Emotional Abuse Is Still Abuse

Without Prejudice

Life is great with the one you want, because you are happy, certain, trusting, and feel good. They make you feel better just by being around them and the anticipation of seeing them again. I want to see them every day, I want to feed them and help them and look after them and know they are mine. I don't want a man that is looking at other women unless it's just in admiration of great beauty. Like a beautiful painting

Men that deliberately look at other women to upset their spouse need their heads read. They will never be good husband material and ther eare just some men like that. Sam Newman and Shane Warne should never ever marry, and that advice comes from Men, I know. Men know a player and they also know "losers". Decent men may be tempted but if they love their wives or girlfriends they wouldn't dream of upsetting her.

I just had a tradie here and he was very hesitant to come in my unit to fetch something. Because he's married. And obviously happily as he doesn't want to be anywhere near temptation (honestly, me ! as if  ) and that's respect for his wife. I love that. If I thought a man was flirting with me when I knew he had a woman somewhere I'd be disgusted.

I hate to admit it, but like a lot of women when young I took other men away from their women. But I didn't really feel compassion for them till I went out with Nifty Nev And by` then I was in my 40's. he was a notorious outrageous drunk and womaniser, but honest with it. He adored his ex girlfriend and said so, he just didn't love her. He said he had been a bastard to her and I agreed, she was a great person and didn't deserve hurt.

We spoke after I was over Nifty Nev, she was a lovely, hurt , gracious woman and we commiserated on him. but I knew I had taken her man away and that wasn't fair. 

 I learned a lot of lessons in my 30's and couldn't be bothered with hurting someone else. In my twenties II had a strong sex drive and didn't give a bollocks what I did. I was totally outrageous. Now, I know, I am an Alpha Female. And Alpha Females will always demand the best, and go out and get it if they want it.

And I had an emotionally cold husband that hated love and affection, hated it. Even as a young wife he would push me away when I went to kiss or hug him. What was I thinking??? I think now. The lack of love and affection Killed our marriage like nothing else. 

Emotional abuse stays with you. 

" Fat "

"Dumb"

"Stupid bitch"

"Crazy", (like my poor ill Mother who suffered from War Trauma.) 

I was so affected by that insult, I sight therapy from Yvette's psych.

" Don't be stupid, your Mother was ill" the very autocratic Chinese psychiatrist stated firmly. 

"Ugly"

"Bad Mother"

"Murderess"

I knew he was the one with the hatred problem, only a person that hates themselves will insult another to make themselves look good.

And he was charismatic in that everyone thought he was a great guy, hard working, wouldn't hurt a fly. Yeah right, he was downright scary. His rages, his violence, his loud voice, his cruelty to me, the girls, the animals. I was trapped. I tried to leave from the first year. He would act all normal in front of others and then show them the door ( if they were lucky ) and then turn around and give me " the Look "

When we split, he had one of the girls sign a statement in front of a Solicitor that he never hit me with a"Closed Fist ".

I guess slapping, head slaps, pulling me along the floor by my hair, choking, kicking, threatening to take the kids, harm them, never really counted.

Also openly admiring other women, comparing me unfavourably to other females, being unfaithful (as he was hit on by a lot of women) buying other women things, going to massage parlours, openly bragging about old girlfriends, sending money to a Bar Girl in the Phillipines. $ 400 a month for 18 months, 25 years ago. Money taken from the Business. 

I suffered psoriasis, nerve rashes, insomnia.

And then the violence escalated. Every three months, four times a year you could feel the rage building in him and you " just knew ".

I learned how to hide it. He played mind games, setting the girls up against me and me against them. He hit them as babies to " teach them a lesson ", singled out one as favourite and let them know about it. 

And then after violence, he would cry. Tell me he was sorry. That it would never happen again. Blah blah blah. I left, came back. Left, came back. He was so good to me after violence, buy me anything I wanted. Well his choice of clothes, fur coats, perfume, makeup. 

Dishwashers, a new kitchen, a pool, a spa, a sauna, new cars, in his name. Lauren died, I went to grief counselling and he went once. The girls and I continued and it turned into family counselling and five months later I told him to leave. I didn't care if he killed me. I figured he could only kill me once. 

He took everything, of course. Signed me out of the Business as a Director, his parents helped him with that as their two houses were collateral for the new factory that was just finished before Lauren died. I told no one if the violence as no one believed me anyway and I kept going back. These days I wouldn't pee on him if he were on fire. I forgave him as a person, but I never forget and neither should I.

I grew up in a big family with a kind and doting Dad and I loved hugs and kisses and touch. My ex    didn't. he thought it was "sick" or perverted. Like watching porn isn't when you are happily married , but love and affection is harmful, somehow. 

Any way enough said, about that and on to better things.

When you are with the right one, he won't hurt you and if he does, he'll realise his mistake and apologise or do you a kindness and not let you find out and never do it again. It's as simple as that. he won't want you to hurt as you are his best friend, lover, whore, sex goddess, and the world without you in it is not a place he wants to be. He wants to be with you, he respects your opinion, even if it's wrong.

He will be  kind to you as he loves you with every fibre of his being and he will protect you to the death. He knows what he has and will do everything to respect you as he knows Women are much nicer beings and are expert in the ways of making him feel good. 

He rules with patience, strength and good humour, loves kids and animals and wouldn't strike them. He also has to be a little bit humble, arrogance is not required, nor needed, he keeps himself interesting, looks after himself and others. Works hard at what he does and loves it but also has hobbies he can spend hours on, so the woman gets some space.

He needs a big shed somewhere and is busy woodworking, restoring, and not being bored and sitting on COD all day. 

Games are a Stress relief for a lot of men , but limit it. It's addictive, I hear. I can't talk I love Candy Crush, it calms me.

Good men know they have all the answers, they have a wife and family that dotes on him and vice versa, as there can be no better than for a man to be the head of a family.  The protection and hard work is something he is proud to do.