An Ungrateful Child is Like a Serpent At My Breast.
Without Prejudice
God honestly, sometimes I just want to scream with frustration. My girls would make a grown man quail at the knees. Doesn't matter that I adore them, they will still drive me mad. And they are old enough now to know better.
The rebel yell child is 41 and getting married in about six weeks. She's actually quite sane for the moment, happy, content. I just think of all the logistics that go with a wedding and want to scream. Is it not enough that Christmas and New Year are just around the corner ?. She wants to marry Valentines Day. I asked her if she realised how many people will also want to get married the same day.
She said she doesn't think the Registry Office will be busy and I imagine us all copping a train to the city, and trooping off to the gardens for photos and then a pub lunch. She would like the Casino for after and I grow weary just thinking about it all. We have to get a dress, shoes, argh. I guess it's her day. She doesn't want a bug church do as they don't have a lot of money and she states that church things are boring, anyway.
So we will get there, somehow. She says she told Peters Mum, her Mum, me is a very organised person and can pull it together.
I am still recovering from six weeks of rotten illness and have a cold sore returning and still swollen eyelids from sinus. F.m.l.
The youngest child is having a nervous breakdown. Her weight keeps plummeting, she is now down to 67 kg from a 100 and is she thrilled? Not a bit, she is depressed and won't, can't eat. She misses her big body. I try and tell her she hated her big body, but she won't listen. I tell her she is not eating because she is depressed, And has no energy because she is not eating. It's like talking to a brick wall. I can't get through to her.
The oldest one is the worst at the moment, however. She is back in touch with her Dad, always a worry. Only a few years ago he denounced her as a drug addict and loose woman and now all that is forgotten and I have to wonder how long it will take him to denounce her again. My ex has what we call the " flavour of the Month, syndrome". He over likes someone and then hates them.
I have worried about these kids for years. And I just want to give up and say, this is your life. I had no Mother from 21 on. Had a husband that worked 7 days a week for the first 12 years of their lives. Never took a holiday for 12 years. Never cuddled or kissed his kids, never told them he was proud of them, nor that he loved them. I was married at 17 and had 4 kids at 24. And put up and shut up or copped a back hander.
I have done it tough and for the last 23 years have done it as a single parent. Miraculously they survived and so did I. I wanted nothing from him, I just wanted the kids and for him to leave us alone. He wanted me to fall in the gutter and I never did, just to spite him. He did everything to see that happen.
And I wouldnt give in, just kept putting one foot in front if the other. He won't be at Yvette's wedding. She won't want him there. Same as Deb didn't want him at hers. Alena did bless her. She messaged him recently to say she was sorry to hear he had been injured. No reply, of course.
She's not flavour of the month.
She he treated worst of all. He openly despised her for being chubby. He likes perfection only. Yvette was a rebel and he openly despised her too. I wonder if he lies awake at night and thinks if all the damage he did to his girls. I don't think so. Anyway, just had to have a whinge. It's Christmas and most families fight and argue.
Mine, more than most, as it's hard to express strong emotion. We all know we are missing one and the sadness comes out as anger and frustration. I would sometimes just like to head the hills. Or a little town in Northern N.S.W. where no one knows me and I could be without kids. But everyone that knows me, knows I can't leave my Grandkids. But sometimes I tell you, I think being a Mum is the most thankless task in the world. And each and every one at times has been a viper at my breast. Thats part and parcel if the job and I raged at my Mother, just the same.
Love Janette
God honestly, sometimes I just want to scream with frustration. My girls would make a grown man quail at the knees. Doesn't matter that I adore them, they will still drive me mad. And they are old enough now to know better.
The rebel yell child is 41 and getting married in about six weeks. She's actually quite sane for the moment, happy, content. I just think of all the logistics that go with a wedding and want to scream. Is it not enough that Christmas and New Year are just around the corner ?. She wants to marry Valentines Day. I asked her if she realised how many people will also want to get married the same day.
She said she doesn't think the Registry Office will be busy and I imagine us all copping a train to the city, and trooping off to the gardens for photos and then a pub lunch. She would like the Casino for after and I grow weary just thinking about it all. We have to get a dress, shoes, argh. I guess it's her day. She doesn't want a bug church do as they don't have a lot of money and she states that church things are boring, anyway.
So we will get there, somehow. She says she told Peters Mum, her Mum, me is a very organised person and can pull it together.
I am still recovering from six weeks of rotten illness and have a cold sore returning and still swollen eyelids from sinus. F.m.l.
The youngest child is having a nervous breakdown. Her weight keeps plummeting, she is now down to 67 kg from a 100 and is she thrilled? Not a bit, she is depressed and won't, can't eat. She misses her big body. I try and tell her she hated her big body, but she won't listen. I tell her she is not eating because she is depressed, And has no energy because she is not eating. It's like talking to a brick wall. I can't get through to her.
The oldest one is the worst at the moment, however. She is back in touch with her Dad, always a worry. Only a few years ago he denounced her as a drug addict and loose woman and now all that is forgotten and I have to wonder how long it will take him to denounce her again. My ex has what we call the " flavour of the Month, syndrome". He over likes someone and then hates them.
I have worried about these kids for years. And I just want to give up and say, this is your life. I had no Mother from 21 on. Had a husband that worked 7 days a week for the first 12 years of their lives. Never took a holiday for 12 years. Never cuddled or kissed his kids, never told them he was proud of them, nor that he loved them. I was married at 17 and had 4 kids at 24. And put up and shut up or copped a back hander.
I have done it tough and for the last 23 years have done it as a single parent. Miraculously they survived and so did I. I wanted nothing from him, I just wanted the kids and for him to leave us alone. He wanted me to fall in the gutter and I never did, just to spite him. He did everything to see that happen.
And I wouldnt give in, just kept putting one foot in front if the other. He won't be at Yvette's wedding. She won't want him there. Same as Deb didn't want him at hers. Alena did bless her. She messaged him recently to say she was sorry to hear he had been injured. No reply, of course.
She's not flavour of the month.
She he treated worst of all. He openly despised her for being chubby. He likes perfection only. Yvette was a rebel and he openly despised her too. I wonder if he lies awake at night and thinks if all the damage he did to his girls. I don't think so. Anyway, just had to have a whinge. It's Christmas and most families fight and argue.
Mine, more than most, as it's hard to express strong emotion. We all know we are missing one and the sadness comes out as anger and frustration. I would sometimes just like to head the hills. Or a little town in Northern N.S.W. where no one knows me and I could be without kids. But everyone that knows me, knows I can't leave my Grandkids. But sometimes I tell you, I think being a Mum is the most thankless task in the world. And each and every one at times has been a viper at my breast. Thats part and parcel if the job and I raged at my Mother, just the same.
Love Janette
