Skinny Girls Club---Sugar and Chocolate
Without Prejudice
I found when my mind decided to lose weight, my body followed. But first it had to come from my mind. I had returned from Camp Eden, 84 kilos and packed firm, fat, solid. Giving up smoking was a great achievement six months before I went, but I knew I wasn't fit. I had written my three goals for the next twelve months at Eden as directed by our Life Coach, and hadn't believed one of them. But apparently there is a correlation between the actual writing in your own hand writing of your goals and the brain. I learned that at Monash Uni.
I came back from Eden, kissed the ground at home in Melbourne and just ploughed on with life. I was vigilant, changed my diet to a healthy one, ground my own nuts, walked every day and.........nothing happened. I didn't drop an ounce, I hadn't started writing and the man I adored had given up on me and gone out with someone else. I was at the end of my tether for a while. And one horrible cold and upsetting day I simply gave up.
I crossed to the window of my kitchen, stared into the leaden grey sky, the sodden clouds and the tree of birds that faces me every day and appealed to a God I had stopped believing in.
" I give up " , I said. Actually, I yelled it.
" I give up !!!!!"
" It's up to you now God, Higher Intelligence, whatever you call yourself, if you are up there, I am now leaving it up to you, you hear me ! "
No one answered, thank God and If they had I would have died of fright on the spot. I stomped off and went about my business of mopping up my kids lives and stressing.
Then 2 things happened. I received a call from Camp Eden chasing me up about my goals and my brother rang me, he who had sent me to Eden,
" Have you started writing yet . " he asked.
" No ", I answered truthfully.
"Raise your standards " was one of the things he said amongst a few others. I felt I owed him and my other brother who had grabbed me and flown me up there, something. I had to try, at least and try harder.
I then sat down at the computer and started to write. And write and write and the rest is history, my personal history, I wrote in stories, funny, sad, true, meaningful stories. And while ever I wrote I was absorbed, hours would fly by and I forgot to eat. After a while I fell into a pattern, write and eat cut up fruit, write and have a coffee, write and eat fruit. And I would start at 7am in the morning and finish at 2pm. I now do 4.30 am to 10 am and may edit in the evenings.
At 2pm, I would get up off my aching back side and eat what I called " properly ", that meant, make my self something and relax. It was always the same thing, Jatz crackers or Cruskits with tomato, ham, egg, cucumber or light Philly. I would make a plate and sit and eat it slowly, savouring each dry biscuit, each delicious mouthful. And for some reason I craved sugar, and it came in the handy shape of chocolate fudge. Home made chocolate fudge from my handy CWA recipe book. It had to be a dry fudge, thin and snappable.
That was my " Look forward to thing " and looking forward to something is a big thing when you are restricting your food. It's also swapping one addiction for another. As every addict knows you have to swap one addiction for another, for giving up to work. I never ever called it a diet, I was just eating healthy. I would eat a small tray of chocolate fudge over 24 hours, day after day, thin, dry and melt in your mouth. I could mix up a batch in 20 minutes.
Then I grew sick of it and The Rebel Yell child came in one day and she was working on browning her formidably flat belly to a mahogany colour. She was trying to piss off her boyfriend and tanned that belly every single day for the entire Summer. The belly that had given birth to seven kids, an enviable body of tiny tight butt and skinny hips, she's a racehorse and eats what she likes.
"Eat chocolate" , she said.
"What? I answered,
chocolate being something I had been trying to avoid studiously. Much better the fudge which I could make with low fat milk, sweetener and low fat butter substitute. I was only fooling myself but we do these things.
"What happens to chocolate when the weather is boiling? " she asked.
"It melts "
" So, in your body when it's hot, it melts, chocolate melts "
I looked at this child of mine and her tiny petite figure and thought well she may not be an academic but she knows about bodies, especially thin ones.
So I took her advice and instead of stuffing down a tray of fudge very day, started looking forward to a little bit of chocolate every day. I could stay on track every single day if at 4 .30 I sat down, watched the Bold and The Beautiful, (I know, it's a shameful secret ) and had my treat of chocolate.
And a normal dinner with protein, of meat, fish and lots of vegetables on a small plate. Forget the big plate, that's a tip from Eden.
It's been almost two years now since I began, and my weight plummeted from 84 k to 58 and I have maintained it. Still having that little bit of chocolate. Xx
Love Janette
I found when my mind decided to lose weight, my body followed. But first it had to come from my mind. I had returned from Camp Eden, 84 kilos and packed firm, fat, solid. Giving up smoking was a great achievement six months before I went, but I knew I wasn't fit. I had written my three goals for the next twelve months at Eden as directed by our Life Coach, and hadn't believed one of them. But apparently there is a correlation between the actual writing in your own hand writing of your goals and the brain. I learned that at Monash Uni.
I came back from Eden, kissed the ground at home in Melbourne and just ploughed on with life. I was vigilant, changed my diet to a healthy one, ground my own nuts, walked every day and.........nothing happened. I didn't drop an ounce, I hadn't started writing and the man I adored had given up on me and gone out with someone else. I was at the end of my tether for a while. And one horrible cold and upsetting day I simply gave up.
I crossed to the window of my kitchen, stared into the leaden grey sky, the sodden clouds and the tree of birds that faces me every day and appealed to a God I had stopped believing in.
" I give up " , I said. Actually, I yelled it.
" I give up !!!!!"
" It's up to you now God, Higher Intelligence, whatever you call yourself, if you are up there, I am now leaving it up to you, you hear me ! "
No one answered, thank God and If they had I would have died of fright on the spot. I stomped off and went about my business of mopping up my kids lives and stressing.
Then 2 things happened. I received a call from Camp Eden chasing me up about my goals and my brother rang me, he who had sent me to Eden,
" Have you started writing yet . " he asked.
" No ", I answered truthfully.
"Raise your standards " was one of the things he said amongst a few others. I felt I owed him and my other brother who had grabbed me and flown me up there, something. I had to try, at least and try harder.
I then sat down at the computer and started to write. And write and write and the rest is history, my personal history, I wrote in stories, funny, sad, true, meaningful stories. And while ever I wrote I was absorbed, hours would fly by and I forgot to eat. After a while I fell into a pattern, write and eat cut up fruit, write and have a coffee, write and eat fruit. And I would start at 7am in the morning and finish at 2pm. I now do 4.30 am to 10 am and may edit in the evenings.
At 2pm, I would get up off my aching back side and eat what I called " properly ", that meant, make my self something and relax. It was always the same thing, Jatz crackers or Cruskits with tomato, ham, egg, cucumber or light Philly. I would make a plate and sit and eat it slowly, savouring each dry biscuit, each delicious mouthful. And for some reason I craved sugar, and it came in the handy shape of chocolate fudge. Home made chocolate fudge from my handy CWA recipe book. It had to be a dry fudge, thin and snappable.
That was my " Look forward to thing " and looking forward to something is a big thing when you are restricting your food. It's also swapping one addiction for another. As every addict knows you have to swap one addiction for another, for giving up to work. I never ever called it a diet, I was just eating healthy. I would eat a small tray of chocolate fudge over 24 hours, day after day, thin, dry and melt in your mouth. I could mix up a batch in 20 minutes.
Then I grew sick of it and The Rebel Yell child came in one day and she was working on browning her formidably flat belly to a mahogany colour. She was trying to piss off her boyfriend and tanned that belly every single day for the entire Summer. The belly that had given birth to seven kids, an enviable body of tiny tight butt and skinny hips, she's a racehorse and eats what she likes.
"Eat chocolate" , she said.
"What? I answered,
chocolate being something I had been trying to avoid studiously. Much better the fudge which I could make with low fat milk, sweetener and low fat butter substitute. I was only fooling myself but we do these things.
"What happens to chocolate when the weather is boiling? " she asked.
"It melts "
" So, in your body when it's hot, it melts, chocolate melts "
I looked at this child of mine and her tiny petite figure and thought well she may not be an academic but she knows about bodies, especially thin ones.
So I took her advice and instead of stuffing down a tray of fudge very day, started looking forward to a little bit of chocolate every day. I could stay on track every single day if at 4 .30 I sat down, watched the Bold and The Beautiful, (I know, it's a shameful secret ) and had my treat of chocolate.
And a normal dinner with protein, of meat, fish and lots of vegetables on a small plate. Forget the big plate, that's a tip from Eden.
It's been almost two years now since I began, and my weight plummeted from 84 k to 58 and I have maintained it. Still having that little bit of chocolate. Xx
Love Janette
