Having A Temper
Without Prejudice
I have a bad tenper. I lose it completely at times, especially with cock heads who should know better. I never used to but it grows worse as I get older, thats why I stay on my own. All the better to not go around braining people with a big stick. I can guess it's in my Scottish blood to not tolerate fools gladly. It's also why I live on my own and run my own show. Anything less than my way is not to be tolerated.
I know I am like this and I can't stop it. I see too many fools making messes of their lives and who am I to talk anyway, I wonder ? I have sure made messes of mine. the biggest thing that makes me angry of course is that Lauren is not here. That I didn't do my job as a Mother and keep her alive, keep her from harm and the way I see other people treat their precious kids is enough to make me sick.
But I guess I am "Of an Age", I hate hypocrisy, I hate pretentiousness, I hate stupidity and injustice and I hate bullies. I stand up for what I believe in and have been knocked down time and time again for it and I still keep getting up. I want perfection in an imperfect world and I can't reconcile myself to want less. I am as dumb as dog shit to think I can have it, but then thats me. An intelligent bird with balls of steel, who wants what she wants.
I never had balls of steel before and now I do. I demand perfection from myself the most. I put myself through hoops and come out wanting. I have no grandiose plans, I have no "special needs", if I can't get perfection in myself I don't want it. I have to spell perfectly, write perfectly, clean perfectly, speak perfectly and if I don't I am disappointed.
Nightmare, right ? You bet!
What do I like then ?
I like order and clean and being organised. On this trip to QLD I was so highly organised I have not noticed missing a thing from home. I thought of everything, every detail as I hate leaving stuff behind and missing it. I also begrudge having to buy it again. I hate wasting money (another Scottish thing). I can't be a Stepford wife. I can't stand inferior men telling me what to do and I especially hate lazy men. I demand more from myself than I will ever demand from them.
I've raised 4 girls to adulthood and remain circumspect about their progress. I have been both Mother and Father to them for 23 years and I want the best for them and demand the best from them as I sacrificed a lot to get them to where they are now. I've done tough love all the way through and they haven't liked it a lot of the time. But they are pretty damn good people in the world and I am proud of them. It hasn't been easy and I have made many many mistakes.
But it was my choice to have them and it was my job to bring them to here, where they are now. I demand the best and I get the best and that holds true of everything I have or want to have. I will work my butt off to get it, work through the night if I have to. I don't drink, sometimes I wish I did, so I would have an excuse to fall down occasionally. I have in the past but don't like it or what it does to me, so now I don't.
I will excuse myself a puff of tobacco now and then and if anyone is passing a joint I will gladly take it as it makes me less boring. I am a good loyal friend and have the same friends now as I did when young and I treasure them. Even if they are divorced from my family members. A friendship is a friendship until the end. male or female I don't care. I have fought with them many a time, see above remark re temper. But always am remorseful if I have been out of line.
I don't admire a lot of men a lot of the time, that's true but I was brought up by a feminist Mother and she didn't admire them that much either. She gave me a healthy education in life and went mad in the end and it was very sad. I could have gone that way too if I had given in to others opinions of me. My Mother was already mad from the War and time and ilness took its toll on a fragile mind. She was a genius and the fine line between genius and madness was hers to have.
I imagine my Scottish forebears were strong women. I picture them running down hills in skirts and fighting alongside their men, dirks in their socks, woad painted faces, that would be me, Ha ha
Love Janette
I have a bad tenper. I lose it completely at times, especially with cock heads who should know better. I never used to but it grows worse as I get older, thats why I stay on my own. All the better to not go around braining people with a big stick. I can guess it's in my Scottish blood to not tolerate fools gladly. It's also why I live on my own and run my own show. Anything less than my way is not to be tolerated.
I know I am like this and I can't stop it. I see too many fools making messes of their lives and who am I to talk anyway, I wonder ? I have sure made messes of mine. the biggest thing that makes me angry of course is that Lauren is not here. That I didn't do my job as a Mother and keep her alive, keep her from harm and the way I see other people treat their precious kids is enough to make me sick.
But I guess I am "Of an Age", I hate hypocrisy, I hate pretentiousness, I hate stupidity and injustice and I hate bullies. I stand up for what I believe in and have been knocked down time and time again for it and I still keep getting up. I want perfection in an imperfect world and I can't reconcile myself to want less. I am as dumb as dog shit to think I can have it, but then thats me. An intelligent bird with balls of steel, who wants what she wants.
I never had balls of steel before and now I do. I demand perfection from myself the most. I put myself through hoops and come out wanting. I have no grandiose plans, I have no "special needs", if I can't get perfection in myself I don't want it. I have to spell perfectly, write perfectly, clean perfectly, speak perfectly and if I don't I am disappointed.
Nightmare, right ? You bet!
What do I like then ?
I like order and clean and being organised. On this trip to QLD I was so highly organised I have not noticed missing a thing from home. I thought of everything, every detail as I hate leaving stuff behind and missing it. I also begrudge having to buy it again. I hate wasting money (another Scottish thing). I can't be a Stepford wife. I can't stand inferior men telling me what to do and I especially hate lazy men. I demand more from myself than I will ever demand from them.
I've raised 4 girls to adulthood and remain circumspect about their progress. I have been both Mother and Father to them for 23 years and I want the best for them and demand the best from them as I sacrificed a lot to get them to where they are now. I've done tough love all the way through and they haven't liked it a lot of the time. But they are pretty damn good people in the world and I am proud of them. It hasn't been easy and I have made many many mistakes.
But it was my choice to have them and it was my job to bring them to here, where they are now. I demand the best and I get the best and that holds true of everything I have or want to have. I will work my butt off to get it, work through the night if I have to. I don't drink, sometimes I wish I did, so I would have an excuse to fall down occasionally. I have in the past but don't like it or what it does to me, so now I don't.
I will excuse myself a puff of tobacco now and then and if anyone is passing a joint I will gladly take it as it makes me less boring. I am a good loyal friend and have the same friends now as I did when young and I treasure them. Even if they are divorced from my family members. A friendship is a friendship until the end. male or female I don't care. I have fought with them many a time, see above remark re temper. But always am remorseful if I have been out of line.
I don't admire a lot of men a lot of the time, that's true but I was brought up by a feminist Mother and she didn't admire them that much either. She gave me a healthy education in life and went mad in the end and it was very sad. I could have gone that way too if I had given in to others opinions of me. My Mother was already mad from the War and time and ilness took its toll on a fragile mind. She was a genius and the fine line between genius and madness was hers to have.
I imagine my Scottish forebears were strong women. I picture them running down hills in skirts and fighting alongside their men, dirks in their socks, woad painted faces, that would be me, Ha ha
Love Janette
