Secret Mens Business and Elvis
Without Prejudice
When a mans wife leaves him by Jesse Fink
It's not like being winded or punched in the guts.its like a vacuum cleaner has been plugged into your body and sucked you clean of all the intangible things that went into making you the man you once were.
The marrow of life--all the emotions, feelings, experiences, memories and thoughts that made you a happy individual--gone.
you may be able to walk down the street, you may look like the same guy to you to your family and friends, but you no longer really exist.
you are are a facsimile of a human being, A mannequin. The only thing that now defines you is that you are one of "them"---a statistic.
Just another fool who thought you were buying happiness for the rest of your life by falling in love and walking down the aisle. But in reality, you've opened yourself up to ending your days in heartache.
Nothing prepares you for it. You might see the signs but you never expect it to actually happen.You go over in your head a million times what it might mean when she says,
" I love you, but I'm not in love with you. ", but it doesn't really matter. In getting to that point its over.
There are no Hollywood endings with dead marriages. You resist accepting that brutal truth of course.
Nothing is final. You cling to hope. You seek the counsel of people you trust. You fight for her. You plead. You try to do all the things that you should have done when you you were together, get fitter, dress better, be emotionally available, offer to do whatever it takes to reconcile. But she's made her decision and for her there is no going back.
Yet for you, there is no way forward.
You are stuck in a cycle of projection and self recrimination. You can't understand why she doesn't want you when others do.
You use women for sex.
You get high on drugs.
You get wasted on alcohol.
You punish treadmills at the gym like you are training for an Olympic Marathon.
You do anything you can to backfill the incredible pit of emptiness, but nothing gives you comfort.
When you find out she has a new lover you want to end it all. How can she replace you so quickly?
You confront her.
You confront him.
They don't care about your pain. They are in love and rubbing their happiness in your face. You have nothing to say that is going to change anything, so you do what most stupid males do and start making life difficult for her.
You delay answering her texts.
You barely acknowledge her when you call to say goodnight to your child.
You quibble over money.
She doesn't love you so she might as well hate you.
You don't give a damn anymore.You are going to find a better woman and forget she ever existed. You go to bars, You surf the net. You smile at girls on the beach. You get your chest waxed. You get your eyebrows shaped. You "move on" with your life.
People remark how ell you look.
But in the still of the night, she haunts you. You wish that any of of the women that pass through the turnstile of your bed was her. Just once, None of them look as good as she did, none of them can be her, Yet she never comes, she is lost to you. And there is nothing that you can ever say or do that is going to bring her back.
Your only ally of course is time.
All wounds heal is a crock, you will go on hurting even when you think you are well and truly over her. And the two of you can never truly be friends, even though that is what she would like.
And even yhough you know that would be truly realistic for all concerned. You can try being friendly, the alternative is stark.
Then,eventually, miraculously, the pain lessens. You learn to enjoy your solitude, you come to welcome it.
You won't ever forget the abandonment or the rejection. that sharp pain when you see her with another man will always be yours to bear, no matter who he is and how nice he is to you. --even if you marry again.
They are horrible sensations that you may take to the grave with you.
But you come around to forgiveness and tolerance.
You finally get some clarity on your own mistakes and the impossibilty of finding perfection.
The marrow that was drawn from your body returns. You becaome a functioning human being again, capable of giving love to others and even to loving yourself.
Without realising it, you have prevailed over one of the most traumatic events life can throw at you.
And you have become a better man for it. Damaged perhaps. Lumped with some baggage, Not the man you used to be, but better.
Happy to be alive and hopeful for brighter days.
I read this to ?Elvis" and ask if he ever had his heart broken, He is so gentle and so young.
"Yes", he says, "Of course"
And I leave it there and hug him.
Love Janette
When a mans wife leaves him by Jesse Fink
It's not like being winded or punched in the guts.its like a vacuum cleaner has been plugged into your body and sucked you clean of all the intangible things that went into making you the man you once were.
The marrow of life--all the emotions, feelings, experiences, memories and thoughts that made you a happy individual--gone.
you may be able to walk down the street, you may look like the same guy to you to your family and friends, but you no longer really exist.
you are are a facsimile of a human being, A mannequin. The only thing that now defines you is that you are one of "them"---a statistic.
Just another fool who thought you were buying happiness for the rest of your life by falling in love and walking down the aisle. But in reality, you've opened yourself up to ending your days in heartache.
Nothing prepares you for it. You might see the signs but you never expect it to actually happen.You go over in your head a million times what it might mean when she says,
" I love you, but I'm not in love with you. ", but it doesn't really matter. In getting to that point its over.
There are no Hollywood endings with dead marriages. You resist accepting that brutal truth of course.
Nothing is final. You cling to hope. You seek the counsel of people you trust. You fight for her. You plead. You try to do all the things that you should have done when you you were together, get fitter, dress better, be emotionally available, offer to do whatever it takes to reconcile. But she's made her decision and for her there is no going back.
Yet for you, there is no way forward.
You are stuck in a cycle of projection and self recrimination. You can't understand why she doesn't want you when others do.
You use women for sex.
You get high on drugs.
You get wasted on alcohol.
You punish treadmills at the gym like you are training for an Olympic Marathon.
You do anything you can to backfill the incredible pit of emptiness, but nothing gives you comfort.
When you find out she has a new lover you want to end it all. How can she replace you so quickly?
You confront her.
You confront him.
They don't care about your pain. They are in love and rubbing their happiness in your face. You have nothing to say that is going to change anything, so you do what most stupid males do and start making life difficult for her.
You delay answering her texts.
You barely acknowledge her when you call to say goodnight to your child.
You quibble over money.
She doesn't love you so she might as well hate you.
You don't give a damn anymore.You are going to find a better woman and forget she ever existed. You go to bars, You surf the net. You smile at girls on the beach. You get your chest waxed. You get your eyebrows shaped. You "move on" with your life.
People remark how ell you look.
But in the still of the night, she haunts you. You wish that any of of the women that pass through the turnstile of your bed was her. Just once, None of them look as good as she did, none of them can be her, Yet she never comes, she is lost to you. And there is nothing that you can ever say or do that is going to bring her back.
Your only ally of course is time.
All wounds heal is a crock, you will go on hurting even when you think you are well and truly over her. And the two of you can never truly be friends, even though that is what she would like.
And even yhough you know that would be truly realistic for all concerned. You can try being friendly, the alternative is stark.
Then,eventually, miraculously, the pain lessens. You learn to enjoy your solitude, you come to welcome it.
You won't ever forget the abandonment or the rejection. that sharp pain when you see her with another man will always be yours to bear, no matter who he is and how nice he is to you. --even if you marry again.
They are horrible sensations that you may take to the grave with you.
But you come around to forgiveness and tolerance.
You finally get some clarity on your own mistakes and the impossibilty of finding perfection.
The marrow that was drawn from your body returns. You becaome a functioning human being again, capable of giving love to others and even to loving yourself.
Without realising it, you have prevailed over one of the most traumatic events life can throw at you.
And you have become a better man for it. Damaged perhaps. Lumped with some baggage, Not the man you used to be, but better.
Happy to be alive and hopeful for brighter days.
I read this to ?Elvis" and ask if he ever had his heart broken, He is so gentle and so young.
"Yes", he says, "Of course"
And I leave it there and hug him.
Love Janette
