Reaching Milestone Birthdays
Without Prejudice
When you are reaching a mile stone birthday like I am this year tends to make you review your life. Makes you examine yourself more ruthlessly than you have before. I am already anal and controlling by anxiety and decided to drop anxiety this year.
It serves no purpose unless it's a fight or flight situation. Guilt, gone, bad friends, gone, draining people gone. I was told that I cared too much for my girls at Camp Eden so I decided to start un attaching. Neing more me and less "them". I realised that my girls live great lives and don't have any immediate problems and if they did I expect them to handle them.
This year I want to kick off the traces of things that hold me back. I am a softie inside, so no more hangers on. Friends I can't trust, men and women. Needy people, perverts, tossers and people that don't want to improve their lives but wallow in their own misery, And they want to share that misery with me. I am polite and listen politely then decide I don't want their draining insolveable problems.
I want to be empathetic, sympathetic but only up to a point. Then I think it's up to the other to solve their own problems
I want to dance and sing and tend to spend only time with Family and friends as sadly they are the only people I can really trust. Other people I steer clear of as I have to maintain my life now and think at last my needs are important not everyone elses. I also have elimanated men that abuse women and I know it. Call them names. label them, it's all so petty and boring. The day of the chauvinist is dead, long gone and women have more choices in their life than ever before.
I have an ignorant couple of men that used to be in my life but they were so
"Women Hating", I couldn't deal with them at all. One my FD' boyfriend is an absolute pig to us. And she is no better. He's isolated her, chooses her friends, rings her obsessively 20 times a day or texts and wnats to know where she is and with who. I can only think she sees this as some sort of flattering thing.
He is never wrong, even though he has betrayed his wife, his 2 kids and is darkly threatening and only likes her. Same as the last one. Ugh ! I have had him screamimg into my face a few weeks agao and I ducked my head the better to see around him. I guess that night he went home and whacked off at trying to intimidate his girlfriends Mother. Yeah right.
People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. He's a big Manager type or so he thinks and she's suitably impressed. Every one in her life has run away from her or betrayed her so she is darkly untrusting and hates anyone that is better then her. She says terrible things about her sisters. Because he tell her to. She tends to be a fence sitter and needs someone else to think for her.
He wrote an ugly rant about me and I have copied it and a good friend told me to send it to his Head Office. I won't because no doubt we will get some sort of retaliation from him and we have little kids here. He's threatened us. She wants to be in denial good luck, Yvette said she's just pissed off at him not at us and I agree. He tells her all the smooth stuff but doesn't deliver.
Oh, well thats her bed to lie in and if her unhappy demeanour and drinking is how she copes with it, let it be. I laugh at the thought of them sharing a house and blending families and a baby like she wants and marriage. If she hasn't seen the risks involved she's a bigger idiot than the cock struck little girl she is. She's gone straight from a busted marriage because of her love for the other. Out of the frying pan to the fire.
She's not related to us and does us much damage as she can. She tells him everything about us. Everything and it's all our fault. WE put her on heroin, we put her in jail, we put her in the situation she's in now. I know she has to take personal responsibility for her own life but she won't and until she does she will always be in trouble. and unhappy.
As Wayne Dwyer says you can blame everyone else in your life for your problems but it won't change YOU.
I can't even stand to look at her anymore, her misery pained face, her tattle telling, her lying to him and then twisting it around to look like something we did. Awful, horrible. He has no need to worry no one wants her in this family, we neither like nor trust her anymore. He has her all to himself. Yvette said
"wait till he starts telling her kids off and isn't he still paying his wife's mortgage ? After 4 years ? She's pissed off at him, not us, Mum"
And he the nutter acts like he has to step in to help her as she is so obviously not able to decide for herself at almost 36. He decides who she sees or talks about and if he doesn't like them watch out. I can never understand someone in such a vunerable situation deciding it's everyone's fault except theirs.
Last Christmas I asked her to come with to me to the Casino to meet up with my Brother, in the end we had to take him as he thinks she might run off with someone else. She was great and he was ever so polite, happy to take my Brothers hospitality. On the way home he called into a house in Keysborough (We had said, clean slate- no dramas) and when he came out he started on me trapped in the back seat.
He ranted all the way to my place, calling me names and raving, froth coming out of his mouth just about. He screamed the car up to speed to terrify, he's done this with her before but not me. I wondered at his stupidity as I knew his ex wife had taken out an AVO on him. My FD had told me this and he was livid. And then he started on her when was bashed at a pub. His answer she shouldn;t have been there, she shouldn't have hung with those people in the first place. She loves this as then she can play victim.
Before I got out of the car I whacked him over the head with my big heavy shoes,
"That's for calling women Cunts, you creep"
Felt really good.
Awful man, awful life. But she has to find out for herself and all I know is that we won't be seeing her again. She can go and whinge somewhere else. I jumped in and helped her when she was bashed, I cleaned her house, garden, shed as she also has to move again in a few weeks. I wanted to do something to help. She wasn't grateful after he ranted at her. Hope he knows how to clean and get along with her two small boys.
So I am deleting people out of my life that drain me. Yvette can be full on sometimes but her loyalty, love, care is always there. Deb and Alena Too, my brothers and Sisters, friends always get my time and attention. The decent people in my life, as Jac my Sister says,
"He/she is nothing to me" and she's rich and happy so I will follow her lead. She would just say about him, bully, likes to bully women, not Men. Dweeb !
And therefore the girl needs the attention because to be with an abusive man and you know he's abusive, you are really messed up. Run from any sort of man like that as it won't get better unless he has Anger Management and sorts out his mistrust of women. If he's calling his ex names like bitch he is going to be using those words on you, next. The successful people I knwo don't do that. They move on.
They pay out the settlements they owe to their exes and happily as that person was good to them and they appreciate effort put in even though they no longer love that person they afford them dignity and respect.
This man, the bully, brings up my ex hubby, if my ex hubby saw him he would knock him down, he hates men like him. This man decides to tell me about my marriage and I kook at him like some sort of insect. What does he know of my life? He's never asked me anything. So I realise all the information comes from her. What a sad little girls she is, an unhappy little girl that is jealous of the girls doing so much better in their lives than she is and she knows it.
Yvette said she needs to stop dragging her kids around and settle down somewhere instead of listening to empty promises. Yvette did the same over a guy and she knows now that looking after your kids is number one. She's been in her house for 7 years and can buy it. Deb has her own home and so does Alena. Yvette took a long time to change as she is stubborn as an Ox but change she did at 40 and is so happy with herself it's wonderful to watch.
Yes, Mr R believe it or not, misery loves company and seeing as you are both miserable you can only blame her from now on. She lies with no impunity whatsover, she says she has to lie otherwise he starts on her. Tell you anything ??? I want them to just have themselves to themselves. He knows nothing of us, he thinks he does, but he doesn't. If he can make asssumptions about us without knowing us at all he's a dick head.
So clean her off my slate as she always has to bring in him. And we have had men like him before and they have all gone, Thank God ! I am still friends with my ex hubby's family, tell you anything ? I am friends with women that were married to my brothers, friends with my ex hubby's sister, tell you anything ?
It tells you a lot about me. I'm a fair minded person and like who I like not who I am ordered to like or dislike.I also get on well with my exes. Nev is married and happy, and I'm glad for him. He needs someone to take care of him otherwise I'd worry. I see all my other old male "friends", tell you something ? I forgave my ex hubby years ago when Dylan was born. We share a time and history and 4 lovely girls. We find we can't get along now, too much emotion, I guess.
Everytime we see each other it's a reminder of who we were then, grieving parents. You don't go through something like that and end up the same, you just can't. I accept that, I accept it was half my fault and I wish him well, I really do. I don't hate him. I hated what he did sometimes but I don't hate him. He is what he is and thats fine by me. It's a struggle for anyone to get along with someone they once loved. I know people that do it but I see no advantage to it.
I'm a door slammer, like my old friend Frank Jacobson, he always said when he was finished with someone he just deleted them from his life. Apparently it's healthier to cut it off if it's not working. It's you, its them, sometimes it comes down to that you just are too different. When I saw Lauren in a dream sequence, she spoke without moving her lips. I just knew I was looking at her. She said,
"You and Dad are on different paths, you were not meant to be together",
except biologically to have 4 kids. Thats it, that is all we were. We had fun times and loved each other, no one could make me laugh like him, or scare me like him. He was for 20 years my Master. And he was very good, he worked like a demon, we became very wealthy and had a good lifestyle, the girls did too. And one day it was over. I have written the stories for the girls. My girls know it was both our faults.
We shouldn't have put them through what we did put them through, they are great women and he misses out by not seeing them or his Grand Kids, that's my only regret but these things can't be changed. Don't worry, I've tried. I think give it your best shot, always and if it doesn't work, walk away, just walk away. Psychologically it's said to be healthier, the slamming of the door on the past.
I don't invite people to read my stories, they are therapy for ME and my children. They know I don't lie, I tell it with truth and honesty and from my viewpoint, my opinion on past matters. And it's great to let out frustration and rage in a healthy way. My ex hubby always said he would be there for me if I needed anything or help. Luckily I have never needed to call him and don't.
I feel good about my milestone birthday coming up September 17th
I have a permanent home, which was one of my goals a few years ago and I love my mini house and the fact I can get a cuddle or two everyday from little darlings aged 3 and 1. I have a new trim body, also one of my goals from Camp Eden. I write everyday and have all those readers, another goal from Camp Eden. I have given up smoking not without a few temptations but I love the fact I don't smoke cigarettes these days. The cost was horrendous. And that was a goal from a few years ago.
I don't drink anymore unless it's a night out with the girls as alcohol free at a club is enough to give you a headache as you are bored and boring. I then act like I can drink for the whole world and the more I have the more I want and then am insensible, usually vomit, humiliate myself in some horrid way and take 2 days to recover. Just the thought of it makes me want to throw up.
I love the fact that Deb and a friend have organised a school reunion for Coomoora High and she is swamped with replies. Deb was always a popular girl at school as were Yvette and Alena. I'm glad my girls are all here and have come through the worst of times and are still laughing, joking, dancing and raising kids. We do a lot of the stuff we do for Lauren's memory. She deserved it then and she deserves it now, still.
I was glad to have had her and I am glad I was her Mum, I got to see real beauty for 12 and a half years and I will always miss her, every second, of every hour, of every day. But she would want me to live and be happy, that was Lauren all over. And even she isn't here on a physical plane I know she watches out for us all, somehow. Maybe in the remembering or something "magic" but she surrounds us.
I picture her as she was swimming in Bali, the Otter, with her brown face and her white teeth coming up out of the water. Lauren was never out of the pool, morning, noon, night, she swam. We all did the sitting at the bar thing and sunbaking, but Lauren just swam. I love that picture, her fat bum disappearing under the water in a graceful arc. She was an Otter.
One day I want to go to Cabo, Lauren was told about it by an American lady in Bali. Maybe I'll get to see the Sea Otters and swim in warm waters and know my little girl is with me as she will be when I cross the great Divide. The man next doors son hung himself 18 months ago.
"I'll see him again", he said. A man not given to fancy thought, a down to earth tradie and I loved that way of looking at it. I'll see her again, swimming in warm waters.
And in the meantime I will be moving forward to my life, MY life ..........
By the time I reach the milestone birthday I want to be the best Grandmother, the best great Grandmother, best friend, best Sister, Aunt, Niece, worker, lover that I can be. Then in five years I want to be spending winter in Queensland every year so I can write in the sun.
I have 14,000 readers of my stories. I tell the truth, I think that's what people like. I don't lie to myself. Ever. It's my passion and I love it and in the beginning I was happy to have just 100 readers. I thought if 100 people liked them I'd be very happy and satisfied and it just grew and grew.
Forgive everyone, even if you can't forget, forgive x
When you are reaching a mile stone birthday like I am this year tends to make you review your life. Makes you examine yourself more ruthlessly than you have before. I am already anal and controlling by anxiety and decided to drop anxiety this year.
It serves no purpose unless it's a fight or flight situation. Guilt, gone, bad friends, gone, draining people gone. I was told that I cared too much for my girls at Camp Eden so I decided to start un attaching. Neing more me and less "them". I realised that my girls live great lives and don't have any immediate problems and if they did I expect them to handle them.
This year I want to kick off the traces of things that hold me back. I am a softie inside, so no more hangers on. Friends I can't trust, men and women. Needy people, perverts, tossers and people that don't want to improve their lives but wallow in their own misery, And they want to share that misery with me. I am polite and listen politely then decide I don't want their draining insolveable problems.
I want to be empathetic, sympathetic but only up to a point. Then I think it's up to the other to solve their own problems
I want to dance and sing and tend to spend only time with Family and friends as sadly they are the only people I can really trust. Other people I steer clear of as I have to maintain my life now and think at last my needs are important not everyone elses. I also have elimanated men that abuse women and I know it. Call them names. label them, it's all so petty and boring. The day of the chauvinist is dead, long gone and women have more choices in their life than ever before.
I have an ignorant couple of men that used to be in my life but they were so
"Women Hating", I couldn't deal with them at all. One my FD' boyfriend is an absolute pig to us. And she is no better. He's isolated her, chooses her friends, rings her obsessively 20 times a day or texts and wnats to know where she is and with who. I can only think she sees this as some sort of flattering thing.
He is never wrong, even though he has betrayed his wife, his 2 kids and is darkly threatening and only likes her. Same as the last one. Ugh ! I have had him screamimg into my face a few weeks agao and I ducked my head the better to see around him. I guess that night he went home and whacked off at trying to intimidate his girlfriends Mother. Yeah right.
People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. He's a big Manager type or so he thinks and she's suitably impressed. Every one in her life has run away from her or betrayed her so she is darkly untrusting and hates anyone that is better then her. She says terrible things about her sisters. Because he tell her to. She tends to be a fence sitter and needs someone else to think for her.
He wrote an ugly rant about me and I have copied it and a good friend told me to send it to his Head Office. I won't because no doubt we will get some sort of retaliation from him and we have little kids here. He's threatened us. She wants to be in denial good luck, Yvette said she's just pissed off at him not at us and I agree. He tells her all the smooth stuff but doesn't deliver.
Oh, well thats her bed to lie in and if her unhappy demeanour and drinking is how she copes with it, let it be. I laugh at the thought of them sharing a house and blending families and a baby like she wants and marriage. If she hasn't seen the risks involved she's a bigger idiot than the cock struck little girl she is. She's gone straight from a busted marriage because of her love for the other. Out of the frying pan to the fire.
She's not related to us and does us much damage as she can. She tells him everything about us. Everything and it's all our fault. WE put her on heroin, we put her in jail, we put her in the situation she's in now. I know she has to take personal responsibility for her own life but she won't and until she does she will always be in trouble. and unhappy.
As Wayne Dwyer says you can blame everyone else in your life for your problems but it won't change YOU.
I can't even stand to look at her anymore, her misery pained face, her tattle telling, her lying to him and then twisting it around to look like something we did. Awful, horrible. He has no need to worry no one wants her in this family, we neither like nor trust her anymore. He has her all to himself. Yvette said
"wait till he starts telling her kids off and isn't he still paying his wife's mortgage ? After 4 years ? She's pissed off at him, not us, Mum"
And he the nutter acts like he has to step in to help her as she is so obviously not able to decide for herself at almost 36. He decides who she sees or talks about and if he doesn't like them watch out. I can never understand someone in such a vunerable situation deciding it's everyone's fault except theirs.
Last Christmas I asked her to come with to me to the Casino to meet up with my Brother, in the end we had to take him as he thinks she might run off with someone else. She was great and he was ever so polite, happy to take my Brothers hospitality. On the way home he called into a house in Keysborough (We had said, clean slate- no dramas) and when he came out he started on me trapped in the back seat.
He ranted all the way to my place, calling me names and raving, froth coming out of his mouth just about. He screamed the car up to speed to terrify, he's done this with her before but not me. I wondered at his stupidity as I knew his ex wife had taken out an AVO on him. My FD had told me this and he was livid. And then he started on her when was bashed at a pub. His answer she shouldn;t have been there, she shouldn't have hung with those people in the first place. She loves this as then she can play victim.
Before I got out of the car I whacked him over the head with my big heavy shoes,
"That's for calling women Cunts, you creep"
Felt really good.
Awful man, awful life. But she has to find out for herself and all I know is that we won't be seeing her again. She can go and whinge somewhere else. I jumped in and helped her when she was bashed, I cleaned her house, garden, shed as she also has to move again in a few weeks. I wanted to do something to help. She wasn't grateful after he ranted at her. Hope he knows how to clean and get along with her two small boys.
So I am deleting people out of my life that drain me. Yvette can be full on sometimes but her loyalty, love, care is always there. Deb and Alena Too, my brothers and Sisters, friends always get my time and attention. The decent people in my life, as Jac my Sister says,
"He/she is nothing to me" and she's rich and happy so I will follow her lead. She would just say about him, bully, likes to bully women, not Men. Dweeb !
And therefore the girl needs the attention because to be with an abusive man and you know he's abusive, you are really messed up. Run from any sort of man like that as it won't get better unless he has Anger Management and sorts out his mistrust of women. If he's calling his ex names like bitch he is going to be using those words on you, next. The successful people I knwo don't do that. They move on.
They pay out the settlements they owe to their exes and happily as that person was good to them and they appreciate effort put in even though they no longer love that person they afford them dignity and respect.
This man, the bully, brings up my ex hubby, if my ex hubby saw him he would knock him down, he hates men like him. This man decides to tell me about my marriage and I kook at him like some sort of insect. What does he know of my life? He's never asked me anything. So I realise all the information comes from her. What a sad little girls she is, an unhappy little girl that is jealous of the girls doing so much better in their lives than she is and she knows it.
Yvette said she needs to stop dragging her kids around and settle down somewhere instead of listening to empty promises. Yvette did the same over a guy and she knows now that looking after your kids is number one. She's been in her house for 7 years and can buy it. Deb has her own home and so does Alena. Yvette took a long time to change as she is stubborn as an Ox but change she did at 40 and is so happy with herself it's wonderful to watch.
Yes, Mr R believe it or not, misery loves company and seeing as you are both miserable you can only blame her from now on. She lies with no impunity whatsover, she says she has to lie otherwise he starts on her. Tell you anything ??? I want them to just have themselves to themselves. He knows nothing of us, he thinks he does, but he doesn't. If he can make asssumptions about us without knowing us at all he's a dick head.
So clean her off my slate as she always has to bring in him. And we have had men like him before and they have all gone, Thank God ! I am still friends with my ex hubby's family, tell you anything ? I am friends with women that were married to my brothers, friends with my ex hubby's sister, tell you anything ?
It tells you a lot about me. I'm a fair minded person and like who I like not who I am ordered to like or dislike.I also get on well with my exes. Nev is married and happy, and I'm glad for him. He needs someone to take care of him otherwise I'd worry. I see all my other old male "friends", tell you something ? I forgave my ex hubby years ago when Dylan was born. We share a time and history and 4 lovely girls. We find we can't get along now, too much emotion, I guess.
Everytime we see each other it's a reminder of who we were then, grieving parents. You don't go through something like that and end up the same, you just can't. I accept that, I accept it was half my fault and I wish him well, I really do. I don't hate him. I hated what he did sometimes but I don't hate him. He is what he is and thats fine by me. It's a struggle for anyone to get along with someone they once loved. I know people that do it but I see no advantage to it.
I'm a door slammer, like my old friend Frank Jacobson, he always said when he was finished with someone he just deleted them from his life. Apparently it's healthier to cut it off if it's not working. It's you, its them, sometimes it comes down to that you just are too different. When I saw Lauren in a dream sequence, she spoke without moving her lips. I just knew I was looking at her. She said,
"You and Dad are on different paths, you were not meant to be together",
except biologically to have 4 kids. Thats it, that is all we were. We had fun times and loved each other, no one could make me laugh like him, or scare me like him. He was for 20 years my Master. And he was very good, he worked like a demon, we became very wealthy and had a good lifestyle, the girls did too. And one day it was over. I have written the stories for the girls. My girls know it was both our faults.
We shouldn't have put them through what we did put them through, they are great women and he misses out by not seeing them or his Grand Kids, that's my only regret but these things can't be changed. Don't worry, I've tried. I think give it your best shot, always and if it doesn't work, walk away, just walk away. Psychologically it's said to be healthier, the slamming of the door on the past.
I don't invite people to read my stories, they are therapy for ME and my children. They know I don't lie, I tell it with truth and honesty and from my viewpoint, my opinion on past matters. And it's great to let out frustration and rage in a healthy way. My ex hubby always said he would be there for me if I needed anything or help. Luckily I have never needed to call him and don't.
I feel good about my milestone birthday coming up September 17th
I have a permanent home, which was one of my goals a few years ago and I love my mini house and the fact I can get a cuddle or two everyday from little darlings aged 3 and 1. I have a new trim body, also one of my goals from Camp Eden. I write everyday and have all those readers, another goal from Camp Eden. I have given up smoking not without a few temptations but I love the fact I don't smoke cigarettes these days. The cost was horrendous. And that was a goal from a few years ago.
I don't drink anymore unless it's a night out with the girls as alcohol free at a club is enough to give you a headache as you are bored and boring. I then act like I can drink for the whole world and the more I have the more I want and then am insensible, usually vomit, humiliate myself in some horrid way and take 2 days to recover. Just the thought of it makes me want to throw up.
I love the fact that Deb and a friend have organised a school reunion for Coomoora High and she is swamped with replies. Deb was always a popular girl at school as were Yvette and Alena. I'm glad my girls are all here and have come through the worst of times and are still laughing, joking, dancing and raising kids. We do a lot of the stuff we do for Lauren's memory. She deserved it then and she deserves it now, still.
I was glad to have had her and I am glad I was her Mum, I got to see real beauty for 12 and a half years and I will always miss her, every second, of every hour, of every day. But she would want me to live and be happy, that was Lauren all over. And even she isn't here on a physical plane I know she watches out for us all, somehow. Maybe in the remembering or something "magic" but she surrounds us.
I picture her as she was swimming in Bali, the Otter, with her brown face and her white teeth coming up out of the water. Lauren was never out of the pool, morning, noon, night, she swam. We all did the sitting at the bar thing and sunbaking, but Lauren just swam. I love that picture, her fat bum disappearing under the water in a graceful arc. She was an Otter.
One day I want to go to Cabo, Lauren was told about it by an American lady in Bali. Maybe I'll get to see the Sea Otters and swim in warm waters and know my little girl is with me as she will be when I cross the great Divide. The man next doors son hung himself 18 months ago.
"I'll see him again", he said. A man not given to fancy thought, a down to earth tradie and I loved that way of looking at it. I'll see her again, swimming in warm waters.
And in the meantime I will be moving forward to my life, MY life ..........
By the time I reach the milestone birthday I want to be the best Grandmother, the best great Grandmother, best friend, best Sister, Aunt, Niece, worker, lover that I can be. Then in five years I want to be spending winter in Queensland every year so I can write in the sun.
I have 14,000 readers of my stories. I tell the truth, I think that's what people like. I don't lie to myself. Ever. It's my passion and I love it and in the beginning I was happy to have just 100 readers. I thought if 100 people liked them I'd be very happy and satisfied and it just grew and grew.
Forgive everyone, even if you can't forget, forgive x
