Parenting Tips By Crazy Bob 2
Without Prejudice
He won't care my ex husband that I write about him. He used to have a big ego but time and age will have taken care of that. I remember reading about a woman that had been sexually assaulted by her Dad. She went to see him one more time when she was a fully grown adult. He lived on his own and when he answered the door, she saw a feeble old man, not the Big scary monster of a man she remembered. He was just old and she realised she was done with him. My ex sees things the way he remembers and I see them the way I remember. And in between, somewhere hidden, lies the truth.
He has never apologised for things he did. Never said sorry to Yvette for beating her to a pulp. Even when he was taken to court he tried to say she had beaten herself up, until the Police showed the photos they had taken that night. He needs to apologise for what he did, but he never will. I know him better than most. The counsellors said, just after Lauren died, that he would push everyone away from him. And then and only then might he seek help, but they doubted it.
At least Yvette got a conviction of assault aginst him and no more, I hope, but doubt, will he attack other people on the road and laugh about it after. No more will he try to strangle with his bare hands other drivers, or if they were stupid enough to get out of the car, fight with them. My ex husband was a darkly violent and unhappy man. He took that famous temper of his out on others and ruled like that for far too long. Violence is the last bastion of a bastard and should not be tolerated, ever.
If I could put out one message to girls growing in to women it would be to speak up, say something. leave, no matter what you have invested in the relationship or marriage. If a man is violent to a woman, you have lost the argument. There is no way you can talk down a violent man. No way you can match him in his violence and temper. Even though you think by tender love and affection you can cure him, you can't, so walk away. In fact run away and keep running. Every person on this planet is entitled to be safe.
His violence was to leave marks on us that couldn't be seen with the naked eye. They were in our thoughts, our nightmares and every breath I took. He told me it was his favourite song, "Every breath I take" and I was stupid enough to think it was a song of devotion, it wasn't. It was a song of possession. A darkly obsessive song of jealousy. I thought I was the jealous one. But I realise now, I wasn't. He was the jealous one, jealous of my confidence, my education, my nurturing of the children. I can't recall how many times I heard the words,
"Give her a backhander, you don't back hand them, enough"
He was talking about his daughters.
And I would never comply. Hitting kids to me was stupid and I would never do it. But he did.
And savagely, as if he couldn't stop himself. I went to bed for years, fists clenched. I realised I was trapped in a terrible domestic violence situation and felt powerless to stop him. Every night I went to bed, fists clenched. I imagined putting an axe through his head. I pondered killing him as I could never seem to escape him. And then Lauren died and I was free. From that instant I was free.
I would never want anyone to go through what I went through. People only saw the face he showed to the world, to me and the girls he showed another face. The dark face of insane rage. The bully extreme and he thought he was a man, but really deep down he was a wife beater, a child beater and the only thing that stopped him in Yvette's case was the threat of jail. Why is that ? Do those sort of men know that inside jail they are going to be getting a hard time. Especiially if they have beaten their child ?
I think so. They are cunning, violent men, they know how to beat the body but not the face, so others can't see their handiwork. They themselves don't care what they have done. They feel no sense of remorse or shame. My ex husband cares about one person and one person, only and that is him. That was what I realised when I asked him to leave and I was never happier than when he went. Perhaps he sensed in me, something that day.
I knew I wanted him dead then, couldn't have cared less if he died on the spot and I still don't. There will be no hypocritical weeping from me when he dies. I won't cry for a bastard. He knew he was like that, knew he was a bully and a thug but chose to seek no help. He blamed everyone but himself and still does. He has done terrible things to me and the kids but they love him as their Dad and I can't blame them for that. Its a natural process for them. But not for me, never for me. I saw a grown man that could have been helped but chose not to.
Ever now if you asked him he would not have a kind word to say about any of them. He is what he is, a childish bully with a quick temper and large fists. A braggard with a short memory, but my memory is long and I have a great recall of events and the way they happened. People are shocked at my vehemence, but as soon as I asked him to leave and he did. I was a free woman and I can honestly say I didn't miss him for one second of my life thereafter, and I never will.
I have met great men since him. Kind men , fair men, decent men, men I have loved and one I keep on loving and always will. He, my ex husband is nothing to me except a very bad memory and a very bad time. He remains my ex husband and the Father of my kids and that is all, that is all.
Love Janette
He won't care my ex husband that I write about him. He used to have a big ego but time and age will have taken care of that. I remember reading about a woman that had been sexually assaulted by her Dad. She went to see him one more time when she was a fully grown adult. He lived on his own and when he answered the door, she saw a feeble old man, not the Big scary monster of a man she remembered. He was just old and she realised she was done with him. My ex sees things the way he remembers and I see them the way I remember. And in between, somewhere hidden, lies the truth.
He has never apologised for things he did. Never said sorry to Yvette for beating her to a pulp. Even when he was taken to court he tried to say she had beaten herself up, until the Police showed the photos they had taken that night. He needs to apologise for what he did, but he never will. I know him better than most. The counsellors said, just after Lauren died, that he would push everyone away from him. And then and only then might he seek help, but they doubted it.
At least Yvette got a conviction of assault aginst him and no more, I hope, but doubt, will he attack other people on the road and laugh about it after. No more will he try to strangle with his bare hands other drivers, or if they were stupid enough to get out of the car, fight with them. My ex husband was a darkly violent and unhappy man. He took that famous temper of his out on others and ruled like that for far too long. Violence is the last bastion of a bastard and should not be tolerated, ever.
If I could put out one message to girls growing in to women it would be to speak up, say something. leave, no matter what you have invested in the relationship or marriage. If a man is violent to a woman, you have lost the argument. There is no way you can talk down a violent man. No way you can match him in his violence and temper. Even though you think by tender love and affection you can cure him, you can't, so walk away. In fact run away and keep running. Every person on this planet is entitled to be safe.
His violence was to leave marks on us that couldn't be seen with the naked eye. They were in our thoughts, our nightmares and every breath I took. He told me it was his favourite song, "Every breath I take" and I was stupid enough to think it was a song of devotion, it wasn't. It was a song of possession. A darkly obsessive song of jealousy. I thought I was the jealous one. But I realise now, I wasn't. He was the jealous one, jealous of my confidence, my education, my nurturing of the children. I can't recall how many times I heard the words,
"Give her a backhander, you don't back hand them, enough"
He was talking about his daughters.
And I would never comply. Hitting kids to me was stupid and I would never do it. But he did.
And savagely, as if he couldn't stop himself. I went to bed for years, fists clenched. I realised I was trapped in a terrible domestic violence situation and felt powerless to stop him. Every night I went to bed, fists clenched. I imagined putting an axe through his head. I pondered killing him as I could never seem to escape him. And then Lauren died and I was free. From that instant I was free.
I would never want anyone to go through what I went through. People only saw the face he showed to the world, to me and the girls he showed another face. The dark face of insane rage. The bully extreme and he thought he was a man, but really deep down he was a wife beater, a child beater and the only thing that stopped him in Yvette's case was the threat of jail. Why is that ? Do those sort of men know that inside jail they are going to be getting a hard time. Especiially if they have beaten their child ?
I think so. They are cunning, violent men, they know how to beat the body but not the face, so others can't see their handiwork. They themselves don't care what they have done. They feel no sense of remorse or shame. My ex husband cares about one person and one person, only and that is him. That was what I realised when I asked him to leave and I was never happier than when he went. Perhaps he sensed in me, something that day.
I knew I wanted him dead then, couldn't have cared less if he died on the spot and I still don't. There will be no hypocritical weeping from me when he dies. I won't cry for a bastard. He knew he was like that, knew he was a bully and a thug but chose to seek no help. He blamed everyone but himself and still does. He has done terrible things to me and the kids but they love him as their Dad and I can't blame them for that. Its a natural process for them. But not for me, never for me. I saw a grown man that could have been helped but chose not to.
Ever now if you asked him he would not have a kind word to say about any of them. He is what he is, a childish bully with a quick temper and large fists. A braggard with a short memory, but my memory is long and I have a great recall of events and the way they happened. People are shocked at my vehemence, but as soon as I asked him to leave and he did. I was a free woman and I can honestly say I didn't miss him for one second of my life thereafter, and I never will.
I have met great men since him. Kind men , fair men, decent men, men I have loved and one I keep on loving and always will. He, my ex husband is nothing to me except a very bad memory and a very bad time. He remains my ex husband and the Father of my kids and that is all, that is all.
Love Janette
