Too young to be married 2
Without Prejudice
We went to the Hunters Lodge and Caseys in Hawthorn, South Yarra Club, The German Club, but there was a fight going on outside and when Libi heard one man call another man an Iddy Yot, she said.
"Have a look at them shoud be back in the old country, peasants!"
And we left in disgust.
We went to the Dutch Club, The Planicza in Springvale, Village Green, the Burvale, our group dynamic changing all the time but Elle and I were the main ones. We were agog for life, fun, dance and we only ever drank spritzers, once going no alcohol but that experience was so excruciating we never did it again. We went Wednesdays to Caseys, Thursdays South Yarra, Fridays Doncaster Shoppimg Town, Saturdays Casey's again. Elle met her 2nd hubby there a few years later and they are still together 20 years later.
I was 29 and about to turn 30, and all the kids were off to school. I began to see that I would not always be a Mum, missing them terribly when they had all gone off to school. I can remember thinking as I looked out the kitchen window,
"Where had all my babies, gone?
(I did the same thing once after Lauren died I was in the car waiting to turn right and I saw the driveway opposite was a Mother, harried with two teen girls that hopped out of the car, and I was jealous, my heart squeezed, lookimg at that lady and the girls in uniform. My life like that had ended six years too soon. Robbed of Lauren's last six years at high School and I hated that woman and envied her and went home and bawled my eyes out. So wasteful )
But this was years before and we partied all the time. Bob and Elle's 1st hubby didn't care where we went or what time we got home, we were like teenagers and I guess we were reliving time we had missed out on. We took Maria and Libby and Chris who I ended up doing HSC with and sometimes my School teacher neighbour, Roz.
It was good going in a group, we had rules, no going home on their own or with a guy. Of course Libby and Chris busted that the first night going off in the bushes with some guys they had met, and Elle and I turned our nose up at them. So from then on, it was exchange phone numbers only, mostly false.
I found out the more housewifely the girl was the more she would take risks, getting drunk and handing out real phone numbers, not on. We had to rescue a few Elle and I, we were complicit as to why we were there, we both loved the music, the glamour and the dancing. We had plenty of stuff happening at home, keeping our unhappy husbands happy, like a job.
So we weren't moved by other men, chatting us up, we never allowed them to buy our drinks, ever and always went home together, getting home at 3 or 4 am and our husbands could trust us. We did it for release and being able to get dressed up and look glamorous.
We went everywhere Elle and I, holidayed in Queensland, sneaking out to clubs when the kids were asleep. We had a few holidays together, we both camped at Rosebud for 5 years in a row. me and the girls at Cottonwood and Elle at Willow Pines, she had her hubby with her but he was a grouch, so she'd bring her kids over and they and mine would play on the tennis courts.
She lost a baby at 5 months and she had to be rushed to hospital, it was horrible as the baby had died in utero and she had to give birth, knowing, and they took the baby away, but she asked them to see it. She said it was awful, the poor little baby, grey coloured and they thought he had been dead a while. She was very sad that Summer and I tried my best to cheer her up.
I went to see her at home and she was sick, lying in bed,
"Do you think you can kill a baby by not wanting it?" She asked me.
"No"
"They thought it might have been the gastro I had or the flu, I took tablets, antibiotics, but I wished it away, I said I didn't want another boy and he was a boy and I must have done something to harm him, thought him away??"
I grabbed her and hugged her,
"Babies don't get wished away", I said
"It just means something is wrong, thats all, it's not you"
She shook with sobs, her hubby refused to talk about it, acting as if it were her fault, cold, hostile.
We talked for ages me lying on my back on her bed and she pouring it all out. I have not often see Elle like that, she was the older one, the more street smart, the more daring, wicked one. and we both got worse after that, stepping up to the task at hand.
We were out to rebel, I was reaching 30 and she was 34.
I flew to the Uk that year with Gwen My mother in law and she was so excited, her homeland too by birth and she had plans on seeing all her relatives, me mine and she wanted to do a tour of the continent. I didn't fancy hurtling around on a bus doing 15 countries in 15 days. I love it but I was not in the mood for all the traipsing around.
She said to me at 5pm that night, Happy Birthday and I had forgotten it was my 30th birthday, I didn't want to turn 30' leaving my twenties behind. I just ignored the whole thing. I was reaching a mid life crisis stage and it was about to explode like a bomb going off, but I didn't know that at the time as I gazed out at the Steppes.
We flew for 26 hours, fog at Heathrow forcing us up to Prestwick in Glasgow, sitting on the tarmac for 3 hours, steaming gently in the warm morning sun, then back to Heathrow and by the time I got off the plane I didn't know whether I wanted to eat, shit ot die. We caught a London cab to Paddington where we were booked in for three days and checked out the hotel and then I insisted we go and have some fish and chips, real English Fish and Chips. And Gwen wanted to stay in the room and have vegemite on dry bikkies and I grabbed her, swinging her around,
"We are in LONDON, my love and we are not eating bickies in the room. So I dragged her out to the nearest Caff and ordered my fish supper, with sloppy peas and bread and butter and tea. And when it came I couldn't touch it, not even the tea, Gwen laughed, I couldn't even pick up one chip. She didn't say I told you so, but I felt it. When we arrived back in the room, the balls of my feet felt like they were attached to tennis balls, and I kept walking up and down trying to smooth them out.
We met some relatives of Gwens, Alec and Joan and went to the Opera and Albert and Victoria and then I was wanting to be with my relatives so I caught the train to Yorkshire and there they were all and I was gathered up in a group hug. Both My aunts cried of course, remembering my Mother, their Sister. And I stayed at Auntie Pats first, reaquainting myself with Uncle Joe,
"Hey up lass, how's thee? he was a vert taciturn man Uncle Joe, an invalid for ever that I knew, leg ulcers and a dicky heart. And he was so grouchy, I just loved him, sitting there in front of the fire, his withered legs hidden under a blanket, flat cap on as if he was going out, eating Penguin or Club biscuits and lots of tea.
(He met my husband in 89 and pulled me aside,
"Hey oop Lass, he's a bit of a big noter, isn't he ?"
Joe didn't like Bob and when Bob was ranting on about some video we had brought with us and Uncle Joe interupted his speil.
"Yeah, well we have that stuff here mate and it's probably better than what you have, rich boy"
big belly and all." I didn't know where to look and Bob wasn't happy in the car on the way home
Back to 82
Auntie Pat had a flat, owned, at the bottom of Kirgate, within an easy walk of the main Shopping Strip, ,opposite the Wakefield Cathedral and I felt at home, me not having being there since the late 60's. I caught up with some old school friends who both lived in little villages outside the city. Caroline Holmes and Denise Edsen. Caroline was married no kids, and Denise had twin boys with her red hair. And then I went Auntie Bets and they showed the Brisbane Commonwealth Games on the news.
And this giant Kangaroo came out and her belly opened up and kids came out, little Ozzie kids and she winked and I was overcome by an enormous wave of homesickness. I cried, and Aunty Bet had to get the girls on the phone all the way back in Australia. Deb came on the phone,
"Mum we're fine, honestly, you've spent all that money going there and now you're crying, you'll get back here and you'll realise you've wasted that time worrying about us"
Deb at that time was 12 and taking care of the sisters and they were being ratbags except for Lauren. So I took my sensible daughters advice.
Aunty Betty was not home during the day nor was Uncle Ernest so I rang Aunty Pat.
"I have to get out or I will go mad", so she came over and we went to see a friend of hers, Mary.
Mary was a funny woman, she was a tiny skinny little woman with 8 kids. She mentioned I might know one of them as I mentioned I had been at Thornes house,
"My Son went there, his names, Dave but eveyone called him Cuckoo. "
I laughed I knew Cuckoo, everyone knew Cuckoo, the thrower of rotten egg bombs. Back then , he looked like The English Cartoon book character Dennis the Menace, from The Beano. Black hair stuck out in tufts at the front and a wicked look on his face all the time.
He nearly ruined my reputation at 13 by taking me to the highest point in Thornes Park.Our school was right in the middle of acres of grounds and there was a high hill covered in bushes which I found out was "Lovers Hill". So nothing happened he just showed me the hill, I was the new girl, all the way from Australia. And obviously dumb as everyone else found out we had been up there together and assumed the worst.
Ever after that I gave him a wide berth but he was funny and rebellious and I always liked that about him. So we agreed to come back that night and we had decided to go out, no matter what, my Aunt, Mary and I. So we went up town and bought something to wear.Mine was a real Sloane Square type dress, Purple with a fine hail spot, crocheted collar and short sleeves, waisted, knee length and boots. black patent leather with laced fronts.
I felt young and sexy and attractive and definitely not Mumsy. When we arrived back at Marys I couldn't believe it was Cuckoo I was looking at. He was literally huge. 6' 6", broad shoulders, he was a swimmer too. We had swum for the same house team, I was captain and he was the class clown. And made cheeky remarks all the time to us 14 year old girls.
His presence filled the kitchen and we chatted, I showed him family photos and he said how lucky I was, a handsome husband, gorgeous kids, I was very lucky, His marriage was in shambles, his wife running off witb a Pakistani, leaving him with his two daughters, but he was so up beat and almost bear like. He decided to come with us and we all went out of town to a nightclub and drank and danced and I finally was having fun in England.
After that we went everywhere together as we were the same age and scoured the shops for old records and I wanted to go in every shop, Boots, Woolworths, we took silly photos together and kept half each. He worked as a coal man and started early but then the rest of the day was his.
He was fun and witty, a big voice with a solid Yorkshire accent and he was forever trying to "save" people, stopping fights, and telling people to wait and separating them. he had been a bouncer once and I could see that in him. He was a huge drinker, knocking back pints with whisky backs and being as sober as when he started.
One night we caught a mini cab back to his mums, and everyone had gone to bed and we stayed up chatting and he put on George Benson as he was addicted to him and we talked and talked. And he kept sayong how lucky I was, perfect house, children and handsome husband
I finally felt comfortable to tell him my husband was violent and I had no idea how to fight it any more. He was shocked beyond measure and told me I had to leave him, immediately, as soon as I got home.
To be continued
We went to the Hunters Lodge and Caseys in Hawthorn, South Yarra Club, The German Club, but there was a fight going on outside and when Libi heard one man call another man an Iddy Yot, she said.
"Have a look at them shoud be back in the old country, peasants!"
And we left in disgust.
We went to the Dutch Club, The Planicza in Springvale, Village Green, the Burvale, our group dynamic changing all the time but Elle and I were the main ones. We were agog for life, fun, dance and we only ever drank spritzers, once going no alcohol but that experience was so excruciating we never did it again. We went Wednesdays to Caseys, Thursdays South Yarra, Fridays Doncaster Shoppimg Town, Saturdays Casey's again. Elle met her 2nd hubby there a few years later and they are still together 20 years later.
I was 29 and about to turn 30, and all the kids were off to school. I began to see that I would not always be a Mum, missing them terribly when they had all gone off to school. I can remember thinking as I looked out the kitchen window,
"Where had all my babies, gone?
(I did the same thing once after Lauren died I was in the car waiting to turn right and I saw the driveway opposite was a Mother, harried with two teen girls that hopped out of the car, and I was jealous, my heart squeezed, lookimg at that lady and the girls in uniform. My life like that had ended six years too soon. Robbed of Lauren's last six years at high School and I hated that woman and envied her and went home and bawled my eyes out. So wasteful )
But this was years before and we partied all the time. Bob and Elle's 1st hubby didn't care where we went or what time we got home, we were like teenagers and I guess we were reliving time we had missed out on. We took Maria and Libby and Chris who I ended up doing HSC with and sometimes my School teacher neighbour, Roz.
It was good going in a group, we had rules, no going home on their own or with a guy. Of course Libby and Chris busted that the first night going off in the bushes with some guys they had met, and Elle and I turned our nose up at them. So from then on, it was exchange phone numbers only, mostly false.
I found out the more housewifely the girl was the more she would take risks, getting drunk and handing out real phone numbers, not on. We had to rescue a few Elle and I, we were complicit as to why we were there, we both loved the music, the glamour and the dancing. We had plenty of stuff happening at home, keeping our unhappy husbands happy, like a job.
So we weren't moved by other men, chatting us up, we never allowed them to buy our drinks, ever and always went home together, getting home at 3 or 4 am and our husbands could trust us. We did it for release and being able to get dressed up and look glamorous.
We went everywhere Elle and I, holidayed in Queensland, sneaking out to clubs when the kids were asleep. We had a few holidays together, we both camped at Rosebud for 5 years in a row. me and the girls at Cottonwood and Elle at Willow Pines, she had her hubby with her but he was a grouch, so she'd bring her kids over and they and mine would play on the tennis courts.
She lost a baby at 5 months and she had to be rushed to hospital, it was horrible as the baby had died in utero and she had to give birth, knowing, and they took the baby away, but she asked them to see it. She said it was awful, the poor little baby, grey coloured and they thought he had been dead a while. She was very sad that Summer and I tried my best to cheer her up.
I went to see her at home and she was sick, lying in bed,
"Do you think you can kill a baby by not wanting it?" She asked me.
"No"
"They thought it might have been the gastro I had or the flu, I took tablets, antibiotics, but I wished it away, I said I didn't want another boy and he was a boy and I must have done something to harm him, thought him away??"
I grabbed her and hugged her,
"Babies don't get wished away", I said
"It just means something is wrong, thats all, it's not you"
She shook with sobs, her hubby refused to talk about it, acting as if it were her fault, cold, hostile.
We talked for ages me lying on my back on her bed and she pouring it all out. I have not often see Elle like that, she was the older one, the more street smart, the more daring, wicked one. and we both got worse after that, stepping up to the task at hand.
We were out to rebel, I was reaching 30 and she was 34.
I flew to the Uk that year with Gwen My mother in law and she was so excited, her homeland too by birth and she had plans on seeing all her relatives, me mine and she wanted to do a tour of the continent. I didn't fancy hurtling around on a bus doing 15 countries in 15 days. I love it but I was not in the mood for all the traipsing around.
She said to me at 5pm that night, Happy Birthday and I had forgotten it was my 30th birthday, I didn't want to turn 30' leaving my twenties behind. I just ignored the whole thing. I was reaching a mid life crisis stage and it was about to explode like a bomb going off, but I didn't know that at the time as I gazed out at the Steppes.
We flew for 26 hours, fog at Heathrow forcing us up to Prestwick in Glasgow, sitting on the tarmac for 3 hours, steaming gently in the warm morning sun, then back to Heathrow and by the time I got off the plane I didn't know whether I wanted to eat, shit ot die. We caught a London cab to Paddington where we were booked in for three days and checked out the hotel and then I insisted we go and have some fish and chips, real English Fish and Chips. And Gwen wanted to stay in the room and have vegemite on dry bikkies and I grabbed her, swinging her around,
"We are in LONDON, my love and we are not eating bickies in the room. So I dragged her out to the nearest Caff and ordered my fish supper, with sloppy peas and bread and butter and tea. And when it came I couldn't touch it, not even the tea, Gwen laughed, I couldn't even pick up one chip. She didn't say I told you so, but I felt it. When we arrived back in the room, the balls of my feet felt like they were attached to tennis balls, and I kept walking up and down trying to smooth them out.
We met some relatives of Gwens, Alec and Joan and went to the Opera and Albert and Victoria and then I was wanting to be with my relatives so I caught the train to Yorkshire and there they were all and I was gathered up in a group hug. Both My aunts cried of course, remembering my Mother, their Sister. And I stayed at Auntie Pats first, reaquainting myself with Uncle Joe,
"Hey up lass, how's thee? he was a vert taciturn man Uncle Joe, an invalid for ever that I knew, leg ulcers and a dicky heart. And he was so grouchy, I just loved him, sitting there in front of the fire, his withered legs hidden under a blanket, flat cap on as if he was going out, eating Penguin or Club biscuits and lots of tea.
(He met my husband in 89 and pulled me aside,
"Hey oop Lass, he's a bit of a big noter, isn't he ?"
Joe didn't like Bob and when Bob was ranting on about some video we had brought with us and Uncle Joe interupted his speil.
"Yeah, well we have that stuff here mate and it's probably better than what you have, rich boy"
big belly and all." I didn't know where to look and Bob wasn't happy in the car on the way home
Back to 82
Auntie Pat had a flat, owned, at the bottom of Kirgate, within an easy walk of the main Shopping Strip, ,opposite the Wakefield Cathedral and I felt at home, me not having being there since the late 60's. I caught up with some old school friends who both lived in little villages outside the city. Caroline Holmes and Denise Edsen. Caroline was married no kids, and Denise had twin boys with her red hair. And then I went Auntie Bets and they showed the Brisbane Commonwealth Games on the news.
And this giant Kangaroo came out and her belly opened up and kids came out, little Ozzie kids and she winked and I was overcome by an enormous wave of homesickness. I cried, and Aunty Bet had to get the girls on the phone all the way back in Australia. Deb came on the phone,
"Mum we're fine, honestly, you've spent all that money going there and now you're crying, you'll get back here and you'll realise you've wasted that time worrying about us"
Deb at that time was 12 and taking care of the sisters and they were being ratbags except for Lauren. So I took my sensible daughters advice.
Aunty Betty was not home during the day nor was Uncle Ernest so I rang Aunty Pat.
"I have to get out or I will go mad", so she came over and we went to see a friend of hers, Mary.
Mary was a funny woman, she was a tiny skinny little woman with 8 kids. She mentioned I might know one of them as I mentioned I had been at Thornes house,
"My Son went there, his names, Dave but eveyone called him Cuckoo. "
I laughed I knew Cuckoo, everyone knew Cuckoo, the thrower of rotten egg bombs. Back then , he looked like The English Cartoon book character Dennis the Menace, from The Beano. Black hair stuck out in tufts at the front and a wicked look on his face all the time.
He nearly ruined my reputation at 13 by taking me to the highest point in Thornes Park.Our school was right in the middle of acres of grounds and there was a high hill covered in bushes which I found out was "Lovers Hill". So nothing happened he just showed me the hill, I was the new girl, all the way from Australia. And obviously dumb as everyone else found out we had been up there together and assumed the worst.
Ever after that I gave him a wide berth but he was funny and rebellious and I always liked that about him. So we agreed to come back that night and we had decided to go out, no matter what, my Aunt, Mary and I. So we went up town and bought something to wear.Mine was a real Sloane Square type dress, Purple with a fine hail spot, crocheted collar and short sleeves, waisted, knee length and boots. black patent leather with laced fronts.
I felt young and sexy and attractive and definitely not Mumsy. When we arrived back at Marys I couldn't believe it was Cuckoo I was looking at. He was literally huge. 6' 6", broad shoulders, he was a swimmer too. We had swum for the same house team, I was captain and he was the class clown. And made cheeky remarks all the time to us 14 year old girls.
His presence filled the kitchen and we chatted, I showed him family photos and he said how lucky I was, a handsome husband, gorgeous kids, I was very lucky, His marriage was in shambles, his wife running off witb a Pakistani, leaving him with his two daughters, but he was so up beat and almost bear like. He decided to come with us and we all went out of town to a nightclub and drank and danced and I finally was having fun in England.
After that we went everywhere together as we were the same age and scoured the shops for old records and I wanted to go in every shop, Boots, Woolworths, we took silly photos together and kept half each. He worked as a coal man and started early but then the rest of the day was his.
He was fun and witty, a big voice with a solid Yorkshire accent and he was forever trying to "save" people, stopping fights, and telling people to wait and separating them. he had been a bouncer once and I could see that in him. He was a huge drinker, knocking back pints with whisky backs and being as sober as when he started.
One night we caught a mini cab back to his mums, and everyone had gone to bed and we stayed up chatting and he put on George Benson as he was addicted to him and we talked and talked. And he kept sayong how lucky I was, perfect house, children and handsome husband
I finally felt comfortable to tell him my husband was violent and I had no idea how to fight it any more. He was shocked beyond measure and told me I had to leave him, immediately, as soon as I got home.
To be continued
