The Devils In The Details
Without Prejudice
When you are like me and observe life you see so much more than people realise. The Devils in the details is so true. People can be charming, affable and smiling but inside them could not so nice, even psychopaths can't help but give themselves away. You just have to listen carefully.
If you meet someone and they brag about hurting someone else, run like hell. They are not for you. I always thought I was an intelligent, caring human being but even I can be fooled. There are always people that are not as nice as you imagine.
When violence first came to visit me I was gob smacked. I had no term of reference to it. I had grown up with a very gentle father. He didn't allow boys to hit girls. There was nothing like that as I was growing up. Danger.
All girls and boys should be taught that violence is in the world, so too is hatred and jealousy. It's not nice, it's not fair but it is a fact that violence walks amongst us and is to be feared. It's a horrible thing violence, it scars for life. I will always be scarred by my ex husband, I don't relive it every day but I am scarred by it. You can't live under terror for twenty years and not be scarred mentally and emotionally.
I live around the facts now and get on with a great life, but the lessons learned are learned forever. I will probably never ever trust another man. As I see all men as unfaithful or violent and that's hardly fair as I know all men are not like that. But they are the facts and I don't shy away from them. neither do I fell sorry for myself. It just is what it is.
I have found I can have a great life with friends, family and grand kids. I don't need a man to fulfil me. Sure it would be nice to have one for outings and events, companionship, but I am so insular now I am happy. It is such a relief to be free. To be free from terror and pain, free from censure and greed. Free from cruel mind games that you have no idea how to play.
I love my life now, I adore being able to do what I want, say what I want, be who I want. Second childhood here I come and it's about time. I ignore nutty people now. I avoid the game players and the emotionally scarred, the jealous and the weird. The psychopaths and sociopaths of this world. I have flown too close to the sun and been burned.
I trust in my gut instinct now as I didn't when young. I should have trusted my instincts then but I was young and idealistic. Young being the operative word. I hadn't experienced enough of life at 16. Hadn't been around enough men that were not so nice. Hadn't dated others. My ex husband was my first lover and I married him as others thought I should.
And I did go along willingly as it was the easy way out. Now, I don't look for easy ways out. I am prepared to do the hard yards. In life you have to sacrifice some things to get where you want to be. I will always view my marriage well as it bore my children. And I am grateful for that, the rest is instantly forgettable if not forgivable. I will not honour him with my forgiveness as he was a grown man and was capable of much more.
I am reaching what I like to term my second childhood. I can now unfettered by kids, be the Janette I always knew I was destined to be. I can laugh and run and act the "giddy goat" and not care what others think. I lost a child, the ultimate pain for any Mother. No one can bear that sort of pain, it's beyond comprehension. But I have to go on living for my other kids and their kids and their kids, kids.
I am a Matriarch of a big family and lucky in that I like and love all of them. I am proud of my girls, they are all tough, strong and loving. All Mothers and love their kids with the same level of intensity that I did. Wherever I was going, my kids were going with me. It cost me dearly at times but it was a job I never shirked from or was tired of.
I was a tough Mother from the day that Lauren died. I asked my violent hubby to leave and then set about repairing the damage he had done. I didn't know how I was going to get through the first day. But I figured I could only live one day at a time. Lauren had only been dead five months at that stage, Kyle, only 5 months old. But I was determined to go on without him.
I was shocked and surprised I didn't miss him, not even once. He did all the things that a spurned violent husband would do. He took the cars, the furniture, the house. He took it out on me for years and still does and I am immune. I will be forever scarred however and he is not. Or is he ?
Well that's my story and it serves as a reminder to other women. don't put up with violence. There is and will always be somewhere else to go. You just have to be ready to jump.
Love and Best Wishes,
Janette
My very gentle father and 4 of my siblings xoxox
When you are like me and observe life you see so much more than people realise. The Devils in the details is so true. People can be charming, affable and smiling but inside them could not so nice, even psychopaths can't help but give themselves away. You just have to listen carefully.
If you meet someone and they brag about hurting someone else, run like hell. They are not for you. I always thought I was an intelligent, caring human being but even I can be fooled. There are always people that are not as nice as you imagine.
When violence first came to visit me I was gob smacked. I had no term of reference to it. I had grown up with a very gentle father. He didn't allow boys to hit girls. There was nothing like that as I was growing up. Danger.
All girls and boys should be taught that violence is in the world, so too is hatred and jealousy. It's not nice, it's not fair but it is a fact that violence walks amongst us and is to be feared. It's a horrible thing violence, it scars for life. I will always be scarred by my ex husband, I don't relive it every day but I am scarred by it. You can't live under terror for twenty years and not be scarred mentally and emotionally.
I live around the facts now and get on with a great life, but the lessons learned are learned forever. I will probably never ever trust another man. As I see all men as unfaithful or violent and that's hardly fair as I know all men are not like that. But they are the facts and I don't shy away from them. neither do I fell sorry for myself. It just is what it is.
I have found I can have a great life with friends, family and grand kids. I don't need a man to fulfil me. Sure it would be nice to have one for outings and events, companionship, but I am so insular now I am happy. It is such a relief to be free. To be free from terror and pain, free from censure and greed. Free from cruel mind games that you have no idea how to play.
I love my life now, I adore being able to do what I want, say what I want, be who I want. Second childhood here I come and it's about time. I ignore nutty people now. I avoid the game players and the emotionally scarred, the jealous and the weird. The psychopaths and sociopaths of this world. I have flown too close to the sun and been burned.
I trust in my gut instinct now as I didn't when young. I should have trusted my instincts then but I was young and idealistic. Young being the operative word. I hadn't experienced enough of life at 16. Hadn't been around enough men that were not so nice. Hadn't dated others. My ex husband was my first lover and I married him as others thought I should.
And I did go along willingly as it was the easy way out. Now, I don't look for easy ways out. I am prepared to do the hard yards. In life you have to sacrifice some things to get where you want to be. I will always view my marriage well as it bore my children. And I am grateful for that, the rest is instantly forgettable if not forgivable. I will not honour him with my forgiveness as he was a grown man and was capable of much more.
I am reaching what I like to term my second childhood. I can now unfettered by kids, be the Janette I always knew I was destined to be. I can laugh and run and act the "giddy goat" and not care what others think. I lost a child, the ultimate pain for any Mother. No one can bear that sort of pain, it's beyond comprehension. But I have to go on living for my other kids and their kids and their kids, kids.
I am a Matriarch of a big family and lucky in that I like and love all of them. I am proud of my girls, they are all tough, strong and loving. All Mothers and love their kids with the same level of intensity that I did. Wherever I was going, my kids were going with me. It cost me dearly at times but it was a job I never shirked from or was tired of.
I was a tough Mother from the day that Lauren died. I asked my violent hubby to leave and then set about repairing the damage he had done. I didn't know how I was going to get through the first day. But I figured I could only live one day at a time. Lauren had only been dead five months at that stage, Kyle, only 5 months old. But I was determined to go on without him.
I was shocked and surprised I didn't miss him, not even once. He did all the things that a spurned violent husband would do. He took the cars, the furniture, the house. He took it out on me for years and still does and I am immune. I will be forever scarred however and he is not. Or is he ?
Well that's my story and it serves as a reminder to other women. don't put up with violence. There is and will always be somewhere else to go. You just have to be ready to jump.
Love and Best Wishes,
Janette
