5 Little L.A.D.Y.
Without Prejudice
I have been a single Mother for 21 years and probably always was. B my ex used to work 7 days a week for the first 12 years of our marriage.
The girls and I developed a strong bond, and after Flossie died, we became the fierce fighters we are now. We have taken on quite a few projects in the last 21 years and we've won some and lost some.
But we only seem to have matured in the last 12 months or so.
We've rescued kids off the streets, some working out and some not.
We've rescued babies and kids from violent men, armed.
I've crawled under houses, dirt floors, strange drug affected people all around and crawled back out, cuddling a sick baby and come to face to face with a Pit Bull, it was him or me, and it was me.
I just glared at him and told him to Shutup and he did. And I'm the biggest scaredy Cat usually, especially when it comes to things like confrontations. I've gotten better at it.
We've been to dubious houses and asked the questions, and found people hiding and taken them home, time after time.
Alena and I rescuing people we perhaps shouldn't have and some we were meant to, like dear Old Mongrel, who no one would give the time of day to and he turned out to be a fantastic guy.
Alena a walking expert in Social Services, loans. grants, housing, re housing so many and doing all the paperwork and appointments.
One lady we housed kissing my hands when she walked into her very own flat and she locked the door behind her.
We've rehoused, and found housing for people and had overloaded houses, ourselves. We've advised and counselled and chased people and been to courts and prisons and Police stations
and we've been chased by a few, Yvette is supposed to have bitten one on the groin area but she said it was his calf.
It's still on her record from all those years ago.
We've met a few policemen over the years, some psycho's in love with two of the girls, married usually, and one Simon used to "score" to, that was a laugh,
We've called the police and the ambulances on over doses, we've sectioned people, some really "nuts" and some just lazy and wanting the attention.
The new catch phrase for "I can't be bothered to work" is "Disabilty Pension", the young healthy males with 2 eyes, a brain and strong limbs, who can work, but don't want to.
A psychiatrist telling me once he had a boy who hadn't been out of his room for two years, just addicted to games.The parents bringing him in finally, concerned.
We've faced down violent men, Yvette bringing one down to the ground, one armed, 8 months pregnant and a child in one hand. And she didn't even have to catch her breath.
Deb confronting an ex employee of DIF, who was armed with a gun and her Dad stayed inside and rang the police.
She found out some guy had broken into our yard and kicked our old Kelpie, so she faced him down at Lasers, Deb being tall.
and knocked him out, sending him tumbling down the stairs and he was thrown out and she was allowed to stay. She was pretty chuffed about that!
I disarmed one armed with a shovel and persuaded him the police were on their way and he ran, smashing the front windows, first.
What is it with violent men and smashing glass??????
We've armed ourselves against others. Yvette saying,
"Keep your weapons near the door"
And one day that happened, the weapon near the door. We had called the police on a drunk man who had broken the window?? and he came back the next morning as we knew he would.
He picked up a plastic chair to try and smash another window and I stepped out on to the deck, quietly, padding up behind him and whacked him with the stainless steel vacuum cleaner pole that I had propped near the door.Right across his back, whack.
He turned around, snarling and stood up and I hit him right across the shoulder, I'd just watched Kill Bill, and I wanted to take his head off but just whacked him hard across the chest and he went down and crawled off.
God it felt good, the blood singing in my ears, it was a blow for all the violent men I had come across and been scared of. I rang my brother that day and said I felt I was 15' tall and Xena the Warrior Woman and he had no idea what I was talking about.
But for me it was huge. I had never struck someone before. He deserved it and I hope it stops him from doing the same thing again.
And in the old old days we would arm our selves with knives if we thought the trouble was going to be bad.
I found out years later, my elderly Aunt did the same thing, going after her sons' ex girlfriend who had ruined his life, it amused me we did the same thing.
We never had to use them, Thank God, I think that would have frightened us more than what we were facing. We've had the car smashed with baseball bats, roof caved in, every window taken out.
Yvette's ended up in hospital with injuries, mainly because she is Roberta Williams, second shadow, and is mouthy and will not hold back. Trust me, we've tried.
We've thumped each other and screamed at each other and we all say we are not helping any one else and then of course we do. We straightened K out this year and he is now a happy, productive, tax paying adult.
M too, helping her out of a dangerous violent family situation.
We've dried people out and see them live normal lives, that's reward in itself.
These days we don't go in rip, tear bust any more. In the old days we crashed into other cars, to stop people, yelled at people in the street, we've sent people interstate with one way tickets to get them out of Melbourne.
We've nursed sick kids and taken in beaten women. Broken hearts and broken bodies, hidden people, kept bad secrets, lied, persuaded, we all have this feeling of outrage at injustice
And because we have just about seen it all, we are non judgemental when it comes to others.
We've seen everything, rapists, murderers, over doses, bashings, sudden deaths, heartbreak, loneliness, people at the ends of their lives and I have seen 13 babies born into the world. one five weeks prem and operated on within days and I could cradle his head in the palm of my hand.
He's now 7 and I still feel that ache when I look at him, that he is here and we could have lost him so easily.
Yvette is as funny as all let out and has a practical knowledge of the "underbelly" life but hates making phone calls or receiving them, so I do all the daily management of a large family, I make her do all the rest.
My Oldest Daughter is a hard working, compassionate friend, who can be just like her Mother. I said once she can be bossy and controlling and George, my Brother, said
"Just Like Her Mother!"
I didn't realise I was being like that and asked Yvette, was I, bossy and controlling and she just rolled her eyes,
"the boys quake when you come in because you make them work"
So I be working on that !
I still see running a family the same as running a business, (No wonder, the "Boys" at DIF called me the Dragon Lady. ) And It's time to lighten up.
We take better care of ourselves these days, letting others sort out their own lives. I said to Yvette if we don't go seeking drama we wont have any.
And it's true, we had a week off from everything, this week 18.10.2011, as Bonnie our gorgeous old german Sheperd died, after 11 years and the week before Mandy, Yvette's sister in law died suddenly at 39, leaving 3 kids.
And the week was sooooo peaceful. We just concentrated on the kids and ourselves, looking after ourselves for once.
I am proud of all my daughters, they have done it really tough, losing their baby sister, Mum and Dad going through a nasty divorce, shortly after.
There have certainly been some ugly years and some outstanding ones as well. Any year a grandchild is born its an occasion of delight and I have so many.
I used to get along with my ex husband, years later, but these day we don't speak and the girls have little or no relationship with him, they don't care, they say.
It's a shame but it is what it is and I always wish him well, he gets my respect for his incredible hard work and providing us with what he was capable of. And for the 4 girls we had and the funny memories.
Between us the knowledge we weren't really suited as people and both of us are better off.
I wouldn't do as I was told and he liked telling people what to do, was used to it, and I was a closet feminist. He the chest beating Gorilla who thought women should be pregnant and in the kitchen, barefoot.
He didn't like me being more educated than him, but that was dumb, I couldn't pretend I wasn't, and he was better at other things, like confrontation, never backing away from an argument and we used to have some beauties.
The last one coming when I went to work for him once, the day beginning rather weirdly when I walked into the office and he was sitting in his undies, sewing his shorts,
"Why are you in your undies?"
"I've got to sew my shorts"
"What if I had been just some secretary, coming in??"
Ignored me,
Later in the day he tried to tell me what to do. Big mistake - huge
I grabbed my bag and threw it across the office.And rose to leave, not speaking.
"Oh, how did I know you would be like this,??. He asked
"I'M NOT YOUR WIFE, ANYMORE"
I yelled it out to him. and then we really got into it and it went on for ages and after a while I realised he was enjoying it, and I left.
We probably enjoyed it, the old arguments, the old hurts, the husband and wife things stored up in 20 years and having no outlet. And I had changed from a mouse to a Lioness and as far as i was concerned, he was a jerk, a liar, cheater, player, dishonest and bashed people without compunction. What was to miss???
And the girls are grown up these days and I trust them to run their own lives, they survived the years and are now all owners of houses and kids and hubbies, partners.
I have seen others who fell by the wayside from Keysborough at the time we were there. So many deaths of young boys. overdoses and suicides, so many. It was like half of Keysborough's population disappeared from the mid 80's on or ended up drug adddicted, girls too.
There was nothing to do there, no social outlet, no good public transport system, a small Shopping Centre. I knew so many "normal" parents that reeled from the drugs of the 80's and 90's. Their children caught up in the nightmare and a lot of them still are.
Just typical middle class parents who had no understanding of the seamier side of life, and I always thought we were a fairly affluent suburb, but drugs came into Keysborough and it was shocking.
Two boys shot themselves, three hangings, overdoses, girls gone "wrong", girls my girls knew from Coomoora high and Chandler high.
B and I were very strict parents. Even though we were wealthy our girls had to work, Deb starting at 14 after school, Yvette at 15 and Alena 15. They were given a set amount of money each week but had to help out at home and the business.
We were cash rich and time poor and the girls had to pull their weight, we worked hard and we expected the same but we spoilt them as well.
They had a Ferrari in the driveway and an inground pool, a huge woodlined area to themselves with shower, toilet, sauna, spa. I bought Country Road sheets for Alena that cost $800, just the sheets and this was 25 years ago.
I had 2 fur coats and dozens of dresses, some with the labels still attached. I had Joy perfume from Bob and gold watches, gold necklaces, I could have anything I wanted. I was his right arm and he would track me down where ever I was,
hairdressers, shops, never saying hi, just launching into speech
"Where did you leave the check book", never Janette, it was like I had no name. To the girls he would say
"your mother"
He hated me reading a book (my love) or writing and he accepted the fact I had been back to School to get my VCE, but never congratulated me. He usually never asked me about my day, not interested, just talked work and then retreat to his room at 6pm asd the girls became older and more complex.
He hit, he was an over strict disciplarian and we disagreed on discipline. His method with his grown daughters was that
"I didn't backhand them enough"
He could be savage about women in general and I wonder where the hatred for "Bitches, sluts, whores, slut bags came from ?. His mum was a lovely woman. It was just him and I wished just once someone bashed him up. Point a metaphorical gun at his head and watch the sweat trickle down his face, the big bully.
The girls were moving out of his control and so was I and it drove him mad. Controlling with petty tyrannies, it was like being in a big head game with no winner at the end, things and alliances changing every single day. he loved the chaos and the drama and he was never happy, we solved one problem and there were another 10 coming along.
But we had fun too. There was always the money and South Pacific Cruises and trips to the UK and Bali, We built our own Factory in Hammond Road, Dandenong, we were on a one way road to huge success, really big.
We loved each other through it all, even when we hated each other, and it's always like that and always will be and I blame myself, too.I'm not perfect, never have been and probably never will be
One thing we totally agreed on was rescuing kids. he and I were always doing it and applied for special Needs adoption, for a boy,
We did all their training for ten weeks, gruelling test, psychological, physical, meeting kids, taking the girls to meet kids. So many kids without parents unbelievable xx
To be continued
I have been a single Mother for 21 years and probably always was. B my ex used to work 7 days a week for the first 12 years of our marriage.
The girls and I developed a strong bond, and after Flossie died, we became the fierce fighters we are now. We have taken on quite a few projects in the last 21 years and we've won some and lost some.
But we only seem to have matured in the last 12 months or so.
We've rescued kids off the streets, some working out and some not.
We've rescued babies and kids from violent men, armed.
I've crawled under houses, dirt floors, strange drug affected people all around and crawled back out, cuddling a sick baby and come to face to face with a Pit Bull, it was him or me, and it was me.
I just glared at him and told him to Shutup and he did. And I'm the biggest scaredy Cat usually, especially when it comes to things like confrontations. I've gotten better at it.
We've been to dubious houses and asked the questions, and found people hiding and taken them home, time after time.
Alena and I rescuing people we perhaps shouldn't have and some we were meant to, like dear Old Mongrel, who no one would give the time of day to and he turned out to be a fantastic guy.
Alena a walking expert in Social Services, loans. grants, housing, re housing so many and doing all the paperwork and appointments.
One lady we housed kissing my hands when she walked into her very own flat and she locked the door behind her.
We've rehoused, and found housing for people and had overloaded houses, ourselves. We've advised and counselled and chased people and been to courts and prisons and Police stations
and we've been chased by a few, Yvette is supposed to have bitten one on the groin area but she said it was his calf.
It's still on her record from all those years ago.
We've met a few policemen over the years, some psycho's in love with two of the girls, married usually, and one Simon used to "score" to, that was a laugh,
We've called the police and the ambulances on over doses, we've sectioned people, some really "nuts" and some just lazy and wanting the attention.
The new catch phrase for "I can't be bothered to work" is "Disabilty Pension", the young healthy males with 2 eyes, a brain and strong limbs, who can work, but don't want to.
A psychiatrist telling me once he had a boy who hadn't been out of his room for two years, just addicted to games.The parents bringing him in finally, concerned.
We've faced down violent men, Yvette bringing one down to the ground, one armed, 8 months pregnant and a child in one hand. And she didn't even have to catch her breath.
Deb confronting an ex employee of DIF, who was armed with a gun and her Dad stayed inside and rang the police.
She found out some guy had broken into our yard and kicked our old Kelpie, so she faced him down at Lasers, Deb being tall.
and knocked him out, sending him tumbling down the stairs and he was thrown out and she was allowed to stay. She was pretty chuffed about that!
I disarmed one armed with a shovel and persuaded him the police were on their way and he ran, smashing the front windows, first.
What is it with violent men and smashing glass??????
We've armed ourselves against others. Yvette saying,
"Keep your weapons near the door"
And one day that happened, the weapon near the door. We had called the police on a drunk man who had broken the window?? and he came back the next morning as we knew he would.
He picked up a plastic chair to try and smash another window and I stepped out on to the deck, quietly, padding up behind him and whacked him with the stainless steel vacuum cleaner pole that I had propped near the door.Right across his back, whack.
He turned around, snarling and stood up and I hit him right across the shoulder, I'd just watched Kill Bill, and I wanted to take his head off but just whacked him hard across the chest and he went down and crawled off.
God it felt good, the blood singing in my ears, it was a blow for all the violent men I had come across and been scared of. I rang my brother that day and said I felt I was 15' tall and Xena the Warrior Woman and he had no idea what I was talking about.
But for me it was huge. I had never struck someone before. He deserved it and I hope it stops him from doing the same thing again.
And in the old old days we would arm our selves with knives if we thought the trouble was going to be bad.
I found out years later, my elderly Aunt did the same thing, going after her sons' ex girlfriend who had ruined his life, it amused me we did the same thing.
We never had to use them, Thank God, I think that would have frightened us more than what we were facing. We've had the car smashed with baseball bats, roof caved in, every window taken out.
Yvette's ended up in hospital with injuries, mainly because she is Roberta Williams, second shadow, and is mouthy and will not hold back. Trust me, we've tried.
We've thumped each other and screamed at each other and we all say we are not helping any one else and then of course we do. We straightened K out this year and he is now a happy, productive, tax paying adult.
M too, helping her out of a dangerous violent family situation.
We've dried people out and see them live normal lives, that's reward in itself.
These days we don't go in rip, tear bust any more. In the old days we crashed into other cars, to stop people, yelled at people in the street, we've sent people interstate with one way tickets to get them out of Melbourne.
We've nursed sick kids and taken in beaten women. Broken hearts and broken bodies, hidden people, kept bad secrets, lied, persuaded, we all have this feeling of outrage at injustice
And because we have just about seen it all, we are non judgemental when it comes to others.
We've seen everything, rapists, murderers, over doses, bashings, sudden deaths, heartbreak, loneliness, people at the ends of their lives and I have seen 13 babies born into the world. one five weeks prem and operated on within days and I could cradle his head in the palm of my hand.
He's now 7 and I still feel that ache when I look at him, that he is here and we could have lost him so easily.
Yvette is as funny as all let out and has a practical knowledge of the "underbelly" life but hates making phone calls or receiving them, so I do all the daily management of a large family, I make her do all the rest.
My Oldest Daughter is a hard working, compassionate friend, who can be just like her Mother. I said once she can be bossy and controlling and George, my Brother, said
"Just Like Her Mother!"
I didn't realise I was being like that and asked Yvette, was I, bossy and controlling and she just rolled her eyes,
"the boys quake when you come in because you make them work"
So I be working on that !
I still see running a family the same as running a business, (No wonder, the "Boys" at DIF called me the Dragon Lady. ) And It's time to lighten up.
We take better care of ourselves these days, letting others sort out their own lives. I said to Yvette if we don't go seeking drama we wont have any.
And it's true, we had a week off from everything, this week 18.10.2011, as Bonnie our gorgeous old german Sheperd died, after 11 years and the week before Mandy, Yvette's sister in law died suddenly at 39, leaving 3 kids.
And the week was sooooo peaceful. We just concentrated on the kids and ourselves, looking after ourselves for once.
I am proud of all my daughters, they have done it really tough, losing their baby sister, Mum and Dad going through a nasty divorce, shortly after.
There have certainly been some ugly years and some outstanding ones as well. Any year a grandchild is born its an occasion of delight and I have so many.
I used to get along with my ex husband, years later, but these day we don't speak and the girls have little or no relationship with him, they don't care, they say.
It's a shame but it is what it is and I always wish him well, he gets my respect for his incredible hard work and providing us with what he was capable of. And for the 4 girls we had and the funny memories.
Between us the knowledge we weren't really suited as people and both of us are better off.
I wouldn't do as I was told and he liked telling people what to do, was used to it, and I was a closet feminist. He the chest beating Gorilla who thought women should be pregnant and in the kitchen, barefoot.
He didn't like me being more educated than him, but that was dumb, I couldn't pretend I wasn't, and he was better at other things, like confrontation, never backing away from an argument and we used to have some beauties.
The last one coming when I went to work for him once, the day beginning rather weirdly when I walked into the office and he was sitting in his undies, sewing his shorts,
"Why are you in your undies?"
"I've got to sew my shorts"
"What if I had been just some secretary, coming in??"
Ignored me,
Later in the day he tried to tell me what to do. Big mistake - huge
I grabbed my bag and threw it across the office.And rose to leave, not speaking.
"Oh, how did I know you would be like this,??. He asked
"I'M NOT YOUR WIFE, ANYMORE"
I yelled it out to him. and then we really got into it and it went on for ages and after a while I realised he was enjoying it, and I left.
We probably enjoyed it, the old arguments, the old hurts, the husband and wife things stored up in 20 years and having no outlet. And I had changed from a mouse to a Lioness and as far as i was concerned, he was a jerk, a liar, cheater, player, dishonest and bashed people without compunction. What was to miss???
And the girls are grown up these days and I trust them to run their own lives, they survived the years and are now all owners of houses and kids and hubbies, partners.
I have seen others who fell by the wayside from Keysborough at the time we were there. So many deaths of young boys. overdoses and suicides, so many. It was like half of Keysborough's population disappeared from the mid 80's on or ended up drug adddicted, girls too.
There was nothing to do there, no social outlet, no good public transport system, a small Shopping Centre. I knew so many "normal" parents that reeled from the drugs of the 80's and 90's. Their children caught up in the nightmare and a lot of them still are.
Just typical middle class parents who had no understanding of the seamier side of life, and I always thought we were a fairly affluent suburb, but drugs came into Keysborough and it was shocking.
Two boys shot themselves, three hangings, overdoses, girls gone "wrong", girls my girls knew from Coomoora high and Chandler high.
B and I were very strict parents. Even though we were wealthy our girls had to work, Deb starting at 14 after school, Yvette at 15 and Alena 15. They were given a set amount of money each week but had to help out at home and the business.
We were cash rich and time poor and the girls had to pull their weight, we worked hard and we expected the same but we spoilt them as well.
They had a Ferrari in the driveway and an inground pool, a huge woodlined area to themselves with shower, toilet, sauna, spa. I bought Country Road sheets for Alena that cost $800, just the sheets and this was 25 years ago.
I had 2 fur coats and dozens of dresses, some with the labels still attached. I had Joy perfume from Bob and gold watches, gold necklaces, I could have anything I wanted. I was his right arm and he would track me down where ever I was,
hairdressers, shops, never saying hi, just launching into speech
"Where did you leave the check book", never Janette, it was like I had no name. To the girls he would say
"your mother"
He hated me reading a book (my love) or writing and he accepted the fact I had been back to School to get my VCE, but never congratulated me. He usually never asked me about my day, not interested, just talked work and then retreat to his room at 6pm asd the girls became older and more complex.
He hit, he was an over strict disciplarian and we disagreed on discipline. His method with his grown daughters was that
"I didn't backhand them enough"
He could be savage about women in general and I wonder where the hatred for "Bitches, sluts, whores, slut bags came from ?. His mum was a lovely woman. It was just him and I wished just once someone bashed him up. Point a metaphorical gun at his head and watch the sweat trickle down his face, the big bully.
The girls were moving out of his control and so was I and it drove him mad. Controlling with petty tyrannies, it was like being in a big head game with no winner at the end, things and alliances changing every single day. he loved the chaos and the drama and he was never happy, we solved one problem and there were another 10 coming along.
But we had fun too. There was always the money and South Pacific Cruises and trips to the UK and Bali, We built our own Factory in Hammond Road, Dandenong, we were on a one way road to huge success, really big.
We loved each other through it all, even when we hated each other, and it's always like that and always will be and I blame myself, too.I'm not perfect, never have been and probably never will be
One thing we totally agreed on was rescuing kids. he and I were always doing it and applied for special Needs adoption, for a boy,
We did all their training for ten weeks, gruelling test, psychological, physical, meeting kids, taking the girls to meet kids. So many kids without parents unbelievable xx
To be continued
