Educating Rita et al
Without Prejudice
We were engaged for ten years. I met him when he was 30 and I was 42 and divorced about 3 years. He was funny a Charlie Chaplin of a medium size Irishman from Palmerstown in Dublin. I at first wouldn't go out with him as he had a girlfriend his age, who he lived with, Vicky. He had been living with her for 8 years and he said he never wanted to marry or have kids.
He said he no longer was "in love" with her but loved her as she was very good to him
I liked that about Neville he praised his ex rather than call her names or deride her. he had the greatest respect for her. He still had to get drunk to tell her about me. I told him I don't go out with "married" men and if he wanted to be with me he had to tell her.
So he got very drunk and told her and she clouted him, he said. But he then wanted me to move in with him straight away and I said no. I thought he needed some time on his own after 8 years and he moved in with a childhood friend of his in Glen Iris. I waited 8 months, we dated only and then I moved in with him It was hilarious as I had no idea how to live with a man with no kids.
I cried my eyes out on the first day realising it was just me and him in his Friend Declan's flat. I said,
"What are we going to talk about ?" I blubbed
I imagined without kids we would both be incredibly lonely and have nothing to say to each other. But as it happened we were perfectly fine. Nev loved to read, was highly intelligent, highbrow almost, a professor don in some ways, (His favourite movie was "Educating Rita" ) and then he could be this falling down, incoherent drunk, the like of which I had never ever seen before.
Nev could go to an early openers in St Kilda on a Saturday morning or a Friday night and go on a binge that lasted 3 days. And then he'd collapse, be out of it for five days, sick, only getting up to pee. He reminded me of legendary drunks such as Hemingway and Brendan Behan. That was ironic as when he first met me he told me he was a famous Author. Neville Irvine, seemed to be true. He said he wrote books on his ramblings in and out of bars all over the world.
I believed him at first and then I twigged he was lying. He was a humble storeman at a bedding Factory and I was a Credit Officer at John Sands. Back then.I was so earnest and controlled in my life and work was very serious to me. He poked fun at my diligence and as we drove past John Sands, he would say,
"Ah, I see the building is still standing even though you're not there "
He was so young and so innocent of real life at that stage. The breakup with Vicky in the end was OK and she being a nice person met someone much nicer than Nev and is still with him and he's a terrific bloke. Nev was sooooo intelligent at first I just fell in love with his mind. He used long words in every day sentences was up on world news and politics. He had a habit of not being able to sleep unless he listened to the BBC World Services, loud !
By the time he woke up he would know the crop rotation in Outer Mongolia. What coup had happened overnight and how many rocks were thrown that day on the Gaza strip. he also loved the same music as me if it was old enough. We fell in love to Kris Kristofferson, The Chieftains and Frank Sinatra's "I got you under my skin"
I remember one lost weekend when I decided I'd try and match him drink for drink. We meandered down Elsternwick and St Kilda, calling in at pubs on the way, him drinking heavy beer and me with lager and lime.
I'll never forget that day, we were so in love. It was hot, the sun beamed down on us relentlessly as we wandered drunk on love and beer and sang,
"I've got you under my skin". We jumped on trams that went anywhere and made our way back to St Kilda. We went to Monroes for dinner, our shoulders and faces sunburned, everything we ate was fantastic, the salad, the cold Heinikens, the lamb.
We finally fell into bed the next morning at some early hour and slept the next day around. He was the most incredibly lover of a man I have ever had or hope to have. He was affectionate and loving beyond measure. He bought me things and gave me things and asked me to marry him and bought me a ring and I took it all and I knew somehow I would never marry him.
I could pretend to myself it was all fun and froth but there was his drinking which I knew went beyond normal heavy drinking. I just "knew" somehow, and I thought I would "cure" him. I would never think that these days but I wanted that love, I needed his love and adoration after a barren wasteland of a marriage. It wasn't his fault it wasn't my fault, it was both our faults. Bob and I were on competely different paths in life. And never the two would meet. Ever.
Bob neither liked nor needed affection. Even as a young girl, ( but not before I was married ) he would push me away so I wouldn't hug or kiss him. He hated it, hated it so much he would hide under the cushion if a love scene came on telly and he was then 25.
That lack of affection of his was something I could overcome or learn to live without it. I couldn't it turned out, but that a whole other story.
So Nifty Nev and I were together for 10 years, even though he was a binge drinker/alcoholic/madman. When he was in his cups he could recite a whole other language that neither Declan or I could comprehend. It wasn't a language that either of us understood. Nev could speak fluent Spanish and the Gaelic of Ireland as in Sliente, for luck. But Dec and I knew this was no ordinary language, this was one Nev, in the extreme state of drunkeness was able to utter.
Actually Declan and I freaked out a bit as we thought he was mad, literally mad, but we just put him to bed, Dec having to lift him in the end.
Dec asked me why I put up with him ? I said I loved him and he was good in many ways and Dec just shook his head.
"he's not right in the head, Janette. His father used to beat the living shit out of him when he was young. One time Me and Me Da saw the shadow on the blind from down in the street. His Da was laying into him like a dog, we could see him, and My Da was going to break in and stop him "
That explained a lot. I knew Nev really disliked his Father, and the dislike was mutual. The elder, Tony not going past grade 4 in school and Nev so educated. Nev was the oldest of four siblings, the rest girls, who were pretty, engaging, talented and that the Dad and Mum adored. Nev's Mum, Chris adored her son but the Father not.
Nev's dad was by all acounts a great bloke, well liked at his work, well liked by his family and friends. He didn't drink, but he ruled the family with a stern fist. Nev said he would thump on the floor from upstairs,
"Christine, TEA ! " And Nev's mum, Chris, would run to fetch it for him.
To be continued.........
We were engaged for ten years. I met him when he was 30 and I was 42 and divorced about 3 years. He was funny a Charlie Chaplin of a medium size Irishman from Palmerstown in Dublin. I at first wouldn't go out with him as he had a girlfriend his age, who he lived with, Vicky. He had been living with her for 8 years and he said he never wanted to marry or have kids.
He said he no longer was "in love" with her but loved her as she was very good to him
I liked that about Neville he praised his ex rather than call her names or deride her. he had the greatest respect for her. He still had to get drunk to tell her about me. I told him I don't go out with "married" men and if he wanted to be with me he had to tell her.
So he got very drunk and told her and she clouted him, he said. But he then wanted me to move in with him straight away and I said no. I thought he needed some time on his own after 8 years and he moved in with a childhood friend of his in Glen Iris. I waited 8 months, we dated only and then I moved in with him It was hilarious as I had no idea how to live with a man with no kids.
I cried my eyes out on the first day realising it was just me and him in his Friend Declan's flat. I said,
"What are we going to talk about ?" I blubbed
I imagined without kids we would both be incredibly lonely and have nothing to say to each other. But as it happened we were perfectly fine. Nev loved to read, was highly intelligent, highbrow almost, a professor don in some ways, (His favourite movie was "Educating Rita" ) and then he could be this falling down, incoherent drunk, the like of which I had never ever seen before.
Nev could go to an early openers in St Kilda on a Saturday morning or a Friday night and go on a binge that lasted 3 days. And then he'd collapse, be out of it for five days, sick, only getting up to pee. He reminded me of legendary drunks such as Hemingway and Brendan Behan. That was ironic as when he first met me he told me he was a famous Author. Neville Irvine, seemed to be true. He said he wrote books on his ramblings in and out of bars all over the world.
I believed him at first and then I twigged he was lying. He was a humble storeman at a bedding Factory and I was a Credit Officer at John Sands. Back then.I was so earnest and controlled in my life and work was very serious to me. He poked fun at my diligence and as we drove past John Sands, he would say,
"Ah, I see the building is still standing even though you're not there "
He was so young and so innocent of real life at that stage. The breakup with Vicky in the end was OK and she being a nice person met someone much nicer than Nev and is still with him and he's a terrific bloke. Nev was sooooo intelligent at first I just fell in love with his mind. He used long words in every day sentences was up on world news and politics. He had a habit of not being able to sleep unless he listened to the BBC World Services, loud !
By the time he woke up he would know the crop rotation in Outer Mongolia. What coup had happened overnight and how many rocks were thrown that day on the Gaza strip. he also loved the same music as me if it was old enough. We fell in love to Kris Kristofferson, The Chieftains and Frank Sinatra's "I got you under my skin"
I remember one lost weekend when I decided I'd try and match him drink for drink. We meandered down Elsternwick and St Kilda, calling in at pubs on the way, him drinking heavy beer and me with lager and lime.
I'll never forget that day, we were so in love. It was hot, the sun beamed down on us relentlessly as we wandered drunk on love and beer and sang,
"I've got you under my skin". We jumped on trams that went anywhere and made our way back to St Kilda. We went to Monroes for dinner, our shoulders and faces sunburned, everything we ate was fantastic, the salad, the cold Heinikens, the lamb.
We finally fell into bed the next morning at some early hour and slept the next day around. He was the most incredibly lover of a man I have ever had or hope to have. He was affectionate and loving beyond measure. He bought me things and gave me things and asked me to marry him and bought me a ring and I took it all and I knew somehow I would never marry him.
I could pretend to myself it was all fun and froth but there was his drinking which I knew went beyond normal heavy drinking. I just "knew" somehow, and I thought I would "cure" him. I would never think that these days but I wanted that love, I needed his love and adoration after a barren wasteland of a marriage. It wasn't his fault it wasn't my fault, it was both our faults. Bob and I were on competely different paths in life. And never the two would meet. Ever.
Bob neither liked nor needed affection. Even as a young girl, ( but not before I was married ) he would push me away so I wouldn't hug or kiss him. He hated it, hated it so much he would hide under the cushion if a love scene came on telly and he was then 25.
That lack of affection of his was something I could overcome or learn to live without it. I couldn't it turned out, but that a whole other story.
So Nifty Nev and I were together for 10 years, even though he was a binge drinker/alcoholic/madman. When he was in his cups he could recite a whole other language that neither Declan or I could comprehend. It wasn't a language that either of us understood. Nev could speak fluent Spanish and the Gaelic of Ireland as in Sliente, for luck. But Dec and I knew this was no ordinary language, this was one Nev, in the extreme state of drunkeness was able to utter.
Actually Declan and I freaked out a bit as we thought he was mad, literally mad, but we just put him to bed, Dec having to lift him in the end.
Dec asked me why I put up with him ? I said I loved him and he was good in many ways and Dec just shook his head.
"he's not right in the head, Janette. His father used to beat the living shit out of him when he was young. One time Me and Me Da saw the shadow on the blind from down in the street. His Da was laying into him like a dog, we could see him, and My Da was going to break in and stop him "
That explained a lot. I knew Nev really disliked his Father, and the dislike was mutual. The elder, Tony not going past grade 4 in school and Nev so educated. Nev was the oldest of four siblings, the rest girls, who were pretty, engaging, talented and that the Dad and Mum adored. Nev's Mum, Chris adored her son but the Father not.
Nev's dad was by all acounts a great bloke, well liked at his work, well liked by his family and friends. He didn't drink, but he ruled the family with a stern fist. Nev said he would thump on the floor from upstairs,
"Christine, TEA ! " And Nev's mum, Chris, would run to fetch it for him.
To be continued.........
