Miscarriage---The Unrecognised Grief
Without Prejudice
I am over life today. I lost a looked forward to grand child, cruel fate taking a hand and my daughter miscarrying a baby at just nine weeks. There will be all the negative people saying she shouldn't have been having another anyway. She's 41 and this would have been her eighth child. But try telling her that as she lies in a Hospital bed crying.
I was told by the grief counsellors that miscarriages and still borne babies are some of the worst cases of grief they see. As it's not a recognised grief. The child has never seen the world. But a Mother from the moment of conception is laying plans for her baby. Dreams of her baby. She already knows the date in her head, what ages the siblings are and where the baby fits into the bigger picture.
Only two days ago she was thinking about names. We just decided to start getting the babies room ready. That has never happened before to Yvette. And then two nights ago she said she felt like she was getting her period. Rust coloured blood in drips and drabs on her undies. I told her to put a pad on and try to rest.
It had been a long bad day that day. Kyan the 9 year old playing silly buggers and not wanting to walk in the heat had stayed at school. The school in walking distance and he walks all the time or scooters, rides but not today, just not today. So he was held captive in the office that day. The bright sparks that be deciding his fate as they had had a call from a DHS worker that Yvette loathes and abhors and is not backwards in coming foward about telling her so.
That whole DHS thing began two years ago and has been nothing but a thorn in her side ever since. Old partner was nuffy on drugs so Yvette was blamed and twice the kids were removed from her care as she refused to give up seeing him. She loves him, so what can you say? Yvette hated them intruding in her life and called the worker a fat bitch etc etc. Its nearly over and this should really end it.
Yvette was already uptight about having to go into the hot city and have a conference meeting. They insist you take the kids with you. I've been 3 times and I always walk away triumphant so Yvette wanted me to go too. I could think of nothing worse trying to entertain 5 kids who don't want to be there and the wait is interminable. Yvette moaning the whole time how it is a waste of time and glaring at the FB.
So that was on her mind and then the neighbour from over the road came over to say Kyan was left at School and he is one of those toadying official types that over obsesses about his kids as he doesn't work and has to make the world think he's useful at something. Did his back, years ago. His yard is a mess and his mailbox rusted and his wife works, you get my drift.
And although he shouldn't know this fact but does, he said the office was calling DHS. They had rung that day to see if Kyan was at school. because of the conference meeting.
So Yvette drove down there upset and four women faced her. I asked if they were fat. One held Kyan behind a glass door, one hand a hand on her non existent hip. You get the idea. Yvette is a tiny size zero and can give as good as she gets. Yvette was told that her boy had been waiting for her and she was a shocking Mother and blah blah blah. Yvette just said
"Give me my Son"
she had no say in the fact that he was supposed to walk home and he knew it. He will stay up all night playing Computer Games and be too tired in the morning to go to school. So subsequently Yvette came home hysterical and said she had never in her whole life been made to feel like that. Two hours later she started spotting and then bleeding a little.
The next day we cancelled the conference meeting and she is in Hospital now, sobbing as she lost the baby she barely knew she was having. She didn't want to tell anyone until the 12 weeks had passed. To be on the safe side. And we don't know if the strong emotion started the miscarriage. She has to have an operation now and maybe a transfusion as she has lost too much blood. They won't know until they do more tests if it was an ectopic pregnancy or not.
Maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe it was nature's mistake. A blighted ovum. But I know the stress she was under these last few weeks as DHS finally ends and the Social Worker who rang the school that day and told them all of Yvette's business, and the neighbours too. They don't even know his name as when I rang the school the Principal kept calling him Kynan. She tried to explain away her staffs actions but now that Yvette is in Hospital its such a different tune.
I told them not to bother as I will be contacting the Education Department anyway. They called him Poor Little Kynan. And that he has a lot to deal with. I asked them how they knew that and they had no answer. If DHS ever gets involved in you and your kids lives be aware, they don't help. They write long and involved reports about what you say and my child always has a lot to say and its always not nice about them.
They write it all down and quote it Verbatim to a court of law and it was all dismissed. Even facebook pages were xeroxed and sent to court and the court disallowed them. Heresay. It didn't have to be Yvette that was writing them and if Yvette can stick it up them she will and did. I have known that child to moon people she doesn't like and that was up until a few years ago.
They might even copy this and print it out, who knows?
But it is only a month until DHS are out of our lives forever. Oh and be aware if they say they will never take the kids, they lie. Because if they can they will and the kids went twice, once to family who found it hard to cope with them and once to Foster care. The older boys just came home as they refused to stay with anyone but Mum and the littlies were only gone a couple of days. They came back with nits, scratches and had been smacked.
I said to the school I know they hold a certain prejudice towards Yvette as she is a Single Mother and with even Julia Gillard not supporting them how are they supposed to be treated fairly? Well Yvette's kids are just fine, 3 work and pay taxes that will go to that Social Workers and staff's very comfortable wages. A social worker being paid three times what our boys are.
That school started back pedalling the minute I opened my mouth. Shockingly rude I was, Never mess with a Tiger Mother and her cubs as I will lash out, badly.
Don't tell me there is no prejudice against single Mothers. We know it. And don't try and pretend you know all about a situation until you can get the childs name right. And if the miscarriage is related to stress DHS and the school will be getting sued, big time. And they hate the sound of that. Oh, Yes, you can sue them for harrassment. Yvette can't be that bad a Mother when she has 3 boys working full time, 3 top of their class Maths geniuses, including Kynan.
And as for Chris Brown, amazingly he has been shown to have not done his Community Service, leaving after posing for the photographers and spending the time allotted on a Private Jet. One rule for the rich and one for the Poor. Can you imagine what would happen to us ordinary folk if we didn't do our Community Service? And now we also have most of our sports people using banned substances, Ditto. If I didn't laugh I would cry.
Love Janette
I am over life today. I lost a looked forward to grand child, cruel fate taking a hand and my daughter miscarrying a baby at just nine weeks. There will be all the negative people saying she shouldn't have been having another anyway. She's 41 and this would have been her eighth child. But try telling her that as she lies in a Hospital bed crying.
I was told by the grief counsellors that miscarriages and still borne babies are some of the worst cases of grief they see. As it's not a recognised grief. The child has never seen the world. But a Mother from the moment of conception is laying plans for her baby. Dreams of her baby. She already knows the date in her head, what ages the siblings are and where the baby fits into the bigger picture.
Only two days ago she was thinking about names. We just decided to start getting the babies room ready. That has never happened before to Yvette. And then two nights ago she said she felt like she was getting her period. Rust coloured blood in drips and drabs on her undies. I told her to put a pad on and try to rest.
It had been a long bad day that day. Kyan the 9 year old playing silly buggers and not wanting to walk in the heat had stayed at school. The school in walking distance and he walks all the time or scooters, rides but not today, just not today. So he was held captive in the office that day. The bright sparks that be deciding his fate as they had had a call from a DHS worker that Yvette loathes and abhors and is not backwards in coming foward about telling her so.
That whole DHS thing began two years ago and has been nothing but a thorn in her side ever since. Old partner was nuffy on drugs so Yvette was blamed and twice the kids were removed from her care as she refused to give up seeing him. She loves him, so what can you say? Yvette hated them intruding in her life and called the worker a fat bitch etc etc. Its nearly over and this should really end it.
Yvette was already uptight about having to go into the hot city and have a conference meeting. They insist you take the kids with you. I've been 3 times and I always walk away triumphant so Yvette wanted me to go too. I could think of nothing worse trying to entertain 5 kids who don't want to be there and the wait is interminable. Yvette moaning the whole time how it is a waste of time and glaring at the FB.
So that was on her mind and then the neighbour from over the road came over to say Kyan was left at School and he is one of those toadying official types that over obsesses about his kids as he doesn't work and has to make the world think he's useful at something. Did his back, years ago. His yard is a mess and his mailbox rusted and his wife works, you get my drift.
And although he shouldn't know this fact but does, he said the office was calling DHS. They had rung that day to see if Kyan was at school. because of the conference meeting.
So Yvette drove down there upset and four women faced her. I asked if they were fat. One held Kyan behind a glass door, one hand a hand on her non existent hip. You get the idea. Yvette is a tiny size zero and can give as good as she gets. Yvette was told that her boy had been waiting for her and she was a shocking Mother and blah blah blah. Yvette just said
"Give me my Son"
she had no say in the fact that he was supposed to walk home and he knew it. He will stay up all night playing Computer Games and be too tired in the morning to go to school. So subsequently Yvette came home hysterical and said she had never in her whole life been made to feel like that. Two hours later she started spotting and then bleeding a little.
The next day we cancelled the conference meeting and she is in Hospital now, sobbing as she lost the baby she barely knew she was having. She didn't want to tell anyone until the 12 weeks had passed. To be on the safe side. And we don't know if the strong emotion started the miscarriage. She has to have an operation now and maybe a transfusion as she has lost too much blood. They won't know until they do more tests if it was an ectopic pregnancy or not.
Maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe it was nature's mistake. A blighted ovum. But I know the stress she was under these last few weeks as DHS finally ends and the Social Worker who rang the school that day and told them all of Yvette's business, and the neighbours too. They don't even know his name as when I rang the school the Principal kept calling him Kynan. She tried to explain away her staffs actions but now that Yvette is in Hospital its such a different tune.
I told them not to bother as I will be contacting the Education Department anyway. They called him Poor Little Kynan. And that he has a lot to deal with. I asked them how they knew that and they had no answer. If DHS ever gets involved in you and your kids lives be aware, they don't help. They write long and involved reports about what you say and my child always has a lot to say and its always not nice about them.
They write it all down and quote it Verbatim to a court of law and it was all dismissed. Even facebook pages were xeroxed and sent to court and the court disallowed them. Heresay. It didn't have to be Yvette that was writing them and if Yvette can stick it up them she will and did. I have known that child to moon people she doesn't like and that was up until a few years ago.
They might even copy this and print it out, who knows?
But it is only a month until DHS are out of our lives forever. Oh and be aware if they say they will never take the kids, they lie. Because if they can they will and the kids went twice, once to family who found it hard to cope with them and once to Foster care. The older boys just came home as they refused to stay with anyone but Mum and the littlies were only gone a couple of days. They came back with nits, scratches and had been smacked.
I said to the school I know they hold a certain prejudice towards Yvette as she is a Single Mother and with even Julia Gillard not supporting them how are they supposed to be treated fairly? Well Yvette's kids are just fine, 3 work and pay taxes that will go to that Social Workers and staff's very comfortable wages. A social worker being paid three times what our boys are.
That school started back pedalling the minute I opened my mouth. Shockingly rude I was, Never mess with a Tiger Mother and her cubs as I will lash out, badly.
Don't tell me there is no prejudice against single Mothers. We know it. And don't try and pretend you know all about a situation until you can get the childs name right. And if the miscarriage is related to stress DHS and the school will be getting sued, big time. And they hate the sound of that. Oh, Yes, you can sue them for harrassment. Yvette can't be that bad a Mother when she has 3 boys working full time, 3 top of their class Maths geniuses, including Kynan.
And as for Chris Brown, amazingly he has been shown to have not done his Community Service, leaving after posing for the photographers and spending the time allotted on a Private Jet. One rule for the rich and one for the Poor. Can you imagine what would happen to us ordinary folk if we didn't do our Community Service? And now we also have most of our sports people using banned substances, Ditto. If I didn't laugh I would cry.
Love Janette
