Here Comes The Sun
Without Prejudice
I have always loved Queensland. From the time my parents came here in the 60's to now. I was born in Edinburgh and recall nothing of it, not the bitter cold of Edinburgh. Luckily my Sister does and tells me of it. We had a unit or flat in a tenement and she remembers the paint on the handrail at the top was flaked off in one spot in the exact shape of a Scotty Dog. She remembers the cold and the design of the flat and not a lot else.
I was 2 years old and 3 months when we arrived in Australia. I remember looking out the window and being so excited at this new country, so sunny, so bright. I remember everything from that day on. The nursery school my brother and I went to, me weeping and wailing at having to go and leaving my Mum and Dad for the day. I remember my brother flying through the air on a swing and refusing to come down or do anything else anyone asked of him.
The long boring afternoons lying on a cot mattress on the floor with all the other "good" children who slept and me there fidgeting with boredom. I wanted to be outside and playing instead of writhing there in the hot room trying to doze. I stll don't sleep that well and can get by on a few hours. I want to be active and doing "stuff", not sleeping as to me it's a waste of time.
Time being all the more important now as I have only so many years left having passed the half way mark. I want to get to my "list" of things I want to do. I want to be published, see my photo on the cover of a book. The photo that shows my great 16 year old tits and not the sad Papua New Guines shrunken heads they have become since I lost 24 kilos. Keep the butt and hips and plump up my bosoms until they are once again, firm and perky. And pigs might fly !
I want to rock the world with an explosive tell all book about domestic violence, the traps we women fall into and how you can change your life once you make up your mind to do so. I want to say to the world, yes we may be women but we have a right to live our lives according to what we think, rather than what others think.
I have the same arguments with men time and time again. Women, well the ones I know are neither grasping or cunning, nor do we have a hidden agenda. Women are usually nurturing and kind by nature. They love to look after things, a home, a child, a man. If the man doesn't come up to scratch we now are able to live without them, financially and that is a big thing to a woman. No woman wants to live in fear. Her biggest fear being hit and mans biggest fear being rejected by a woman.
Women don't make the rules. It has always been men that make the rules except in the home, where a woman should be Queen. Forget being "Boss" of anything else as you will lose. Learn however the art of charm and femininity as it will hold you in good stead all of your life. So will good manners and a strength that runs like steel within you. My Mother was a feminist way before it was popular to be so and she was the Mover and Shaker in the Family and made most of the decisions.
Her credo was,
"Educate a Man and you educate the Man, educate a woman and you educate a Family."
That holds as true today as in my Mothers era. She insisted I be educated and my solo journey to do Year 12 as a mature age student was to honour her memory. As I was awarded the Humanities prize of the year, (Dressed as a St. Trinians School Girl) for English I am sure I could hear my Mum saying,
"You, did it! "
My Sister the same when she graduated as a nurse.
My Mum would have been ecstatic for both of us.
When Mum died I found a story of hers she had never finished. It was called Lucy, my middle name being Lucille. I was determined ever after that I would write and finish every story and now I write my blogs, mainly for my grown daughters and their girls. To tell them education matters and it is not always something you learn in school but in life.
That even though we don't run the world we influence others, namely our girls to not take crap in their lives, to be strong no matter what life throws at us and to love with all our hearts and minds and bodies. we are women and we can rock the world if we stay together and not be torn apart by petty jealousies and rivalries. It divides us and together we can wrestle miracles from a world that at times seems lacklustre and faintly threatening.
I don't know that men will ever understand us but that's Ok. We are women and our mystique is part of our femininity. My Mum was always a Lady as were my grandmothers and Aunts, now mmy sisters and daughters and grand daughters. Women believe that love and understanding can change the world and it can. One small step at a time.
Women give life and protect it. Try coming between a woman and her child and you will know what I mean. I have always been a passionate Mother, no one was coming between me and my babies. I would have killed for them and still would. Mother nature gives us the strongest nurturing bond with our children. Why do you think men remarry and women don't so readily after a divorce or death ? Men seek the warmth and friendship women offer and womne already have it.
Women by nature have support from family and friends and Men don't express their feelings to other men the way women do to each other. When your heart breaks a hug from a friend or child will undo some of the hurt. Men can only get that from women. Their wife becomes their best friend as they will tell her when they are disappointed or the world has betrayed them.
A woman levaes a man 5 years after she should have, the deal breakers being violence, alcohol, drugs, infidelity and sheer laziness, which I am afraid men are and quite often. men will be rewarded when they "help" and if they don't or he is not listening, she will wait and store it up. Her voice going unheard but she will store it. And later she will express it in deed and not talk as she is tired of wasting her breath.
I was married for twenty years and not once in that time did my hubby know what day the bins went out. Didn't know his daughters friends names or even their birthdays. he would grunt when he walked in the door. Not once in twenty years did he say Hi back after I greeted him, not once.
If I had been to the doctors he never ever asked how I was, never. It was all about him and he was loud and demanding, cruel and critical and I never ever thought I deserved better and I did. He wasn't there for family events and I wanted family times. When our daughter died I turened away from him and ran, ran for my life as I knew from that day I would never grow old with him. What for ? He always acted like he hated us. My daughters don't know what it was like for a Father to hug them, tell them he was proud of them or that he loved them.
He had no idea of the damage he wrought on them and neither did I by staying with him. It was just as much my fault as his. I had left and come back so many times it was dizzying. If I complained he would always say,
"There's the door !"
If I asked if he had enjoyed a meal, his reply was always,
"I ate it didn't I ?"
And he crossed the line and took his anger and dark hatreds out on me and the girls, things so brutal we kept them hidden for years. Because why ? Scared of being hit, scared of his temper, he would threaten to kill me and the girls, he would threaten to harm my family, burn the house down with my babies in it. He was like that most of the time and you had to obey him or else.
You have no idea what that does to a person. He is older now but I would never trust him as far as I could throw him and neither will his girls. See, I don't believe a leopard changes its spots. I know now I was lucky to escape alive. He assaulted people, workers, neighbours, me, the girls, never Deb as she was as strong willed as him and as tall by the time she was 16 and could match him eye to eye.
She broke in at the age to the bedroom where he was hitting me and invited him to hit her instead. He was beyond shocked, he thought the girls didn't know he was hitting me, no match for a fifteen stone man. He went to hit her and hesitated and backed down and she called him for everything. I was so proud of her that day and I still am. He continued assaulting people and then Yvette his own daughter. She was beaten so badly the police were called and he was charged with assault.
He was facing a jail term and backed down and plaeded guilty from his not guilty stance. he tried to say she had hit herself and the Police said,
"Mr Hancock, we have the photos"
I am not sure if he assaulted anyone else from then on, nor do I care. He doesn't like being called a wife beater or a child beater but that is what he is and I will never forgive his actions. I forgive him as I have to to keep my own sanity. He always made the excuse he had a bad childhood but he hadn't had a bad childhood and hurt his parents by saying so. He had rage and wanted to take it out on the world but was always careful to not leave marks, how cunning is that ?
Violence on womne and kids is the mark of a coward and I know him for what he is and he doesn't like it. He tells everyone the worst stuff about us, me and his own children and I am sure some peoole believe it. He has read my stories and said he would sue me if I had any money, hmmmm, guess who made sure I never got a cent in settlement after 20 years. Getting his parents to sign me out of the business and stripping all the assets. And ever after that , he would have not a nice word to say about any of us. So I finally wasa sick of it and put the truth out there, on the net.
He didn't like it but it's my truth, my opinion and my words. I own them, own something for once and even that he tried to stop. I have seen him murder animals, I have seen him bloody men smaller than him and kick and punch others. I have seen him be cruel to animals he professed to love. I have seen bastardry of the worst kind and if he dropped dead tomorrow I would not grieve for him. A bastard is a bastard even in death.
He hates everyone and everything and no one is a s good as he according to him. A narcissist with no conscience and I no longer allow his nastiness to get to me. He knows what he is. He has grown daughters that he has not spoken to in years and grand children 13 of, who he also hasn't either seen or knows nothing of. He lives on acres of land now all the better to stay away rom a socirt he doesn't trust or like. Good riddance to bad rubbish I say and I really don't think of him now. I'm indifferent and thats the stage I wanted to get to.
Love Janette, xox
I have always loved Queensland. From the time my parents came here in the 60's to now. I was born in Edinburgh and recall nothing of it, not the bitter cold of Edinburgh. Luckily my Sister does and tells me of it. We had a unit or flat in a tenement and she remembers the paint on the handrail at the top was flaked off in one spot in the exact shape of a Scotty Dog. She remembers the cold and the design of the flat and not a lot else.
I was 2 years old and 3 months when we arrived in Australia. I remember looking out the window and being so excited at this new country, so sunny, so bright. I remember everything from that day on. The nursery school my brother and I went to, me weeping and wailing at having to go and leaving my Mum and Dad for the day. I remember my brother flying through the air on a swing and refusing to come down or do anything else anyone asked of him.
The long boring afternoons lying on a cot mattress on the floor with all the other "good" children who slept and me there fidgeting with boredom. I wanted to be outside and playing instead of writhing there in the hot room trying to doze. I stll don't sleep that well and can get by on a few hours. I want to be active and doing "stuff", not sleeping as to me it's a waste of time.
Time being all the more important now as I have only so many years left having passed the half way mark. I want to get to my "list" of things I want to do. I want to be published, see my photo on the cover of a book. The photo that shows my great 16 year old tits and not the sad Papua New Guines shrunken heads they have become since I lost 24 kilos. Keep the butt and hips and plump up my bosoms until they are once again, firm and perky. And pigs might fly !
I want to rock the world with an explosive tell all book about domestic violence, the traps we women fall into and how you can change your life once you make up your mind to do so. I want to say to the world, yes we may be women but we have a right to live our lives according to what we think, rather than what others think.
I have the same arguments with men time and time again. Women, well the ones I know are neither grasping or cunning, nor do we have a hidden agenda. Women are usually nurturing and kind by nature. They love to look after things, a home, a child, a man. If the man doesn't come up to scratch we now are able to live without them, financially and that is a big thing to a woman. No woman wants to live in fear. Her biggest fear being hit and mans biggest fear being rejected by a woman.
Women don't make the rules. It has always been men that make the rules except in the home, where a woman should be Queen. Forget being "Boss" of anything else as you will lose. Learn however the art of charm and femininity as it will hold you in good stead all of your life. So will good manners and a strength that runs like steel within you. My Mother was a feminist way before it was popular to be so and she was the Mover and Shaker in the Family and made most of the decisions.
Her credo was,
"Educate a Man and you educate the Man, educate a woman and you educate a Family."
That holds as true today as in my Mothers era. She insisted I be educated and my solo journey to do Year 12 as a mature age student was to honour her memory. As I was awarded the Humanities prize of the year, (Dressed as a St. Trinians School Girl) for English I am sure I could hear my Mum saying,
"You, did it! "
My Sister the same when she graduated as a nurse.
My Mum would have been ecstatic for both of us.
When Mum died I found a story of hers she had never finished. It was called Lucy, my middle name being Lucille. I was determined ever after that I would write and finish every story and now I write my blogs, mainly for my grown daughters and their girls. To tell them education matters and it is not always something you learn in school but in life.
That even though we don't run the world we influence others, namely our girls to not take crap in their lives, to be strong no matter what life throws at us and to love with all our hearts and minds and bodies. we are women and we can rock the world if we stay together and not be torn apart by petty jealousies and rivalries. It divides us and together we can wrestle miracles from a world that at times seems lacklustre and faintly threatening.
I don't know that men will ever understand us but that's Ok. We are women and our mystique is part of our femininity. My Mum was always a Lady as were my grandmothers and Aunts, now mmy sisters and daughters and grand daughters. Women believe that love and understanding can change the world and it can. One small step at a time.
Women give life and protect it. Try coming between a woman and her child and you will know what I mean. I have always been a passionate Mother, no one was coming between me and my babies. I would have killed for them and still would. Mother nature gives us the strongest nurturing bond with our children. Why do you think men remarry and women don't so readily after a divorce or death ? Men seek the warmth and friendship women offer and womne already have it.
Women by nature have support from family and friends and Men don't express their feelings to other men the way women do to each other. When your heart breaks a hug from a friend or child will undo some of the hurt. Men can only get that from women. Their wife becomes their best friend as they will tell her when they are disappointed or the world has betrayed them.
A woman levaes a man 5 years after she should have, the deal breakers being violence, alcohol, drugs, infidelity and sheer laziness, which I am afraid men are and quite often. men will be rewarded when they "help" and if they don't or he is not listening, she will wait and store it up. Her voice going unheard but she will store it. And later she will express it in deed and not talk as she is tired of wasting her breath.
I was married for twenty years and not once in that time did my hubby know what day the bins went out. Didn't know his daughters friends names or even their birthdays. he would grunt when he walked in the door. Not once in twenty years did he say Hi back after I greeted him, not once.
If I had been to the doctors he never ever asked how I was, never. It was all about him and he was loud and demanding, cruel and critical and I never ever thought I deserved better and I did. He wasn't there for family events and I wanted family times. When our daughter died I turened away from him and ran, ran for my life as I knew from that day I would never grow old with him. What for ? He always acted like he hated us. My daughters don't know what it was like for a Father to hug them, tell them he was proud of them or that he loved them.
He had no idea of the damage he wrought on them and neither did I by staying with him. It was just as much my fault as his. I had left and come back so many times it was dizzying. If I complained he would always say,
"There's the door !"
If I asked if he had enjoyed a meal, his reply was always,
"I ate it didn't I ?"
And he crossed the line and took his anger and dark hatreds out on me and the girls, things so brutal we kept them hidden for years. Because why ? Scared of being hit, scared of his temper, he would threaten to kill me and the girls, he would threaten to harm my family, burn the house down with my babies in it. He was like that most of the time and you had to obey him or else.
You have no idea what that does to a person. He is older now but I would never trust him as far as I could throw him and neither will his girls. See, I don't believe a leopard changes its spots. I know now I was lucky to escape alive. He assaulted people, workers, neighbours, me, the girls, never Deb as she was as strong willed as him and as tall by the time she was 16 and could match him eye to eye.
She broke in at the age to the bedroom where he was hitting me and invited him to hit her instead. He was beyond shocked, he thought the girls didn't know he was hitting me, no match for a fifteen stone man. He went to hit her and hesitated and backed down and she called him for everything. I was so proud of her that day and I still am. He continued assaulting people and then Yvette his own daughter. She was beaten so badly the police were called and he was charged with assault.
He was facing a jail term and backed down and plaeded guilty from his not guilty stance. he tried to say she had hit herself and the Police said,
"Mr Hancock, we have the photos"
I am not sure if he assaulted anyone else from then on, nor do I care. He doesn't like being called a wife beater or a child beater but that is what he is and I will never forgive his actions. I forgive him as I have to to keep my own sanity. He always made the excuse he had a bad childhood but he hadn't had a bad childhood and hurt his parents by saying so. He had rage and wanted to take it out on the world but was always careful to not leave marks, how cunning is that ?
Violence on womne and kids is the mark of a coward and I know him for what he is and he doesn't like it. He tells everyone the worst stuff about us, me and his own children and I am sure some peoole believe it. He has read my stories and said he would sue me if I had any money, hmmmm, guess who made sure I never got a cent in settlement after 20 years. Getting his parents to sign me out of the business and stripping all the assets. And ever after that , he would have not a nice word to say about any of us. So I finally wasa sick of it and put the truth out there, on the net.
He didn't like it but it's my truth, my opinion and my words. I own them, own something for once and even that he tried to stop. I have seen him murder animals, I have seen him bloody men smaller than him and kick and punch others. I have seen him be cruel to animals he professed to love. I have seen bastardry of the worst kind and if he dropped dead tomorrow I would not grieve for him. A bastard is a bastard even in death.
He hates everyone and everything and no one is a s good as he according to him. A narcissist with no conscience and I no longer allow his nastiness to get to me. He knows what he is. He has grown daughters that he has not spoken to in years and grand children 13 of, who he also hasn't either seen or knows nothing of. He lives on acres of land now all the better to stay away rom a socirt he doesn't trust or like. Good riddance to bad rubbish I say and I really don't think of him now. I'm indifferent and thats the stage I wanted to get to.
Love Janette, xox
