Daniel Morcombe---And The Death Of A Child---Anger
Without Prejudice
I know what Daniel Morcombe's parents are going through. There is no pain like losing a child. They call it " The Sweet Agony " the remembered sweetness of the child, the love, the memories, the scent of them, the look in their eyes when they look at you, that connection, a conduit arcing between the air like static electricity, from those eyes plugged straight into your heart.
You want to be a better person when you have a child. You gird your loins and become a less selfish person, knowing you will lay down your own life for your child. Gone is self absorption, gone is the part of yourself that is sheer ego and you become focused on building a safe world for another human being, all human beings.
Such is love.
Daniel will walk with his parents, beside them every second of the rest of their lives. Placing his lips on their heart. He will still exist even though his physical presence is not here. And for children all over the world his death will never go unrecognised. Nor their parents. If even one child is saved from a predator, Daniel lives. As awful it is to accept his death and the circumstances, he still glows as a beacon of light, guiding kids from the dark into the light. His light.
I cannot comment on his killer. I find it hard to believe such an evil person exists. He robbed a Family of a beautiful child, beautiful grand children. He robbed Daniels brothers of a brother. He robbed Daniels parents of joyous moments to come with their son. See him graduate, marry, be a parent. The world is robbed of his joy in living. He would have been part of a "solution not a problem," of that I am sure.
He robbed them of their grief for so many years. Unable to grieve until they knew for sure, eight years of lying in bed every night, wondering, agonising, unable to rest until they knew beyond all reasonable doubt that their son was found.
The stages of grief unable to be moved through. Until now. Justice has been served on Brett Peter Cowan. It won't bring Daniel back, but Justice in one way has been done. Now at last they can grieve their son.
Anger is the worst. I myself stayed "stuck" in that stage. Incandescent with rage that I had also lost a beautiful child. I had therapy twice, after moving to the next stage depression, before finding acceptance in November 2013. Acceptance is easier. If you are going through any of these things, any major life catastrophic personal loss, even if you think you are handling it, seek out help, please !
If Daniel saves even one child from terror he has helped and that will help his parents come to terms with his death.
My child died 24 years ago. A beautiful baby girl of 12. She shone like a beacon of love, of light, and that light was extinguished on Thursday 30th November 1989. Lauren Jade Hancock R.I.P. Sweet girl. It's her birthday in five days. 20th March. She would have been turning 37. Married and a Mum. I know she so wanted to be a Mum. I can still see her sitting two feet away from the telly, hated pink glasses on watching Tom Petty and Axl Rose sing Free Fallin.
And the memory makes me smile xxx
I know what Daniel Morcombe's parents are going through. There is no pain like losing a child. They call it " The Sweet Agony " the remembered sweetness of the child, the love, the memories, the scent of them, the look in their eyes when they look at you, that connection, a conduit arcing between the air like static electricity, from those eyes plugged straight into your heart.
You want to be a better person when you have a child. You gird your loins and become a less selfish person, knowing you will lay down your own life for your child. Gone is self absorption, gone is the part of yourself that is sheer ego and you become focused on building a safe world for another human being, all human beings.
Such is love.
Daniel will walk with his parents, beside them every second of the rest of their lives. Placing his lips on their heart. He will still exist even though his physical presence is not here. And for children all over the world his death will never go unrecognised. Nor their parents. If even one child is saved from a predator, Daniel lives. As awful it is to accept his death and the circumstances, he still glows as a beacon of light, guiding kids from the dark into the light. His light.
I cannot comment on his killer. I find it hard to believe such an evil person exists. He robbed a Family of a beautiful child, beautiful grand children. He robbed Daniels brothers of a brother. He robbed Daniels parents of joyous moments to come with their son. See him graduate, marry, be a parent. The world is robbed of his joy in living. He would have been part of a "solution not a problem," of that I am sure.
He robbed them of their grief for so many years. Unable to grieve until they knew for sure, eight years of lying in bed every night, wondering, agonising, unable to rest until they knew beyond all reasonable doubt that their son was found.
The stages of grief unable to be moved through. Until now. Justice has been served on Brett Peter Cowan. It won't bring Daniel back, but Justice in one way has been done. Now at last they can grieve their son.
The stages of grief, by Kubler Ross
- Denial — As the reality of loss is hard to face, one of the first reactions to follow the loss is Denial. What this means is that the person is trying to shut out the reality or magnitude of their situation, and begin to develop a false, preferable reality.
- Anger — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; '"Who is to blame?"
Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Anger can manifest itself in different ways. People can be angry with themselves, or with others, and especially those who are close to them. It is important to remain detached and nonjudgmental when dealing with a person experiencing anger from grief. - Bargaining — "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if…"
The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow undo or avoid a cause of grief. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Other times, they will use any thing valuable as a bargaining chip against another human agency to extend or prolong the life they live. Psychologically, the - individual is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just do something to buy more time…" People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek to negotiate a compromise. For example "Can we still be friends?" when facing a break-up. Bargaining rarely provides a sustainable solution, especially if it is a matter of life or death.
- Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die soon so what's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
During the fourth stage, the grieving person begins to understand the certainty of death. Much like the existential concept of The Void, the idea of living becomes pointless. Things begin to lose meaning to the griever. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and sullen. This process allows the grieving person to disconnect from things of love and affection, possibly in an attempt to avoid further trauma. Depression could be referred to as the dress rehearsal for the 'aftermath'. It is a kind of acceptance with emotional attachment. It is natural to feel sadness, regret, fear, and uncertainty when going through this stage. Feeling those emotions shows that the person has begun to accept the situation. Often times, this is the ideal path to take, to find closure and make their ways to the fifth step, Acceptance. - Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
In this last stage, individuals begin to come to terms with their mortality or inevitable future, or that of a loved one, or other tragic event. This stage varies according to the person's situation. People dying can enter this stage a long time before the people they leave behind, who must pass through their own individual stages of dealing with the grief. This typically comes with a calm, retrospective view for the individual, and a stable mindset.
Kübler-Ross originally developed this model based on her observations of people suffering from terminal illness. She later expanded her theory to apply to any form of catastrophic personal loss,
such as the death of a loved one, the loss of a job or income, major rejection, the end of a relationship or divorce, drug addiction, incarceration, the onset of a disease or chronic illness, an infertility diagnosis, as well as many tragedies and disasters (and even minor losses).
such as the death of a loved one, the loss of a job or income, major rejection, the end of a relationship or divorce, drug addiction, incarceration, the onset of a disease or chronic illness, an infertility diagnosis, as well as many tragedies and disasters (and even minor losses).
Supporting her theory, many (both sufferers and therapists) have reported the usefulness of the Kübler-Ross Model in a wide variety of situations where people were experiencing a significant loss. The application of the theory is intended to help the sufferer to fully resolve each stage, then help them transition to the next – at the appropriate time – rather than getting stuck in a particular phase or continually bouncing around from one unresolved phase to another. The subsections below give a few specific examples of how the model can be applied in different situations. These are just some of the many benefits that Kübler-Ross hoped her model would provide.
Anger is the worst. I myself stayed "stuck" in that stage. Incandescent with rage that I had also lost a beautiful child. I had therapy twice, after moving to the next stage depression, before finding acceptance in November 2013. Acceptance is easier. If you are going through any of these things, any major life catastrophic personal loss, even if you think you are handling it, seek out help, please !
If Daniel saves even one child from terror he has helped and that will help his parents come to terms with his death.
My child died 24 years ago. A beautiful baby girl of 12. She shone like a beacon of love, of light, and that light was extinguished on Thursday 30th November 1989. Lauren Jade Hancock R.I.P. Sweet girl. It's her birthday in five days. 20th March. She would have been turning 37. Married and a Mum. I know she so wanted to be a Mum. I can still see her sitting two feet away from the telly, hated pink glasses on watching Tom Petty and Axl Rose sing Free Fallin.
And the memory makes me smile xxx
