Depression
Without Prejudice
There are little pills now that take care of it, stop the simple fore shortened synapse and lengthen it so that it strikes at another thing in the brain, I've read the science, totally don't understand but.........
What happens in the brain of a depressed person is that all the "Feel good" chemicals get sucked up and you are left with none.
If the brain is depressed and it stays that way for more than three weeks it remains depressed, the balance levels not being able to normalise without medication.
So then like me and millions of people all over the world, you take a pill, change your life and start thinking more positively, believe in something bigger than yourself.
Thats what I did and depression is a struggle, always waiting for you, your melancholic friend, your second shadow, your hated enemy.
And some people like that feeling, need that feeling. The depressed poet for instance, full of anger and angst, like Bob Dylan, raging in the wind and cold. walking sad empty mean streets to feel it. The rage.
Sometimes you will just get a whiff of an abysmal emptiness, and it tugs at you, wanting to lead you by the hand to the abyss, so that you will look in and think everything is meaningless, trite, annoying, empty
Don't ever be lead by the hand there. Go on kicking and screaming and fighting and not looking into the abyss, instead look up. See the sun and clouds and know that you are alive for one more glorious day, and make it as best as you can.
And make it good for others as depression is like grief, very selfish and demanding of your time. It wants to rob you of your confidence, your smile,
I have days when I have to push a pencil between my teeth to force my smile upwards. They are talking about using botox to force the muscles in a depressed persons face into a smile, immediately improving mood.
To me it's simple, My Mother was Schizophrenic, and began to get an overactive thyroid and the "speedy" metabolism boosted up the schizophrenia.
She was also a severe clinical depressive. When Jackie and I were diagnosed with mild depression, as it follows in families, we absolutely freaked out. Rang each other both being dagnosed with in six months of each other.
Jackie took off to Italy on her own with her daughter. I went inwards, trying to find out why and getting counselling, which didn't help. At first I was on the wrong medication and felt worse and had such a severe reaction, that I contemplated suicide.
I was sooooooooooo tired all the time and I knew I was in trouble when the thought of a shower defeated me, thinking of the turning on of the taps, feeling like it the water in the shower, pounding down would hurt me.
And I lined up all these little blue pills on the draining board at my daughters house and was so ready to do it. But the thought of killing myself in another persons house made me wake up.
What an awful thing for my children to find. Alena came in shortly and I broke down and told her how I was feeling.
A few days later I felt the same thing, and this time left a funny message on my Sister In Laws phone and she rang me on my mobile, concerned.
I was on my way to a motel and end it properly this time. She persuaded me to come to her and she got me an emergency appointment at the doctors. And it turned out I was allergic to the medication and was put on another and it worked.
When I was first diagnosed I just thought I was going through early menopause as I cried a little every day, morning and night and couldn't sleep much. I thought the crying was hormonal and was literally astounded when I was told I had depression.
Crying I said,
"I can't have depression, my Mother had depression and she died, commiting suicide. "
The doctor was looking at me strangely, like I was a loon, which I was,( my God, I was crying for God's sake.) So I had such high anxiety that he had to give me something straight away which would work in half an hour.
He gave me a DVD to watch and I went home and watched it.
Men get angry a lot and women cry a lot and both feel tired, bone weary, overwhelming and all you want to do is sleep. Nothing gives you pleasure anymore, sex, food, your "favourite things", I found I couldn't read, would not go out, getting quite savage about it.
Men might be affected, their sex drive diminishing or delaying orgasm or more frustratingly not being able to orgasm at all. Women too have the same thing and if you are on the wrong medication all hell can break loose.
If you are feelinglow, share it with people, it's not something to be ashamed of, drag it out into the light and examine it. Why are you depressed?. Maybe you are too much of a giver, not looking after yourself.
My Mum had severe war trauma which was never treated, and she needed treatment. When Jackie and I were diagnosed all we could see was our shambolic mother and feared being the same. I especially, as she had lost a child young, and so had I.
And you stop taking care of yourself. one of the first signs, although for me, it'a always when I wake up at 4am and can't get back to sleep.
And you never realise how bad you are until your children start to comment. Jackie said she realised she was shrieking at her Grand kids and Jackie is like me, wants to eat her grandchildren, "with a little pinch of salt"
So I was on a better anti depressant and never really did anything about the rest until I started to write these blogs. This has been cathartic for me and I hope by writing about my struggle (And it is a struggle) I can help others.
My sister knows if I ring her up and say,
"I'm frightened of lamb chops, again", she laughs and knows I am struggling.
We read a story about a man who could only tell his Dad when he was blue, calling his Dad and saying he was scared of lamb chops, because that's what can happen.
You might look at illogical objects and feel overwhelmed by them, my sister hates dark bathrooms, irrationally, says it feels "poor", like bad in our "poor childhood"
And you have to watch for the signs. Be careful of them and do something about them straight away, treating it like it's the most important thing ever.
Check all your internal signals as well. How are you doing, feeling, sad or happy, hang around with happy positive people that helps.
Do things for yourself, that you enjoy.
Spoil and pamper yourself.
Take care of you. just you for a while
Robbie Williams, saying, once, when he was diagnosed with it,
"I told myself I was fat twat who couldn't sing, was untalented, was nowhere in life, a has been, washed up... And that was BEFORE I took my antidepressant for the day.
I love that celebrities are not scared to say they have it, even in the old days people had it and then it was called melancholy and everyone feels down sometime.
The worst thing is to have people say,
"Oh, I get down just buck up, you'll be alright"
Don't listen to them. don't, because depression is an illness like any other and must be treated like one.
My hairdresser said that to me me once and I thought,
"well I would if I could, but I can't just "buck up", I've tried.
My old Darling once said that getting the levels just right is difficult, he had spent time in a psychiatric hospital for depression, interestingly he didn't bother to tell them he was an alcoholic, but never mind, that's why he's my ex.
So if it is in the family or even if you fell a little blue, do something about it, please, my sister and I beg you. we just take our little pill and know it's seductive voice, that also says,
"it's Summer, you don't need this. "
My mother died in Queensland, not bad winters up there, so its not the weather that makes you feel good or bad, it's never that simple.
It's a chemical imbalance but if you don't treat it you're in trouble. Given that by 2020 depression will be the worlds biggest sickness. Numbers are growing every day.
I try and not watch the news as I know I am sensitive. I meditate every morning, doesn't have to be long and involved, just focus on what you want in life and take the time and trouble to write down some goals.
Jackie found she had to make a list every day and tick each task as she accomplished it. Sweep Floor, tick, have shower, tick.
Do more for herself, just her, not hubby, not kids, not grand kids
I found that a real struggle at first, always feeling that i was OK as I was a loved and accepted child and had to help others.
Now I just think I will concentrate on me and mine. Love helps but I know of elderly people that have loves in their lives but still end up hospital if it's major depression.
It's not something that you want to get but if you do have it, it''s your duty to do something about it for your loved ones. Because we tend to take it out on those closest to us.
And laugh, a lot, even if you have to force it at first but laughter is really the best medicine and stay busy, another important thing.
Stay healthy, treat your body like a Temple, seriously, obesity is also an epidemic, we sit inside too much. Get outside, sit in the sun, pick the lint out of your belly button. things wait and housework takes up all the time you have plus one half hour.
Exercise and rejoin life, fake it till you make it.
And we all are going to die, as Steve Jobs said, we know we will die, our time is limited, forgive and move on, the people that once were in your life were there for a purpose. And you are beautiful and should be having the best life ever because you deserve it.
And yes, miserable people do make lots of money and can be fabulously famous, wealthy and it sometimes doesn't give them the happiness they want.
It gives them a lovely lifestyle but if they don't have lots of love in their life are they really that wealthy?
Depends on how you see wealth, it's very nice to have Big told me, bless him.
it's nice to have, but it's not your life. Go and find some kids and a decent mate, a good person that adores you and has a backbone, you will be happy the rest of your life, like me
xoxoxox
Love Janette
There are little pills now that take care of it, stop the simple fore shortened synapse and lengthen it so that it strikes at another thing in the brain, I've read the science, totally don't understand but.........
What happens in the brain of a depressed person is that all the "Feel good" chemicals get sucked up and you are left with none.
If the brain is depressed and it stays that way for more than three weeks it remains depressed, the balance levels not being able to normalise without medication.
So then like me and millions of people all over the world, you take a pill, change your life and start thinking more positively, believe in something bigger than yourself.
Thats what I did and depression is a struggle, always waiting for you, your melancholic friend, your second shadow, your hated enemy.
And some people like that feeling, need that feeling. The depressed poet for instance, full of anger and angst, like Bob Dylan, raging in the wind and cold. walking sad empty mean streets to feel it. The rage.
Sometimes you will just get a whiff of an abysmal emptiness, and it tugs at you, wanting to lead you by the hand to the abyss, so that you will look in and think everything is meaningless, trite, annoying, empty
Don't ever be lead by the hand there. Go on kicking and screaming and fighting and not looking into the abyss, instead look up. See the sun and clouds and know that you are alive for one more glorious day, and make it as best as you can.
And make it good for others as depression is like grief, very selfish and demanding of your time. It wants to rob you of your confidence, your smile,
I have days when I have to push a pencil between my teeth to force my smile upwards. They are talking about using botox to force the muscles in a depressed persons face into a smile, immediately improving mood.
To me it's simple, My Mother was Schizophrenic, and began to get an overactive thyroid and the "speedy" metabolism boosted up the schizophrenia.
She was also a severe clinical depressive. When Jackie and I were diagnosed with mild depression, as it follows in families, we absolutely freaked out. Rang each other both being dagnosed with in six months of each other.
Jackie took off to Italy on her own with her daughter. I went inwards, trying to find out why and getting counselling, which didn't help. At first I was on the wrong medication and felt worse and had such a severe reaction, that I contemplated suicide.
I was sooooooooooo tired all the time and I knew I was in trouble when the thought of a shower defeated me, thinking of the turning on of the taps, feeling like it the water in the shower, pounding down would hurt me.
And I lined up all these little blue pills on the draining board at my daughters house and was so ready to do it. But the thought of killing myself in another persons house made me wake up.
What an awful thing for my children to find. Alena came in shortly and I broke down and told her how I was feeling.
A few days later I felt the same thing, and this time left a funny message on my Sister In Laws phone and she rang me on my mobile, concerned.
I was on my way to a motel and end it properly this time. She persuaded me to come to her and she got me an emergency appointment at the doctors. And it turned out I was allergic to the medication and was put on another and it worked.
When I was first diagnosed I just thought I was going through early menopause as I cried a little every day, morning and night and couldn't sleep much. I thought the crying was hormonal and was literally astounded when I was told I had depression.
Crying I said,
"I can't have depression, my Mother had depression and she died, commiting suicide. "
The doctor was looking at me strangely, like I was a loon, which I was,( my God, I was crying for God's sake.) So I had such high anxiety that he had to give me something straight away which would work in half an hour.
He gave me a DVD to watch and I went home and watched it.
Men get angry a lot and women cry a lot and both feel tired, bone weary, overwhelming and all you want to do is sleep. Nothing gives you pleasure anymore, sex, food, your "favourite things", I found I couldn't read, would not go out, getting quite savage about it.
Men might be affected, their sex drive diminishing or delaying orgasm or more frustratingly not being able to orgasm at all. Women too have the same thing and if you are on the wrong medication all hell can break loose.
If you are feelinglow, share it with people, it's not something to be ashamed of, drag it out into the light and examine it. Why are you depressed?. Maybe you are too much of a giver, not looking after yourself.
My Mum had severe war trauma which was never treated, and she needed treatment. When Jackie and I were diagnosed all we could see was our shambolic mother and feared being the same. I especially, as she had lost a child young, and so had I.
And you stop taking care of yourself. one of the first signs, although for me, it'a always when I wake up at 4am and can't get back to sleep.
And you never realise how bad you are until your children start to comment. Jackie said she realised she was shrieking at her Grand kids and Jackie is like me, wants to eat her grandchildren, "with a little pinch of salt"
So I was on a better anti depressant and never really did anything about the rest until I started to write these blogs. This has been cathartic for me and I hope by writing about my struggle (And it is a struggle) I can help others.
My sister knows if I ring her up and say,
"I'm frightened of lamb chops, again", she laughs and knows I am struggling.
We read a story about a man who could only tell his Dad when he was blue, calling his Dad and saying he was scared of lamb chops, because that's what can happen.
You might look at illogical objects and feel overwhelmed by them, my sister hates dark bathrooms, irrationally, says it feels "poor", like bad in our "poor childhood"
And you have to watch for the signs. Be careful of them and do something about them straight away, treating it like it's the most important thing ever.
Check all your internal signals as well. How are you doing, feeling, sad or happy, hang around with happy positive people that helps.
Do things for yourself, that you enjoy.
Spoil and pamper yourself.
Take care of you. just you for a while
Robbie Williams, saying, once, when he was diagnosed with it,
"I told myself I was fat twat who couldn't sing, was untalented, was nowhere in life, a has been, washed up... And that was BEFORE I took my antidepressant for the day.
I love that celebrities are not scared to say they have it, even in the old days people had it and then it was called melancholy and everyone feels down sometime.
The worst thing is to have people say,
"Oh, I get down just buck up, you'll be alright"
Don't listen to them. don't, because depression is an illness like any other and must be treated like one.
My hairdresser said that to me me once and I thought,
"well I would if I could, but I can't just "buck up", I've tried.
My old Darling once said that getting the levels just right is difficult, he had spent time in a psychiatric hospital for depression, interestingly he didn't bother to tell them he was an alcoholic, but never mind, that's why he's my ex.
So if it is in the family or even if you fell a little blue, do something about it, please, my sister and I beg you. we just take our little pill and know it's seductive voice, that also says,
"it's Summer, you don't need this. "
My mother died in Queensland, not bad winters up there, so its not the weather that makes you feel good or bad, it's never that simple.
It's a chemical imbalance but if you don't treat it you're in trouble. Given that by 2020 depression will be the worlds biggest sickness. Numbers are growing every day.
I try and not watch the news as I know I am sensitive. I meditate every morning, doesn't have to be long and involved, just focus on what you want in life and take the time and trouble to write down some goals.
Jackie found she had to make a list every day and tick each task as she accomplished it. Sweep Floor, tick, have shower, tick.
Do more for herself, just her, not hubby, not kids, not grand kids
I found that a real struggle at first, always feeling that i was OK as I was a loved and accepted child and had to help others.
Now I just think I will concentrate on me and mine. Love helps but I know of elderly people that have loves in their lives but still end up hospital if it's major depression.
It's not something that you want to get but if you do have it, it''s your duty to do something about it for your loved ones. Because we tend to take it out on those closest to us.
And laugh, a lot, even if you have to force it at first but laughter is really the best medicine and stay busy, another important thing.
Stay healthy, treat your body like a Temple, seriously, obesity is also an epidemic, we sit inside too much. Get outside, sit in the sun, pick the lint out of your belly button. things wait and housework takes up all the time you have plus one half hour.
Exercise and rejoin life, fake it till you make it.
And we all are going to die, as Steve Jobs said, we know we will die, our time is limited, forgive and move on, the people that once were in your life were there for a purpose. And you are beautiful and should be having the best life ever because you deserve it.
And yes, miserable people do make lots of money and can be fabulously famous, wealthy and it sometimes doesn't give them the happiness they want.
It gives them a lovely lifestyle but if they don't have lots of love in their life are they really that wealthy?
Depends on how you see wealth, it's very nice to have Big told me, bless him.
it's nice to have, but it's not your life. Go and find some kids and a decent mate, a good person that adores you and has a backbone, you will be happy the rest of your life, like me
xoxoxox
Love Janette
