it and you could hear the ashes swishing around inside. It was so light really. A whole life in a box, a life that had sung and danced and loved, hugged, swam, painted and drew. Rode a horse, lived, mattered.
So when she rang me today I was sobbing with her, she was so distraught, your Mum, your whole world. And Mimi was there for the first 4 years, Sylvia a cause of shame being illigitemate. Sylvia wasn't brought down from the attic at the Family home in Slovenia for the first 6 months of her life. And then the Grand Dad asked for her to be brought down.
Sylvia remembers the day her Mother left,
Her Grandmother questionong Mimi,
When will you be back?'
There was no reply and as we discussed today maybe it was a Sophie's choice. Maybe Mimi didn't have a choice, no Mother leaves a child unless they have no choice, most Mothers anyway. I wanted my baby Debbie but at the time I didn't want to be married and said so. There was no choice, my parents said I had to marry, my in laws said we had to marry and my future husband took the decision out of my hands, anyway, and rang his Mother.
Sylvia caught up with her boys at the Hospital, one she had not seen for about 8 years and she hadn't seen her Daughter In Law or 3 grandkids for that time either, and she adores them. No she had a fight with them and then stupidly sent them a letter. Oh No. She cuts off her nose to spite her face this woman. I would crawl over broken glass to get to my Grandkids and once had to do just that.
She said I'm loving like that, I was brought up like that. A soft little girl protected by parents and siblings, a cherished little darling in gloves and straw boater and pretty striped dress for Sunday School. Syl was moved to the Aunts from the Grandparents and was sent to the school with a kick up the arse and a rock thrown if she wasn't careful. Beatings were normal. She was made to work and work but she's ok, although if I have to go on telling her off I will. She's alienated all her old friends with her rejected child behaviour.
I was there for her as if we have never had a fight because I have to, we go back so far, divorced at the same time, been through fun times and men and cigarettes and home made liquor that's fierce and strip the back out of your throat. She's an amazing cook, Sarma (Cabbage Rolls) Cevapci, Keffler Rolls, Chocolate Puffs with cream, cheese and salami and she feeds you or tries to every 15 minutes.
She came to my place one day and had busted up with a guy she had been living with for ten years. She slammed down literally a kilo of ham and a dozen rolls on my table,
"Eat, Eat, she said.
"Im not hungry"
"Whats hunger got to do with it?", she said and bit savagely into a roll.
We've been on drunken nights to Caseys in the old days and Pitronies and The Hunters lodge, she was older than me by ten years and was way more wordly and wise than me. She told me she was unhappy with hubby, a Dutchman, high, wide and handsome, but he drank and was tight, really tight with money. He told her to go to work when her boys were little, twin boys of 4 at that timea nd another little boy 18 months younger. Her hands were full but she went, she went to Afternoon shift at WD and Ho Wills, afternoon shift.
To be continued..............
Sylvia's Mum died last night, Mimi, aged 87, peacefully and in her sleep. I was full of The Dreaded Lurgi today and she texted me and I dragged my quilt and ran inside through the rain. She cried in the telling and so did I. She sobbed broken hearted and I so wanted to go to her, my friend, Sylvia but I dare not pass this ugly virus on.
We hadn't been close, she said something stupid, she can be tactless, it was about a baby that my Daughter In Law eventually miscarried a week later. I had said to her after a friendship of 40 years...."Fuck Off", seriously. and
"Send me a hate letter. Isn't that what you normally do to your old friends.????"
She had too. I had begged her not to, one to a Daughter In Law, the Mother of her 3 beloved grand kids. I was so patient with her, so non complaining, un like her (She hates to admit it but she's becoming the whingeing W** ) and then one day I had enough of her, I don't care that she's almost 10 years older than me. I gave it to her with both barrels and as far as I was concerned she was done.
I would not go ten minutes without seeing one child or another in my life. I would crawl and grovel to anyone to see my Grandkids, lucky I only ever had girls, so no daughter in Laws. My girls are now all grown up, as much as they ever will be to the Mother, they will still always be my children.
.
I left her alone for months and then ended up approaching her again. She has no one else. Even her Mum. Sylvia spent half her life resenting and hating her as she abandoned her at 4. Running away after the war in Yogoslavia, to take a child was madness on such a dangerous journey, she had said.
and Sylvia was angry and rejected and didn't get to see her real Mother again till her Mother had moved to Australia. By then Sylvia was 13. She spoke no English, her stepfather tried to "touch her up" and by 16 she was out of home and living around the corner in East Bentleigh, a boarding house and it was there that she met her future Hubby, Cor.
I'll never abandon her but I won't put up with her crap either, ever again, but she was there for me, came with me to the Crematorium to pick up Laurens ashes after her death. I was lost and she had to be harsh and take me by the hand and I couldn't deal with it.
Thats what good friends are for.
I can sit with old friends now and cry silent tears running down my face and they will pat me and hug me and let me tell you there is nothing in the world better than a tight bear hug from someone that cares.
And I love to give them, hell if I could cure the whole world I would. Just hug them all and say
"You're going to be fine, you're going to be better than fine"
Other women like me going through their own personal journeys, trying to be brave and not always succeeding.
Sylvia came with me on that blistering hot day. The day no one wants to ever have to deal with, not a parent anyway. It was all so clinical, pay the $50 and pick up this ugly heavy beige plastic box. I gently shushed it and you could hear the ashes swishing around inside. It was so light really. A whole life in a box, a life that had sung and danced and loved, hugged, swam, painted and drew. Rode a horse, lived, mattered.
So when she rang me today I was sobbing with her, she was so distraught, your Mum, your whole world. And Mimi was there for the first 4 years, Sylvia a cause of shame being illigitemate. Sylvia wasn't brought down from the attic at the Family home in Slovenia for the first 6 months of her life. And then the Grand Dad asked for her to be brought down.
Sylvia remembers the day her Mother left,
Her Grandmother questionong Mimi,
When will you be back?'
There was no reply and as we discussed today maybe it was a Sophie's choice. Maybe Mimi didn't have a choice, no Mother leaves a child unless they have no choice, most Mothers anyway. I wanted my baby Debbie but at the time I didn't want to be married and said so. There was no choice, my parents said I had to marry, my in laws said we had to marry and my future husband took the decision out of my hands, anyway, and rang his Mother.
Sylvia caught up with her boys at the Hospital, one she had not seen for about 8 years and she hadn't seen her Daughter In Law or 3 grandkids for that time either, and she adores them. No she had a fight with them and then stupidly sent them a letter. Oh No. She cuts off her nose to spite her face this woman. I would crawl over broken glass to get to my Grandkids and once had to do just that.
She said I'm loving like that, I was brought up like that. A soft little girl protected by parents and siblings, a cherished little darling in gloves and straw boater and pretty striped dress for Sunday School. Syl was moved to the Aunts from the Grandparents and was sent to the school with a kick up the arse and a rock thrown if she wasn't careful. Beatings were normal. She was made to work and work but she's ok, although if I have to go on telling her off I will. She's alienated all her old friends with her rejected child behaviour.
I was there for her as if we have never had a fight because I have to, we go back so far, divorced at the same time, been through fun times and men and cigarettes and home made liquor that's fierce and strip the back out of your throat. She's an amazing cook, Sarma (Cabbage Rolls) Cevapci, Keffler Rolls, Chocolate Puffs with cream, cheese and salami and she feeds you or tries to every 15 minutes.
She came to my place one day and had busted up with a guy she had been living with for ten years. She slammed down literally a kilo of ham and a dozen rolls on my table,
"Eat, Eat, she said.
"Im not hungry"
"Whats hunger got to do with it?", she said and bit savagely into a roll.
We've been on drunken nights to Caseys in the old days and Pitronies and The Hunters lodge, she was older than me by ten years and was way more wordly and wise than me. She told me she was unhappy with hubby, a Dutchman, high, wide and handsome, but he drank and was tight, really tight with money. He told her to go to work when her boys were little, twin boys of 4 at that timea nd another little boy 18 months younger. Her hands were full but she went, she went to Afternoon shift at WD and Ho Wills, afternoon shift.
To be continued..............
