Old Friends
Without Prejudice
I love visiting with people I have known as a girl and young married Mum. It so good the be reminded of who I was and where I was in life. That is not to take away from new friends, but there is just something so comforting to be amongst old friends, to talk and reminisce.
Today I went to Carrum Downs and Keysborough, old haunts where the memories in small flashes come to remind me of who I was and how far I have come. I must have come far now as the memories are pleasant and warm and not haunting or painful.
I am guided through those memories and thoughts by my friends and I know they feel for me for tomorrows anniversary. They all knew her when she was alive, a glowing girl and a lovely one and they tell me things she did and I love it.
R reminds me of Lauren appearing on her doorstep and excitedly telling her her older sister had had the baby and all was well. 15 days before she died. So happy and smiling that smile that filled the room and I am soothed in my grief by their kindnesses.
P reminds me of my Dad and how he was so good to her, she fatherless and her Mum and my Dad being good friends. And even though she was a child she remembers his 24 string hawaiian guitar and his massive CD collection.
All music displayed in there, Pink Floyd, The Angels, Prince cheek by jowl with Ella Fitzgerald and Frank Sinatra. She remembers he bought her an Alf Doll that Christmas and how much she liked him and his essentail funniness and goodness.
I love people to share these things with me, Ivan reminding me the old days in Oakleigh, when neither of us were married or had kids. Him being my brother's oldest friend and how they went about in the 70's. The city, the beach, the old St Kilda and Chadstone, where my brother was introduced to his future wife by Ivan.
Ivans Mum comes out, and she remembers me, although her memory is fading, she in her 80's now, and she remembers my brother. I remember what it was like for her in the bad old days when her crazy Yugo boyfriend was around and how every one hated him.
Oakleigh in the seventies and we wore flares and platforms and went to drive in's and things seemed so innocent and what worried us then is so different to what we worry about now.
We all talk about the planet and the recycling we do and they and R are all healthy and well and exercise and eat right and nowadays so do I.
Poor old Ivans Mum likes her choccy puddings and is convinced someone has eaten them , but I go in and help her look and some are hidden at the back of the fridge.
She has eaten a lot of them, but is soothed and happy and Ivan said she's annoying and I say no. She is a happy woman surrounded by family and having a son and grand daughter and great grandson living in the house with her.
She is not like the woman I remember from two years ago, just living with the son, Ivan He had his life and a "man Cave" outside and she was just hanging on the fringes and now her beloved grand daughter and great grandson have come to live she has blossomed.
She wears a smile and makes me 2 delicious coffees and wants to be included and she is. She has purpose now and something to live for and I am so glad for her as she is truly adorable.
I have had a day filled with love and memory and kindnesses given and received. My friend R has just had a new grandchild, a girl and she proudly shows me the photos delivered by email.
Such a gorgeous baby and happy, born to her oldest son, who I have known from birth. And the old connections loop around us and form a circle of friendships that change and alter but endure no matter what.
we've all had fights over the years, vicious snits with each other, I told Ivan he was a chavinist and he asked why, so I said he calls women, chicky babes and honey pies and he is goggle eyed that that is considered chauvinist. His niece and I in sister solidarity on this and he is still completely baffled by it.
He replies,
"But they are Honey Pies"
and we let him have his way as he is now too old to change and its not like he would ever be bad to a woman anyway.
Married as he was for 17 years and is determined to never let that silly folly happen again and on that we are in total agreement. He is so strongly single and a genuinely happy man, a simple man.
His emotions show on his face and if he is angry, he is angry and if he is happy he is happy.
I remember his famous impatience. Once when driving his old EH and young, he decided that a 2 lines of cars were just being slow.
So he sqeezed his car between the two lanes and pushed all his door handles in. And even he had laughed at the time, in the telling.
But I handed me the keys to his car on the day I was going for my licence and my ex was convinced I wouldn't get it. But Ivan, who worked for us at the time as a gate welder, whispered to me so my ex couldn't hear.
"Here's my keys, cars on the front lawn, when you get it, just get in the car and drive, OK.? "
And I did, driving all the way to Chadstone with my two babies in the back and picked up my curtains and drove home. I was terrified as it was the first time I had ever driven without an instructor.
Stopping at the lights on North Road and rolling back and stalling on the green light and stopping and a kindly man came and helped me out and I finally got through the lights and then I was OK.
I was happy I had done it and my ex said no congrats and I could have killed the kids or been stranded but I didn't care, because my licence meant freedom and independence.
And when R moved to the neighbourhood I was in awe of her, 10 years older than me and a Teacher. Marrying later than us "Child Brides" and having babies later, but she was the pragmastist and we were just wild.
Too young to be stay at home housewives and yet we were. Just girls really, me at 24 with 4 kids under 6. I knocked out kids like they were the new fashion. Lauren appearing when I was doing everything not to get pregnant.
And yet I was, and another girl, what a disappointment for some and not for me or him. We knew about a week before she was born she would be another girl He said at the time,
"If we are going to be disappointed, let's be disappointed now, not when she is born"
So we weren't but others were for us. The stupid slow witted 17 year old girl neighbour, stating the fact that I must be disappointed and after she left I cried, sobbing in the shower, loving my baby and she couldn't help it being a girl.
And tomorrow we celebrate her life lived, as she died 22 years ago tomorrow and my old friends know what I am going through. They knew her so can share memories with me, P going to school with her and being "besties" when young and I crave the talk and the sharing of memory because it keeps her alive and real to me.
And thats what I can't do for myself. They do it for me, they carry me forward with their open friendship with no side, just friendship and I give thanks to them tonight. If not for them, my family, my grand kids, my son in laws, my extended family and my big strong girls I would hardly be able to function..
Tomorrow will not be as bad as the lead up has been, I haven't melted down this year. I have before and it's so draining, so tonight I say to my baby, Lauren.
" I am glad to have known you and I am glad you were mine. You lived a lovely life, full of peace and joy and that's what you gave out. And although we have to go through the rest of our lives with you not physically here. You are in our minds and hearts forever."
I met a lady today who lost her only daughter at 16, she just has one boy left. And I looked in her eyes and she looked in mine and we repeated the mantra of every parent who has lost a child when asked how often you miss them,
"Every second, of very minute, of every hour, of every day"
And as I finish my writing, crying 1927 comes on the radio and she is here in the song, saying to me Mum,
"Don't cry,
"If I could do anything at all. I'd do it for you"
And she would,
Love Janette
I love visiting with people I have known as a girl and young married Mum. It so good the be reminded of who I was and where I was in life. That is not to take away from new friends, but there is just something so comforting to be amongst old friends, to talk and reminisce.
Today I went to Carrum Downs and Keysborough, old haunts where the memories in small flashes come to remind me of who I was and how far I have come. I must have come far now as the memories are pleasant and warm and not haunting or painful.
I am guided through those memories and thoughts by my friends and I know they feel for me for tomorrows anniversary. They all knew her when she was alive, a glowing girl and a lovely one and they tell me things she did and I love it.
R reminds me of Lauren appearing on her doorstep and excitedly telling her her older sister had had the baby and all was well. 15 days before she died. So happy and smiling that smile that filled the room and I am soothed in my grief by their kindnesses.
P reminds me of my Dad and how he was so good to her, she fatherless and her Mum and my Dad being good friends. And even though she was a child she remembers his 24 string hawaiian guitar and his massive CD collection.
All music displayed in there, Pink Floyd, The Angels, Prince cheek by jowl with Ella Fitzgerald and Frank Sinatra. She remembers he bought her an Alf Doll that Christmas and how much she liked him and his essentail funniness and goodness.
I love people to share these things with me, Ivan reminding me the old days in Oakleigh, when neither of us were married or had kids. Him being my brother's oldest friend and how they went about in the 70's. The city, the beach, the old St Kilda and Chadstone, where my brother was introduced to his future wife by Ivan.
Ivans Mum comes out, and she remembers me, although her memory is fading, she in her 80's now, and she remembers my brother. I remember what it was like for her in the bad old days when her crazy Yugo boyfriend was around and how every one hated him.
Oakleigh in the seventies and we wore flares and platforms and went to drive in's and things seemed so innocent and what worried us then is so different to what we worry about now.
We all talk about the planet and the recycling we do and they and R are all healthy and well and exercise and eat right and nowadays so do I.
Poor old Ivans Mum likes her choccy puddings and is convinced someone has eaten them , but I go in and help her look and some are hidden at the back of the fridge.
She has eaten a lot of them, but is soothed and happy and Ivan said she's annoying and I say no. She is a happy woman surrounded by family and having a son and grand daughter and great grandson living in the house with her.
She is not like the woman I remember from two years ago, just living with the son, Ivan He had his life and a "man Cave" outside and she was just hanging on the fringes and now her beloved grand daughter and great grandson have come to live she has blossomed.
She wears a smile and makes me 2 delicious coffees and wants to be included and she is. She has purpose now and something to live for and I am so glad for her as she is truly adorable.
I have had a day filled with love and memory and kindnesses given and received. My friend R has just had a new grandchild, a girl and she proudly shows me the photos delivered by email.
Such a gorgeous baby and happy, born to her oldest son, who I have known from birth. And the old connections loop around us and form a circle of friendships that change and alter but endure no matter what.
we've all had fights over the years, vicious snits with each other, I told Ivan he was a chavinist and he asked why, so I said he calls women, chicky babes and honey pies and he is goggle eyed that that is considered chauvinist. His niece and I in sister solidarity on this and he is still completely baffled by it.
He replies,
"But they are Honey Pies"
and we let him have his way as he is now too old to change and its not like he would ever be bad to a woman anyway.
Married as he was for 17 years and is determined to never let that silly folly happen again and on that we are in total agreement. He is so strongly single and a genuinely happy man, a simple man.
His emotions show on his face and if he is angry, he is angry and if he is happy he is happy.
I remember his famous impatience. Once when driving his old EH and young, he decided that a 2 lines of cars were just being slow.
So he sqeezed his car between the two lanes and pushed all his door handles in. And even he had laughed at the time, in the telling.
But I handed me the keys to his car on the day I was going for my licence and my ex was convinced I wouldn't get it. But Ivan, who worked for us at the time as a gate welder, whispered to me so my ex couldn't hear.
"Here's my keys, cars on the front lawn, when you get it, just get in the car and drive, OK.? "
And I did, driving all the way to Chadstone with my two babies in the back and picked up my curtains and drove home. I was terrified as it was the first time I had ever driven without an instructor.
Stopping at the lights on North Road and rolling back and stalling on the green light and stopping and a kindly man came and helped me out and I finally got through the lights and then I was OK.
I was happy I had done it and my ex said no congrats and I could have killed the kids or been stranded but I didn't care, because my licence meant freedom and independence.
And when R moved to the neighbourhood I was in awe of her, 10 years older than me and a Teacher. Marrying later than us "Child Brides" and having babies later, but she was the pragmastist and we were just wild.
Too young to be stay at home housewives and yet we were. Just girls really, me at 24 with 4 kids under 6. I knocked out kids like they were the new fashion. Lauren appearing when I was doing everything not to get pregnant.
And yet I was, and another girl, what a disappointment for some and not for me or him. We knew about a week before she was born she would be another girl He said at the time,
"If we are going to be disappointed, let's be disappointed now, not when she is born"
So we weren't but others were for us. The stupid slow witted 17 year old girl neighbour, stating the fact that I must be disappointed and after she left I cried, sobbing in the shower, loving my baby and she couldn't help it being a girl.
And tomorrow we celebrate her life lived, as she died 22 years ago tomorrow and my old friends know what I am going through. They knew her so can share memories with me, P going to school with her and being "besties" when young and I crave the talk and the sharing of memory because it keeps her alive and real to me.
And thats what I can't do for myself. They do it for me, they carry me forward with their open friendship with no side, just friendship and I give thanks to them tonight. If not for them, my family, my grand kids, my son in laws, my extended family and my big strong girls I would hardly be able to function..
Tomorrow will not be as bad as the lead up has been, I haven't melted down this year. I have before and it's so draining, so tonight I say to my baby, Lauren.
" I am glad to have known you and I am glad you were mine. You lived a lovely life, full of peace and joy and that's what you gave out. And although we have to go through the rest of our lives with you not physically here. You are in our minds and hearts forever."
I met a lady today who lost her only daughter at 16, she just has one boy left. And I looked in her eyes and she looked in mine and we repeated the mantra of every parent who has lost a child when asked how often you miss them,
"Every second, of very minute, of every hour, of every day"
And as I finish my writing, crying 1927 comes on the radio and she is here in the song, saying to me Mum,
"Don't cry,
"If I could do anything at all. I'd do it for you"
And she would,
Love Janette
