Now you're Just somebody I used to know
Without Prejudice
Where does the love go????
You know when it's begun with such glowing hope, where does the love go ????
When you wanted to spend all the time kissing them and waiting with bated breath for the calls, such a highlight of the day.
And made you feel lighter than you were, almost dizzying and you can't eat, so stuffed full of love as you are.
And songs have more meaning and are all written for you and him. They resonate down into your soul, ( by writing I realised I have truly loved only a handful and all for different reasons.)
One I can't name, but he saved my life for a long time,
one who I have never met, (The perfect unrequited ) and when I do he may have a hare lip or jutting eyebrows or bad breath???
But I love his friendship of ten years, acccepting and rude and crude as all let out.
And one who I had a crush on, and my ex husband as he was the Father to my children and a little irish man that saved me from pretentiousness and hatred.
And the perfumes and the songs and the sparkle in their eyes, or the yearning to hear their voice, all gone in a mini second, by betrayal or disinterest or me or him, always the baggage that you try and rid yourself of.
Shame, but funnily enough it's an unending circle of love, more come along and they ring you too often or not enough.
You are yourself and then you're not and movies take on larger than life appeal, and beach walks seem more romantic.
It's the chase, the endless dance. the one more time before that addictive feeling, and the shy glances and broken hearts. It's not easy to get off that Merry Go Round once you are on it.
I have avoided it at times, ducking and weaving from it. not answering calls I should have and answering the wrong ones.
I used to think it was romantic if I got a cup of tea in bed when I had a new baby. So sweet. And I thought it mattered if they liked my kids,
not enough,
Or a nice man,
not enough!
I had a nice man and I ended up despising him, as he was soooooo nice he hated to offend anyone and therefore never made a decision.
I am so excited about my life now, having lost at least 3 dress sizes in as many weeks, so bonus.
I can't begin to describe how good that feels. Trying on jeans and tops that fit me, soooooooo good.
And I realise I don't mind being single, it's OK. I like my own company and my kids and grandkids and friends and extended family. I have one friend I should have rung weeks ago and I still can't find time.
So now my life is moving forward, and I do really feel good, at least Bonnie's death behind us now instead of in front of us.
And tomorrow I am buying her a stunning rose and planting it on her grave. Right under my window she chose to die, little darling.
And Summer is coming, who knows how many seasons do we have left. How many Summers?? 10.30.40.
Well at least this Summer I can wear a bathing suit and not feel like a beached whale,
So, now , you are just someone that I used to know, not vindictively or cruelly just it is what it is. A memory encased in 21 year old aged amber, always perfect and stored away for memories, later.
Lots Of Love,
Janette
Where does the love go????
You know when it's begun with such glowing hope, where does the love go ????
When you wanted to spend all the time kissing them and waiting with bated breath for the calls, such a highlight of the day.
And made you feel lighter than you were, almost dizzying and you can't eat, so stuffed full of love as you are.
And songs have more meaning and are all written for you and him. They resonate down into your soul, ( by writing I realised I have truly loved only a handful and all for different reasons.)
One I can't name, but he saved my life for a long time,
one who I have never met, (The perfect unrequited ) and when I do he may have a hare lip or jutting eyebrows or bad breath???
But I love his friendship of ten years, acccepting and rude and crude as all let out.
And one who I had a crush on, and my ex husband as he was the Father to my children and a little irish man that saved me from pretentiousness and hatred.
And the perfumes and the songs and the sparkle in their eyes, or the yearning to hear their voice, all gone in a mini second, by betrayal or disinterest or me or him, always the baggage that you try and rid yourself of.
Shame, but funnily enough it's an unending circle of love, more come along and they ring you too often or not enough.
You are yourself and then you're not and movies take on larger than life appeal, and beach walks seem more romantic.
It's the chase, the endless dance. the one more time before that addictive feeling, and the shy glances and broken hearts. It's not easy to get off that Merry Go Round once you are on it.
I have avoided it at times, ducking and weaving from it. not answering calls I should have and answering the wrong ones.
I used to think it was romantic if I got a cup of tea in bed when I had a new baby. So sweet. And I thought it mattered if they liked my kids,
not enough,
Or a nice man,
not enough!
I had a nice man and I ended up despising him, as he was soooooo nice he hated to offend anyone and therefore never made a decision.
I am so excited about my life now, having lost at least 3 dress sizes in as many weeks, so bonus.
I can't begin to describe how good that feels. Trying on jeans and tops that fit me, soooooooo good.
And I realise I don't mind being single, it's OK. I like my own company and my kids and grandkids and friends and extended family. I have one friend I should have rung weeks ago and I still can't find time.
So now my life is moving forward, and I do really feel good, at least Bonnie's death behind us now instead of in front of us.
And tomorrow I am buying her a stunning rose and planting it on her grave. Right under my window she chose to die, little darling.
And Summer is coming, who knows how many seasons do we have left. How many Summers?? 10.30.40.
Well at least this Summer I can wear a bathing suit and not feel like a beached whale,
So, now , you are just someone that I used to know, not vindictively or cruelly just it is what it is. A memory encased in 21 year old aged amber, always perfect and stored away for memories, later.
Lots Of Love,
Janette
