A Rebel Girl and The Cane
Without Prejudice
I don't fit the Social Norm. I don't want to.I never have wanted to. I want to be a rebel and fight for what I want. I hate when it comes easy. It makes me feel undeserving. I have to struggle and fight, be facetious, pushing , kicking against the traces. I'm older now and have mellowed but refuse to give in to being a "conservative", in that lies death and stagnation. I don't want the softness of comfort. I want the changes, the righting of wrongs, the stamping of the foot, that says,
"Not good enough"
And that's just for me, never mind anyone else.
I don't want to fade out I want to go out in a blaze, fighting, kicking, screaming. Swearing like a trooper. I should have been caned by The Headmaster, all those years ago at Grammar, as I thought he was an idiot and lied to him to get out of it. he should have caned me for being a rebel, but he didn't and I learned something from that
I read a blog last night on a Mens Forum. OMG, all women are gold digging sluts out to GET men, the poor sods. I was wetting my pants reading it. All women, wonder what they think of their Mums? Sisters? It was puerile and offensive. Why do men fear women in that way ? Why?, I just don;t get it. It's like blaming dogs for all of their ills. It makes me want to laugh and I would if it were NOT the way a lot of men think.
Do men really think we are all out to get them ?. Do they think we would be happy getting THEIR stuff and not earning our own ? I see no sense in that. I want MY stuff, MY house, MY money, MY life as no one else can provide the sense of self worth I can provide. I raised kids on my own and not always mine. I worried about them, fed them, clothed them, listened to countless hours of Teenage angst.
I wanted what was best for them. I had them, they were mine and I needed to be responsible for their well being. It was up to ME, not anyone else. I was a sensible solemn shy little girl. And I was an observer. That's why I write, now. I saw that salting away some money was a good thing. My parents didn't. I watched as they crashed and burned time and time again. Having false pride and champagne tastes. My Mum would never ask for charity. Her pride got in the way. We were often starving as pride got in the way.
I learned from that. It's not shameful to be poor, just tedious. I wanted then what I have now. freedom. Most or a lot of men are selfish and childish, the honest ones admit it. I am lucky to have Brothers that tell me the truth. And have had lovers that do the same thing. It's not that they dislike women, but they fear their dependence on them. Most women are nice, soft, nurturing and obliging. "If you want something done, ask a Married Woman", they say.
I was never like that. I wanted to be equal with my husband or partner. I wanted him to clean half the time, cook half the time, look after the kids half the time so I could work as well. let me tell you there is nothing more mind numbing than staying home with a few small kids. Yes, they are gorgeous, and yes we love them but we are still normal, rational, thinking human beings. Baby drain is not for everyone no matter how nurturing. And it's not paid work. So it is not regarded as work.
So I like being a rebel and not "going with the flow", I want to be curious and questioning and rebellious and puncture a few balloons on the way. I want to ask who is in charge ? Why does one person have the right to judge, are they themselves so great ? I was lucky to have the parents I had, who believed in Education for women and pushed and pushed me to try, to keep going when it wasn't easy. To quietly and stealthily go up against the ones that liked to think they were best. And beat them.
I couldn't do it physically but I certainly could do it mentally and I would read and read and study when other kids were out playing. I was always head in a book, because learning was going to be my way out. Out from commission house and poverty, out from ignorant others that used their fists instead of words. Each book helped me out, each word helped me out. And slowly and quietly I began to win, win prizes, be promoted from class to class, head Girl, Top Girl, and always acted that I had no idea how it happened.
Love Janette
I don't fit the Social Norm. I don't want to.I never have wanted to. I want to be a rebel and fight for what I want. I hate when it comes easy. It makes me feel undeserving. I have to struggle and fight, be facetious, pushing , kicking against the traces. I'm older now and have mellowed but refuse to give in to being a "conservative", in that lies death and stagnation. I don't want the softness of comfort. I want the changes, the righting of wrongs, the stamping of the foot, that says,
"Not good enough"
And that's just for me, never mind anyone else.
I don't want to fade out I want to go out in a blaze, fighting, kicking, screaming. Swearing like a trooper. I should have been caned by The Headmaster, all those years ago at Grammar, as I thought he was an idiot and lied to him to get out of it. he should have caned me for being a rebel, but he didn't and I learned something from that
I read a blog last night on a Mens Forum. OMG, all women are gold digging sluts out to GET men, the poor sods. I was wetting my pants reading it. All women, wonder what they think of their Mums? Sisters? It was puerile and offensive. Why do men fear women in that way ? Why?, I just don;t get it. It's like blaming dogs for all of their ills. It makes me want to laugh and I would if it were NOT the way a lot of men think.
Do men really think we are all out to get them ?. Do they think we would be happy getting THEIR stuff and not earning our own ? I see no sense in that. I want MY stuff, MY house, MY money, MY life as no one else can provide the sense of self worth I can provide. I raised kids on my own and not always mine. I worried about them, fed them, clothed them, listened to countless hours of Teenage angst.
I wanted what was best for them. I had them, they were mine and I needed to be responsible for their well being. It was up to ME, not anyone else. I was a sensible solemn shy little girl. And I was an observer. That's why I write, now. I saw that salting away some money was a good thing. My parents didn't. I watched as they crashed and burned time and time again. Having false pride and champagne tastes. My Mum would never ask for charity. Her pride got in the way. We were often starving as pride got in the way.
I learned from that. It's not shameful to be poor, just tedious. I wanted then what I have now. freedom. Most or a lot of men are selfish and childish, the honest ones admit it. I am lucky to have Brothers that tell me the truth. And have had lovers that do the same thing. It's not that they dislike women, but they fear their dependence on them. Most women are nice, soft, nurturing and obliging. "If you want something done, ask a Married Woman", they say.
I was never like that. I wanted to be equal with my husband or partner. I wanted him to clean half the time, cook half the time, look after the kids half the time so I could work as well. let me tell you there is nothing more mind numbing than staying home with a few small kids. Yes, they are gorgeous, and yes we love them but we are still normal, rational, thinking human beings. Baby drain is not for everyone no matter how nurturing. And it's not paid work. So it is not regarded as work.
So I like being a rebel and not "going with the flow", I want to be curious and questioning and rebellious and puncture a few balloons on the way. I want to ask who is in charge ? Why does one person have the right to judge, are they themselves so great ? I was lucky to have the parents I had, who believed in Education for women and pushed and pushed me to try, to keep going when it wasn't easy. To quietly and stealthily go up against the ones that liked to think they were best. And beat them.
I couldn't do it physically but I certainly could do it mentally and I would read and read and study when other kids were out playing. I was always head in a book, because learning was going to be my way out. Out from commission house and poverty, out from ignorant others that used their fists instead of words. Each book helped me out, each word helped me out. And slowly and quietly I began to win, win prizes, be promoted from class to class, head Girl, Top Girl, and always acted that I had no idea how it happened.
Love Janette
