Natalie Bruckshaw
Without Prejudice
Jackie always said Mum was a real "Tartar"and we all knew what she meant. She could very easily become snobby and uppity and it usually ended in a fight (verbal) with someone. One Taxi Driver calling her a "Dago", because she told him off for something. And she took no prisoners, her manner was powerful. She didn't tell us off much, but when she did, she was cutting.
She was a genius, an absolute genius, the fine line between genius and madness, she trod every day. Dad could list all the Chapters of the King James Bible from Genesis to the end (He did this remarkable achievement at the Supagas dinner with the Big Boss, I had told everyone I was bringing my new "Young Man") and Mum could recite entire passages of Shakespeare, she was unbelievably brainy, her credo
"Educate a man, you educate the man, but educate a woman and you educate a Family".
(I wished she had been there when I passed Year 12, but I felt she was, in spirit.) Dad had come and had a parent teacher interview and I was given a "Report Card" and just laughed, I was 32, after all.
But the books she read and the movies she took us to, were her understanding, and we absorbed them as if by Osmosis. She wanted us to be educated and that was it, no matter what.And when she started to go mad, Dad rang me at Myers in Chadstone from Southport in Qld and asked me if I would come for a month and "mind" her. She was in a Psychiatric Hospital in Brisbane and she wanted out and he wanted her out too. So I flew to Brisbane, I was 16 and went to the Hospital to pick her up. Helen was 4 and at "Kindy", full time, David 13 and at Southport State.
We went in and the place was like every worst nightmare of a Mental Home you can imagine. Concrete walls, rubber floor, bars on the windows, people talking to them selves, screams, wailing, murmurs, it was like Dante's Inferno of the worst kind. And as Dad led me to a little cell, my Mother came tottering towards me, hands outstretched, no teeth , she was all of six stone and she usually was 9-10 stone, her flesh hung on her body, and she was wearing a gown. I couldn't believe it was Mum. It hadn't been that long since I had seen her. She looked a hundred.
She told me the mad woman down the hall had stolen her cigarettes and money. We took her home, she grinning like a loon, showing her gums, and I kept thinking,
"Where was my Mother??'
Everyone loved Nat, she was a riot at a party, loved her family, was witty, urbane, blindingly cutting and sharp tempered. She was the mover and shaker in the family, Dad the placid one.
The sudden weight loss didn't suit her, she had an overactive thyroid and her startling blue eyes blazed out of her head, twin orbs of fierceness, that could blank in an instant, and when they did it could get really dangerous!
Dad had to work and he woud get Helens outfits ready for the week at "Kindy", 5 little dresses hung in a row. Dave took her on his way to school and I would be locked in every day with a mad woman, not someone I even knew, anymore. I bathed her and her flesh hung loosely on her body and she was tiny, I had never seen my Mother naked, and she was like a litle old bird with a poochy belly and loose skin on her arms, crept reptilian like in the bath. I bathed her and she acted not too bad. Hauling her out and drying her off, she was like a compliant child. She would wear nothing but a shocking pink see through nightie with no underwear on.
She would fight you on everything, tablets, dressing, drink of water, didn't matter, she would fight you on it. Dad gave me the keys and she would find them and try to run away, and I would have to grab her and bring her back in. Another wrestling match. I would relock the doors and relax, trying to interest her in anything to calm her. She had some really bad Macrame in beige she was doing, and I left her with that, while I put the kettle on for a cup of tea.
Suddenly she was behind me, and I turned kettle in hand,
"Who are you?", she yelled and I jumped.
I was looking into the popping, snapping, blue eyes of madness and my knees nearly buckled.
"Don't be silly, Mum, it's me Janette"
She skittered away from me, crouching down, hiding her head and then she was on me, cutting me with her nails, and I tried to restrain her, and then she went really nuts.
"Shit"! Was my thought.
She kicked out at me hitting me on the shin. And I lost it and grabbed her in a head lock ( a manouvere I had practiced on my Brothers for years.) she yanked at my hair and we went down arms flailing, she had the strength of ten men.I sat down on the floor, breathing hard,
"Mum, it's me, your daughter Janette", I said as calmly as possible.
I got up and just started acting normally, all the while saying silly Mummy, doesn't know who I am and other things to keep up the patter, and really my knees were knocking.
She snapped out of it, after a few minutes and I asked her if she wanted a cup of tea,
"Yes", she replied and she was back, Nat was back for now.
She asked if she could go out to get a ciggy from the milk man and she ran out in her nightie, showing everything to the world. I ran out after her with a pegnoir, but she pushed it away,
"Too hot", she said, and I was not about to get in another fight with her.
So we settled in to a routine, bath, dressed in nightie, breakfast, Macrame, Milk Man, nap in the afternoon and then one day she was gone, I had gone to the toilet and she was gone, nowhere in the house, nowhere in the quiet street, I ran back in and called Dad and he called the Police.
To be continued.....
Jackie always said Mum was a real "Tartar"and we all knew what she meant. She could very easily become snobby and uppity and it usually ended in a fight (verbal) with someone. One Taxi Driver calling her a "Dago", because she told him off for something. And she took no prisoners, her manner was powerful. She didn't tell us off much, but when she did, she was cutting.
She was a genius, an absolute genius, the fine line between genius and madness, she trod every day. Dad could list all the Chapters of the King James Bible from Genesis to the end (He did this remarkable achievement at the Supagas dinner with the Big Boss, I had told everyone I was bringing my new "Young Man") and Mum could recite entire passages of Shakespeare, she was unbelievably brainy, her credo
"Educate a man, you educate the man, but educate a woman and you educate a Family".
(I wished she had been there when I passed Year 12, but I felt she was, in spirit.) Dad had come and had a parent teacher interview and I was given a "Report Card" and just laughed, I was 32, after all.
But the books she read and the movies she took us to, were her understanding, and we absorbed them as if by Osmosis. She wanted us to be educated and that was it, no matter what.And when she started to go mad, Dad rang me at Myers in Chadstone from Southport in Qld and asked me if I would come for a month and "mind" her. She was in a Psychiatric Hospital in Brisbane and she wanted out and he wanted her out too. So I flew to Brisbane, I was 16 and went to the Hospital to pick her up. Helen was 4 and at "Kindy", full time, David 13 and at Southport State.
We went in and the place was like every worst nightmare of a Mental Home you can imagine. Concrete walls, rubber floor, bars on the windows, people talking to them selves, screams, wailing, murmurs, it was like Dante's Inferno of the worst kind. And as Dad led me to a little cell, my Mother came tottering towards me, hands outstretched, no teeth , she was all of six stone and she usually was 9-10 stone, her flesh hung on her body, and she was wearing a gown. I couldn't believe it was Mum. It hadn't been that long since I had seen her. She looked a hundred.
She told me the mad woman down the hall had stolen her cigarettes and money. We took her home, she grinning like a loon, showing her gums, and I kept thinking,
"Where was my Mother??'
Everyone loved Nat, she was a riot at a party, loved her family, was witty, urbane, blindingly cutting and sharp tempered. She was the mover and shaker in the family, Dad the placid one.
The sudden weight loss didn't suit her, she had an overactive thyroid and her startling blue eyes blazed out of her head, twin orbs of fierceness, that could blank in an instant, and when they did it could get really dangerous!
Dad had to work and he woud get Helens outfits ready for the week at "Kindy", 5 little dresses hung in a row. Dave took her on his way to school and I would be locked in every day with a mad woman, not someone I even knew, anymore. I bathed her and her flesh hung loosely on her body and she was tiny, I had never seen my Mother naked, and she was like a litle old bird with a poochy belly and loose skin on her arms, crept reptilian like in the bath. I bathed her and she acted not too bad. Hauling her out and drying her off, she was like a compliant child. She would wear nothing but a shocking pink see through nightie with no underwear on.
She would fight you on everything, tablets, dressing, drink of water, didn't matter, she would fight you on it. Dad gave me the keys and she would find them and try to run away, and I would have to grab her and bring her back in. Another wrestling match. I would relock the doors and relax, trying to interest her in anything to calm her. She had some really bad Macrame in beige she was doing, and I left her with that, while I put the kettle on for a cup of tea.
Suddenly she was behind me, and I turned kettle in hand,
"Who are you?", she yelled and I jumped.
I was looking into the popping, snapping, blue eyes of madness and my knees nearly buckled.
"Don't be silly, Mum, it's me Janette"
She skittered away from me, crouching down, hiding her head and then she was on me, cutting me with her nails, and I tried to restrain her, and then she went really nuts.
"Shit"! Was my thought.
She kicked out at me hitting me on the shin. And I lost it and grabbed her in a head lock ( a manouvere I had practiced on my Brothers for years.) she yanked at my hair and we went down arms flailing, she had the strength of ten men.I sat down on the floor, breathing hard,
"Mum, it's me, your daughter Janette", I said as calmly as possible.
I got up and just started acting normally, all the while saying silly Mummy, doesn't know who I am and other things to keep up the patter, and really my knees were knocking.
She snapped out of it, after a few minutes and I asked her if she wanted a cup of tea,
"Yes", she replied and she was back, Nat was back for now.
She asked if she could go out to get a ciggy from the milk man and she ran out in her nightie, showing everything to the world. I ran out after her with a pegnoir, but she pushed it away,
"Too hot", she said, and I was not about to get in another fight with her.
So we settled in to a routine, bath, dressed in nightie, breakfast, Macrame, Milk Man, nap in the afternoon and then one day she was gone, I had gone to the toilet and she was gone, nowhere in the house, nowhere in the quiet street, I ran back in and called Dad and he called the Police.
To be continued.....
