Being A Bastard 5
Without Prejudice
It comes hard in the telling, I have cried over the past so many times but I have to tell it, to get it out of my brain and on to the page is cathartic and I need to let it out. To try and make sense of it and sometimes I just don't want to. I want to watch something on Tv, or read someone elses work. I want the light in and the darkness out. I want him to be sorry for what he has done, show remorse like normal people do.
The counsellors said that he will push everyone away from him and then and only then may he seek help but they very much doubted it. They had written to him personally after his one and only visit to them. They knew he had "anger issues" from that initial meeting and were concerned enough to write. When he didn't reply they concentrated on me and the girls. Especially Deb who was so very angry at him and expressed it. The other girls staying silent and Mara giggling at 13.
I shouldn't have allowed her there with us as she was a distraction and annoying and not relevant. She knew nothing of our pain but was to feel it years later when her younger brother flew off a bridge in Caulfield, arms spread to the sky in his flight towards an oncoming goods train. Then and only then could she understand what we were going through. But she was never to acknowledge it or make it better.
We limped on after Bob left, tired and depressed, only baby Kyle kept us going, his welfare our main concern. Alena would not return to school at Chandler High, she knew people were agog as to how Laurens death was affecting her and at 14 could not deal with it at all. She became a game of ping pong back and forth between Bob and I. I would pull the rules and she could not would not listen. She was grieving in her own way and was so very lost for a long time
To be continued
It comes hard in the telling, I have cried over the past so many times but I have to tell it, to get it out of my brain and on to the page is cathartic and I need to let it out. To try and make sense of it and sometimes I just don't want to. I want to watch something on Tv, or read someone elses work. I want the light in and the darkness out. I want him to be sorry for what he has done, show remorse like normal people do.
The counsellors said that he will push everyone away from him and then and only then may he seek help but they very much doubted it. They had written to him personally after his one and only visit to them. They knew he had "anger issues" from that initial meeting and were concerned enough to write. When he didn't reply they concentrated on me and the girls. Especially Deb who was so very angry at him and expressed it. The other girls staying silent and Mara giggling at 13.
I shouldn't have allowed her there with us as she was a distraction and annoying and not relevant. She knew nothing of our pain but was to feel it years later when her younger brother flew off a bridge in Caulfield, arms spread to the sky in his flight towards an oncoming goods train. Then and only then could she understand what we were going through. But she was never to acknowledge it or make it better.
We limped on after Bob left, tired and depressed, only baby Kyle kept us going, his welfare our main concern. Alena would not return to school at Chandler High, she knew people were agog as to how Laurens death was affecting her and at 14 could not deal with it at all. She became a game of ping pong back and forth between Bob and I. I would pull the rules and she could not would not listen. She was grieving in her own way and was so very lost for a long time
To be continued
