Things I Tell My Grown Daughters
Without Prejudice
I am now going to be a great grand mother in about 3 weeks. Does that make me a great dame??
You bet. I've avidly watched my girls grow, I was a Mum of 4 at 24, 4 under 6 and even before I learned how to be a wife I learned how to be a Mother. I had a rotten first marriage, (Don't they call the first one, a Practice marriage ? )
And I stayed married through thick and thin for 20 years, growing up, growing older, growing wiser. I did all the things expected, tea on the table, good Mum, good Wife and then when it was done it was done. I didn't miss him for one second as the normal affections of Marriage were not mine to have. There was nothing to miss. No affection, no hug, no kiss.
You can't miss what you don't have. I missed my fiancée of 10 years more, even though he was a committed drunk, and Irish. Because he adored me and in the adoring I adored him. He was great in the end though and bought me a brand new washing machine, gave me a car and I took his love with me when we mutually decided to part and I still adore him as a person. He's married now and I could not be happier for him. He was totally honest in the end and said he could not give up drinking, nor did he want to. I like that sort of honesty.
Now my daughters are grown and gone to houses and families of their own. What do I tell them, how do I advise them as they reach mature age and I want them to be happy. I would say,
"Be Yourself"
Don't expect others to fill every happiness or need. You need to be happy, whatever you decide to do in life. One person can't fill the gaps between your dreams and reality.
Dream.
Day dream
Have fun
Laugh
Kiss
Love
Hug someone every day, as all humans require skin to skin contact every day, just to survive. Old people die from loneliness often.
Look for the good in others, all people have goodness in them and badness, even ourselves.
We are Human and when you make a mistake own up to it and move on.
Love yourselves enough to make good choices. Make them last.
Look out for your old friends as they remember you when you were young and that is a precious thing to have.
Make new friends as they stretch you. Don't automatically expect old and new friends to get along.
Be kind rather than right all the time.
Respect older people as they have already been where you are know and are wise enough to not point that fact out.
Don't tell your grannie how to suck eggs in other words. She already knows.
Be patient, good things come to those that wait, they really do.
If you cheat at life it will cheat with you right back, so be loyal as long as they are loyal to you.
If a man is not loyal to you, derides you, criticises you, hurts you physically, emotionally or mentally walk away, because life is too short in trying to make that sort of man happy.
If you have girl children expect to always have them in your life so work on getting along with their partners.
Love is rare and hard to find but if it's true love it will last the distance.
Stay attractive to yourself, go the extra distance, it's worth it.
Look after yourself number One, you can't help others if you are not putting yourself first, always
Love unconditionally or don't love at all.
Lessen your stress wherever you can. Take offers of help and don't be proud about it.
Expect marriage to be hard and daily. Getting along with the same person day in and day out is a big ask for anyone.
Most women outlive their husbands by twenty years and do very well after that. Women give a lot and expect to get tired of giving.
One day child rearing will be over and raising kids is the hardest job in the world and is often thankless.
Expect to clash with teenagers, you can't win an argument against a 13 year old.
Be hard and strict on your kids as they genuinely like rules, soft parents get nowhere.
Don't be afraid to be cruel to be kind. Someone has to make the tough decisions, might as well be the Mother, she knows her child best.
Don't be shocked at the laziness, childishness and selfishness young males feel, I help to raise 7 grand boys and they are all lazy, selfish and childish.
Women do the work and the helping as they like to. Tell your husband partner he is more likely to get sex if he HELPS you. Be it housework, picking up kids, washing the dishes and when he does praise him as men love praise.
Never expect you both to be in the mood at the same time, it never happens, be brave put down the dish cloth and laugh and go.
Realise other people do not have the perfect lives you imagine. what goes on behind closed doors can often be another whole differebt scenario.
All men don't want to commit as they think women will cost them money and Men hate losing money.
They also hope to be wandering down a beach when coming the other way are 8 playboy modesl who ask him to come with them to a hot tub. and they are there with you, their wife or girlfriend. All men believe this
Expect if they are no longer with you and you have rejected them for them to despise you as most men think they are Gods and all women want them. If they are old enough and honest enough they know exactly why you had enough of them.
Don't expect them to change
What you get in a man in the beginning is what you will get in the end. men don't like change or to be changed, accept them as they are or walk away.
Expect men above the age of 12 to try and make passes or google eyes at you, its a given.
Realise men are a lot more sex obsessed than we are and make allowances.
I would say 70% of men are unfaithful, it's not love, there is a difference, learn it, know it. accept it.
What the eye doesn't see the heart doesn't grieve over
You've all had kids, you will be happy the rest of your lives. I know I am, with kids, grandkids and another little generation on the way
Don't blame anyone else for your own messes. Clean them up yourself.
Don't be a mindless vacuous Princess. Be the best that you can be and with every situation laugh and see what you can make of it.
Marry a Good Man with a backbone.
Don't ever put up with being called names, when you label someone you negate them. As in
But above all be yourself, you are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars you have a right to be here.
Know every day you are loved and missed by somebody
Enjoy the happy times and that time is right now as that is all we have.
When I go I know my girls will be aware of others in the world, they will do what they can to help. I always wanted for them to be happy with themselves, honest with themselves, know their weaknesses and build on their strengths.
Find your passion and stick with it.
Do mummy proud, thats what I had you for, lol x
Love you girls and so proud of what you have come through and made it out the other side.
Love, your Mum Janette xoxox
I am now going to be a great grand mother in about 3 weeks. Does that make me a great dame??
You bet. I've avidly watched my girls grow, I was a Mum of 4 at 24, 4 under 6 and even before I learned how to be a wife I learned how to be a Mother. I had a rotten first marriage, (Don't they call the first one, a Practice marriage ? )
And I stayed married through thick and thin for 20 years, growing up, growing older, growing wiser. I did all the things expected, tea on the table, good Mum, good Wife and then when it was done it was done. I didn't miss him for one second as the normal affections of Marriage were not mine to have. There was nothing to miss. No affection, no hug, no kiss.
You can't miss what you don't have. I missed my fiancée of 10 years more, even though he was a committed drunk, and Irish. Because he adored me and in the adoring I adored him. He was great in the end though and bought me a brand new washing machine, gave me a car and I took his love with me when we mutually decided to part and I still adore him as a person. He's married now and I could not be happier for him. He was totally honest in the end and said he could not give up drinking, nor did he want to. I like that sort of honesty.
Now my daughters are grown and gone to houses and families of their own. What do I tell them, how do I advise them as they reach mature age and I want them to be happy. I would say,
"Be Yourself"
Don't expect others to fill every happiness or need. You need to be happy, whatever you decide to do in life. One person can't fill the gaps between your dreams and reality.
Dream.
Day dream
Have fun
Laugh
Kiss
Love
Hug someone every day, as all humans require skin to skin contact every day, just to survive. Old people die from loneliness often.
Look for the good in others, all people have goodness in them and badness, even ourselves.
We are Human and when you make a mistake own up to it and move on.
Love yourselves enough to make good choices. Make them last.
Look out for your old friends as they remember you when you were young and that is a precious thing to have.
Make new friends as they stretch you. Don't automatically expect old and new friends to get along.
Be kind rather than right all the time.
Respect older people as they have already been where you are know and are wise enough to not point that fact out.
Don't tell your grannie how to suck eggs in other words. She already knows.
Be patient, good things come to those that wait, they really do.
If you cheat at life it will cheat with you right back, so be loyal as long as they are loyal to you.
If a man is not loyal to you, derides you, criticises you, hurts you physically, emotionally or mentally walk away, because life is too short in trying to make that sort of man happy.
If you have girl children expect to always have them in your life so work on getting along with their partners.
Love is rare and hard to find but if it's true love it will last the distance.
Stay attractive to yourself, go the extra distance, it's worth it.
Look after yourself number One, you can't help others if you are not putting yourself first, always
Love unconditionally or don't love at all.
Lessen your stress wherever you can. Take offers of help and don't be proud about it.
Expect marriage to be hard and daily. Getting along with the same person day in and day out is a big ask for anyone.
Most women outlive their husbands by twenty years and do very well after that. Women give a lot and expect to get tired of giving.
One day child rearing will be over and raising kids is the hardest job in the world and is often thankless.
Expect to clash with teenagers, you can't win an argument against a 13 year old.
Be hard and strict on your kids as they genuinely like rules, soft parents get nowhere.
Don't be afraid to be cruel to be kind. Someone has to make the tough decisions, might as well be the Mother, she knows her child best.
Don't be shocked at the laziness, childishness and selfishness young males feel, I help to raise 7 grand boys and they are all lazy, selfish and childish.
Women do the work and the helping as they like to. Tell your husband partner he is more likely to get sex if he HELPS you. Be it housework, picking up kids, washing the dishes and when he does praise him as men love praise.
Never expect you both to be in the mood at the same time, it never happens, be brave put down the dish cloth and laugh and go.
Realise other people do not have the perfect lives you imagine. what goes on behind closed doors can often be another whole differebt scenario.
All men don't want to commit as they think women will cost them money and Men hate losing money.
They also hope to be wandering down a beach when coming the other way are 8 playboy modesl who ask him to come with them to a hot tub. and they are there with you, their wife or girlfriend. All men believe this
Expect if they are no longer with you and you have rejected them for them to despise you as most men think they are Gods and all women want them. If they are old enough and honest enough they know exactly why you had enough of them.
Don't expect them to change
What you get in a man in the beginning is what you will get in the end. men don't like change or to be changed, accept them as they are or walk away.
Expect men above the age of 12 to try and make passes or google eyes at you, its a given.
Realise men are a lot more sex obsessed than we are and make allowances.
I would say 70% of men are unfaithful, it's not love, there is a difference, learn it, know it. accept it.
What the eye doesn't see the heart doesn't grieve over
You've all had kids, you will be happy the rest of your lives. I know I am, with kids, grandkids and another little generation on the way
Don't blame anyone else for your own messes. Clean them up yourself.
Don't be a mindless vacuous Princess. Be the best that you can be and with every situation laugh and see what you can make of it.
Marry a Good Man with a backbone.
Don't ever put up with being called names, when you label someone you negate them. As in
But above all be yourself, you are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars you have a right to be here.
Know every day you are loved and missed by somebody
Enjoy the happy times and that time is right now as that is all we have.
When I go I know my girls will be aware of others in the world, they will do what they can to help. I always wanted for them to be happy with themselves, honest with themselves, know their weaknesses and build on their strengths.
Find your passion and stick with it.
Do mummy proud, thats what I had you for, lol x
Love you girls and so proud of what you have come through and made it out the other side.
Love, your Mum Janette xoxox
