The Affair
Without Prejudice
I had only been married 18 months when I suspected my husband was having an affair. It started with a phone call from my husbands ex fiance's husband, Andrew. I was blissfully unaware anything was wrong when I picked up the phone, April 1972. I was busy at home with my two babies, who were 17 months and 5 months.
"I think that my wife is having an affair with your husband" Andrew said.
on the other end of the phone. I was shocked beyond all measure.
I sat on the old fashioned phone table and listened. He went on to say he had suspected it for a while but that now he was sure. After I hung up on him I ran to the toilet and threw up. I faced my husband when he arrived home and he of course denied it and denied it, but I knew he was lying. I just knew. He had unfinished business with his ex fiance, the ever glamorous Jolene.
He had been 18 when he started going out with her. She was a beautiful girl, long dark hair, a skinny body, a real "looker". He had been going out with her a while when he suspected she was "stepping out" on him. A man at her work gave her lifts home , my hubby found them together and beat the man up, leaving him in the gutter, thinking he was dead. He asked his sister's husband to go and check if the body he had left lying in the gutter was still there.
The brother in law went around to check and the body was gone. He wasn't dead after all but he had given him a savage beating. My hubby to be then fled to Queensland and stayed four years working up there. Jolene wrote to him and he to her and they were happily back in love with each other. He adored her Mother Mrs Fitzpatrick. Jolene had said in her last letter to him she and her Mum were willing to come up.
My husband to be decided instead he would return to Melbourne. He was so excited to see his fiance again, they were engaged in exchanges only, he wanted to buy her a ring. He arrived at her house in East Malvern dying to see her. She was ecstatic to see him but after a while said she had something to tell him. She was pregnant to Andrew by then and wanted the baby. My hubby walked out that day never to return. His faith in women shaken to the core.
I met him not long after that. He was dark, brooding, moody and didn't like women all that much, didn't trust them at all. He told me all about his ex and his family had already filled me in. I thought I could repair him, help him, save him from his heartbreak and mistrust.
I was 16.
And now here I was at 19, facing the fact that he had begun an affair with her. He and her had caught up again quite by chance. He was doing a fence for his Sisters best friend and Jolene and Andrew and baby girl lived next door. They caught up straight away and he wanted me to meet her. I was 8 months pregnant with Yvette and as big as a house when I first laid eyes on Jolene. She had two kids, a girl and a boy, aged 4 and almost 1.
She was beyond glamour to me. Her hair was long and red, no longer brown as in the pictures he had shown me. She had piercing blue eyes, was tanned beyond all measure and had a body that was to die for. She had eclectic taste in her house and I was so jealous of her having it. She and Andrew had bought a house in Springvale South. We lived in a gloomy old rental in Oakleigh.
She and I became best friends from day one. She adored babies and kids and so did I. She was an only child and went on to have 6 kids. But the day I first met her I was insanely jealous of her and of her beautiful house. She was 4 years older than me, smoked, exercised and dieted. I was in awe of her at first. In awe of her body, her clothes, her house, her skinniness.
Her house was brand new with honey coloured floor boards, bright rugs, bright curtains. She adored colour and used it everywhere. Her taste was 70's hippy with lashings of funky style, quirky knick knacks and outrageous use of colour. The bricks were tumbled brick which i coveted, the furniture was cane, ditto and the garden was a riot of flowers and grass. I was so jealous of it all it wasn't funny. She had chinese paper light shades and incense burning and I wanted the lot, everything.
She smoked, I didn't, she dieted, I didn't. She exercised I didn't. I was fascinated by her style in dress. After I had the baby I dieted, I exercised but I didn''t smoke. My husband did but I wasn't tempted to. That came years later ironically when he gave up. She and I caught up on a weekly basis and my hubby saw a lot of her as he was doing work at her house. He built a swing set out of treated pine for their house.
I had met her hubby and didn't like him nor he us so to get a phone call from him was a bolt out of the blue. I accused my hubby and got denial and he chased me into the bedroom and hit me a few times for even accusing him. But I knew, I just knew what Andrew had said was true. I packed up the babies and left for Sydney and to my parents. They helped me out and I stayed a while. Soon my hubby was on the phone to them though and to me. I had to go back. I didn't tell my parents he was violent.
By that November I was pregnant again. It was Yvette's first birthday and Debbie was about to be two. he sat in the backyard with Yvette on his knee and I told him of the pregnancy, I will never forget what he said,
"Get rid of it or I am leaving you"
I had to fly to Qld and my Mum helped me arrange an abortion in Sydney. I didn't want it. I wanted the baby but it was a no win. I left the 2 little ones with my sister and her husband and crossed to a clinic on the other side of Sydney by train and bus. The clinic was big and clean and I was there overnight with a whole tribe of teenage girls. They were funny and welcomed me and we raided the big industrial kitchen that night looking for snacks. I was the only one that wanted to keep the baby. I was sue it was a girl and I had already named her Claire.
The operation went ahead anyway and I was woozy the next day and returned to pick up my babies and flew back home the same day. I was in grief for a while and then found sexy black underwear hidden in the laundry of the house in Oakleigh. I was sure it hadn't been there when I left. I again confronted my hubby, another violent argument. But this time something had changed, I had changed, I was harder, brittle almost. I ignored him mostly and one day he came home and said he was going to buy us a house.
I knew he was trying to compensate for making me terminate the pregnancy. I went back to work full time at Lindsays (Now Target) in Chadstone. My hubby's sister minded the two girls and we paid her. I was exhausted all the time. I had no one to talk to about the termination. My Mother In law was a great woman but was shocked when I told her,
"We don't talk of such things, here " she said,
so I never brought the subject up again to anyone. It just sat inside me all that rage and anger and frustration. I was 20 by then and had no idea. None whatsoever. I thought that in my world people were kind and loving, I was so wrong so terribly wrong. The pattern of abuse had started, the control had started and I had no idea how to fix it.
I had only been married 18 months when I suspected my husband was having an affair. It started with a phone call from my husbands ex fiance's husband, Andrew. I was blissfully unaware anything was wrong when I picked up the phone, April 1972. I was busy at home with my two babies, who were 17 months and 5 months.
"I think that my wife is having an affair with your husband" Andrew said.
on the other end of the phone. I was shocked beyond all measure.
I sat on the old fashioned phone table and listened. He went on to say he had suspected it for a while but that now he was sure. After I hung up on him I ran to the toilet and threw up. I faced my husband when he arrived home and he of course denied it and denied it, but I knew he was lying. I just knew. He had unfinished business with his ex fiance, the ever glamorous Jolene.
He had been 18 when he started going out with her. She was a beautiful girl, long dark hair, a skinny body, a real "looker". He had been going out with her a while when he suspected she was "stepping out" on him. A man at her work gave her lifts home , my hubby found them together and beat the man up, leaving him in the gutter, thinking he was dead. He asked his sister's husband to go and check if the body he had left lying in the gutter was still there.
The brother in law went around to check and the body was gone. He wasn't dead after all but he had given him a savage beating. My hubby to be then fled to Queensland and stayed four years working up there. Jolene wrote to him and he to her and they were happily back in love with each other. He adored her Mother Mrs Fitzpatrick. Jolene had said in her last letter to him she and her Mum were willing to come up.
My husband to be decided instead he would return to Melbourne. He was so excited to see his fiance again, they were engaged in exchanges only, he wanted to buy her a ring. He arrived at her house in East Malvern dying to see her. She was ecstatic to see him but after a while said she had something to tell him. She was pregnant to Andrew by then and wanted the baby. My hubby walked out that day never to return. His faith in women shaken to the core.
I met him not long after that. He was dark, brooding, moody and didn't like women all that much, didn't trust them at all. He told me all about his ex and his family had already filled me in. I thought I could repair him, help him, save him from his heartbreak and mistrust.
I was 16.
And now here I was at 19, facing the fact that he had begun an affair with her. He and her had caught up again quite by chance. He was doing a fence for his Sisters best friend and Jolene and Andrew and baby girl lived next door. They caught up straight away and he wanted me to meet her. I was 8 months pregnant with Yvette and as big as a house when I first laid eyes on Jolene. She had two kids, a girl and a boy, aged 4 and almost 1.
She was beyond glamour to me. Her hair was long and red, no longer brown as in the pictures he had shown me. She had piercing blue eyes, was tanned beyond all measure and had a body that was to die for. She had eclectic taste in her house and I was so jealous of her having it. She and Andrew had bought a house in Springvale South. We lived in a gloomy old rental in Oakleigh.
She and I became best friends from day one. She adored babies and kids and so did I. She was an only child and went on to have 6 kids. But the day I first met her I was insanely jealous of her and of her beautiful house. She was 4 years older than me, smoked, exercised and dieted. I was in awe of her at first. In awe of her body, her clothes, her house, her skinniness.
Her house was brand new with honey coloured floor boards, bright rugs, bright curtains. She adored colour and used it everywhere. Her taste was 70's hippy with lashings of funky style, quirky knick knacks and outrageous use of colour. The bricks were tumbled brick which i coveted, the furniture was cane, ditto and the garden was a riot of flowers and grass. I was so jealous of it all it wasn't funny. She had chinese paper light shades and incense burning and I wanted the lot, everything.
She smoked, I didn't, she dieted, I didn't. She exercised I didn't. I was fascinated by her style in dress. After I had the baby I dieted, I exercised but I didn''t smoke. My husband did but I wasn't tempted to. That came years later ironically when he gave up. She and I caught up on a weekly basis and my hubby saw a lot of her as he was doing work at her house. He built a swing set out of treated pine for their house.
I had met her hubby and didn't like him nor he us so to get a phone call from him was a bolt out of the blue. I accused my hubby and got denial and he chased me into the bedroom and hit me a few times for even accusing him. But I knew, I just knew what Andrew had said was true. I packed up the babies and left for Sydney and to my parents. They helped me out and I stayed a while. Soon my hubby was on the phone to them though and to me. I had to go back. I didn't tell my parents he was violent.
By that November I was pregnant again. It was Yvette's first birthday and Debbie was about to be two. he sat in the backyard with Yvette on his knee and I told him of the pregnancy, I will never forget what he said,
"Get rid of it or I am leaving you"
I had to fly to Qld and my Mum helped me arrange an abortion in Sydney. I didn't want it. I wanted the baby but it was a no win. I left the 2 little ones with my sister and her husband and crossed to a clinic on the other side of Sydney by train and bus. The clinic was big and clean and I was there overnight with a whole tribe of teenage girls. They were funny and welcomed me and we raided the big industrial kitchen that night looking for snacks. I was the only one that wanted to keep the baby. I was sue it was a girl and I had already named her Claire.
The operation went ahead anyway and I was woozy the next day and returned to pick up my babies and flew back home the same day. I was in grief for a while and then found sexy black underwear hidden in the laundry of the house in Oakleigh. I was sure it hadn't been there when I left. I again confronted my hubby, another violent argument. But this time something had changed, I had changed, I was harder, brittle almost. I ignored him mostly and one day he came home and said he was going to buy us a house.
I knew he was trying to compensate for making me terminate the pregnancy. I went back to work full time at Lindsays (Now Target) in Chadstone. My hubby's sister minded the two girls and we paid her. I was exhausted all the time. I had no one to talk to about the termination. My Mother In law was a great woman but was shocked when I told her,
"We don't talk of such things, here " she said,
so I never brought the subject up again to anyone. It just sat inside me all that rage and anger and frustration. I was 20 by then and had no idea. None whatsoever. I thought that in my world people were kind and loving, I was so wrong so terribly wrong. The pattern of abuse had started, the control had started and I had no idea how to fix it.
