Unfaithfulness -----Joey "Old Blue Eyes"
Without Prejudice
It's not something you get over, ever. It's more the casual dismissiveness of it,
knowing something is wrong, but choosing to not know. And the lies, OMG, like you are an idiot to even think such a hideous thing. My ex was cruelly unfaithful, lying there was no tomorrow. And it hurt. The way he would put his arm around another woman at parties and daring me to look at him. So casual, and so hurtful. He was very handsome then, not so much, any more. And women would fling themselves at him. And he would answer the call. Time and time again and I would look at him and think,
"One day, buddy Boy, One day I am not going to be with you"
And in the mean time I would just have to suck it up. So I did. There was one woman he was going to leave me for. a dark haired beautiful girl who was also married. Her hubby was apparently going to jail and my charming ex was going to live with her, to protect her while Hubby was "Away". And I wanted him to go but the girls didn't, so he stayed. To protect us instead, and I wished he had gone, so awful he was to live with after that. The woman's hubby didn't go to jail after all, so all was happy.
And I knew why, he was unfaithful, he was home so little that we didn't relate to each other anymore. I was a "Mumsy" Mum, seeking solace in my girls company, as he had not provided any for years, choosing instead the role of "workaholic". He told everyone I was a lazy Bitch as I raised the kids, 4 under 6 years old and two of his women would berate me and tell me to help him in the business. Which i did. Didn't matter, made no difference, he would hire the same women to help in the Business too.
He was almost pathological in his pursuits, me finding necklaces bought for others, credit card chits with a scribbled M, for " Massage ", letters and notes, cheques made out for one, it was insane. I chose to ignore it all. One time the neighbourhood women staging an intervention on me, one night, saying he was "knocking off", teenage girls. It was well known in the community. He loved Teenage girls, especially, and proved it after we split, going out with a former neighbour who had been 16, when we first met her.
He was no charmer but was powerful and dynamic and loved the secrecy and naughtiness of it all and I hated him. And I didn't think he was a good lover, he hated affection.
he was not that sexual, anyway, even when we first together as youngsters he could go without sex for 5 months at a time. I used to lie in bed myself, fists clenched for some reason, every night.
And he couldn't explain his low sex drive except to say he was working too hard, too tired. his Brother was the same, my sister in law told me, but he also had an affair, breaking her heart.
It was crazy and all we could put it down to was lack of self esteem. And funnily when he became more successful, my ex, he was worse, showing off money and possessions to others, basking in their admiration, meanwhile we did without, mostly. But he would buy us anything, as long as he was doing the buying. I knew from My Dad that men could be really unfaithful.
My Dad having an affair with one woman while my Mum was pregnant with her last child. The "Other Woman", pregnant to my Father at the same time. My aunt muttered darkly to me years later that the affair and child was the reason we went back to Australia after 5 years of living in the UK. My Dad told me years before my Aunt did, that I had a half brother, Dad had a 'love child", and he loved him very much. I was shocked, when he told me.
I was harsh, shutting my ears to my father, I just didn't want to know at first but I have met John on line and he seems like a great guy and can sing, just like dad and looks the spitting image of him. Who cares about that sort of stuff in the end,?????
They say in every relationship there is an element of love, good enough for me. My Mum had committed suicide and I wondered how much she knew, but I don't think she did. I knew my Dad faced all sorts of temptation being an entertainer, he told my Mother the G String she found in the car glove box was from a Stripper, that had been to our house and was nothing to worry about, and she believed him.
He told my brothers otherwise, years later, not necessarily about the stripper, but certainly about other women. I wonder why men brag about shit like that. It is better to be bragging about how faithful you are to your wife, or girlfriend but for the unfaithful I think it is a form of Aggrandissement, making them somehow bigger in others eyes. And we all can be tempted by attractions to others, no matter how in love we can be with another.
They did a study of men who are unfaithful and it turns out they are more often the little sneaky men, who want to be "bigger". And for powerful men or Alpha males especially at work it might be a Droit Du Seigneur, a believed right of privilege, and the men sometimes compete with each other for the right. I've seen it happen. And the woman often loses, thinking the attention paid may smooth her way in the work field. And it works for a while but the woman usually starts stepping up power on the other woman in the work place and expecting privileges. then it can get really ugly and the woman more often than not loses her job.
I had a boss like that, called Josef. Josef was a lovely man, married, lots of kids, and he was a Boss, a big boss. He often took a fancy to women workers and would openly flirt, but at heart he was a small man in sheeps clothing. He like me well enough and I was always laughing at him and his jokes and tender buying of presents for me. I was flattered but I am never attracted to married men, they are another woman's territory and verboten. Now, the funny thing was with Josef, he was always protecting me from the Big Boss, who was a bit strange.
They were best friends, however, Josef best Man at Ed's wedding
Josef encouraged me to go out with a single guy at work, which I ended up doing after a few months. And we were smart and kept it very quiet. Josef would often ask me if I was 'involved" with the guy, so I would say silly things like,
"I don't do that sort of thing", knowing it was none of his business.
I refused to answer him out right and he would be satisfied with my answer, and seem not interested in me anymore, so I was relieved. And the man and I just took it easy and didn't make waves and we were very happy until one day I came in to work and everyone was looking at strangely.
The Driver I was going out with had his car out the front and it was covered in brake fluid. And there was the thought my ex may have done it, out of jealousy. I was in denial, he wouldn't do anything so brutal. But I knew that Debbie, my oldest daughters car had been "decorated" in black paint a few weeks earlier, a fact I hadn't mentioned to any one. And I knew, just knew and said nothing.
The driver still went out with me, even after being rung up at home and threatened not to go out with the callers "wife" and his son was threatened and his house broken into,
And a few weeks later after one particular "lost weekend" we enjoyed, staying in bed all weekend and drinking, eating, sleeping, showering he didn't feel like going to work and rang in sick. And Josef heard me in the background and asked the driver if it was me. And he said,
"Yes"
I was sacked the next day and learned my lesson forever. No going out with bosses, ever, at least while they were my "Boss", and I never did. he rang me Josef, pretending to be so sad I was no longer at work and then he said,
"You told me that you didn't do "things" like that"
"like what ?"
You know.... what you were doing with and he named the driver.
"I really didn't think it was any of your business"
"You shouldn't have lied to me", he said.
And I thought
"Isn't that grand!"
The driver being male and one of their best workers was kept on of course and I was let go after working there 15 months. I never saw the driver again until many years later and he was still a great guy, but me who had been burned twice decided to give it all a rest for a while, and I did. Josef was a plumber and came and fixed a tap I had out the front that was threatening to drown the neighbourhood once not long after and chased me around the kitchen and I told him not to be so silly and I never heard from him after that.
It's not something you get over, ever. It's more the casual dismissiveness of it,
knowing something is wrong, but choosing to not know. And the lies, OMG, like you are an idiot to even think such a hideous thing. My ex was cruelly unfaithful, lying there was no tomorrow. And it hurt. The way he would put his arm around another woman at parties and daring me to look at him. So casual, and so hurtful. He was very handsome then, not so much, any more. And women would fling themselves at him. And he would answer the call. Time and time again and I would look at him and think,
"One day, buddy Boy, One day I am not going to be with you"
And in the mean time I would just have to suck it up. So I did. There was one woman he was going to leave me for. a dark haired beautiful girl who was also married. Her hubby was apparently going to jail and my charming ex was going to live with her, to protect her while Hubby was "Away". And I wanted him to go but the girls didn't, so he stayed. To protect us instead, and I wished he had gone, so awful he was to live with after that. The woman's hubby didn't go to jail after all, so all was happy.
And I knew why, he was unfaithful, he was home so little that we didn't relate to each other anymore. I was a "Mumsy" Mum, seeking solace in my girls company, as he had not provided any for years, choosing instead the role of "workaholic". He told everyone I was a lazy Bitch as I raised the kids, 4 under 6 years old and two of his women would berate me and tell me to help him in the business. Which i did. Didn't matter, made no difference, he would hire the same women to help in the Business too.
He was almost pathological in his pursuits, me finding necklaces bought for others, credit card chits with a scribbled M, for " Massage ", letters and notes, cheques made out for one, it was insane. I chose to ignore it all. One time the neighbourhood women staging an intervention on me, one night, saying he was "knocking off", teenage girls. It was well known in the community. He loved Teenage girls, especially, and proved it after we split, going out with a former neighbour who had been 16, when we first met her.
He was no charmer but was powerful and dynamic and loved the secrecy and naughtiness of it all and I hated him. And I didn't think he was a good lover, he hated affection.
he was not that sexual, anyway, even when we first together as youngsters he could go without sex for 5 months at a time. I used to lie in bed myself, fists clenched for some reason, every night.
And he couldn't explain his low sex drive except to say he was working too hard, too tired. his Brother was the same, my sister in law told me, but he also had an affair, breaking her heart.
It was crazy and all we could put it down to was lack of self esteem. And funnily when he became more successful, my ex, he was worse, showing off money and possessions to others, basking in their admiration, meanwhile we did without, mostly. But he would buy us anything, as long as he was doing the buying. I knew from My Dad that men could be really unfaithful.
My Dad having an affair with one woman while my Mum was pregnant with her last child. The "Other Woman", pregnant to my Father at the same time. My aunt muttered darkly to me years later that the affair and child was the reason we went back to Australia after 5 years of living in the UK. My Dad told me years before my Aunt did, that I had a half brother, Dad had a 'love child", and he loved him very much. I was shocked, when he told me.
I was harsh, shutting my ears to my father, I just didn't want to know at first but I have met John on line and he seems like a great guy and can sing, just like dad and looks the spitting image of him. Who cares about that sort of stuff in the end,?????
They say in every relationship there is an element of love, good enough for me. My Mum had committed suicide and I wondered how much she knew, but I don't think she did. I knew my Dad faced all sorts of temptation being an entertainer, he told my Mother the G String she found in the car glove box was from a Stripper, that had been to our house and was nothing to worry about, and she believed him.
He told my brothers otherwise, years later, not necessarily about the stripper, but certainly about other women. I wonder why men brag about shit like that. It is better to be bragging about how faithful you are to your wife, or girlfriend but for the unfaithful I think it is a form of Aggrandissement, making them somehow bigger in others eyes. And we all can be tempted by attractions to others, no matter how in love we can be with another.
They did a study of men who are unfaithful and it turns out they are more often the little sneaky men, who want to be "bigger". And for powerful men or Alpha males especially at work it might be a Droit Du Seigneur, a believed right of privilege, and the men sometimes compete with each other for the right. I've seen it happen. And the woman often loses, thinking the attention paid may smooth her way in the work field. And it works for a while but the woman usually starts stepping up power on the other woman in the work place and expecting privileges. then it can get really ugly and the woman more often than not loses her job.
I had a boss like that, called Josef. Josef was a lovely man, married, lots of kids, and he was a Boss, a big boss. He often took a fancy to women workers and would openly flirt, but at heart he was a small man in sheeps clothing. He like me well enough and I was always laughing at him and his jokes and tender buying of presents for me. I was flattered but I am never attracted to married men, they are another woman's territory and verboten. Now, the funny thing was with Josef, he was always protecting me from the Big Boss, who was a bit strange.
They were best friends, however, Josef best Man at Ed's wedding
Josef encouraged me to go out with a single guy at work, which I ended up doing after a few months. And we were smart and kept it very quiet. Josef would often ask me if I was 'involved" with the guy, so I would say silly things like,
"I don't do that sort of thing", knowing it was none of his business.
I refused to answer him out right and he would be satisfied with my answer, and seem not interested in me anymore, so I was relieved. And the man and I just took it easy and didn't make waves and we were very happy until one day I came in to work and everyone was looking at strangely.
The Driver I was going out with had his car out the front and it was covered in brake fluid. And there was the thought my ex may have done it, out of jealousy. I was in denial, he wouldn't do anything so brutal. But I knew that Debbie, my oldest daughters car had been "decorated" in black paint a few weeks earlier, a fact I hadn't mentioned to any one. And I knew, just knew and said nothing.
The driver still went out with me, even after being rung up at home and threatened not to go out with the callers "wife" and his son was threatened and his house broken into,
And a few weeks later after one particular "lost weekend" we enjoyed, staying in bed all weekend and drinking, eating, sleeping, showering he didn't feel like going to work and rang in sick. And Josef heard me in the background and asked the driver if it was me. And he said,
"Yes"
I was sacked the next day and learned my lesson forever. No going out with bosses, ever, at least while they were my "Boss", and I never did. he rang me Josef, pretending to be so sad I was no longer at work and then he said,
"You told me that you didn't do "things" like that"
"like what ?"
You know.... what you were doing with and he named the driver.
"I really didn't think it was any of your business"
"You shouldn't have lied to me", he said.
And I thought
"Isn't that grand!"
The driver being male and one of their best workers was kept on of course and I was let go after working there 15 months. I never saw the driver again until many years later and he was still a great guy, but me who had been burned twice decided to give it all a rest for a while, and I did. Josef was a plumber and came and fixed a tap I had out the front that was threatening to drown the neighbourhood once not long after and chased me around the kitchen and I told him not to be so silly and I never heard from him after that.
